Hey guys, thank you for your patience in us getting this thing judged. As such, I did give you each a little extra judge's discretionary boost in wild card (kept it balanced between you both) and a tiny boost in the exp and gp rewards.


Dissinger


Plot -- 18/30


Story - 8/10 - The story here entranced me through and through. The entirety of this battle held vast amount of lore which found itself intertwined with plenty of each's individual story arcs. This is easily the highest category for the two of you, but specifically for Diss.
Setting - 7/10 - The use of setting in the battle sequences was solid, but where you really shined with setting was within the conclusion and turning it into a metaphorical representation of Seth's life. It was a wonderful use of language and prose, and it really helped solidify the end of the battle to mean something more.
Pacing - 3/10 - There were times when the pacing felt right, and then times where it felt wrong. The best example of good pacing is Seth's out of body experience. It was a perfect and abrupt stop, but then it ripped into the next sequence of battle components. I consider, personally, that type of pacing to be far too often ignored as it sets the tone and mood for the thread at that moment. The really bad parts were when you switched back and forth between each other in the same post. It just ripped apart any semblance of flow you had going.


Character -- 18/30


Communication - 5/10 - The dialogue was solid at times, and there were plenty of non-verbal visual cues. If anything, I would say at times the dialogue did feel forced, such as early on in your intro. Dialogue by itself is okay, but when you couple it with action it becomes substance. Your intro dialogue (before you met up with Draug) needed to be substantial, and it just felt flat to me.
Action - 6/10 - There certainly was plenty of action going on in this thread. I gave you an extra point here for the out of body moment as again it split the action battle sequence nicely, and it was a moment of action that was truly magnificent in the flow of the battle. I did dock you for a couple of moments where I didn't quite comprehend how Draug goes from being unstoppable to suddenly being a whipping boy to the chains. There were other moments like that, but that is the most prominent that stuck with me.
Persona - 7/10 - You obviously have a good grasp on who Seth is as a character and where he has been and is going. You understand his storyline, and pulled in bits and pieces while giving the reader a real sense of what lies ahead. This would have been higher had you actually played out the out of body bit a little bit more, or gave me a bit more of angered Seth. I realize it was close to the end of the fight, but it just felt like it needed to be even more than it was or go on more than it did.


Prose -- 18/30


Mechanics - 5/10 - If there is any category you need to improve on, it is here. There were various misspellings, typos, tense changes in the same paragraph, etc. I could tell when you posted from your phone versus when you wrote the post at home (or edited at home before posting). I know it can be tough to pre-edit a post on a mobile device, but you would certainly improve your scores greatly with just that one act. I can grab examples if you want them, but you're a seasoned veteran and you should know where they are by now.
Clarity - 6/10 - The majority of the time I felt as a reader I understood what was happening in your posts. There were a few moments where due to typos or mistakes something didn't make sense and I had to go over it a second time to infer what you meant. Example of the poor side is the crossbar bit with the abomination in the early part of the battle. I don’t know if I just missed something upon reading or if the paragraph's construction just was poorly done, but it left me scratching my head.
Technique - 7/10 - You both are practically masters of the English language, and you both consistently threw in various subtle techniques to enhance your writing. It showed. I alluded to the metaphorical cemetery use in the conclusion as being the best form of technique, and had to dock you a few for stumbling block moments where typos and such detracted from the thread. I don't really know how you could improve this without becoming too flowery other than focusing on your mechanics.


Wildcard -- 8/10 - I gave you 5 points for the tardiness of the judgement, and 3 additional for the out of body moment. It was beautifully done and really pulled me back into the thread at a point where my drive to finish reading it began to wane. Well done!


Total: 62/100




Abomination


Plot -- 17/30


Story - 5/10 - There is a quality story to who Abomination is, and I was happy to see you draw elements of that story out throughout the course of the battle. You stayed mostly focused primarily on the battle itself (the here and now, if you will), and at times it felt like, as a reader, I missed out of something more of who Draug was. Sure, if a reader followed Draug from beginning to end on Althanas they might know all of the small subtle nods at various story bits, but that isn't always going to be the case for the reader. The abomination is a good example of this. You make it clear Draug made it for Seth, but there is an element to that where the reader is supposed to infer why. I think the why needed to be clearer.
Setting - 7/10 - While Diss gained points for the use of the cemetery after the battle, you gained points here for your description of Draug awakening (so to speak) within it. You toyed at the aspect of the sun and darkness at various times so eloquently, I enjoyed it. I could see this setting and it made sense throughout.
Pacing - 5/10 - Your flow felt discombobulated as the thread switched to joint posting, but when you were the only writer of your posts (I'm specifically looking to your intro and the not included in the judgement conclusion), you shined here. I honestly wish you both would've just wrote your individual posts and just left them shorter, because I feel it would've made for a far better paced read.


Character -- 20/30


Communication - 5/10 - Your dialogue was hit or miss at times. Sometimes it felt like the right comment at the right time such as "You will feel my pain". I would've preferred Draug not explain in dialogue the whole concept of his pain being constant, and instead letting it be explained from the point of narration or through other means. The paragraph that followed is an example of dialogue feeling forced. It was too much at the wrong time. Shorter and to the point would've done wonders for you at times like those.
Action - 7/10 - I rarely misunderstood what you intended in Draug's actions. From the raising of the abomination to the final moments where Draug disappears into an endless pit within the ground, it all made sense with the exception of one moment in the battle. I understood how Draug had all of the weapons during the tentacles, but the whole of the tentacles wasn't well-written in my opinion and it left me a bit confused the first read-through. Once I read it the second time it made a bit more sense, but the fact I had to read a second time to comprehend it hurt you here.
Persona - 8/10 - Your early flavor for Draug was some of the best character writing I've read to date of any writer. As the thread wore on, you lost some of the early seasoning and went for pure meat, and it kind of lost some of the flavor of Draug. It just became this flesh beast doing crazy crap. It reminded of an anime, and while that isn't a bad thing, at times animes are over the top. And I felt like Draug, especially nearer the end, became over the top and no longer felt like Draug. He felt flat by being so over the top.


Prose -- 22/30


Mechanics - 8/10 - There was certainly a clear divide when it came to your mechanics compared to Dissinger's. You obviously took the time to proofread your posts before posting or at least make necessary edits thereafter. The lack of typos and mistakes made your posts easier to read. The only thing you could have improved on was the use of tenses when you switched to joint posting.
Clarity - 8/10 - Outside of the couple of moments where I thought to myself "wait, what?", you did excellent at making sure everything made sense in the moment. If I isolate out your posts, I understand almost every action, every thought, every sentence. Again, improvement would be found in the joint posting where you both just disrupted the flow of the thread in favor of longer posts.
Technique - 6/10 - Whereas I gave Dissinger credit for the use of the cemetery as a literary device, your lack of using it for something more than just a physical house hurt you a point here. You found other ways to incorporate various literary techniques, so this was a close category for that reason. One other place I docked you for was using 5' instead of just writing out five foot. It didn't hurt you badly, but it definitely would have made the flow of that one sentence significantly better.


Wildcard -- 9/10 - I also gave you the 5 points for the tardiness of the judgement. I added another 3 points for the introduction you gave to the battle, and an additional point as judge's discretion.


Total: 68/100


Additional Commentary: Overall, this thread was a great read, but as I alluded to in my comments numerous times you both fell short once you delved into the joint posting. For each of you, it would have been better to just stick to shorter posts and let your own personal styles shine through. I did enjoy the thread, and found a certain entertainment value in reading it. Thank you for your patience!


Dissinger receives 1403 EXP and 200 GP
Abomination receives 5377 EXP and 300 GP

Judge's Secondary Note: Finishing a thread in the tournament over 10 posts was worth 5%, plus you gained another 5% for the long judgement wait time. I also awarded you each with extra GP. Thank you for your patience once again. I know it was quite the harrowing experience.