Round 2 Guest Team

[Logan]

“Fucking hell,” was all Logan could say. Unsurprisingly, Max’s actions had pinned him into a corner he would be unable to pull himself out of, and seemingly as if on cue shouted for the psion’s help. “Leave it to the telepath to rescue the criminal in distress,” he grumbled to himself.

There was no love lost between Max and Logan. Their timeline as friend and foe went back further than most lifespans on Althanas, and their history was riddled with strategic successes and utter failures. The psion shook his head silently, but as always they’d figure out a way. At least he would, and so he did.

He ran to Drusilia’s side, who had by then already made her way to her feet. She staggered slightly and Logan caught her. He steadied her, and then pointed toward the dopplegangers. “Look Dru, I know you’re hurting and shit’s a mess, but this is just how it goes with Max and I. We’re a mess. An absolute hot fuckin’ mess of a pair, but we always get the job done.”

She nodded silently; enough of a response for Logan to take a deep breath before he continued, “but we can’t complete this job without you being okay. Are you good?”

The drow surveyed her injuries quickly before nodding again, “I’ll be fine. Let’s end this fucker.”

Logan smirked. The drow’s demeanor certainly grew on him over their time together. There was definitely an appreciation for her soldier’s mentality and never say die attitude. Then again, both of those traits were ones he was well known for as well, so perhaps he saw glimpses of himself in her. Either way, he considered a friend by that point.

Max was in a puddle of coughed up blood, but still managed to cover the majority of his body by curling up into a fetal position. Normally, the psion would take the opportunity to make a snide remark about Dirks taking it like a man, but the situation was anything but normal and so he kept the thought to himself.

A quick survey of the situation left him with only one idea. “Dru, ready an arrow and keep it pointed at my head. Let fly when I give you the signal,” he said as he watched Dirks being pummeled more and more.

Drusilia opened her mouth to respond, but before she did a quiet thought pierced her mind, ”Trust me.”

The psion sprinted from his position toward the Kargoosh trio. Behind him, Drusilia held the bow remarkably steady as she followed his movements. Both blades seemed to dance in the air around him, the sunlight glimmering about the entrance to the grove, but really they were just an effect.

It took the dopplegangers only a few moments to respond to the charging assailant. Lily was the first to break their formation as she leaped into the air, claws forming at the ends of her fingers. Logan spotted the attack amidst the flurry of his blades, and managed to spin his body just right to avoid them. As he smashed into the Lily fake, the blades merely a distraction, he grabbed her tight.

Logan spun the fake around, his back to the other dopplegangers and Dirks. The whole time Drusilia followed his movements, even as his bladed flailed about beside and before him. She wanted to let the arrow fly then, but she held it. Then she heard it, the faint audible sound of his telepathy, ”now.”

She unleashed three arrows in succession. The first thudded into the back of the fake, burrowing far enough the tip pierced through the other side. The second landed square into the back of her head and out through the opened mouth cavity, deflecting partway through and thankfully angled upward away from the psion. The third missed both Logan and the fake entirely.

“Two out of three ain’t bad,” she quietly mumbled to herself.

Logan pulled the fake to his chest in a tight hug. He wasn’t sure what the final battle would be like with Pode or her minions, but he wanted to hold Lily one last time. The doppleganger phazed one final time as the limp form of a bunny slipped from his grip and dropped to the ground beneath.

The psion turned his attention to the other two fakes. Godhand Striker was bearing down on him, and Starlynn continued to have her way with Dirks’ nearly limp body. There wasn’t much time left.

[Max Dirks]

It only took a small opening. With faux Lily and faux Godhand’s attention turned to the psion, Dirks struck at his remaining assailant. Still clenching his short swords from the fetal position, he swung his right hand around at the faux Starlynn's leg. Though the force of the blow wasn’t enough to sever a limb, the sharpened prevalida dug deep into her calf. The entity cried out before hobbling several paces backwards. Dirks noticed that when the sword was pulled free of her ‘skin’, there was no blood. The red hue of the vision’s leg simply turned pink.

The former criminal took the opportunity to climb to his feet. His entire midsection was bruised, and it looked like his face was about to pop. Considering the extent of the swelling, Dirks was pleased that he could still view what was in front of him, though Logan and Drusilia were lost in his periphery. Dirks spit a wad of blood to the ground, scanned the area by turning his neck like an owl. Behind him, Godhand was advancing on Logan. In the distance, Drusilia was firing arrows at their opponents.

“Enough,” the criminal called out. He threw the sword in his left hand to the ground and withdrew his ‘twin’ Beretta from its holster. Bullets wouldn’t work against trees, but they would tear up visages. In one quick motion, the criminal turned to Starlynn and then cut the distance between them with a valiant charge. Upon arrival, he arced his right wrist, sending a high cross slash across her chest. Showing surprising agility given her injury, Starlynn ducked his blow and slammed her hands hard against Dirks sternum, causing him to backup several feet.

Dirks coughed up more blood then eyed the copy of his former love. The visage swayed on unsteady feet, but kept her glare fixed on the former criminal. This – a standoff between Dirks and Starlynn – was the ultimate fuck you from Pode; a clear sign of the Red Witch’s arrogance even in the face of defeat. Rage began to fill the criminal’s veins. He cursed, and then assaulted the copy once more. Blinded by anger and swelling, Starlynn was able to dodge Dirks’ one handed attacks relatively easily, a testament to Dirks poor training with the weapon. Even with one foot, she parried each slash. After three such attacks, Starlynn grabbed the hilt of the weapon and tried to push it back into Dirks’ body.

“Got you,” he called out. Dirks’ sloppy swordsmanship was just a ruse. It was meant to put the copy into a position where she could not dodge the bullet that was about to enter her chest. With a sharp bang, the bullet escaped the barrel and struck Starlynn in her left breast. She immediately released her grip on the sword and fell to the ground. Dirks through his remaining long sword to the ground and stood over his fallen prey. “Good night, old friend,” he said.

However, before Dirks could pull the trigger, Logan zapped a thought into his mind: Help!. The criminal turned his whole body to see Godhand upon him. Faux sword struck steel, but the clashes were deadly and real. Drusilia had reached the psion, but the Dawnbringer clone had positioned himself so that any arrow shot would strike Logan’s back. If Dirks didn’t do something, his friend could be lost.

Forgetting about Starlynn, Dirks took off towards Logan. He fired a single bullet, which struck Godhand in the shoulder. It didn’t faze him. He kept assaulting the psion with blow after blow. Dirks fired again and again, but it was to no avail. Eventually, Godhand connected with Logan so hard, that it sent the telepath to his knees. “No!” Drusilia called out, lowering her bow and rushing to his aide. But Dirks knew it was too late. Godhand was the strongest dreg to ever set foot on Althanas and even though this was a copy, the Kargoosh would mirror the qualities of the host.

“Drusilia, catch,” Dirks called out. He had one last idea, but he didn’t know if it would work. It would all depend on whether his partners could process things in time. Dirks hit the release mechanism on his gun, causing the clip to fall from the chamber. Once the clip was firmly in his hands, he threw it at the drow as she ran towards the fallen psion.

The next moments were a blur in real time, but they would be etched in Dirks’ mind in slow motion forever. Drusilia caught the clip midstride; however, instead of stopping to help her fallen partner, she ran directly at the faux Godhand. When she arrived, she used the wooded rim of her bow to knock away a passing blow, then stopped in front of the copy of her former lover. “Eat this,” she cried. Then she shoved the clip into Godhand’s mouth. As though on cue, Logan clenched his fist and drained all the oxygen from around the visage. As the bullets decompressed, they exploded, sending pink Godhand bits to the forest floor. Drusilia was knocked backwards from the proximity of the blast, landing hard against the ground. Though he was already on the ground, Logan too was slammed backward.

Dirks too, was caught slightly off guard. The force of the blast caused the hair on his chin to fry. He raised his hand to cover his eyes and halted his advance. After a moment, Dirks looked up to just in time to watch the body of the faux Godhand crumple to the ground. Logan was getting to his feet and Drusilia was groaning, suggesting she too survived the blast. A smirk reappeared on the criminal’s face as he realized his plan worked. Finally these two were starting to get him. Dirks opened his mouth to yell something snide at Logan when a sharp pain cut through his chest. The former criminal looked down to see the tip of a short sword, his short sword, protruding from his chest…

[Logan]

Time slowed for both Logan and Drusilia who watched in horror as Dirks was impaled by his own sword. There was a pause by the pair as Max looked down at his chest, and then looked up at them. Moments seemed like hours as the psion rushed to his side, his own swords flying through the air in a dance of expertise.

The drow lifted her bow, knocked a single arrow, aimed it at the doppleganger's head and let fly. There was no warning for the psion, the shot came too quick and the ringing in his ears destroyed any chance at hearing the approach. The arrow twirled through the air gracefully just as Logan dropped his swords. Starlynn came down upon his with such force, his entire body crumpled beneath her.

Thwack. The arrow rang true, finding its mark thanks to the psion's sudden surrender.

"But...how", she questioned under her breath.

The psion looked to the tops of the trees as his eyes welled with tears. Even if Max survived, there would be scars. Perhaps not physical scars, but certainly emotional ones. Could the criminal truly bounce back from such a ferocious battle?

Logan took a deep breath, coughing twice as his cracked ribs forced shudders from his lungs. "Fuck me," he said quietly.

Drusilia rushed to Dirks' side, tending his wound and tried to figure out the best way to help him. "Don't fucking die on me, you arrogant asshole," she shouted at Max as she tried to hold back the tears.

The psion took another deep breath as he rose to his knees and then to his feet. He made his way to Drusilia's side and knelt down next to her, his arm wrapped around his midsection which began to numb under the immense pain. He rested his free hand upon Dirks' shoulder as Logan closed his eyes. "Fuck me, indeed."

Drusilia looked at Max and then at Logan. "What the fuck do we do now?"

Logan hesitated. There was only one real answer to that question, but was she prepared enough to hear it? He kept his mouth shut.

But she demanded again, "Logan, what the fuck do we do now? We can't go on without Max!"

The psion lifted his hand in a request for silence. Well before their journey into the Red Forest began, the two friends had made a pact. Should one of them fall in battle, the other would ensure the job was seen to the end and ensure Drusilia made it to her destination. Pode couldn't be allowed to win, no matter the ultimate cost. Could he truly go on without his friend though?

Drusilia couldn't sit there as Logan remained silent, so she moved to the fallen Starlynn and removed the arrow from its skull. As she did, however, the illusions faded and Pode's magic seemed to hum in the area. The Kargoosh faded back into view, and unfortunately right next to the psion.

Without warning of its arrival, the psion jumped. It was movement he hadn't anticipated. The Kargoosh opened its jaws wide and made a lunge for him. The psion rolled to his side, escaping the Kargoosh's teeth by mere inches. As he wiped the tears from his eyes, his hands reached down for his short swords which weren't there. "Seriously? Fuck me sideways..."

The swords were a few feet away, and there wasn't time to leap to them. He reacted on instinct alone, gripped the hilt of the sword in Max's back and ripped it from his body. Blood spilled out like a raging ocean, but he had no time to examine the wounds. The sword slid through the air with ease and up through the Kargoosh's furry torso. The impaled rabbit-like creature let out a loud, blood-curdling cry as Logan drove the blade deeper into its body. "Karma's a bitch, fucker," he screamed out of anger and rage.

The Kargoosh twitched as the psion twisted the blade within its body, severing vital organs. Moments passed before the creature shuddered its last breath as nerves died off bit by bit. The eyes glossed over, and as quickly as it began it was over. The trio had defeated impossible odds, but the real challenge was still yet to come.

[Max Dirks]

“Down, but never out,” Dirks mumbled before falling to the ground. He pressed hard against his chest, trying to at least half the blood loss he was experiencing. “Quickly,” he said after Logan ended the Kargoosh’s life. “You must mask her in its blood before Pode learns it’s dead.”

The rabbit’s final cry alerted every remaining soldier of Pode to the presence of the trio. They only had a moment to enact the last stages of the High Council’s plan.

“What do you mean, mask me in its blood?” Drusilia asked.

The former criminal proceeded to tell Drusilia about the full extent of the elves’ ploy. He told her about the groves, and the chosen few. He explained the importance of the null stone and how the blood of the ridiculous rabbit would allow the drow to enter the grove undetected. Drusilia simply nodded as she processed everything in her head.

“But I lied about one part,” Dirks finally admitted. This admission was directed towards both Drusilia and Logan, both of whom had been manipulated by the gun wielding former criminal. “Earlier I told you that there are three players in the war: the fodder, the escorts and the heroes, but the truth is there are only two. We’re your distraction, Drusilia; mighty warriors sent here simply to divert the Red Witch’s attention from the real threat…you”

Though Logan let out a light sigh, the news came as no surprise to him. “Come on,” he said to Drusilia. She did not object. The telepath grabbed the deceased corpse of the rabbit and held it above her head, allowing the blood to pour over her body. The Kargoosh was the eyes and ears of Pode, but she had no control over the devilish being. As long as she saw it moving, she would think it was alive. Once the drow was draped in blood, Logan allowed a small portion of it to pour unassumingly into a handkerchief.

“This, my dear, is where we part,” Dirks coughed as he slowly climbed to his feet. Logan offered Dirks’ his sword but he declined. Still reeling, the former criminal withdrew his Berettas and held them at ready. He took two steps towards the growing noise from the north, but fell to his knees when he was overcome with dyspnea. Dirks nearly fell to the ground, but he was caught by Logan before he could fall to his knees.

“Go…” Logan said to Drusilia. “Go!” he shouted after she did not immediately move. Drusilia gave Logan a nod, then started running in the direction of the grove. Once she was out of view, the telepath placed his arm around Dirks, allowing him to use Logan’s weight as balance. Together the two former criminals stumbled towards the oncoming hordes of Pode. Ahead of them, armies of red Griffins, treeants, fealotes and wolves appeared on the horizon. Dirks gave Logan once last glance and a smirk appeared on his face. If they died, they would die together…as heroes.

[Silence Sei]

Story- 7/10

You guys had a well written story here, that seemed to dip and slide into the action. Sometimes this was good but other times it jarred me out of the experience. It seemed as though whenever you guys seemed to lose steam on an idea, you just said 'lets throw in another monster' to up the ante. While this can be okay, please be advised that fighting and fighting and fighting does not necessarily make a good thread.



Setting- 6/10

Your setting seemed to take the back seat to a lot of the action. Sure, you guys would do well to describe the forest in lulls between engagements, and even when it worked to your advantage, but very rarely did I notice the use of all five senses. When Logan was on the ground, did he inhale any dirt or lose grass blades while on the ground? The hair on Dirks chin starting to 'fry; was a good example of using senses but I would have liked to see more on a full body scale. After all, if it was hot enough to fit that description, it should effect the whole of Dirks.



Pacing- 4/10

Like I mentioned before, this thread heavily jumped from battle to battle to battle, with some intermittent talking. I would have liked a few posts of just thinking the trio was safe before another beast was thrown at me. It was quite difficult for me to grasp, especially with the way you guys described how 'useless' Logan and Dirks were compared to Dru.


Communication- 8/10

You guys work well together and it shines through in this thread. At no point did I ever stop to think that the characters would not use a certain piece of dialogue with one another. Drusilia especially; as someone currently fighting the character myself, I found you two portrayed her quite well, though there were times she came off more as a damsel in distress rather than the proud warrior she is.

Action-8/10

Actions, wow, there was like -so- much action in this thread. You guys have your characters pull off badassery like it is second nature to you guys. The only downside here is, as I said before, you went through leaps and bounds to tell me how futile Dirks and Logan were compared to Drusilia and the other hero in this thread. Even with suspension of disbelief and whole bunch of dumb luck, it was difficult to swallow the trio overcoming the insurmountable odds you placed before them without at least one charge from the null stone being used.

Persona- 7/10

The score here would be higher, but much like in my commentary for communication, you two sometimes played the headstrong, take no prisoners Drusilia like a helpless woman. I understand these were areas you wanted to use to make your guys the heroes of the story, but I honestly can't think of Dru as being able to defeat Pode without all the hand holding you guys did for her.


Mechanics- 5/10

There were several grammatical and spelling errors, as I pointed out a few to each of you in a previous Skype call. Sometimes proof reading isn;t enough, and a second pair of eyes can help alleviate the problems you guys have. Dirks, you even used the phrase 'Pode's Fuck You to Dirks' almost word for word twice between post 10 and 12. Using similar expressions like that can really ruin the read, especially when you have different ways to phrase them.



Clarity- 5/10

There were a few clarity issues here, the most taxing was the illusions and whether or not they could actually be harmed by conventional means. At one point, a weapon simply phases through an illusion and yet in another, the godhand illusion takes three arrows to the back. Logan explained this to me in a Skype call, but as a reader, it is a huge head scratcher when it comes to whether the illusions were 'real' or not.

Technique- 5/10

There did not seem to be much in terms of actual technique here. That's not bad nor good, but ways to make your thread more technique filled would be through simple gestures like alliteration, similes, and maybe some metaphors. You did foreshadow the next round quite well, which is why your score is where it's at.


Wildcard: 8/10

Overall, I enjoyed the read of this thread. Dirks and Logan trying to redeem themselves is a great story, albeit one that takes a backseat at times to the fighting. If the two of you can simply add more depth to your settings, throw in a few literary techniques, and watch the mechanical/clarity errors, the next chapter of this saga could well be a JC.

Final Score: 63/100

Member receives:

Logan receives 1000 Exp, 300 GP

Max Dirks receives 1400 Exp, 300 GP


Congratulations!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!