Ebivoulya

Story- 5/10 (I didn’t particularly appreciate the structure of the story. Similarly, I found the final climax lacked suspense. Indeed, the Baron’s demise was an afterthought. That said, much like Avatar, the story in this thread was the setting, which was dynamic as described below)
Pacing- 5/10 (The up and down nature of the action in this thread made the story seem episodic rather than the concluding chapter of a grand adventure)
Setting- 9/10 (I rarely give perfect scores, but this thread came very close. You truly made Melnach interesting in all aspects. From generic landmarks to specific floura and fauna, your usage of Tuevo to bring your vision of the land alive was masterful. What prevented me from giving you a perfect score is because some of your imagery, particularly when describing non-Melnach related items, was overwhelming. Indeed, it seems to added an adjective at every possible instance)
Action- 6/10 (While action was at a premium, I did like that you used items you’d discovered earlier in the thread as major plot points later on. Attacks were varied and action sequences were well written. However, except (maybe) to help facilitate your character’s transition, there didn’t seem to be much point to Cherub in the thread. Like Raiders of the Lost Ark, the story would have unfolded with or without him. Since much of the action centered on him, I included this here rather than story.
Dialogue- 5/10
Persona- 6/10 (I found Nyadir’s internalization and sudden change of heart unlikely. Even knowing his backstory, I still figured you were working an angle throughout the thread. Still, it wasn’t wholly unrealistic given the circumstances and the compounding abuse of Fordstein. The relationship with A’lia was decent; the final narrative purpose of Teuvo was obvious, but I appreciated his naivety; and the Cherub was underutilized.)
Mechanics- 8/10 (I found two spelling errors and some usage errors. I also appreciated your use of semi-colons).
Technique-7/10 (You had the strongest technique in the finals. Notably, I appreciated the red herring of the Thunderbox, the circular usage of seemingly mundane items, as well as the predictable, but well written narrative role of Tuevo in the thread)
Clarity- 7/10 (Again, your clarify score suffered from the overwhelming imagery in the thread. While I appreciated the depth of your world, you overused adjectives. Like before, I often found it difficult to read through the massive amounts of pronouns you used to describe your characters)
Wildcard- 10/10 (All factors met)

Total 68/100

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