Round 1 Group 4

[Silence Sei]

((Hysteria has been disqualified for not making the 24 hour deadline. He may still continue to post to advance the story but will not be counted amongst the groups to advance, should this one do so.))

[Ioder]

“With pleasure General,” Ioder said with a hint of distain. He wasn’t sure if they were trying to make him feel a fool but between the Drow and Talen they did the job. With a brilliant flash of radiant light a beautiful pair of white feathered wings erupted from his back. His bright wings contrasted the red hues of the brush. The mismatched group of comrades didn’t seem to be very impressed by his flashy show, either they didn’t car or had seen things far cooler than him before. Ioder launched himself up into the air with his powerful wings and grabbed hold of Harold’s staff. “Hold on!” he yelled as with a powerful flap of his wings they two took off.

After setting Harold down on the other side of the little river the seraphim did not decent back to the ground. Instead he continued to hover for a moment waiting for Talen to cross over with the Drow woman. As they did Ioder signaled to them, “Im going on. I need to take care of some business ahead.” With those being his last words to the group Ioder took flight once more breaking up through the canopy of trees. The sun was warm on his face as he rose higher and higher up into the clouds above.

Ive been Dqed. My most sincere apologies to you Mage Hunter.

[Mage Hunter]

Sorry team, I'm writing you all out. I was willing to let you guys be a part of this until Ioder got the big DQ. I'm intending to finish this solo and rapidly, so I can't be waiting on posts that may or may not come in a timely manner, especially since Sei said I have to be held to MY time-stamps and not anyone else. If you have suggestions to fix my bunnying you have until twenty four hours from this post to hand them off to me, so I might rectify the situation.

Talen had taken lead again, pushing ever on wards in the forest. No care of subtlety to the effort was given. He had said he was devoted to making them lost souls to this abominable forest, and by the Thayne he was dedicated to that task. When he looked to the Drow expectantly she gave him a level stare for a moment. She waited just long enough for the silence to be awkward before she leaned in and hissed, “Touch anywhere remotely sexual, and you will wish you could remember how to breed.”

The boy laughed a carelessly, almost inviting her to try. The man who was guiding her seemed taken aback that no plan included him. Drusilia looked to her would be watcher before he snorted, “Try not t become squirrel food. I'd hate to lose a bet so quickly.”

Talen let his arms morph, taking on the forms of tendrils, it wasn't until that moment that Drusilia realized what she was dealing with. Talen wasn't a human, not even close he was entirely something else, closer to pure shadow than anything. A mockery of life. It was no wonder he had been so cavalier about the deaths of his comrades, it was hard for things that weren't mortal to care about insignificant things like death.

He lifted Drusilia off her feet and she was glad he had not decided to make his tentacles slick with anything. Part of her tried not to think about where those tendrils were grabbing before more erupted from his back, and he took to the air. A leap that seemed almost like flight resulted in the two of them landing. She quickly extracted herself from the Shadowling and dusted off her clothing, ignoring any smarmy comment the boy would have about her. Moving back into the forest from the exposed banks of the river, Drusilia made sure her gear had not shifted and fell during the brief trip across the water and sighed looking back upon the others. The forest had not seemed overly hostile towards the group of wayward adventurers and she was thankful it had been calm up to this moment.

Of course the moment she had thought of this, she had tempted fate.

Soon one of the trees erupted a rumble echoing across the clearing, "Arrogant creatures! Your deaths will be instantaneous, while we shall suffer the progress of infinitude!"

“I don't think he likes us,” Dru mused dryly. A branch whipped out slapping into Hysteria across his chest. The boy had little to no mass against such a shot and was flung back across the river, while Drusilia drew her blade. The next branch came down and swatted Harold. The human never had the reflexes of a warrior and it showed when he dropped like a sack of bricks. That left Drusilia alone, facing down a tree that seemed to stare at her.

“Pity, I actually liked him,” The Drow said to no one in particular. The tree rose to it's full height before it boomed;

“This is not your grave, but you are welcome in it!”

[Mage Hunter]

The tree was tall and now that Drusilia could actually see it she felt the bottom of her stomach drop to about her boots. Willow, the damn thing was a willow tree. It would be like fighting a cat o nine-tails with reach. Further for the myriad of smaller branches there was a large thick one that would most surely break any bone it touched when swung. The Mage Hunter had her work cut out for her, especially since she knew beyond a doubt she was being watched. "Vith..."

Priorities, she had to focus herself on the priorities. First was that she survive the encounter with the tree, whatever had awoken it. Second, she had to do so using up as few resources as possible, it would do her no good to get to Pode and be dry on the anti-magic she would surely need for fighting a tap infused being. If Xem'zund taught her anything, it was that she needed every edge she could get. Finally there was the prospect of Pode watching the fight and finding out more about Drusilia than she was willing to give away at once.

That was a tall list in and of itself. Even as she came up with it the tree swung bringing it's supple branches in an arc for her chest. Dropping low she scrambled under the grasp of the Treant, and moved closer, hoping to gain some slim advantage. Her sword came down harshly on the wood, and she was rewarded with a cry of alarm, and a few of the branches being shorn. She couldn't count on many more swings being so fruitful, truth was, she would have fared better with an ax than a sword. All she would do is dull her blade in the end, if she didn't stop swinging it at the tree.

It was then that she realized all those priorities focused on one, simple fact.

She never had to kill the treant, technically all she needed was to get past it. With that focus lodged firmly in her mind, she set about her plan to escape the tree and head deeper into the forest. She would have to be light on her resources, and she was determined to only fight to a stalemate with the tree if at all possible. Going all out and killing the tree would give Pode a perfect view of what fighting Drusilia was like, and she was loathe to give her target that much information this early in the game.

Coming up from the dive to the dirt the treant roared and slammed it's branches down, causing the Mage Hunter to roll across the ground, heading closer even as the branches cracked against the ground. A furrow of dirt was all that remained of the solid soil that had once held aloft the Drow. Upon her feet she brought the sword down once again, aiming instead towards the roots of the tree. Cutting into the thicker wood she heard another squeal of agony from the beast before it shuffled away from her.

“I am a timeless chorus. Join your voice with mine, and we shall sing victory everlasting!”

She stopped upon hearing the words. The tree seemed to shuffle further back, out of range of the sword as the drow narrowed her eyes, “Speak your offer.”

“The Red Witch,” It rumbled as if that was all the explanation necessary.

“Let me pass and she's done for,” Drusilia countered.

Branched snapped out, and the drow was forced to jump aside as the wood crashed into the ground next to her, "Of course, you came for her. We exist together now, two corpses in one grave."

“You really are slow if you haven't got this figured out. Why else would anyone come here?”

He seemed to mull over the fact tilting his head pensively and spoke, "Resignation is my virtue; like water I ebb, and flow. Defeat is simply the addition of time to a sentence I never deserved...”

“So you're saying no matter what you're forced to fight for Pode?”

"Do not shoot, but listen! Let me lead you safely... to our foe. Only you can halt... what she has set in motion."

“You have to be an idiot if you think I'm going to take you at face value.”

"Then you will be food; nothing more..."

Drusilia had been using the brief respite from the fight to think things through. It was one thing to parlay with the tree, another to focus solely on that. She had paid enough attention to look like she was actually invested in the conversation, that was when he Kyorl training had kicked in, and she solved the problem, right before the Treant decided to attack. The branches came crashing about and Drusilia only shook her head before she pirouetted, easily dodging the crash of branches. Smaller branches connected to the willow were scraping her, but she was still able to act, the pain being only a minor nuisance compared to the shattering of bone, a true strike would have caused.

Moved into position she sprinted, not even stopping as the tree began a pirouette of its own, to bring a branch across her chest. Another tuck and roll saw her clear the branch, with little room to spare. Next to the trunk of the treant, she waited for the next step of her plan. The treant, realizing that she was too close and that he couldn't swat her when she was that close to him rumbled, “"Submit! End your torment and my own!"

“I have important work to do, if you insist on trying to kill me, we'll be at it for days.”

The tree almost visibly sighed at the comment before the branches returned to a more natural position, "Time... has taught me patience!”

“Yeah I was banking on that,” The Drow replied before she sprinted deeper into the woods. The tree had visibly rested itself, waiting for her to make her move, and she had decided then to rush out. Being free of the reach of the branches the beast roared one final time, its frustration at defeat echoing behind the Drow. Moving through the forest she heard noises, other people where moving through the forest. That meant one thing, either a forward camp had been made, or she had found another group of adventurers.

Either way her journey through the woods was finished.

Moving out into the clearing she covered her eyes, looking at the most glrious sight, armored men moving about setting up tents. The crest of Anebrilith upon their chest gave her hope before one of the men shouted for the captain. Cheers erupted before Drusilia's eyes recovered from the darkened atmosphere in the woods and showed that the Mage hunter had found her allies in the fight against Pode.

Cries were carried upon the wind, giving the Drow a sense of satisfaction.

[Mage Hunter]

Then, then darkness enveloped the area above her head. The land was shifting, changing, and as quickly as hope had been established, it was crushed. The illusion faded as white light sprayed out from Drusilia and she saw not a campsite, but just a small copse in the trees. Laughter filtered through her head before she heard the words of the Red Witch in her mind;

Did you honestly think it would be that easily little hunter?

“A girl can dream can't she?” Drusilia said aloud.

That she can, but of what do you dream Hunter? Is it the largest game in these woods? Is it violating my body with the titanium in your blades? Forged upon Elvish anvils in an attempt to outfit a hero of the Corpse war.

“I have nothing to say you don't already know,” Drusilia continued moving forward, past the copse without even entering it.

I already took three from you, though they may not have the same impact that Godhand Striker's death had upon you. I promise you, by the end of this little game of ours, you will wish you had only lost Godhand. I will make you suffer little Dawnbringer, for poor foolish Zundalon.

“You mean to tell me Blue Raven was actually right about something? Must be a record for him, considering all the idiocy he involved himself in during the Corpse War.”

The wizard Caden Law may have indeed been more arrogant than was necessary, but he was right when he surmised Xem'zund's true nature. That was why he was a Dawnbringer, he brought the light of truth. Even Xem'zund could not deny such a light. Do you know what light you bore into the darkness when you freed this land from my friend's grip?

“Enlighten me,” The words held a dry tone that seemed to suck moisture from the air itself.

You are the light of hope. Wherever you went, you brought hope to the people. Godhand may have begun the fight against the Necrosition, but you allowed him to get every last liche, even felling the Dominion Rapier in your hardest battle yet. You shined a light in the darkness that let people know it existed and that it would one day pierce the night they had found themselves in.

Drusilia didn't even dignify that with a response.

Godhand was the light of fervor. It was the passion that unlife could never have, and how fitting that Hope had fallen for Passion. Did it hurt, to see Godhand die in front of your very eyes?

The Drow continued to walk in silence, refusing to give Pode any more ammunition.

~*~Fin.~*~

[Max Dirks]

Commentary is limited, but if you have any concerns with the score, I'm happy to provide any of you with my notes.

This was a somewhat boring quest (a trek into the woods) that didn't really pick up until Mage Hunter took over solo. This isn't to say it was horrible, just that the other players were disqualified too early to properly develop the story. Pacing was slow, but steady. Dialouge seemed forced at times, particularly when you were bunnying each others words. Action, as noted above, didn't develop until late. I enjoyed Mage Hunter's conclusion, as it gave both depth to his character and finality to the thread, but when given the choice I opted to give persona a boost for this rather than story or action.

Writing wise, core mechanics were fine. With the exception of some omitted letters or words, your grammar and spelling was mostly intact. However, I have some advanced writing flow concerns. Raytak, in your two posts I noticed you repeated words too often. Indeed, your opening line was "The air around the forest grew heavier and heavier to Harold as he approached the edge of the Forest." We know you're writing in third person personal here. Drop the repeated words to get a solid line. "The air grew increasingly heavy as Harold approached the edge of the forest." Ioder, stop ending your sentences with prepositions! Clarity in this quest was poor. I'll focus on Mage Hunter here because he finished the thread. At one point he mentioned the guard who brought Dru to the encampment was closely following Talen deeper into the woods, though in an earlier post Talen sent the guard off. Perhaps he meant Ioder, who indicated earlier he was participating as a guide. Mage Hunter also referred to Talen in prose once as his screenname, Hysteria. I don't think I've ever seen Hysteria refer to Talen as Hysteria when he's in the youth or any other form. Multiple minor errors like these build up, making the quest difficult to follow. In the future, be sure to read your partners' posts carefully.

The strength in this quest was setting. I really felt the forest come alive, particularly the fighting willow tree with the Ayn Rand persona.

Judgment Group 4

Story - 4
Setting - 7
Pacing - 5
Communication - 4
Action - 5
Persona - 6
Mechanics - 5
Technique - 4
Clarity - 4
Wildcard - 6

Total 50/100

Mage Hunter earns 467 EXP and 50 GP.

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!