TDW:CHE - ROUND 1 - Smight vs Vanessa

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight scoffed. Another deadly blow aimed at her. Smight blocked it with her scythe. She was briefly - briefly taken back by the force of that blow. Smight was strong though, holding the blades in an extremely tight block. One losing edge for her was that scythes were not the best for blocking. With her power though, she was barely able to hold on.

She gritted her canine teeth as she reflected on Vanessa's words. "I never said a word about your people..."

"You are mistaken," the FlameShadow growled, "Say anything against me, you've also wronged my people."

Smight pulled herself back, breaking the tight lock. She eyed Vanessa with dark intent, "Do not insult a dead nation..."

She aimed another swing at Vanessa. It simply aimed to unnarn her. At the same time, Smight would telekineticly move her chain to swing around her arm. If she could do this, she would be able to throw a final blow.

The people cheering around them did not matter, Vanessa did not matter. Only her people did. That was what she was fighting for... the close to extinct hametsu.

[Deception and Discord]

Vanessa saw Smight move a portion of her chain aimed at her own arm, this poor girl must think the same fashion of trick would work again. She would be sadly mistaken; Vanessa side stepped the scythe will ease as it wasn’t even aimed well. Then once in the clear of her blade Vanessa straightened her fingers and let one of her trench knives fall to the ground. All in fluid motion the second she dropped one of her weapons she reached out quicker than her opponent expected and grabbed the length of her chain.

“Now fucking listen here!” Vanessa cried and as she did the crowd grew silent. “By all means defend your dying clan, but this is not the way to do it.” Vanessa pulled Smight just a smidge forward by yanking back on the chain then releasing it well to the side. “You want to fight with the big boys and girls that’s fine, but no one will show you any mercy here!” The crowd cheered.

Smight must have realized that a switch within her opponent had been flipped as Vanessa’s grey eyes almost glazed over with murderous intent. In reality Vanessa had no desire to continue other than to teach this girl that she was playing with fire. Then without any warning Vanessa positioned her foot under her dropped blade and kicked it up at Smight. Twisting in midair her knife soared true to Smight as it ricocheted against her helm.

A distraction was all she needed; Vanessa had closed the gap between the pair and started to mercilessly slash at her with her remaining knife. In perfect sequence the two dodged one another’s strike with the level of skill expected by the two. But this was it, there was to be no more play time. The enraged spy vaulted over the girl and with one powerful kick knocked the girl to the ground.

Smight rose and continued their dance for a few more strokes before the two caught each other in a beautiful clash of steel. Both parties locked in intense eye contact, neither able to look away. It was as plain as day that both hadn’t pulled out any of their trump cards in this fight. Yet equally clear that neither of them wanted too. Their eyes said it all to one another, Vanessa recognizing Smight’s true strength and conviction were as Smight understood Vanessa’s words.

“Let’s just put on one last show for the audience…” Vanessa whispered to Smight who still pushed against her with her scythe. “After all we are just Master Ulroke’s toys.” She finished. Their blades scratched up and down each other, tension or rather faked tension thick in the air. “You lead ill fallow you.”

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight scoffed as they continued on, "Vanessa, we are not toys. We're people with purpose. I have a goal in life, don't you? I for one, am willing to play with hellfire to do it." The girl smirked, overconfident as one could come, "I don't give crap for that crowd, but it should be fun to end this with a bang."

The two women smirked at each other and broke their block. They stepped several feet back and threw their weapons aside.

All at once, they raced towards each other, Vanessa swiping up Smight's helmet.

Right when they met, they each did seperate things. Smight aimed a one-hundred percent powered punch for her head, and Vanessa rammed the helmet into her head.

The crowd screamed, the girls shouted, the room came to life when- ...

...

~~~

Both fell to the ground, unconscious, at the exact same moment.

The match was over. Just like that.

A tie.

Done.

[Quentin Boone]

Thread Title: TDW:CHE - ROUND 1 - Smight vs Vanessa
Judgment Type: Condensed Rubric
Participants: Deception and Discord vs Sekkekkyū

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Plot: 10 --- 11
Deception and Discord: Story - 3; Setting - 4; Pacing - 3
Sekkekkyū: Story - 3; Setting - 4; Pacing - 4

The story here lacked real purpose and felt disconnected from either character and their wider story arcs. Linking to past events and alluding to future ones is a way to really link even the simplest battle to a character's overarching plot.

There was very little description of the setting throughout the post from both writers, and on occasion it was inconsistent. For example, when Vanessa left the mess hall through the door, it was supposed to be the arena the two were supposed to fight in, but they never get to the actual arena from the descriptions given.

Overall, the pacing of the battle was far too quick. Everything moved far too quickly to really make sense. Part of this was because of the bunnying throughout the thread.

Sekkekkyū won out here as her pacing didn't suffer quite so badly from the issues mentioned below in the Prose section.

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Character: 13 --- 13
Deception and Discord: Communication - 5; Action - 4; Persona - 4
Sekkekkyū: Communication - 5; Action - 4; Persona - 4

The personalities of both characters didn't come through well at all. While there was some indication of their general personas, it was just that - an indication. A lot of what can bring characters to life was lost due to both writers taking control of both characters.

Actions were, for the most part appropriate and seemed to fit with the characters and their abilities, as did the communication between both characters.

To get a higher score here, I couldn't more strongly advise against such drastic bunnying for the entire thread. If each post's attention is split between the two main characters, the depth that a reader expects is much, much harder to achieve.

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Prose: 8 --- 11
Deception and Discord: Mechanics - 3; Clarity - 3; Technique - 2
Sekkekkyū: Mechanics - 4; Clarity - 4; Technique - 3

Both writer's posts had multiple spelling and grammatical errors, a lot of which would have been caught with a proof read or putting posts through a spell checker. Many of these errors damaged the pace of the writing, as mentioned above.

There was little in terms of imagery to add colour to the writing of the thread, and where tension could have been built, it wasn't.

Clarity was hurt by the points above about setting and pacing, and was further hurt by mechanical errors.

If you work on other areas of the rubric along with running your work through a spellchecker and proofreading it, the score for Prose will organically improve, so don't be overly concerned about it right now.

Sekkekkyū won out here smply due to having less mechanical errors in her writing.

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Wildcard: 4 --- 4

There isn't really anything to say here that hasn't already been said in the commentary. I'm looking forward to see future work from both of you so I can see improvements.

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Final Score: 35---39

Sekkekkyū Wins!:

• 450 EXP!
• 47 GP!

Congratulations!


Deception and Discord Receives:

• 150 EXP!
• 24 GP!

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Sekkekkyū receives 1 OOC Point for the purposes of The Deadliest Warrior: Crimson Hand Edition tournament. Neither competitor receives an IC point due to the fight ending in a draw.

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!