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Thread: Finals: Tainted Bushido

  1. #11
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    The dead forest that surrounded the Island seemed to be an unspoken warning. Moving through the quiet boughs of the trees seemed eerie, but once they got significantly into the island, they wished for the silence. The sounds that the trees made were decidedly unnatural. They whispered, always just below hearing. To the Mau this was normal, and they seemed to ignore the whispers. Taka and his Mercenaries, however, found it unsettling. It appeared that the trees didn’t move, and looked harmless.

    The leaves were a kaleidoscope of color. Each leaf seemed a different shade than the last, some bright and vivid reds and blues, while others were dark and dull browns and oranges. An artist that sought paint pigments would have loved it were it not for that unsettling whispering that surrounded them. They moved slowly, always watching the trees until they saw a large tree blocking the road. A’lia pointed it out with her staff, “That is a hangman’s tree. The boughs are thin and wispy, but it feeds on its victims. It seeks to get its branches about the neck of its victim and strangles them. Once that is done, branches pierce the skin and act as roots, draining the body and absorbing the nutrients. Once the body decays to bones, it lets the corpse go and moves to a new location. This one seems hungry, and we should go back and find another way.”

    “How fast is it?” Erikson asked.

    “The roots of the tree go slowly, it takes a day to move roughly a mile, and so they don’t have a large hunting ground. The branches, however, can move swiftly. A Mau at full speed might be able to run under its branches and be safe. I do not know how swift a human would be.”

    “Might be able to?” Taka asked.

    A’lia nodded as she gestured, “They whip them about and seem good at predicting the behavior of prey. The branch usually coils about the neck swiftly, and then the victim’s movement closes the figurative noose around its neck.” She stretched her staff forward only to see a branch snapped out, trying to catch the tip of the staff. She pulled it back as the whip crack of the branches pierced the air. The Mercenaries fidgeted before she smiled, “Anyone wish to go this way?”

    No one argued.

    ~*~

    Taka learned much on their trip to the stronghold of the Unbroken. The creatures that survived on the continent were all mutated by the Mana that corrupted everything around. It seemed to lower the life expectancy, but in return gave a vicious advantage in a world of oppressive hostility. The birds had talons that could pierce metal; the rodents were poisonous. Many plants became carnivorous, while the Mau saw a shortening of life if they didn't dip into the Tap. The ones who did were said to gain all kinds of mutations. However, no one could agree what they were. Some claimed it was speed, others strength and still more claimed it was the ability to wield magic.

    The Ronin wasn’t sure what to expect but prepared himself mentally all the same. He worked through his journey here as his hand rested on the saya of Rengoku. He had encountered the Mau on the plains of Gisela, only to be assassinated by the enigmatic Red. He had watched his home port destroyed by the invading forces powerless to stop them as he defeated their General, only to lose the war. They had committed mutiny and taken the fleet from Baron Fordstein, and Taka was sure the repercussions of that would haunt him for quite some time.

    They reached the stronghold by the dawn. One of the mercenaries let out a contagious yawn before he shook his head, preparing himself. Taka took in the man's actions before he gestured to the Mau, “Go.”

    A’lia nodded as they moved. The Ronin rolled his shoulder, feeling the stabbing pain of the bullet wound in his shoulder. He had managed to ignore the pain for the most part, but a canny opponent would strike for his injuries as they were weak points. He would have to be cautious. Silently he counted as A’lia, and the others fled into the fortress. The building appeared not unlike some despots grandiose castle. The architecture was smooth and short, with a central spire that seemed to spiral to the sky. It was not only a monument to the wonders of magic but a silent warning.

  2. #12
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    A’lia moved with her pack amongst the Raas. So far none had stopped them, but she knew that would change very soon. The Leonid warriors were giving her pack dirty looks as they walked, remaining meek and mild as they got deeper into the stronghold. Se finally heard it the growl that marked a challenge. The Pack froze as they turned to face the accuser as a Leonid hissed, “What are you doing here Mau? The Sanctuary is a place for the ascended!”

    “We seek the aid of Aesphestos! The fleet has ended the storm, oh mighty one,” A’lia replied. The Leonid narrowed its eyes looking at them each in turn. To her pack’s credit none dared return the stare, and so he looked back to the Lorekeeper. His hand slid into the grip of a claw as he growled lowly.

    “They scare you, don’t they Mau?” The claw was brought under her chin and forced her face to look at the Raas’ own. She obliged as she made a good show of pretending to show fear.

    “Yes, we are but Mau, we cannot hold them back…” She whispered.

    “We will murder them all and use their bones to fashion your weapons so you can learn to defend yourselves and stop bothering us. We await the master’s return, and you pester us with such trivial things…” The Raas’ breath smelled horrid as if he had only just eaten something nasty. A purr left him as he pulled the claw away and gestured, “Go into the citadel, we will take care of these humans for you.”

    “Many thanks oh chosen one,” A’lia replied. The Leonid grunted as he moved to talk to the others. The Lorekeeper turned to her flock as she said lowly, “You heard him, let’s go in. Don’t worry, your part in this is over.”

    “Tempest guide you,” the Mau whispered to their leader. She smiled at the old words as she gently touched each in turn.

    “I need no guidance. I am the storm.”

    ~*~

    Taka watched the entrance to the stronghold as Leonids walked about the camp. His mind mentally taking in their stride, their grace, their supposed strength. They seemed to favor weapons that were close quarters and a bola weapon. He frowned seeing such distinction as he looked at the others. Much to his joy, he saw them studying the foe as well and nodded. The coming fight would be an excellent test of his men’s skills.

    A group of Leonids seemed to head for the entryway when Taka gave the signal. It would be an ambush of this party to start the fighting, and hopefully, it was enough of a distraction. Four of the Raas moved as a pack, various trinkets and trophies from prized kills adorning them. Taka had been raised to avoid glorifying battle, while it was his joy, it was not his life. As a Samurai he was expected to give art to his culture, to bring civility with his blade. These warriors had no such concept. The group of Raas came to the clearing and Taka heard them growling amongst themselves when he gave the signal.

    A crossbow bolt pierced the air sinking into the chest of one of the Leonids. It looked down at its chest before it carefully pulled the crossbow bolt from its flesh and roared. Other Leonids looked to their wounded comrade as the hunting party seemed to get frustrated. Taka moved out of the forest and saw Grimes and Weatherly join him. Grimes was wielding a longsword and prepared himself as Weatherly drew a sabre that he favored on horseback. The Leonids were shocked at the audacity of the attack as Taka took a stance and hovered hand over the hilt of Rengoku. The first of the Raas stepped forward only to see the Ronin draw and strike in the same fluid motion. The softer belly of the cat folk spilt to the floor as he struggled to collect his intestines. The others roaring again at the sudden slaying of a comrade.

  3. #13
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    A’lia moved swiftly through the Citadel. To the Raas she passed, she seemed nothing more than a messenger on delivery. They ignored her which was fine by the Mau; she preferred anonymity truthfully. Putting up with Raas pride was a tiring venture, and if they thought her a sufficient slave, they wouldn't question her until it was too late. Then again, she wasn’t a Mau, and she had never been one.

    The Mau had once served the Goddess Am’aleh without a second thought. That loyalty, in turn, had rewarded the Mau with a bountiful harvest from the sea that sustained the tribe. When the Tap fell in the north, and the Forgotten Ones fled their failure they had happened upon the continent and regrouped here. The Citadel was yet another monument to their colossal arrogance, a shining beacon to the hubris of those who sought to become gods. It was during this time that they insisted on being treated as Gods, even if that was nothing more than additional hubris.

    A’lia had forgotten what it was like to be anything other than a Mau, so long had it been. She remembered he had once sailed the seas at the behest of her Mistress. She missed those days, but her orders had been clear until the Mau were liberated from the clutches of the Forgotten Ones, she was to remain on land. It was a punishment in a way, for the biting sarcasm she had often addressed her Mistress. That had been centuries go, and now her brother had returned. He, of course, didn’t know who she was, and so she had played the game. Am'aleh warned this could happen, especially when a soul incarnated into the cycle over and over.

    His trust in her had been the sign that her brother was still alive and well within that soul, even if she saw the fight within his body. He didn’t understand what he was, the Soul of Water myths in Akashima had been whispers the last time she had sailed there. He, of course, had no reason to know what it was, let alone what it meant. This entire situation was his test, Am’aleh sending the wave man to Gisela at just the right time to get caught up in the conspiracy.

    He had passed that test, and further he had given A’lia a chance to right a wrong she had committed years ago when she had refused her mother. The path forward was as clear to her, as the hallways were of obstacles. Am’aleh would be proud of her children this day.

    ~*~

    “I will have your skull for a trophy human!” A clawed gauntlet slashed outwards as Taka batted it contemptuously away. He brought his Katana out in another blow and saw Grimes carefully parry a clawed gauntlet meant for his side. The man seemed to be on autopilot before a flintlock pistol escaped its holster. The man pressed it to the Raas’ skull and pulled the trigger, dropping another one. The three remaining Raas regrouped as they looked upon the humans who had killed two of them. Weatherly was nursing a slash to his ribs but otherwise seemed alright.

    Another bolt flew through the air only to be battered by a claw as the Raas growled, “You fight well, but can you with honor?”

    The men looked to Taka who let a soft smile light up his face, “You’ve yet to show you can.”

    “We should fight, just you and me swordsman, see whose claws are sharper.”

    “I’ve already been betrayed in a duel once, I’m not interested in another,” The Ronin replied candidly. A roll of his shoulder showed the pain was well below acceptable limits. A glance down saw the bandages on his stomach beginning to leak blackened blood. The Raas stood tall, towering over the others.

    He growled, “You question my honor so readily human. Step forward and see my honor. If anyone gets between us, I will cut them down myself!”

    Taka had spied his men before he spoke, “Stand down.” His comrades seemed alarmed at the proclamation. Taka carefully wiped the blood from his blade and sheathed it, preparing himself while buying A’lia more time. His eyes closed as the smile never left his face, “Very well, I am Taka, Ronin of Akashima, Dark Blade of the Ixian Knights.”

    The Raas’ mouth turned to a feral grin, “I am Ka’la, first hunter of the spear’s tip.”

    Taka once more took up his dueling stance as he awaited Ka’la to make the first move.

  4. #14
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    A’lia had made it deep in the Citadel, moving like a shadow she saw the Raas move outside, word of a duel of honor between Raas and Human happening. The woman smiled at the grand display. It was like her brother to grandstand any way he felt he could. Her gate finally took her to the center of the Spire, the Font of Mana. Here she knew nature abandoned them, and the Thayne with it. She moved silently and drew the cube out of her satchel. She managed to get into the chamber before she heard the roar of an angry Raas.

    Turning to her opponent she sighed, and with a gesture shattered the illusion she had kept for so many years. The warrior stumbled and came to a clumsy halt looked slack jawed at her. Gone was the visage of a lowly Mau.

    In its place stood a human woman. Her hair was a midnight blue, until the tips where it softened into a bright teal. Her eyes held the starry sky, and her hand a fisherman’s spear. The barbed point replaced with a lancing cap that she could pull out. Her hair was held back by a bandanna a bright red, with her chest bound tight by white bandages. She wore loose-fitting pants, not unlike those found in Akashima. She sized up her opponent before she let out a soft snort of derision, “Brother always finds the good fights…”

    The Raas tilted its head as it spoke, “You, the Herald...I shall collect your bounty! Aesphestos will reward me for this!”

    A’lia laughed at the comment as she spoke, “The Tap has forgotten you already...I would stop praying to a man who wished to remain forgotten.”

    The Raas seemed put off by the statement as A’lia speared forward. Her eyes lit up with a dark mirth when she closed the distance.

    ~*~

    Ka’la seemed the epitome of a hunter, neither man moving as they watched the other for the slightest hint of the first strikes. The grin widened as the Raas spoke, “Good, I was afraid you would be too easy...I love it when they fight back.”

    The ronin remained stoically silent. Taka's eyes watched the feet of his opponent. Gently the fallen samurai ground a sandal into the dirt and inwardly laughed when Ka’la reacted, sprinting forward. His smile deepened as he slashed out, and the Raas warrior acted in time with his claw. Bone fragments fell to the earth as the chime of bones brought a stillness to the fight. The two warriors locked gaze as Taka’s grin opened into a predator’s smile.

    “You’re enjoying this...excellent,” The beast snarled as he shoved hard. Taka slid back across the dirt as he brought Rengoku before him, blade tip pointed at his foe. He attempted a slash, seeing it battered away, the Raas not rising to the bait a second time. They slashed at each other, testing and prodding the other’s defenses. The sounds of heavy breathing echoing through the clearing as the Mercenaries watched the Raas for any sign of betrayal.

    Taka pushed off, giving him and Ka’la some room before he drew Wakizashi, seeing more Raas come to witness the fight. Rengoku was held before him, parallel to the ground as the wakizashi held behind him in a similar stance. He lowered his stance to the ground, crouching and felt a burning pain in his chest as he let go and relaxed, a breath steadying him. His soul was finally released and its influence immediately known.

    The mercenaries used to it rocked only slightly, the Raas, on the other hand, felt as if they were suffocating in the depths of the sea as Taka remained in the first stance of the Storm’s Eye.

  5. #15
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    Blood dripped from the tip of her spear. Her breathing came out in heavy gasps as the blood ran down her arm. A thumb gently pushed her nose back into position as she smiled, a soft giggle escaping her lips. Her opponent looked at her confused as he tried once more to assault her, claw brought in a downward slash that she pivoted, and the butt of the spear brought heavily into his face. He let out a cry of pain as she kept that smile plastered on her face.

    “I need to spar more often,” She managed. The crimson drops splattered on the floor before she speared forward again, and caught the Raas once more in a nicking blow. He tried to grab for her again, only to find she was through playing games. Her hand let go of the spear as she raked the Raas’ face causing it to yowl in pain. Another grim chuckle left her, “Cat got your tongue?”

    His eyes widened at the brazen pun as he rushed forward, claw and dagger slashing at her. She brought her spear forward and caught a meaty shoulder, drilling a hole in the fur as she twisted and spoke a word, “Jux.”

    Lightning flew from her finger and struck the Raas fully in the chest. A smoking hole was left where it contacted as A’lia gingerly shook her hand. It had been a minor word of harm and nearly burned her hand delivering it. She was certain had she not been smart enough to use her weakest invocation she’d be begging Am’aleh for healing. The Raas was not moving, but she knew she hadn’t killed it. Soon enough, it would wish it. Picking the box up from where she dropped it she smiled as she tossed it over the lip and heard it hit the pool of mana with a splash.

    “Get free Taka, I will see you soon,” She said to no one turning and placing the spear over her shoulder. She sauntered slowly to the entrance even as the sounds of energy crackling from the Heart of the Storm began to rise in intensity and pitch.

    ~*~

    A hurricane of blows now overwhelmed Ka’la. Taka had been playing things out and had he wanted to kill the Raas he would have done so already. Instead, with a full audience of a hundred souls, he played the part of gladiator willingly. That smile had taken on a more manic tone even as Ka’la realised what he had done.

    The Raas finally managed to block a blow on his claws once more, Stopping the whirlwind before he brought the knife in and stabbed Taka deep in the gut. The Ronin shuddered to a halt as both arms fell limp to his sides. The Raas growled in a mockery of a purr as he managed, “You fight well if the rest of your country fights half as well I will be sated.”

    The smile never left Taka’s lips as the Raas frowned seeing that smile.

    “What have you done?” The Ka’la asked.

    “Victory was never in the battle…” Taka replied as blackened blood spilt onto Ka’la. He gripped the Raas warrior’s hand, keeping the dagger where it was as he shifted slightly on the blade. His face scrunched in pain as he hefted Rengoku and brought it down in a cleaving blow. The cat warrior was caught off guard by it as it sheared through his collarbone and to his heart. The Ronin kicked the cat folk off his blade as he sunk to a knee and looked back at his men, “Let’s go…”

    The Raas seemed put off by the abrupt end of the duel and began to rush the mercenaries as Bows and Crossbow were unloaded into legs, slowing down the front ranks. Taka turned to run, hoping to escape as the sounds of thunder began to echo through the area. Lightning struck forming a small barrier between the mercenaries as they fled the scene. Grateful for the brief reprieve more lightning began to strike before in what was sure the work of Am’aleh a bolt from the heavens destroyed the spire of Aesphestos’ Font. The destruction of the spire seemed to signal as the Mau also began to run, heading for the coast of their once proud land.

    Odrana could heal, and the efforts of the Forgotten Ones would once more fade into legend.

  6. #16
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    The Armada had one last thing to do. He ships had managed to escape the coast of Odrana, as the wild storm that threatened it began to ravage the works of Aesphestos. To say it was a Thayne taking revenge against a pretender to the title was to underestimate the wrath of the storm. Am’aleh unleashed her fury for what seemed like days. When finally the storm abated, a group of rafts moved alongside the fleet.

    Taka saw one head for his ship and frowned seeing a human woman he did not recognize aboard it, “Who are you?”

    “Ronin Taka, if you do not bring me aboard, I will have Am’aleh herself strike you down,” The voice was familiar, though seemed odd. It was as if spoken by a different mouth. Still, the use of the name was enough of a clue that he permitted the woman aboard ship. She stretched languidly looking at the sailors, “It feels so good to be at sea once more…”

    “A’lia, you aren’t a Mau?” Taka finally asked.

    “No dear brother, I am not a Mau. I am a woman in every respect of the word. Now, I have a burden to return to you, as Mother wouldn’t let me just give it to her,” A’lia replied as she reached into her sack and grabbed the Heart of the Storm. Handing the artifact over she said, “Do with it as you wish.”

    He carefully took the wooden box, looking it over once more. His eyes had scoured the surface before he looked at A’lia. He could see the features of an Akashiman in her perhaps as a half-blood. Still, he raised an eyebrow, “You speak as if I should know you?”

    Alia laughed, “Well of course. This tale is an old legend, one that goes back to the Guardians of Akashima. When they agreed to protect the land, each of the Guardians sought a spirit to protect the realm. These spirits were put into the cycle of souls and reincarnated as humans. The Crane ever graceful wanted none other than you. You, Ronin Taka, are my twin brother Kale, son of Am’aleh. You are a spirit of water that Am’aleh gave birth to in a tryst with an Akashiman. She, however, loves all her children born of such affairs and so when the Crane sought a soul that was just, Am’aleh could think of no better than you.”

    “I am the missing twin Kale?” The words held a wry tone as if she spoke some joke.

    “Don’t take my word for it. Think about why you suddenly trusted the entire mission to a woman you just met? Or how about when you met mom and despite never hearing a word about her, knew her name and title?” A’lia challenged.

    The Ronin nodded softly, “It’s a piece of her ship isn’t it?”

    “See? You knew, though to be fair I wouldn’t call it a piece. The thing can become Am’aleh’s ship, the-”

    “Heart of the Storm…” Taka finished looking at A’lia.

    “It’s all there Taka. You are my brother Kale, and I’m happy to see you still doing the right thing. Now, I don’t expect you to be familiar with me, nor do I expect to see you again soon. In all honesty, until you get rid of that disgusting Oni I doubt we will talk again. Mom hates it, what it’s trying to do, everything. I doubt I’ll be able to come visit, not that I would, seeing you prefer to keep yourself landlocked like some beast,” The words seemed to be a tease but made sense. Taka always felt at home when he could smell the ocean.

    “Thank you…”

    “Don’t be too shell shocked. I mean, yeah you got beat like a dockside whore, but you still got the job done. Even made sure I was part of the success, now what are you going to do with Mom’s ship?” A’lia replied as she rapped sharply on Taka’s shoulder, making sure to hit the bandaged joint.

    The Ronin looked down at the box before he smiled, “I have just the thing…”

    ~*~

    The Armada was once again circling the see. A’lia held her spear in hand, the tip this time replaced with a true Fisherman’s spear. Her gaze turned to Taka who gestured, and the mage nodded acknowledging the spell was in place. With the affirmation, the Ronin moved out on a plank over the waters.

    “Warriors of Corone, we have averted disaster. Amongst you are the last members of the Mau tribe, who seek refuge in Akashima. When we return, we will use force and evict the Baron’s occupation from those lands. The Hidden Empire is not worth the bloodshed. Baron Fordstein learns that lesson even now, for the Sea imprisons him,” He then unfurled the bundle under his arm and showed the flag that the Baron had used on his flagship, “We will correct this wrong and with it the shame of our peoples. We have a war to fight, Aesphestos knows we are mighty, and his pride will not let him accept the loss he endured. We cannot waste time on these petty squabbles!”

    He heard some cheers from the ships their approval of the words resounding through the area. He then turned and accepted the Heart of the Storm from A’lia, “Now, is the time we give Am’aleh back what is rightfully hers. The last mark of the Traitor Fordstein, and her precious ship!”

    He tossed the flag to the sea. It floated on the surface for but a moment, before a current pulled it beneath the waves. Next went the Heart of the Storm, which sank like a rock, despite being made of wood. He nodded as he shouted out, “The sea accepts our gifts, we will be safe on the way home!”

    A’lia cleared her throat getting his attention before she spoke up, “Nice work brother. I will ride with you until Akashima, and then I am needed elsewhere. Mother already has given me chores to do.”

    “I have things of my own as well, thank you...A’lia-chan.”

    A laugh escaped her at the honorific before she spoke plainly in Akashiman, “<I’ll give you a hint to your next move, that Oni needs to go. Once you are free of it, we will meet again, and not a moment before>.”

    Taka nodded, accepting the challenge. He had finally beaten the threat, for now, it was time to rest and heal.

  7. #17
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    Tainted Bushido

    Story – 7/10 (I enjoyed the expansion of the scope of your story. While I thought the dip into the afterworld in the beginning was a bit convenient, I went back and read some of your history and found it was completely appropriate)
    Pacing – 6/10 (Your thread was the longest of the finals, but it flowed well. It built suspense when necessary)
    Setting – 5/10 (Like with Les Miserables, you provided a solid look at the world around you; however, you had difficulty putting together certain scenes from your writing. Sometimes you focused too much on minor details, and skipped over the major details)
    Action – 7/10 (Stop a Thayne? Why not? I enjoyed how you poked fun at yourself for such a hastily put together romp against a god. The overall action of the thread was well paced and written, but you have a tendency to draw out fight scenes. A full Citadel length battle in the midst of a quest is unnecessary, and it’s something I’ve struggled with in my own writing)
    Dialogue – 5/10
    Persona – 6/10 (Overall, I think you did a good job of characterization, especially with Amaleh and the Mercenary company. I thoroughly enjoyed their efficient and brutal romp through the Corone fleet. That said, the final A’lia and Taka reveals were obvious and poorly developed. It reminded me of Breath of Fire 2. Ryu and Patti are descendants of dragons destined to defeat the great evil God!?! Yeah, I knew that when I inserted the cartridge)
    Mechanics – 5/10 (Your writing was full of spelling errors, usage errors, grammar errors, prepositions, misplaced commas and run-on sentences. It appeared hastily written and unedited)
    Technique – 5/10 (Like Gum, you employed a dues ex machina. Yours was less powerful, but it was equally convenient in the thread. Otherwise, your usage of literary techniques was average. You might have had the only simile of the finals though!)
    Clarity – 5/10 (I struggled to read your thread at several places. Between convoluted actions, unnecessarily extended action scenes, and poor mechanics, I spent the most time reading through your story than anyone else’s. This is easily fixed by reading your post out loud. You had, in my opinion, the best story. If your thread was not so poorly written, you would have won)
    Wildcard – 10/10 (All factors met)

    Total - 61/100

    Rewards will be added a later time.
    Althanas Operations Administrator

    Dirks GP amount: 2949

  8. #18
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    1952 EXP and 183 GP

    Rewards added on 4.0.
    Althy's Judging Admin
    To try or not to try. To take a risk or play it safe.
    Your arguments have reminded me how precious the right to choose is.
    And because I've never been one to play it safe, I choose to try.




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