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Thread: 2015 July Vignette

  1. #11
    Member
    EXP: 5,386, Level: 3
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    K-Zu-Ziro's Avatar

    Name
    K-Zu-Ziro
    Race
    Insectoid
    Gender
    Genderless
    Eye Color
    Reflective, black
    Job
    First Scout of the Hostoland Empire

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    Part Two, First – Something's Different Today

    Railways and River Cobbles

    A reminder of the cobbles lining the alpine stream of her childhood, the sparrow's feathers were a palette of greys and browns. He, the little bird, hopped from the clean steel of the rail onto the sun-baked wood of the sleeper. She watched from the bench on the railway platform while waiting. Jealousy was the wrong word, but envy was not. “I could fly anywhere” she thought. The daily commute to her awful job killed her; a job she loathed to the brink of suicide.

    Curving around the track, it came into view. Its front plate was almost a face, a subdued smile of apology. Before the train could get too close the sparrow fluttered into the cerulean expanse. Daydreams never lasted. Every day they escaped her, whipped away by the inevitable squall of the punctual locomotive steaming into the station. The presence of the railway carriage in her view was a violent affront to her sanity. Ornate, burgundy, trimmed with gold paint and driving the letters SEA (South Eastern Aleraran) down her dry throat.

    Finding a secluded seat provided a modicum of relief. But, fending off the creeping gloom was not possible. Wrinkles carved during a life of woe defined her mother's face as it entered her mind's eye; police at the door delicately presenting the gift of a broken heart. "How could I do that to her…" her conundrum was confounded by the impossibility of both life and death. “As long as I get my loose ends tied up then maybe it wouldn't cause everybody too much bother?” her thoughtful monologue managed to emulate a disagreeing dialogue. Gas oven would be adequate in the end.

    She looked up to see a young man take the seat opposite her, but felt no resentment as a result of her privacy having been invaded. He smiled, without imposing. “That is the most beautiful smile!” joy spilled out in her words, positively uncharacteristic.

    Luminescent pleasure snuggled around the core of her mind.

    “Work? It's not that bad, really it isn't.”


    Borders and Bigotry

    A cockroach in the kitchen proves an offensive invasion; the gall of shit eating vermin to present itself at your dinner table. Urgh. Unclean. Unevolved. Paramount, though: unwelcome. The perfect analogy for the foreigners flooding over the border, mused a resentful immigration officer. With a ratcheting thump his stamp printed off centre on a blank page in the man's passport. Sticky black ink marred the point of impact. Date of entry, point of entry and the visa's date of expiry.

    “Thank you, sir.”

    Professional pleasantries made it easy to hide his hatred. The traveller turned and took but one step away before the officer sneered through the pinpricks of his little eye sockets and down the line of his skinny nose. Stubby ears, hardly elongated at all, he noted. Short stature, so lacking in elegance. His accent, absolutely vile. He loathed him for his race. Fuck them and fuck their children for what they are.

    "Next. Please."

    Another “cockroach” came forward and his mind swelled with venom; but before it could burst, the revulsion escaped as a wisp of cirrus in the height of summer. His mind's malice was eclipsed by the rise of a glowing joy, a spot of pure light radiating through every notion.

    “No matter who you are, you love your children. We're all the same in the important ways.”


    Iron Oxide and the Fear of Death

    “...Loving wife & mother”, the finale to the tarnished plaque screwed, rustily, to the park bench upon which he sat. The symbol “&” had been used to save money at the engravers. He leaned forward. Movement brought a painful grunt that he typically endeavoured to stifle, the young need not be reminded of the hardship stalking their future. The succession of moments constituted a war of one. A war of one against the onslaught of inevitability. Tired and old, he wanted nobody to witness his final capitulation.

    Failing eyes strained through the morning glare. Since retirement, the routine of feeding the squirrels every morning had played a part in keeping at bay his awful fear of death. As a particularly plump representative of the species snatched a chunk of bread from the old man's hand he realised, it had grown ineffective. Rusty red, alive and glutinous, the bushy tail disappeared into the shrubbery with a bound. Jealousy was the wrong word, but envy was not. To be young again, looking forward … not back.

    All of a sudden, he reeled back in his seat and grinned, toothless and naive. In an instant his mind had been scrubbed clean of the fear and in its place was anticipation. For the first time in fifty years he was optimistic about tomorrow's sunrise.

    “Why be afraid of death, life is yet to live?”


    Part One, Second – Thirteen Hours Earlier

    Telepathy united the desires of one god, one commander and one nation—funneled through fate into a final conflict. Today was ordained, blessed by the flushing burst of a tangerine twilight. Eight feet tall and gangly, K-Zu-Ziro stalked a narrow rooftop ridge a hundred feet high. On reaching the edge, its elongated limbs bent to an acute degree and became devoutly static, producing a nightmarish silhouette in the sinking sun. It had become a living gargoyle, a grim decoration atop the last free palace in all the world.

    The genderless horror fixed its bug eyes on the unfolding victory below. An unfathomable swarm of rodentine soldiers washed through the city streets in a torrent of genocide. The rotund little fuzzballs were members of the Divine Army of the Empire of Hostoland. A final slaughter for a final kingdom. Citizens, not soldiers, remained to face the rat people who worshiped the Black Tree God. Average Hostians peaked at three feet tall, but the speed with which they climbed their victim's bodies it barely seemed a disadvantage. Shredding a throat between gnashing incisors was less demanding than cracking into some of the tougher nut species found on Althanas. Typically well groomed, the invading Hostians found the blood matting their fur an irritation, and the strings of elvish fat between their teeth positively unbearable.

    K-Zu-Ziro leaned from the building and stepped into a deadly plummet only to ascend with a deafening buzz. The creature's wings had been restored and it hovered, menacing, before an ornate tribute to king and queen set in stained glass. A bubbling spout of acid sprayed from the over-sized insect's mouth. The goop sliced through the glass, critically undermining its integrity. The window shattered into a rainbow of falling shards.

    Chilling screams sang above the din of war as the anxious evening air flooded the royal hall. A bumbling swirl of royal finery came hastily at the lithe bug; the prince was all trim and tassels, sword and sash. The Child of the Black Tree God ducked a swing of the royal blade before snapping the assailant's head off with a deft snap of its pincer. The boy's parents, king and queen, died locking their hands in a whisper “It'll be okay.”

    Tapestries flanked the long hall, telling the grand history of the last free family of Althanas. Humanoid endeavours were alien to K-Zu-Ziro; it did not glance sideways to appreciate the magnitude of today's victory as part of time immemorial. Single minded, the commander of the Divine Army of the Empire of Hostoland made for the relic set atop an altar at the room's terminus.

    Clasping the relic revealed its secrets. Translucent rock encased the bleached skull of a horned bovine. Sharp appendages extended out of the rock to form makeshift handles. Flipping the rock over it was possible to see the cavity where the animal's brain once was—a crystalline formation was in its place. The segmented structure held the warmth and glow of an impossible flame. K-Zu-Ziro parted its slobbering mandibles and began to break the rock down with industrious pace. The relic crumbled and failed under the assault of the scissoring jaws.

    This kingdom, through its precious artifact, had been a sanctuary of pure minds. With the relic destroyed, the spell was shattered. Mahia T-Zu-Hosto, parent to K-Zu-Ziro and living god to the Hostians, was finally able to slip its influence into every sentient mind on the entire planet. The future for itself, its species and its adopted children, the Hostians, was secured. Truth be told, T-Zu-Hosto had captured freedom itself. In turn, it offered reparations. Liberty was exchanged for unwavering contentedness, in a deal the Black Tree God felt was fairly reasonable. All souls were at ease with their place in the universe. For the first time, tranquility reigned.

    “Work? It's not that bad, really it isn't.”

    “No matter who you are, you love your children. We're all the same in the important ways.”

    “Why be afraid of death, life is yet to live?”

  2. #12
    Member
    EXP: 46,429, Level: 9
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    Tobias Stalt's Avatar

    Name
    Tobias Ebericht Stalt
    Age
    23
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Gold
    Build
    5'8" 138 lbs.
    Job
    Lost.

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    Chilled wind wrapped its tendrils around the Salvic peaks as dawn bled out over the horizon. Blistery snow raged intermittently across the sky and blurred the gray heavens with a wall of impregnable white. A long figure in drab black swayed left to right with every step, ascending the mountaintop. "A thousand years," a frigid, feminine voice crooned, riding on the air currents. "No man has walked these peaks in as long."

    "And no man ever will," a hoarse voice croaked from the murky depths of the black hood. "No man who will ever be remembered."

    Silence fell over the scene of eternal winter as the figure turned to peer down over the land he left behind. Slowly, a curved dagger appeared from the folds of his cloak, and the figure raised a pale hand. He drew a line across his palm that blossomed deep crimson and splashed across the snow. Steam roiled upward from the frosty ground as the man trembled and his body shivered.

    "Taste the winter, Tobias Stalt."

    When the hood raised, lightless amber eyes glanced out at the world as it faded before him. His youthful face twisted into a mask of morbid apathy, creased with the wrinkles of age and leathery from hard work. "In my youth, my father believed," Tobias said quietly, "that we are all born for a purpose."

    "The fallacy my dear mother peddled like opiates," cooed the gentle, somber voice. "That your lives have innate purpose. That your continued existence is precious. You have seen this, haven't you, Stalt? You have seen the sum of all the good in this world?"

    "There is no good in this world," Tobias answered, his face twisted like he tasted bile.

    "No. It was gone long ago." He watched as the wind shifted, and the snow converged before his eyes. A beautiful woman swathed in midnight smiled sadly toward him, her eyes deeper than the abyss. "My darling Tobias," the woman whispered as she strode close. Tobias dropped his knife and closed his eyes.

    "Are you finally going to take me?" he asked her, tears welling in his eyes. "Am I finally free?"

    Her lithe arms wrapped his neck in a loose embrace, and when he opened his eyes, the woman was gazing deeply into his own. "Oh, no. No, no. Not yet, Tobias," she reassured him. "I will. I know you long for it. I know you have for many, many years." The sadness in his gaze caused the woman to glance away. "You are yet needed," she told him. "I need you here."

    "When?" Tobias felt his arms turn to dead weight as he suddenly desired to reach up and wring the life from her. "Tell me when," he sobbed.

    The blood at his feet began to boil, and a steady stream gushed from his palm to feed it. "Do you feel the storm coming?" she asked. Tobias nodded only slightly as he watched his life twist and writhe in the frost. "The Days of Torrent cannot be brought on by my hand. You know that, don't you, Tobias?"

    When he matched her gaze, his lips flattened into a line. "Yes. I know. Even now, you're trapped. I can feel the sealing magic." Her gaze hardened as he spoke, mocking her. Her hand flew at his face, but Tobias did not flinch from her. The pain stung; he hoped she would end him for his insolence, but she hit no harder than any mortal woman. His shoulders sagged.

    "I can make you live forever if I choose to, Stalt. Do not tempt me." She pulled him close with unnatural speed and strength, and her lips came perilously close to his. Golden hair flowed down her back and her breasts pressed firmly against his chest. She brushed gently over his forehead with a gentle kiss. "Believe that my word is my bond, and one day, you may see a world that is uncorrupted."

    To see that world... is the one thing I live for.

    The ground began to shiver as the blood began to coarse down into it. The mountain itself sighed and then screamed. Rocks cascaded down as the face of the peak exploded. Tobias and the woman stood facing each other as Salvar itself began to quake beneath them. "I believe you, N'jal," he told her.

    "And I will show you the new world, Tobias."
    Even a well-lit place can hide salvation
    A map to a one-man maze that never sees the sun
    Where the lost are the heroes
    And the thieves are left to drown

    Calm and Cold, and how they became Mithril.

  3. #13
    Make It So
    EXP: 23,137, Level: 6
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    Level completed: 45%,
    EXP required for next level: 3,863
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    Rayleigh's Avatar

    Name
    Rayleigh Aston
    Age
    22
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Brunette
    Eye Color
    Green
    Build
    5'3 / 115
    Job
    Mechanic

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    Closed. Judging will take place shortly.
    Althy's Judging Admin
    To try or not to try. To take a risk or play it safe.
    Your arguments have reminded me how precious the right to choose is.
    And because I've never been one to play it safe, I choose to try.




  4. #14
    The Three Ways
    EXP: 42,532, Level: 8
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    Level completed: 84%,
    EXP required for next level: 1,468
    GP
    2,265
    Logan's Avatar

    Name
    Logan McCloud
    Age
    30
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Silver
    Eye Color
    Glacier Blue
    Build
    6'4" - 245 lbs.
    Job
    Manipulation of Your Mind

    Glories of Myrmidion - Winner - 300 EXP and 300 GP


    This piece reads like the epilogue of an epic I wish to read. It is done with flawless execution both mechanically and in length, while still providing a fitting conclusion that leaves the reader feeling the story is complete. Yours may be one of the shorter pieces presented, but it was the most conclusive all the same. Well done.


    Tobias Stalt - Runner--up - 250 EXP and 250 GP


    Your ability to convey the vast depths of emotion is hard to put into words as a reader/judge. The picture painted in this piece is vivid, yet leaves plenty to the imagination to fill in. The highlight of the piece, by far, is the final two lines, and the moment of shock and awe. It leaves me wanting to read more, and to do so in such a short piece takes a lot of talent. Well done.


    The Keeper - Runner-up - 200 EXP and 200 GP


    I love the simplicity of life depicted, especially one so close to the end. The way you showcased who Regis not only was, but also is, is masterful without being too long. There were a couple of very minor mechanical errors, but all in all this piece does a great job of reaching the target while not overreaching.


    SirArtemis - Honorable Mention - So Close - 500 EXP


    Your descriptions of the forge, the materials, the actual working of the blade, and even the blade itself are magnificent. When combined, all of these work together to actually show the level of craftsmanship Artemis possesses at endgame level. Most of all, I genuinely appreciated the ending as it has this feeling of also being a new beginning, and that resonated well with me. Were it not for the similar path redford took, this would’ve been top 2 for the creativity. It lost a bit of originality with redford forging a similar path (pun intended).


    Light - Honorable Mention - 300 EXP


    The dichotomy of Lilith and Lilidith in your piece is well done, but there were some basic mechanical error which slowed reading it down just a little. Still, it is well written outside of those mechanics lapses, and it reads quite well. Your depiction of Eluriand in the aftermath of something apocalyptic was beautiful and captivating. A job well done, if not a bit overdone on the length.


    Good for Nothing Captain - Honorable Mention - 300 EXP


    The characters have such individual personalities, and the dialogue worked rather well. This piece read easily enough, but I never really got a sense of what the endgame was really. The broken fourth wall was a cute ending, except it left me fairly confused and at the same time curious to read more.


    Faustuss - Honorable Mention - 250 EXP


    The respect and loyalty Faust commands from the various evil entities shows just how much he has grown by end level. The piece has no mechanical errors, which is a tribute to your quality of writing. My only real qualms with it are a lack of true conclusion, which shouldn’t be taken necessarily as bad form, and a lack of setting, though that can be somewhat expected with shorter pieces.


    Redford - Honorable Mention - 250 EXP


    This piece is clearly a fitting final chapter in the novel of John’s life, and much like SirArtemis, your descriptions of the forging process are simply magnificent. I’m not sure this was the best place to introduce the Anvil and its backstory, but it did make sense in the overall story. I especially enjoyed the ending, a subtle nod to the fact the gauntlets are as much their own story that will long outlive their wearer. The two problem areas here are mechanics and length, but overall this is a very solid piece.


    Flamebird & Ashla - Honorable Mention - 250 EXP (each)


    Your pieces here, both Felicity and Ashla, highlight how far you’ve come as a writer. They are both quite well-written, with only a couple of mechanics issues in each. Each conveys a separate end game, yet still presents the growth of the characters by that point in beautiful ways. From Hanuh to Felicity’s growth of her own powers, and even to Ashla’s abode, it all paints a vivid picture of what lies ahead for each. The only thing really missing is truly a fitting conclusion of some kind, but both provide a sense of “I want more”. Well done.


    K-Zu-Ziro - Honorable Mention - 350 EXP


    Such a well-written piece, and one that points to quite the impressive creature by endgame. There were a couple of very minor misspellings, but other than that the mechanics was spot-on. The liquidity between the beginning three snapshots followed by the sudden flashback to a few hours before was too jarring as a reader, but otherwise the piece is very, very well done. You’ve always been a fantastic writer, and this character lends itself to such unique points of view.
    Dying to himself, - Level 1/2
    Led to a new creation. Level 3
    The form remained - Level 4
    The foundation was rebuilt - Level 5
    The House rebuilt. - Level 6

    2015 - 1/2 of Adventurer's Crown Round 2 Guest Team w/ Max Dirks, Althy Day Superlatives: Character - Best Personality, Writer - Hardest Worker
    2016 - 1/2 of Best IC Partners w/ Max Dirks, Mr. Althanas

    {Record keeping for me: A Talymer longbow with 40 enchanted arrows purchased here,
    a box of cakes/muffins given here,
    Fools Rush In earned here,
    Dreamer's Helm earned here,
    Might of Moxxilus earned here,
    Sloth purchased here.
    }

  5. #15
    Wide eyed & bushy tailed
    EXP: 59,008, Level: 10
    Level completed: 46%, EXP required for next level: 5,992
    Level completed: 46%,
    EXP required for next level: 5,992
    GP
    1,545
    Hysteria's Avatar

    Name
    Remedy Blue

    exp and gp added!

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