The Learning Twist

[The Sweetest Thing]

By V'dralla's silken hair, how I want to hit him. Stacia offered a silent prayer up to her preferred Thayne as she raced toward Breaker. The man was quicker than a snake and savvier than an owl, so she would need her Goddess' blessing if she wanted to punch him in the middle of his great scarred face. And how she wanted to hit him. Her entire body smarted from the numerous times he'd sent her tumbling to the ground. She planted her feet in front of him and threw a barrage of punches at his fat head.

"Open those fists," Josh commanded as he deflected her blows effortlessly with a single sweep of his arm, "if you hit me with a closed hand, you'll break your knuckles."

Realizing he was right, Stacia flexed her fingers like a tiger's claws and struck again, slashing with long nails at his eyes and throat.

Breaker danced backwards, bobbing and weaving, avoiding each assault by a needle's breath.

Stacia gritted her teeth. She wanted to scream, but instead she redoubled her efforts. A breeze smelling of moss and trees rippled the fabric of her shirt and pants as she chased after Breaker, clawing the air and kicking at his knees and groin. The man was never there for her to hit, but she was coming bloody close. Stacia chased Breaker around for minutes until she was panting, ready to fall down on her bottom and just sit awhile.

"Don't stop now," Breaker chuckled, "you almost got me just there."

"Shut... up... you great... drave." She gasped, holding her heaving belly.

"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," he lectured. The bloody man had not even begun sweating! Stacia was practically drenched.

She collapsed to her knees, breathing as she'd been advised and slowly regaining composure. While she rested Cronen walked across the clearing like a tomcat crossing the courtyard, his black boots crunching fallen leaves.

[Breaker]

Josh concentrated as he walked, picturing the forest clearing around him from a bird's eye view. He focused on changing the image and the world shimmered. It became a busy street, with people and horses and wagons frozen in place all around. Josh stood at the top of a short hill, with many still folk in between him and Stacia. He called down to her.

"How about a change of pace? This is a new exercise," he walked to a vendor's cart and plucked an orange from a round basket. Juice spurted from the skin as he dug a thumbnail in and peeled the fruit. "Climb to the top of the hill."

"That can't be all," Stacia said sternly, arms crossed beneath her breasts. She looked around at the frozen faces of the common folk, paused on their way to the bazaar or on a visit to friends or relatives. "Is there going to be a dragon?" She looked about in mock fright, "I rather hate dragons!"

"Just get to the top of the hill," Josh said. Pieces of orange skin struck the cobblestones as he continued peeling, and suddenly the setting sprang to life. People moved at varying speeds and carts trundled along noisily. Hawkers cried their wares and parents scolded children who clung to their hands. A light breeze passed across the street, ruffling hair and clothing and flapping a loose bit of canvas atop a vendor's stall.

Breaker watched Stacia's cherry streaked gold hair flutter in the wind. He wondered why this young beauty had come back into his life... surely she wanted something more than a warrior's training. That was what she'd get, though. He wondered how she would handle the exercise he'd planned. It would test more than just her skill and her endurance; it would push her to a breaking point. Josh tossed the last of the orange peel to the ground and broke off a piece of the fresh fruit. He looked down the hill.

"Come on."

[The Sweetest Thing]

Stacia scampered out of an oncoming wagon's path and climbed atop a heavy barrel standing against a nearby house. With feet perched on its rim and water swishing beneath her shoes, she peered at Cronen on the top of the hill. The bloody man was eating a bloody orange! Stacia shielded her eyes from the sun. She hated the great oaf, hated the way his chiseled jaw molded around each bite of the sweet fruit. She hated how his stupid muscles made his impossibly fashionable clothing ripple. And the way he moved, like a jungle cat prowling with each step, well that made her want to...

"You're coming with us, lassie!" A greasy faced, heavy-shouldered man stepped out of the throng and lifted the young woman off of the barrel, draping her over his shoulder. He turned and walked away swiftly, flanked by two lanky but equally greasy friends.

"What are you - NO! HELP!" Stacia screamed, beating her palms against the back of the man's neck and hammering his belly with her feet. He reacted about as much as a rock, and not one of the passerby seemed to notice her cries. They went about their daily business, eyes fixed steadfastly on the horizon.

"Shut yer' face, bitch." One of the lanky fellows spat, smacking her roughly on the bottom.

For a moment panic's icy claws tore at Stacia's heart, but then she remembered bloody Breaker, standing at the top of the hill, eating an orange. This was all his exercise, this was all his doing. Quite suddenly her urge to throttle the man quadrupled, and with that solitary desire came a note of calm. The girl clicked her heels together, opening her boot-toe knife, and kicked the heavyset man hard in the groin.

His yowl could be described only as a cross between a dying cat and a birthing mule. He released his precious burden and collapsed on the ground, bleeding and writhing.

Stacia landed on her feet and kicked out at the first lanky man's shin, scoring a gruesome hit to his calf muscle. She spun and delivered a second kick to the other tall man's chest, killing him as he came toward her. She stumbled slightly as her knife came free, still managing to duck under an agonized haymaker from the last remaining threat. The lanky man seethed and grabbed for her neck. Stacia let him clutch her; she had been strangled before. She drew the push dagger from the back of her belt and stabbed the man beneath the arm with calculated precision. He fell to the cobblestones as she shook blood from her weapon and sheathed it behind her back. Her throat hurt, but the pain paled by comparison to what she'd felt in the past.

With her rouged lips set in a firm line Stacia strode up the hill toward Cronen.

[Breaker]

Breaker winced as he watched Stacia dispatch of her first three assailants. She's definitely worked on her kicks, though she always was deadly with the push daggers. As the petite woman climbed the hill, a farmer hopped down from his cart and drew a hidden knife. Stacia disarmed him and cut his throat with his own blade, as smooth as silk. Blood seeped over the cobblestones, but none of the passerby noticed. The golden haired girl took another few steps uphill, only to have an elderly woman loop a shawl around her neck. Dragged off her feet, Stacia cut her way free with the captured dagger and stabbed the old woman in the heart. By the time she reached the top of the hill crimson stained her jacket and pants, and she was once again gasping for breath.

"You need to work on your endurance," Josh observed as she dropped to her knees. She punched him in the leg with what remained of her strength. It amounted to little. "But your skills are solid. There is much I could teach you."

"Couldn't... we... have started... with that?" Stacia panted. Sweat pasted her red-gold hair to her slender neck, where splotchy bruises formed. She dropped the bloody dagger with a clatter and gave Josh an icy blue glare.

"I wanted to see how you handled true threats," Breaker explained, "and test your abilities. After all, you want me to train you like one of my students, don't you?"

For a moment her glare melted, her eyes almost brimming with tears. The emotion disappeared behind a stern mask so quickly Breaker was not even sure he'd seen it.

"Don't you?"

"I... I don't know!" Stacia cried, flipping her sweaty mane back behind her shoulders, "I thought I did, but now that I'm here... I find myself wanting things the way they were." She stood up and placed a gentle palm on his chest. "The way you used to teach me."

"Stacia," he said, tasting each syllable of her name and taking her hand in both of his, "I only treated you differently before because I wanted to bed you. If you want the true training of a warrior, this is what it looks like."

[The Sweetest Thing]

"So now you don't want to bed me?" Stacia said before she could clap her hands over her mouth. She blushed as scarlet as the streaks in her hair, cheeks and neck heating uncomfortably. At least the bloody man didn't laugh.

"You're very beautiful," Josh said, "and I would be lucky to take you to my bed. But I have more on my mind for you now."

"What more?" She asked through her fingers, suddenly very concerned with the amount of people milling past them. Of course she knew they were all part of an illusion, but she still felt some modesty before the crowd.

"I always thought you had great potential," Josh said, "and the way you bested this challenge confirms as much. You have a natural talent for combat which cannot be taught. A killer instinct, some call it. There is much I could teach you... and I could see you becoming one of the most powerful warriors in all of Corone. If that is what you want."

Stacia climbed to her feet somewhat unsteadily. She looked around shyly, but the people passing on both sides paid them no mind.

"I truly don't know anymore," she said, a thousand yard gaze haunting her sapphire eyes, "I wish we could just sit and talk awhile. I came to you seeking training, but... now I wonder if that wasn't an excuse to see you."

Josh smiled. "Tea," he said, and the world changed again. The cobblestones melted away and became a thick carpet. The buildings and crowds disappeared, replaced by cozy redbrick walls. The vendor carts vanished, a crackling hearth and a comfy couch replacing them. A long low teak table separated the fire from the chesterfield, and on it perched a tray complete with teapot and two quaint cups.

They sat on the sofa together and Breaker poured for her first. It seemed whoever transformed him into a gentleman had not stopped at flowery language. Stacia snuggled up to his side and leaned her head on a muscular shoulder as she inhaled the tea's fragrance. The blood had faded from her clothing, and she spied her cloak and mittens folded in the corner.

"Will the monks get mad that we're using the room for something other than fighting?" She asked.

"No," Josh chuckled, "so long as we keep our clothes on, they won't mind." Stacia wondered how he knew that, specifically.

"It seems I've quite a decision to make," Stacia said, looking up at his scarred face. Did she see an instructor, or a lover there? She truthfully did not know.

"We can sit here as long as you like," Josh said. He took a short sip of steaming tea and smiled. The scar on his cheek dimpled.

[Storm Veritas]

Thread Title: The Learning Twist
Judgment Type: Condensed Judgement
Participants:
- The Sweetest Thing
- Breaker

Plot: 15/30

The plot isn’t weak in this thread, but it’s not overly ambitious. I did find that there was some creativity deployed in what was a straightforward thread, and I appreciate that piece.

The pacing is quick, crisp, and easy to digest, but the thread also hints at a lot more. There’s obviously an underlying history between these two characters, as we know they’ve slept together and most likely adventured a little bit as well. I thought the strangest and perhaps most interesting part of the thread was the underlying conflict between the characters actions and desires; there was a sexual tension that was addressed here that gave the thread depth. I might have liked more of some of the internal reflection you offered early in the thread further on; we know Cronen at this point but his thoughts and motivations were a little puzzling as he played such a stoic role.

You set the table well here, but in the interest of moving the action I felt the setting was abandoned a bit after the jump. It was still clear what was going on, but you’re one of the very best at using metaphor and creativity to immerse a reader in the story; it felt like you just touched on that note here.

Character: 20/30

You’re as strong as any writer here in depicting action, to the point where I feel like I’m learning more about hand to hand combat as a reader. It’s really a treat to read, and I’m glad the thread had plenty of fighting to soak up here as a reader.

The communication and persona of your characters was little softer here. I was really unsure as to why you play Cronen as cold-blooded as you do here. You showcase your own personal sense of humor and ability to display emotion with Stacia, but leave Breaker as an emotionless monolith for the majority of the thread. Most of his dialogue is broken down into directives regarding fight instruction, which stands in contrast to Stacia’s snark, guile, and cleverness. I’ve seen you infuse a little more humanity into him before; it adds depth to the character that you loaded up for Stacia alone. Spread the wealth!


Prose: 26/30

You’re boring to edit here because you’re damned near flawless. I thought I found a typo with the word “rein”, because I was thinking of the word “reign”, meaning “to rule over”. I was wrong. Damnit.

I deducted a few points on technique that really could have been made up with a more ambitious thread. More significant metaphor or foreshadowing could have been deployed in a more sweeping arc. I’m not sure I could score someone higher than 26 in this category for a thread of this scope.

Wildcard: 8/10

I was a little generous here because I felt I may have been a bit stingy in the plot section. You’re a tremendous writer, and a joy to read. A more complex and layered thread would almost certainly have garnered a JC nomination. Well done!

Final Score: 69/100 (#nice)

The Sweetest Thing receives:

810 EXP!
110 GP!

Breaker receives:

1675 EXP!
100 GP!

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

All rewards have been added!