Redemption Bracket: Tobias Stalt Vs Philomel

[Tobias Stalt]

Cloth and flesh were torn without discretion. As Tobias clashed with the Faun in a brilliant display of deadly force, his ragged breaths slowed. She was blurred around the edges, his twisted savior, a woman obsessed with victory. She would have her murderous thrill, he was certain now. Springs of blood welled up on the surface of his flesh in the wake of newly opened wounds. Cracks in the foundation of his stoicism formed, but he refused to falter. Each blow was a stain in his courage, and as he sank to a knee beneath the weight building on top of him, Tobias shook violently.

The dagger and sword ripped through flesh and blood spewed from gashes Tobias seemed oblivious to. Amber eyes settled on Philomel as her fox met his hand and clamped down. Blackheart clattered to the sand without sound, and Tobias clamped his fist around the creature's lower jaw as it sank it's teeth into him.

The deathblow had already struck. Deathblows. It would never be known which of the blows had ended him, but Tobias' body had long since failed. Willpower alone kept him conscious. "Perfect," he managed, his voice not rising above a whisper. Tears streamed down his cheeks at the release as it rushed toward him, and he smiled up at the Whore Faun with honest thanks. "I can... I can see... her..."

Blood ran down his chin as he slumped forward. His body trembled with a final surge of defiance before it deflated in defeat. His broken form sank to the dusty ground and silence gripped the lonely world at last.

[Philomel]

There was little to even say, or be said. Of the phrase "silence fell" rarely just it mean what it proposes. Yet ... of that day, of that time, in that place ... silence did fall. The wind fell to utter nothingness, even the smallest of breezes refused to blow. No mild shaking of branches within the low dry shrubbery, no scratchings or shakings of earth beneath the feet, not even the smoothest breath from between the smoothest of lips.

She was caught in a state of shock and unduress, and he was dead. Dead, as a doornail, as an ended state of existence. Gone, until the last inch of warmth that had abused his long and tiresome body and all but become one with the earth. Of the dust we come, and to the dust we return. She removed her blades from his shoulder and belly. Gets and sweet red life-juice poured out - the smell pungent to the air. Thick miasma of a death long needed, a death long sought for.

Gently the faun leaned down, noise now coming into the world by the sound of her breath. The fallen warrior slumped over her, his head resting on her shoulder. Freshly, she felt the warm blood begin to soak up the fabric of her corset. He was heavy, but not too heavy for her to deal with. Very gently she swung him around, cradling him for one moment, before lowering his body to the ground. A small scuffling spoke of the fox, still clinging onto the hand. Veridian was limp, but his teeth were well and truly fixed into the man, the dead man, as if he longed to just devour him now. Russet tail twitched back and forth, sending a shallow shower of dust sprinkling over the exposed and ruined flesh.

Blood, and dust and bones and flesh. This is all we are in the end.

As the blood mixed with the dirt and grime, Philomel found herself gazing into those golden eyes. He seemed dim and distant, yet at peace, broken yet whole. After all, she had given him what he had wanted. She had given up and played at this game; participated in the gods' casual fancies.

Today I took I life. Tomorrow I shall take another.

Death to death, life to life. In the end we are all just dust.

[Max Dirks]

Overall, this battle was boring. The story didn't develop until after a faux climax & that temporary momentum did not carry into the conclusion. That isnt to say there weren't moments of excellence from both of you -- parts of posts 13 and 14 were great. I simply feel like there was a significant amount of unnecessary "fluff" added to this battle that needlessly delayed the battle. Tobias, you overused the pronoun "he," starting several consecutive sentences in multiple posts with "He [did this]." Also, as we discussed in chat, post 7 was internally inconsistent as you struggled to add something of value to the story. Philomel, you committed a number of silly grammatical errors. You also seemed to base many of your posts on material Tobias gave to you. For example, in post 6 you identified Tobias' military garb, but only after he'd singled it out in the previous post. Don't be afraid to go your own way.

Scores are below. I'm limiting commentary to save time.

Tobias Stalt

Story - 5
Setting - 5
Pacing - 5
Action - 4 (You clanked swords and then parried at least six times in the battle. You dragged your sword in the sand at least three times. When you weren't busy performing the same actions over and over again, neither you nor Philomel would take the initiative to interact. Essentially, the battle degraded to two drunk frat boys hollering emotionally charged insults at one another because neither of them wanted to take the first punch)
Communication - 5 (Better dialogue than Philomel. I could hear your character's growing arrogance in his words moreso than his actions)
Persona - 5
Mechanics - 6
Technique - 5
Clarity - 5
Wildcard - 5
Total - 50/100

Philomel

Story - 6
Setting - 5
Pacing - 4 (Flashback sequences can help and harm a story. In this instance, it harmed your pacing. In several posts you would begin with a flashback (which is generally passive writing), then use short sustinct fragments to convey urgency at the end. These inconsistencies hurt your score. Frankly, it made it look like you were adding things simply because you couldn't think of anything else to write)
Action - 4 (See Tobias' comments)
Communication - 4
Persona - 6 (I saw alot more of Philomel than Tobias in this battle. This is an instance, perhaps, where your flashbacks may have helped some. The flashbacks themselves weren't that helpful, but you related them to Philomel's current thoughts well)
Mechanics - 5
Technique - 5
Clarity - 5
Wildcard - 5
Total - 49/100

Tobias Stalt advances to the semi-finals of the Redemption Bracket against Callan.
Philomel is eliminated.

I'm on a slight time crunch, so Lye will add rewards.

[Lye]

Tobias Stalt Gets:

1,000 EXP
100 GP

Philomel Gets:

300 EXP
50 GP

EXP & GP Added.

Tobias Stalt Levels to Level 3!

Congrats!