Brother, Sing Your Song

[Duffy]

“Out of the frying pan…,” the bard quipped.

He tried to break free of Sei’s grip but the man’s strength outmatched his own. Expecting a fiery end if he did not call on his friends for guidance, Duffy pictured his siblings. Ruby’s now dull hair. Lillith’s porcelain skin and wicked smile. Arden’s vampire wings. Pete’s coal black eyes. He chose the companion who could best bring their talents to bare. His voice began to sound like the spell singer he looked at as a mother figure.

“…into the fire.”

Duffy’s piercings caught fire first, and then his hair. The heat from Sei’s contempt and talents aside, the bard ignited. Every inch of his body appeared to be ablaze, flames licking and lashing and roiling and rolling. Using the momentary distraction, blue tell-tale ribbons combined with the flame and allowed Duffy-Ruby to escape Sei’s grip. He re-appeared and stepped back, fire spreading across his body anew.

“Cold hearts and colder skies, winter’s come and summer dies,” Duffy-Ruby sang on. She-he spread their arms and when face-down palms turned upwards, fingers curled like a crown’s prongs, the flames turned from red, orange, and gold to blue, green, and turquoise. Fire to ice. Song to requiem. A counterpoise to the heat from the Mystic’s eyes.

The arena shook in defiance of the wellsprings of power that surrounded the duo. They had spoken, out of turn and in, and now it was time to spring to action. The fire from Sei faded, leaving Duffy-Ruby neutral, radiant, and ready to fight on. He-she conjured a katana from nothingness, a relic of a past almost forgotten, and stood as tool as they could.

“Let us dance and duel and die, to welcome spring’s eternal cry!” The ancient folk-tale, from Scara Brae of old, made grass blades dance and skies churn with colour. Seasons cycled in the atmosphere, leaving a strange sensation of life and living and wonder prickling over skin. Duffy-Ruby charged, a final gung-ho attempt at gulling Sei Orlouge into a single, final act of defiance against the beings that had all but ruined the Tantalum troupe’s lives.

[Silence Sei]

The bard charged at his former leader with all his might, the flames that once threatened to consume him now nothing more than an afterthought. The Mystic closed his eyes for a moment as time slowed to a crawl. In the few seconds it would take for Duffy to reach him, Sei Orlouge would relive every single moment he shared with the legendary troupe member.

The fight that started it all; the Cell. The strategist did his best to incapacitate his opponents while giving the smaller fish in the big pond a chance to survive. Duffy Bracken, Marcus Book, and Talen Shadowalker were mere whispers before the silent sentinel saved and ultimately ended their lives in Max Dirks' tournament of slaughter. Bracken in particular showed a stout resolve even as the doppelganger of the telepath decapitated him before Dirks and the entire crowd. The bard had been the herald to a legends return and in doing so became one himself.

The meeting; where Duffy pledged his sword to the Ixian cause. The plant like monsters that plagued them seemed to be unstoppable. The vines that threatened to kill both himself and Arden Janelle before Bracken miraculously saved them was the first time Sei recognized the former thief as a true warrior.

The departure; it would become the first of many. Bracken and Orlouge were at odds, the former thought Corone could be united through diplomacy while the latter knew that war was the only option. The war against the Empire and their allies, the Phoenix Ascendant, was one of Sei's greatest regrets. So many lives lost, so many children orphaned because the Mystic refused to listen to a true friend.

The death; the fall of a man who united the scourge of Scara Brae and became a hero to rival the mute. As Jensen Ambrose gave his report about Duffy's demise, Sei's eyes filled with tears as his hand covered his mouth. The streams or sadness that rolled down his face as he thought of all they accomplished together gave no quarter. With Bracken's death came the end of an era, and funeral arrangements were made immediately to celebrate the carefree life for which he lived.

His eyes opened as the katana tore through his stomach. His eyes grew wide as he felt the heat from his friend's face upon his own. Blue streams of blood danced around the fine metal of the conjured blade. He could taste and smell copper as he coughed, a fine mist of azure found its place on Duffy's features. The Mystic took a long breath as he closed his eyes once more.

"Sometimes, sacrifices must... be made."

He raised his hand towards his friend's heart and allowed the ring on his finger to activate. The emei piercer appeared instantly and threatened to puncture the chest of the bard. Sei coughed once more as a true smile finally crept upon his face. "You taught... me... that."

[Duffy]

“I did, didn’t it…” he mused.

Duffy reached for the mute’s arm. The storm wind began to die, spluttering out like a man’s dying breath. The illusory Aleran plains darkened. The clouds overhead, strikingly whiter against an awakening sky formed a tapestry of beauty in an ugly world.

“This time, Sei…It’s for real.” Duffy’s hand circled Sei’s wrist and gripped tight.

There would be no coming back from this. No miraculous revival.

What are you doing?

No hope. No salvation. Duffy’s face crumpled into a mask of last minute regret, skin glistening with sweat, eyes darkened and dull. No joy. No hope. No exuberant, belligerent smile. It was an expression Sei had seen fall on good men’s faces too often of late.

“What I should have done long ago,” the bard replied. With what little strength he could muster he tugged. He took a deep breath as he did so.

For once, as Duffy ran headlong at death, he feared. Indescribable as a sensation, Duffy could only let it wash over him as the piercer rushed in. He gave Sei no chance to twist loose or to redirect the weapon. A plan, put into motion years ago, came to fruition.

[Duffy]

Epilogue

Duffy? Sei pleaded.

He waved a hand at the viewing sphere that hovered above the combatants. The Ai’bron monks recognised the gesture and dissipated the illusory arena that the duo spared in.

The leader of the Ixian Knights scuttled forwards with wingbeat and swords dragging behind him. He discarded the piercer and dropped to his knees.

Moments ago, Duffy had forced the cruel weapon into his ribcage. Tested by years of experience, Sei felt the tip penetrate the bard’s heart and the second it had, magic erupted outwards from his blood brother.

Duffy? he roared.

In Sei’s arms Duffy twitched. The fire, which Sei had long ago learned was illusory, burnt bright and danced with wild abandon. Tied to Ruby, the bard could do nothing to escape the revitalising, regenerating, time destroying effects of the Last Song. In order to give new life to Berevar, and to the people chastised by the Thayne someone had to give their old life.

I didn’t mean it… the Ixian cried. Tears, free flowing, ran down the mute’s cheeks.

The threads of Duffy’s plan came together in a tight knot. Tired of defeat and failure, the bard chose to give his life to offer a new lease of vitality to the people that had believed in him. No more would he let them down. No more death at his hands. No more war. No more lies. Save for this final act of defiance.

“Sei…brother,” he spluttered through blooded teeth. “Time to let me go.”

[Philomel]

Thread Title: Brother, Sing Your Song
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Duffy vs Sei

Duffy:

Plot: 21

Story: 7 The story itself is an interesting one with the meeting between old friends that excells into a friendly dual. The friendliness of it all makes it mostly very intriguing, a rather different fight than perhaps one is used to, and it seems to be planned except for perhaps the sudden death (literally) at the end. This seems a bit surprising, though does lead into life-altering decisions for Duffy. Try perhaps to tighten up the story, in terms of structure and this would help.

Setting: 7 You open extremely well, with identifying the Alerar landscape, and you use various artefacts of it to your advantage in the battle (such as the rock in post 7). Involving your character constantly with the setting definitely brings it to life and you also describe the situation well. In general you could use more senses, such as smell of the ashy landscape, to bring your setting to life a little more, but you definitely are strong in this section.

Pace: 7 Pacing was done well. There was no obvious rushing, and apart from a little bit of confusing structure in post 5 there was little to worry about. It was steady at the beginning and rose with the tension when the fighting begun, which one wants precisely from battle. Overall it could have perhaps slowed down a little further at the end, but well done in general.

Character: 20

Communication: 8 Duffy has not changed much in his communication since his ‘reincarnation’ which in a sense is exactly what you want to happen. It means that despite his appearance altering he has not, and you write him with the same constant tone than you have done in previous threads. There is just the right amount of communication for the fighting itself, being littered in amongst the action that one could expect from old friends. Really well done here, the reader could hear Duffy’s voice.

Action: 6 Most actions in this are good and well written, and apart from the post 5 that was mentioned with the slightly confusing actions, most of action is good and precise. What is slightly missing is perhaps a sense of individual actions, such as habits etc, that are personal to Duffy that you could perhaps slip in. There are sparks of it, such as his eyes narrowing but these can be put down as reactionary. You write actions well, with a good grasp of adverbs but there is room for improvement here.

Persona: 6 It is a little difficult to identify what is personal thought here and what is communication with Sei himself, and thus it is confusing where there is some internal persona at all. What would be good is to focus on Duffy and try to define what he himself is thinking. There are moments of interior personality coming through, but with Ruby there already and with your short posts you seem to focus more on the relationship with Sei rather than Duffy himself. What is, however, powerful in terms of persona is your last post with your “epilogue” that has a look to the future, and this is really good. If you tie more of this sort of writing into the rest of your thread then more improvement can be made.

Writing: 22

Mechanics: 7 There are very little spelling mistakes here or sentence structure mistakes. In general you are really good, with clear paragraphing - however how you could develop is by exploring alternative punctuation perhaps, such as ellipses etc which really you don’t seem to use at all. You are a good “correct” writer though.

Clarity: 6 Clarity is good in terms of the general plot, flowing from one point to the next, but for the unknowing the many characters you include can get confusing. You do highlight, for instance that Leopold is Ruby’s husband, but in the sense that this is a short battle there is some confusion caused here. Also in post 5 it is somewhat hard to follow through the blows and action points, causing a lack of clarity. Immediately this gets better in post 7, and you can continue in this strength.

Technique: 8 There are some really fantastic strong pieces in this thread, that really captured my, as the reader’s, attention. Words such as “achromous” are unique and unusual and really help to make your writing strong, and you do not fail in useage of linguistic technique. Perhaps a little more imagery would be good, and a couple of continued metaphors but overall great work.

Wildcard: 6 An interesting enticing story from you both that is woven like a fairy tale. The content was intriguing and really captured me.

Final Score: 69

Sei:

Plot: 20

Story: 7 The story you weave is beautiful and strong and it does add something to your character, despite the fact he has been around for so long. You write exceptionally well with Duffy, reflecting off his actions and making a strong plotline that has both happiness and a strange sorrow at the end. Perhaps the one thing in terms of plot/story that this thread could use is in itself being longer, but overall it is strong.

Setting: 5 Setting you do mention and reflect on with your first post, but unlike Duffy you seem to forget its place in general. It is mentioned at the start but not really described. With such a wide and various setting you have a missed opportunity here that could really have helped you, such as describing things that Duffy did not, looking at how the light shines off your blades etc.

Pace: 8 Pacing is a strong point for you. There is a good rise and fall with the tension in the desired and right places, helping the reader along. I was not confused and not lost at any moment as you wrote with the tone and it was almost expertly done. Well done!

Character: 22

Communication: 7 Sei’s communication as always is automatically unique with his “mutism” and his interesting way of (literally) getting into people’s heads. He has moments of anger that focus on the past, that you highlight well with bold font (post 6) and there are various other examples in this thread of expression and emotion. What could be a way to improve from here is to develop a clearer sense of personal tone, though you do already have an aristocratic, commanding sense to the way Sei speaks - thus already contain the basis for such.

Action: 8 Subtle things such as in post 8 with Sei reaching for his battle fans whilst not waiting for an answer for a question he has asked, give a very good and powerful sense of character whilst dealing with action. It is often these small details which help to define a person in their entireity and you use this trick particularly well. The thread in general has a good strong description of clear actions.

Persona: 7 You do define personal thought differently from Sei’s spoken thought with speech marks, which helps the reader to identify what is what. The personal thought does add to Sei’s character and deepens and idea of what exactly is going on his head. In the latter half of the thread you have a further sense of personality with reactions etc that can be identified as persona rather than action, yet more personal thought could be used when considering Duffy’s previous death, his changes etc.

Writing: 20

Mechanics: 7 Your mechanics is a good strong point, majority speaking. There are a couple of times where you miss capital letters, such as of “ruby” in post 4, and also places where commas would have helped to make the writing smoother and more clear, but overall you do well here.

Clarity: 7 Clarity in itself, in a base form is good. There is little to complain here, aside from perhaps you could do with tightening your writing in a few places to make the point more obvious and standard, rather than hinting at it. (post 10 perhaps). This is a minor point though, really you are a clear writer.

Technique: 6 You have a very good standard for technique, with a few adjectives hidden here and there as little gems. Overall, though, you could learn from others in their use of linguistic techniques, with having more ambitious descriptive methods. There seems to be something lacking when you compare your writing to Duffy’s for instance, and what would be good is for you to bring in some metaphor etc.

Wildcard: 6 An interesting enticing story from you both that is woven like a fairy tale. The content was intriguing and really captured me.

Final Score: 68

Winner is Duffy! Congratulations!

Rewards:

Duffy receives:

6040 EXP
115 GP


Sei receives:
1575 EXP
85 GP

[Rayleigh]

All GP and EXP have been added!