Team A Judgment
Your story was a fresh departure from the combat heavy narratives of the other groups, but unfortunately your lack of a conclusion and failure to decipher the symbol significantly lowered your scores. Razel’s departure was also oddly developed and poorly placed. Setting and pacing were your strongest categories. The sea came alive and JDD’s nautical knowledge was impressive. The conflict was well developed and was building to an exciting non-violent climax, but unfortunately you did not complete it. Your greatest weaknesses were mechanics and technique. There were multiple spelling and usage errors, as well as excessive run-on sentences. While I felt, again, the imagery was excellent, the foreshadowing was convenient. In all, this was a mediocre piece that could have been above average with a conclusion.
Story- 5 (No conclusion and the symbol was not deciphered)
Setting- 6 (The sea came alive and JDD’s nautical knowledge was impressive)
Pacing- 6 (Rayleigh’s opening in Anch Toch’s perspective was confusing and Razel’s departure marred otherwise excellent pacing)
Communication- 5 (Repeating dialogue was unnecessary
Action- 5 (JDD’s idea to break the communication barrier through nautical symbols was easily the most creative way of doing so in round one, but starting with an unapproved steam ship was too convenient of a plot point)
Persona- 5 (You introduced too many NPCs. It was hard to track them, and it seemed you felt it necessary to give them all a backstory. This was a common problem across all threads. The descriptions of Shinsou as a forceful leader did not match the actions he took)
Mechanics- 5 (Multiple spell and usage errors plagued the thread. Run-ons were excessive)
Technique- 5 (Imagery was excellent; foreshadowing was convenient)
Clarity- 6 (Negative affected due to pacing and mechanics issues
Wildcard- 6 (3/4 prompts met w/ timely posting and equal participation)
Total: 54/100
Rayleigh receives 460 EXP and 43 GP
Shinsou Van Osiris receives 864 EXP and 65 GP
Razel receives 317 EXP and 43 GP
JDD receives 504 EXP and 54 GP
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