Stress Relief (Closed)

[Ioder]

He studied the man like a predator, zoning in on his weak spots. Ioder weighed his chances to end this in one foul swoop. The Telgrudian had done considerable harm to Ioder. Even though he appeared to be brushing off the pain, it was very real. Blood stained his left arm, shoulder to wrist. Along with his entire side which was all the color crimson.

But there's nothing more dangerous than a predator backed in a corner...

“Agreed,” Ioder cheered. “Have at it then!”

It took about all he had to react quick enough to the spellblade’s final dark spear. Despite his preparedness the crackling attack was quicker than he anticipated. He could only shift his weight on his heels, guiding his Angelic Nebula to shield him. His magic instantly formed a small but compact cloud out in front of him.

And just like before the two negative magics clashed and exploded mere inches from Ioder’s face. The the two fused into a grey singularity before cracking and shattering into a hail storm of magic shards. Each shard splintered and cracked the layer of armor like glass over Ioder’s shoulders, wings, and face. He staggered back as his defenses crumbled off of him.

But now it was his turn, and how sweet it would be. Ioder broke into an adrenaline fueled burst towards Shinsou. Lifting himself of the ground simply gliding through the air with his blade ready. With all the strength he could draw, Ioder drew back his blade before ripping it in a downward crescent slash aimed to bisect Shinsou. “This is It!” he yelled as he deliver his deadly reaper’s slash.

It should be noted that the binds currently encasing Antheruin had now began to dissipate. They have become less dense and would allow her to wiggle free from them near effortlessly. While normally Ioder would have payed closer attention to the duration of his magic, he was had since gotten carried away. He is just as unaware of this as Shinsou, and wouldn't notice anything.

One thing Ioder was aware of was that this would be his last effort. He hadn't the strength left to fight. Even now he was slowly losing consciousness from blood loss. His vision had begun to blur and he could only hear the sounds of rushing water. If he managed to kill the man and ensure his interest in joining his cause, he would still be done for.

“…don't dissapoint me...” a dark voice echoed in the back of Ioder’s mind. Deep within him a presence made itself known. “…I'll not stand for it…”

Antheruin has contacted me and has rejoined the fight.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Shinsou tried to raise Enpera to meet the seraph’s fierce blow but his muscles refused the command. Instead, his broken, dark matter covered arm remained limp and the edge of his Damascus sword never left the cracked marble floor of the tower chamber beneath him. A fine blood mist sprayed from the Telgradian’s chest as the blade tore down, shattering his rotator cuff and collarbone with a sickening crunch. The force of the attack was brutal – the razor sharp cutting edge sheared muscle fibres away from tissue, cleaving through the bones underneath and rupturing many of the surrounding blood vessels. As a wave of agony consumed Shinsou whole, he had time only to gaze upon the face of his vanquisher. The seraph’s face tugged at the deepest recesses of Shinsou's mind. It felt like there was something he wanted to say, but he just couldn't fathom what.

Guess you won after all, huh? Your power is real, but I gave it my all and I pushed you to your limit. That’s all I asked of myself.

His breath hung on the air, the now familiar feeling of being so close to the end of his life in the Citadel making his body numb. Shinsou’s eyes in those final moments were no different to those of any other that had accepted their fate in this gladiatorial arena; that death had finally come to collect and another loss had been chalked up to their name. Now there was just acceptance of the inevitable. Shinsou’s train of thought stopped dead as the Telgradian felt Ioder’s sword finish the job and carve through the rest of his muscle and bones like a knife through butter. He was done for, of that there was no doubt. Before long the only remaining evidence of Shinsou's physical form would be a bloodied, mutilated carcass spread across the tower floor.

Then, suddenly, reality was sucked into pure, brilliant white.

Shinsou shut his eyes. The floor, the walls, the whole council chamber had exploded into a million tiny fragments of reality that spun away from him uncontrollably. In the blink of an eye, the atmosphere changed. The air became hot and dry, but laced with a familiar scent that caused the Telgradian to squint unflatteringly.

As suddenly as it had disappeared, the white void returned, wiping away the pool of blood at his feet, the landscape of the tower and Ioder’s piercing eyes staring back at him. Shinsou was pulled into a corridor of light, which dipped sharply as it carried him back into the reality outside of the Citadel. Strange sensations followed, from what seemed like him splashing through stagnant water to there suddenly being many openings along the walls, gaping mouths revealing endless chasms to the unknown.

The monks were bringing him back from the dead once again, and the moment came at last when Shinsou finally snapped back into his body in the Citadel’s healing chamber.

No matter what, I’ll never get used to that…

Lay prostrate on a stone slab, the man sat up quickly as soon as consciousness returned. Shinsou’s eyes drooped and he cocked his head to one side, raising his previously broken arm to somehow ensure that the monks had brought him back properly. It was insane to think there might have been any other outcome, but the Telgradian always liked to be sure. From the gulley of Shinsou’s palm, small, intertwining electrical threads of his Dark Matter danced about unhindered. There was no pain in the muscles and full mobility to the limb was restored, along with the more grievous of his wounds.

As he sat alone in the chamber, admiring the strength of the work of the monks who dwelled in this legendary stronghold, the Telgradian cast his mind back to Ioder’s words and his offer.

You'll find me in Radasanth, that's for sure. Then, we'll talk.

[Philomel]

Thread Title: Stress Relief
Judgment Type: Condescened Rubric
Participants: Ioder, Antheurin, Shinsou Vaan Osiris

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Plot:
Ioder: 21/30
Antheurin: 20/30
Shinsou Vaan Osiris: 19/30


Ioder: With opening the thread you constructed an unusual and beautiful arena. You certainly have a knack for such things and added a great introduction to what turned out to be an exciting thread. You used your advantage as an angel well, flying from place to place whilst your opponents were forced to walk. Overall you used pacing well and told of a good fight with amazing plot use of your abilities (the memory cage post 12), however your posts could be done with a little more depth. Though you state that you do keep posts in battle short there were some moments when things seemed a little too staccato and cut off. Trying keeping the pace steady.

Antheurin: You had an excellent opening and grabbed the reader’s attention from the outset. In terms of story you successfully wove a strong tale together, something that had plot and effort clearly put in. You had more to a battle than simply a fight. You used the setting well, using the corridors between the parts of the stairs cleverly and your own character’s abilities. As a new character you took on a great challenge facing these two giants and you did considerably well with good terms of pacing. At times your actions can be somewhat confusing (post 8, for instance) and needed back-reading for the reader, but this is only a minor issue. More or less great work.

Shinsou Vaan Osiris: With the use of a previous fight woven into your first post you began strongly, and used the idea of battle as a continuous drive for yourself. You could have kept this emphasis up, however, making more reference to it. Aside from this you used your ‘ability words’ in a great way to style your piece. You took and gave blows well, and wove an excellent story, however one thing you could have done was refer to your earlier fight at the very end in your conclusion. Overall, well done though.

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Character:
Ioder: 21/30
Antheurin: 18/30
Shinsou Vaan Osiris: 21/30


Ioder: Your character has definitely changed across the levels, and you make reference to this to an extent. Using reference also to Ioder’s position as Judgement in the Tarot you manage to strengthen the idea of character and reveal a creature of darkness and passion through your actions and abilities. There is a great sense of physicality within your piece, with the wings - however beyond the use of action and a brooding darkness (especially as hinted at with the end of Post 21 “…I'll not stand for it…”) and talking to yourself, you could make some use of internal thought, direct and indirect and consideration to the general scene.

Antheurin: Though you had the fewest posts in this threads there was definitely a sense of character that you built. More work could be done in general into your communication and persona, however your use of first person did reveal some things. In post 20 also, when caught in the memory sphere you wrote well reference to a past, and I would encourage more use of this in future in building your character as you level.

Shinsou Vaan Osiris: You had direct internal thought with “There’s some sort of barrier or armour there protecting him” in post 17 which interacted with the general plot itself. Your character is a developed one, with the introduction split between Telgradia and Althanas, however more reference to this would have made your persona stronger. Action was simple to follow, however more balance with communication could help this. Overall, however, clear and you added a sense of personality to them, something that is difficult to do.

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Prose:
Ioder: 19/30
Antheurin: 19/30
Shinsou Vaan Osiris: 23/30


Ioder: By opening the whole thread you set a dramatic and beautiful described setting. You continued to a similar strength throughout the piece, with a couple of uses of imagery which were particularly strong, such as references to a demon. You do at times have problems with spelling, (“dissapoint” where it should be “disappoint”, post 21) but a spellcheck can help here. Overall very well arranged and good punctuation.

Antheurin: You have an excellent grasp of writing ability. I was impressed by your use of words and intriguing punctuation (semi-colon use in post 21). Description could, in terms of technique, be made more explosive and encouragement is made here to experiment a little more. Please see plot for mentions on clarity.

Shinsou Vaan Osiris: For the majority of this thread you were exceedingly clear in your writing. Mechanics was also done well with no noticeable spelling errors, though in future I would encourage you to break up some of your larger paragraphs. Description in general was excellently done, with some great details of the setting and part of your action. You could do with more use of metaphor, however overall very good.

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Wildcard:
All: 6/10


Overall I was impressed by this piece in terms of how well you all worked together. You all took and gave blows and used what was given to you beautiful.

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The scores were very close:

Final Score:
Ioder: 67/100
Antheurin: 62/100
Shinsou Vaan Osiris: 69/100

SHINSOU WINS!!! (just)


Shinsou Vaan Osiris receives:

• 2590 EXP!
• 125 GP!

Ioder receives:

• 750EXP!
• 120 GP!

Antheruin receives:

• 750EXP!
• 50GP!

A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it to be God.
– Sidney Sheldon

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

All EXP and GP have been added!