Might of Moxie (Althanas Boss Rush)

[Cards of Fate]

The group limped into the decrepit entrance to the dungeon despite their wounds. The fight had been long and hard, and several of them were worse for wear. What they found left them confused. A simple ornate staircase seemed to lead down for about fifty feet or so before they encountered a large gate with a ancient rune carved into it. Tobias took point, and with a grunt he shoved the large double doors open. The swung open with a loud rasp and revealed a massive room with a simple egg in the center, surrounded by rings and rings of runic circles carved into the ground.

Logan and Tobias eyed each other before they continued, each step kicking up a small storm of ancient dust. Several braziers that seemed to have lain cold for millennia ignited simultaneously, bathing the room in a sinister green light. A cold, menacing, laughter filled the room as they appoached the center.

"I. AM. FREE!"

The egg in the center shattered, spewing a vile black fog that swirled violently in the room before gusting past the group sending a shiver down their collective spines. Little did they know it, but they had unleashed great evil upon the world once more. The Bale Dragon would ascend once more.

Well Y'all, it's over. Thank you for coming out and participating in our Althanas Day Boss rush. You will all receive the following item as a participation reward.

The Might of Moxxilus: A simple ring that once per day can be used to coat the user in a thick Jade-like stone to prevent all damage they would take that post. They are rendered immobile and have decreased senses, but cannot be injured or moved from their place. A last resort more than anything.

[Hysteria]

Ok, first thing first, I have to say I’m impressed with the post speed and resulting quality. Posts within half an hour of each other (or less) with the quality that they were, was pretty impressive. Given the time constraints I’m going to be a bit more lenient than I perhaps would have been otherwise. Overall I liked the thread. There was some miscommunication at times, or some writers missed/ignored some actions, but that’s to be expected. Kudos for a few laughs, I liked everyone writing in the pudgy archaeologist at the start.

I’m using the quest XP model given that there is no ‘winner’ to based the exp off, but I kicked in a bit extra before applying the althie day bonus. I kept gold fairly standard given the reward (I will however be happy to purchase the reward for 250 gold for Talen to use )

	Plot	Character	Prose	Wild	Total
Cydnar	22	20	18	7	67
Storm Veritas	20	22	19	7	68
Logan	21	18	18	7	64
redford	18	15	18	7	58
Tobias	21	20	18	7	66
Philomel	18	18	18	7	61

Commentary:
Cydnar – Good job setting up your character at the start. You were by far the best in brining a global perspective to your character and why he was in the middle of the jungle. It’s not easy to do in this circumstance, but you stuck with it. Your description of the excavation site was good too. I like the imagery of the dozens of men clambering across the site as they cut it out of the earth. As I’ve gone through your posts I’ve ticked off plot, character, setting, more setting, good dialogue. Really solid work.

Storm Veritas – Nice subtle illumination of your character at the start to contrast his rather blunt motive. Your descriptions were good, I’m glade someone referenced the heat and sweat of the jungle. Solid action and pacing given how jumpy the thread was.

Logan – Your intro was good, but I wasn’t a fan of the dialogue. You’ve got a bar tender, Logan himself and an archaeologist and all of them speak with the same pattern. Not a big thing, but these three are from completely different walks of life. It’s a quick battle, so I wasn’t expecting war and peace, but there didn’t really seem to be a reason for Logan to be there. On the other hand, pacing was good, action was good. You led the charge quite a bit and engaged the others rather than just doing your thing, good work.

Redford – More back story man! What’s the deal with his gloves? Why are they magic? Where is John from? Why did he need money? I’ve given you a few points on setting and the descriptions, but more would have been good. Your character is large, you should play on that more. You mention not being able to fit through a door at the start, but not because of his height. Play on that a bit. I’m tall in RL, so I’m used to ducking under things. It becomes second nature, but people around me notice. Play on that.

Tobias – Good set up for Tobias at the start, and the interaction in your first post was well done. A few odd sentences and some spelling mistakes, but not hugely noticeable. Good pacing, good action. Some more descriptions of the surrounds would help colour your posts a bit. It was sometimes completely focused on Tobias rather than on the world he inhabited.

Philomel – I gotta say, I’m not envious of jumping in when you did. With the action underway and everything happening it would have been hard to get the same sort of intro in that the others had a chance to. Given that, I understand why Phi ‘just happened’ upon the fight. If I were in your shoes I might have jumped in normally, then flashed back to set up the story, then flashed back to the present. It’s a tough call though. One other point, you missed a good opportunity to paint the picture of your dragon emerging from the ground. It’d be an amazing sight to see it burst forth in a shower of dirt and roots. (Also, why didn’t you trip up the golem with your earthquake??)


Rewards:
Cydnar –
XP: 1013
GP: 40

Storm Veritas –
XP: 1646
GP: 55

Logan –
XP: 1218
GP: 64

Redford –
XP: 798
GP: 40

Tobias –
XP: 1506
GP: 66

Philomel –
XP: 962
GP: 36

Everyone gets:

The Might of Moxxilus: A simple ring that once per day can be used to coat the user in a thick Jade-like stone to prevent all damage they would take that post. They are rendered immobile and have decreased senses, but cannot be injured or moved from their place. A last resort more than anything.

[Logan]

EXP and GP Added!