Closed. To be judged shortly.
Closed. To be judged shortly.
"All mortal men possess the capacity to do evil. Some are simply more capable than others."- Anonymous
Judging postponed until 5/11/2015. Unexpected roof leak.
"All mortal men possess the capacity to do evil. Some are simply more capable than others."- Anonymous
1st: Flames of Hyperion (8570)
Very strong emotional voice and word choice. Excellent pacing. Felt like a journal writing and also touched on current setting/action. Very active. No grammar errors, but last two lines begged the question of intended repetition or involuntary? May have had more impact ending just on, "I love you..."
1,200 EXP
200 GP
2nd: BlackAndBlueEyes (3431)
Strong sense of persona and strong adherence to prompt. Madison's voice is apparent. Even though there are intentional violations to grammar, it flows naturally and remains engaging. Some brevity could be applied to the priest killing scene. Though the intention was to recall graphic detail, pacing faltered at that paragraph.
880 EXP
150 GP
3rd: Tobias Stalt
Tobias is a troubled man. This entry relays that strongly as a core theme while also entertaining his struggle to understand it all through religious teachings. Very strong emotional pull, yet upholds the character's detachment. The internal struggle is apparent. Some breaks could have been made at the quoted teachings for better flow. While some sentences & fragments were intentionally off subject for poetic imagery, they did jostle the read. Some care in how they are positioned or flow into the rest of the writing could be made to improve.
350 EXP
100 GP
Logan (51)
Strength: Strong personal feel and adherence to prompt. Hints of humor were refreshing.
Weakness: Excessive language and repetition made the writing less engaging.
300 EXP
Artifex Felicis (252)
Strength: Very casual and strong adherence to prompt. Gentle flow and warm tones.
Weakness: Pacing suffers in the continued mention of old/new and changed/unchanged. Could have omitted a few examples for improved flow/pacing.
350 EXP
Alydia Ettermire (8606)
Strength: Short, sweet, and to the point. Impactful & thought provoking.
Weaknesses: Many names and places mentioned with little detail to follow. Would make for a strong opener, but lacks the meat as a stand alone.
350 EXP
Hoytti (16188)
Strength: Strong adherence to prompt. Explains character's struggle.
Weakness: Delivery is flat. Less fact and more personal feel was needed. Show, not tell applies.
200 EXP
Philomel (17225)
Strength: Good pacing and balance of imagery versus action.
Weakness: Started out like a journal, then moved into a 1st person story. Summarized or paraphrased dialogue would have helped.
350 EXP
Close Contender: Erirag the Poet (2989)
Strength: In character use of voice and recollection. Strong use of prompt and personal event. Coveys emotion to the reader even with intentional grammatical error.
Weakness: Some grammatical sentences were far more jarring than others. Segment about her feelings toward her mother slowed pacing and could have improved with more brevity or impactful phrasing.
150 EXP
Close Contender: The Mongrel (17739)
Strength: Strong use of prompt toward devastating event. Poetry mixed with personal writings worked well.
Weakness: One run on and few grammar errors jarred the read. Phrase of needing someone, then needing to be alone was a confusing or thought provoking contradiction. More emotional impact would have helped especially since she buried him today of all days.
150 EXP
Aliander (18159)
Strength: Solid attempt. Good use of intentional grammar error to create impact. Read like a journal.
Weakness: The intentional grammar errors jarred the flow of the read. Line breaks may have helped to develop a stronger visual cadence.
100 EXP
Close Contender: Rayse Valentino (4242)
Strength: Witty, mechanical, creative, and entertaining.
Weaknesses: Fragmentation lead to a jarring read. Impact of the seconds and their implied meaning was lost in the excessive repetition and location at the end of the list. Would have worked better at the beginning or by identifying key entries (noon or ritual events like meals/tea/coffee) with the number of seconds since waking.
600 EXP
Hawl (18168)
Strength: Strong personality in the youthful read of events. Interesting focal point.
Weakness: Grammar and flow suffered with lack of punctuation or word placement. Unknown subject is harder for the reader to identify with.
100 EXP
eXgTurbostar (18182)
Strength: Lively sense of persona.
Weakness: Started as a journal entry, then turned into a 1st person story. Paraphrasing would have helped.
100 EXP
Zook Murnig (1938)
Strength: Creative use of prompt. Nice touch of humor.
Weakness: Could not tell if it was the main character or random scientist discussing the character's wand.
200 EXP
Blodwen (17700)
Strength: Creative use of prompt. Good attempt at emotional involvement.
Weakness: Quite elaborate for a note left at the crime scene. Innocent choice of words in the beginning though the crime was serious and writer knew she would be speaking to the loved ones of the deceased.
100 EXP
Close Contender: Whispers of Abyssion (15607)
Strength: Short, strong, powerful. Good usage of prompt.
Weakness: If any, it is that the 13 year old is very literate.
250 EXP
Lightfoot (13766)
Strength: Witty humor and strong adherence to prompt.
Weakness: The entries jump around. Unclear as to who the pick up line was intended for.
100 EXP
Rehtul Orlouge (14301)
Strength: Strong adherence to prompt. Creative end.
Weakness: Could have used more sense of frustration from the character. It was hinted, but weak/flat.
200 EXP
"All mortal men possess the capacity to do evil. Some are simply more capable than others."- Anonymous
EXP & GP Added
"All mortal men possess the capacity to do evil. Some are simply more capable than others."- Anonymous
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