Round 1: Team D

[Mari]

With Gum, Amari, and a number rangers working together, the refugees had no chance. It was a slaughter, they were defenceless and the way they were torn apart was nothing short of brutal. The encroaching bipedal lions didn’t bother Amari nor Gum, once the rangers let them through they laid waste to the catfolk that fled and stormed onward toward Akashima.

The two now rode on a single horse, with Amari taking the lead as they headed back toward the capitol. Leaving the ashen remains of a fire and battle behind them. Gum had his wrinkled hands wrapped around Amari’s waist and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck, it was a damn inconvenience that he couldn’t ride his own horse. It wasn’t hard.

“Why are you still eating that?” Gum asked from behind Amari, his tone audibly disturbed.

Amari shrugged as she bit into the crispy haunch that once belonged to one of the tiny cat refugees. “Honestly, they don’t taste that bad, kinda wish I had more.” She offered Gum the piece she had. “You should try.” He held up his hand and politely declined.

“Red, remind me not to get on your bad side.”

Amari shrugged, she didn’t care what the old man thought of her, they had a mission to do, and they succeeded. Akashima would be invaded and if all went according to the senator's plans it would eventually fall under the Corone Government rather than remaining a sovereign nation.

“Your hands are blackened…“ Gum said as he gestured to her hand with a pointed finger. Amari glanced down at it, he was right. The signs of her corruption had gone beyond that of tiny fractures across her skin, her fingers were entirely black and it was encroaching onto her hands. “Ah. That.” Amari replied, dropping the last of the cat haunch to the floor. “Ya see, my race is the Ar’Tuel, I don’t have a full understanding of what I am yet but it’s been made clear that any negative action I take, anything that results in death causes… well, some form of corruption I guess.”


She could feel Gum tighten his hold around her waist, his tone shifted to one of concern. “Why do those things Red?”

His question caught her off guard, sure she had heard similar statements before but none that were so straightforward. “If I don’t, who would?” Amari asked. “I’m not the smartest person around, but it was clear even to me you were struggling with this mission. I figure I’d take the brunt of it, I have no personal attachment to anything, so it’d have less of an impact on me.” She offered Gum an unseen smirk, “Could say I did it for you, or you could just say I did it for the gold, or for the hell of it. Its up to interpretation.”

Amari felt Gum’s head press against the back of her neck and it took all her willpower not to have him off of her then and there. She hated her personal space being encroached upon and this old man was all up in it. “And you healing me, was that for the gold too?”

She felt him lift his head once more and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Something like that, although if you keep up with the touchy feely crap I’ll stab it again.”

The two would continue on to meet the Senator, who’d congratulate them on their work, pay them with money stained in the blood of the innocent and they’d part ways. Amari wasn’t sure if they’d meet again, she didn’t care, but it was safe to assume that they parted ways on somewhat amicable terms despite the macabre circumstances.

[Fez_The_Kid]

Leaning forward in his saddle, Azaranth snapped the reins atop a sable gelding, the beast zipping through the darkness like a piece torn from night itself. He had ‘borrowed’ it from the Rangers on his exit from the battlefield, leaving the company's number of horses minus one. Azaranth doubted that such a loss would prove so much as mildly hindering; besides, even if the Rangers were to be affected by the forfeiture, it was still a necessary sacrifice to make.

The mount, however, had proven to be an enduring animal; of its few traits, it seemed, patience was a prominent one. It would display more and more effort to accord with his commands, in silent answer to his inflated snaps of the reins and side-kick from the heels.

A rather favorable horse, he decided, fitted for the itinerant profession of monster-hunting. Thus, he had gone on and named it Ramses.

"Hiyaa!"

The scent of saltwater hung faint in the air, where behind the flanking treeline paralleled the continent’s jagged coastline. Wrinkling his nose at the salty odor, Azaranth now noticed that the wildfire's glow had faded to nothing but a lint of gold in the horizon; it would be, he reckoned, fewer than a half-dozen bells before he was within sight of Gisela’s towers.

The city that would always stir sour memories in his mind, ever since that fateful journey from its vessel-filled harbor to distant Beinost. And in light of this sentiment, the four-bells journey proved rather unpleasant. His new companion, however, and the old motive of doing the greater good barely held him aloft.

He was wounded, tired and despondent - how, after all, was he going to find Taka’s second-in-command in time? It seemed like he was, in truth, fighting a losing battle. Ramses was swift, but time was ever swifter.

Neighing suddenly, the horse came to a skidding halt and reared alarmingly, its screams ringing through the surrounding boles. Calming it with magic, Azaranth peered through the gloom and found its cause for panic. He then dismounted, a passionate scowl marring his features.

Stepping forward a few paces, Azaranth halted before the mildly familiar presence. The outline of the tall, lone figure showed no signs of weapons. “Out of the way. Or die.”

The figure was motionless when a moment later the voice of A’khim rung once more in the air. “Kal chuck, wunduniit. Duk ot oy, A’khim. Imot kon Azaranth.”

Whose breath left him through gritted teeth. “I'm tired of your bullshit. I won’t ask you again - let me through.”

The Kevlarok's tail swished behind him. “You are impatient, warrior.”

Azaranth’s brows rose.

A’khim seemed to savor the moment, then spoke once more with a jarringly heavy accent. “I expect you would want me to explain my… revelation. The language of the Kevlarok is a sacred thing, and here I am conversing with you in yours out of necessity, and my superiors’ knowledge.”

"You know Tradespeak?" Azaranth asked.

“Obviously, and so do a couple others of my kind. But let us not dwell on mundane matters; I understand that time is of the essence, and that you must travel to Gisela posthaste. But before I let you pass, I ask you one thing. Answer honestly: why risk your life for a small, insignificant pocket of land? Why do you wish to help Akashima?”

Azaranth could not decide whether to answer the query. He was in a race against time, but outright attacking this Kev could lead to his very demise. And with his being in an already weakened state, Azaranth chose to cooperate, for the time being.

The next few words soured his mouth. “Because it’s right. A concept I’m familiar with, unlike you. Now let me pass.”

“Why? Why suffer for a nation - is it relatives? Family? Or merely an inclination to sacrifice others and risk your own life in favor of the Akashimans?” A’khim questioned. “Tell me, I want to hear.”

None of your damned business. “You’re asking the same question, which I’ve already answered. Hurry up if you’re not done. Trust me, you don’t want to test my patience.”

A’khim, seemingly unaffected by the threat, continued, “It is futile.” Azaranth requested no explanation, for it came on its own accord. “There are already two legions on their way to The Capital. They have been on the march for precisely four days, with only one remaining before their arrival.”

Azaranth grunted.

“Do you truly think that helpless excuse for a company could do aught for the Akashimans? Even if they were to try, Corone would not allow them to meddle.” The Kev paused, tilting his head in thought. “You have not an idea, have you?”

The hell is he talking about? “No. Enlighten me, and do it quickly.”

“The Senate of Corone has attempted to reach an agreement with us, but alas, with the slaughter of our people, we shall carry on alone with what was in the plan: invade Akashima and crush its little army. I am here to kill you to stop the spread of such… sensitive information, but instead, I shall act as if we had never met. Consider it an act of kindness, and my own curiosity.

And one more thing, Azaranth - after you reach Gisela, do not meddle further in this. It is not your war. Go back to your home. Fight, perhaps, when it is your country that is being invaded. That day, I should tell you, is not far to come.”

The Salvarian’s breath was harsh in his throat, the air painful as it left his lungs. He struggled, “I will see you then, A’khim. And if you have the audacity to so much as gaze toward Salvar, I’ll kill you with my own hands. I promise you that."

“I look forward to the day.” The grin was visible even in the darkness. “Now, assuming that you value your own life, I suggest you leave now before my entourage arrives.“

Hearing the sound of horses, Azaranth twisted and jogged to Ramses, swung into the saddle once more. When he looked up he saw that A’khim was gone, the rustle of underwood betraying his path of exit.

He sent the stallion into motion, the lump of dread burgeoning in his throat. This isn’t looking good. Two legions already, and not to mention that stationary fleet. The bastard’s right, Akashima won’t hold for long, even with the advance warning. But I need to hurry. The sooner they know the better.

And so Azaranth Ubissad of the House of Ubissad made his way to Gisela, in search of a fantasy, where overhead, lightning streaks danced to the booms of thunder, the rain descending in endless droves. Within moments, both man and horse were soaked to the skin.

Indeed, the forthcoming weeks were looking rather grim.

[Max Dirks]

This thread had the best story of the first round, introducing a mysterious plot to overtake Akashima. It also gave a purpose for the Nekojin being inside the territory. The story was well paced with hidden motives revealed at ideal times. It also featured the best character in the first round from gum, who ultimate decided that the only way to save his people was to side with the enemy. As a result, the greatest strengths were story and persona. What prevented higher scores was the odd write out of Taka. I never got the impression he was a particular threat to the plot. There were also some feminine tropes in Mari’s early posts that are overused and trite. The weaknesses were setting and action. The actions were very confusing, requiring several re-reads to understand exactly what was going on. Fez’s descriptions were far too over the top in terms of detail. It broke the flow of the writing. Overall, this thread had the best story of round one, leading to an above average score.

Story- 7 (The best story of the round. The write out of Taka was odd, as the thread did not particularly build him to be that big of a threat to the plot)
Setting- 4 (Dense writing detracted from the story)
Pacing- 6 (The thread flowed well, but ultimately the pacing was negatively affected by confusing actions)
Communication- 6 (Verbal cues were fine)
Actions- 5 (Actions were confusing and somewhat difficult to follow for a variety of different reasons including imprecise adjectives, overreliance on metaphor and some usage errors)
Persona- 6 (Gum’s excellent persona was overshadowed by a cliché introduction and limited development from Mari and Fez and Tainted Bushido’s rushed death)
Mechanics- 7 (Some usage errors, but no notable spelling errors)
Technique- 6 (Lay of the metaphors. This was ridiculously dense)
Clarity- 6 (Negatively affected by actions)
Wildcard- 10 (All elements met; full participation w/ timely posts; no powergaming)

Total- 63/100

Gum receives receives 546 EXP and 63 GP
Mari receives 806 EXP and 77 GP
Fez the Kid receives 588 EXP and 63 GP
Tainted Bushido receives 720 EXP and 63 GP

[Rayleigh]

Rewards have been added on 4.0!