May 2017 Vignette

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Your character becomes trapped in a room where their heart's truest desire manifests. They can relive a fond memory, see a deceased friend, lover or family member, or even find true peace. Once they leave, however, the experience is gone forever. Do they attempt to escape? Do the decide to live the rest of their days in the lie? If they leave it, how do they react? If they stay, what happens to them?

Vignette closes for judging on 31st May!

[SirArtemis]

"So what exactly am I going to find in here, Daros?" Artemis asked, ever skeptical of his friend's inventive ideas. The wizard had yet another experiment for his guinea pig to try, and Artemis never knew what to expect. Things with the eccentric tinkerer either went horribly or exceptionally well.

"Honestly, I couldn't answer that even if I wanted to!" the wizard replied enthusiastically as he brushed strands of chestnut out of his eyes. He removed his glasses and cleaned the lenses with the fabric of his blue robes before pushing that back into place. "The room is meant to challenge you by tempting your deepest desires. It's meant to exercise the mind and will in ways that others may exercise their strength and stamina. Though I call you a friend, I certainly can't claim to know your deepest desires!" he replied with a chuckle.

"Have you tried it yourself?" Artemis asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Of course not. I have no will. I'd never come out!"

Artemis sighed, running a hand through his short hair as the brown strands immediately fell back into place.

'Why do I do this to myself?' he found himself thinking as he stepped through the door.

"Good luck! I'll come back later in case you didn't make it out!"

As the portal closed behind Artemis, he found himself standing on a tall hill with a warm sun shining down on him. A lavender-scented breeze rolled past as he looked down on Knife's Edge; the place looked somehow different. It even felt somehow different.

Glancing down, Artemis found himself adorned in simple garb for the first time in many years. Typically, even when working the forge, he wore his leather armor and weapons. Instead, a pair of black trousers, made of comfortable cotton, hugged his legs. A navy tunic and fine leather boots completed the ensemble.

No blades adorned his hips. Not even Judicis' magic could reach the man. No bracer wrapped his wrist. No voice racked his thoughts. He looked out upon the large city and tried to use his enhanced vision to zoom in, but nothing happened. Confused, he tried to change to another spectrum of light and utilize another ocular ability, but nothing happened. He tilted his head and looked down upon his hands while attempting to conjure a flame, but nothing happened.

"Interesting."

Artemis shrugged it off, wondering what being so powerless had to do with his deepest desire. He decided to explore the notion and began a light jog down to the city, feeling his heart beat in his chest for the first time in a very long time. Though his body remained strong, his superhuman stamina usually prevented him from feeling any sort of exertion. The sensation felt exhilarating, reminding him of what it felt like to be alive.

With a wide smile on his face, the man approached the edges of the city and realized the first major difference between this Knife's Edge and the one he knew: there were no walls protecting the city. In fact, there were no guards.

He slowed his jog and began to walk along the cobbled streets, winding his way this way and that while catching his breath and feeling his heart rate gradually recover. He looked off in the distance, remembering when he had first arrived in the city and used St. Denebriel's Cathedral as a beacon to guide his journey. Alas, no such structure stood in the distance.

Artemis narrowed his eyes, pausing with hands on hips.

"So no walls, no guards, no weapons, no armor, no church, and no power. What is this, some sort of utopian fantasy?"

He carried on, noticing people walking around the town with such a carefree manner. Like himself, there were no signs of anyone wearing any sort of protection. Most people seemed content, or outright happy. He couldn't even see a single beggar or homeless person lingering on the side of the street, which had become a common sight to him in this large city.

His brow furrowed suspiciously, and he couldn't shake the expression as he tried to absorb all he saw. His steps gradually took him to the market square, normally a bustling place of haggling and scamming of those not native to the region. Furs and scrimshaw that were common in these parts were sold at a premium to those who believed them exotic and rare. Yet now, the marketplace had a relatively calm hum, like a trickling stream of water.

Buyers and sellers exchanged coin, goods moving hands freely and happily with handshakes and nods all around. Artemis wandered over to an oak and steel bench, plopping down and watching as the midday sun lit up the ground.

Not one piece of litter drifted in the soft wind. Not one garbage barrel overflowed to the ground. Not one person shouted and raised their voice unless part of an enthusiastic laugh or exchange. Not one snarl or scowl or frown made its home on the folks of this city, and that was both heartwarming and terrifying to the young man.

'Happiness. Peace. An ease of living. That's all this is.' His eyes glistened in the light as he looked upon the scene. He lingered on that bench for hours, watching people stroll by as afternoon approached and the markets closed up. People left for home to cook their meals and be with loved ones and family, and the bustling square quieted to the slow passings of those who had a longer walk home.

Artemis leaned back on the bench, eyes to the cobblestones and his mind consumed in thought. He envisioned a place much like this, one he hoped to create up in the Kalev Highlands. His invisible city, using the artifact he found that belonged to the lost civilization.

'Even if I create a space for this, can people of our world ever find a way to live in such a manner? Am I so naive to even think this possible, when the nature of people is far darker?' He wished, for just a moment, that he had access to just one ability: his Gaze of Graxis. It would allow him to see the alignment of people, and whether this city was filled with goodly folk and not a trace of evil.

"There you are!" he heard a woman shout. He turned and immediately felt his heart in his throat as he saw his love, Jay, walk over with the brightest smile he'd ever seen. He gasped when by her side, holding her hand, was a little girl no more than six. Short of breath, and with eyes filling with tears, he could almost feel his heart breaking in his chest. "What's wrong?" she asked, concern on her face as she noticed her lover's distress.

Artemis chanced a glance down at his left hand, only then noticing the simple titanium band upon his ring finger. He looked over at Jay and caught sight of a slight twinkle of sapphire in her wedding band, and his face softened at the site.

"Daddy I want ice cream!" the small girl shouted. Artemis smiled, and in a way that he didn't think he knew how. The little half-elf girl, with lavender skin that matched her mother's, rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smelled like a garden in full bloom, which suited her white floral dress perfectly. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply this moment and feeling, and opening them to see his beaming wife's eyes. He gave the small girl a kiss on the cheek, squeezing her lovingly.

"Then you shall have it," he said as he pulled back, holding the small girl close and looking into her bright blue eyes. She smiled, clapping gleefully as Artemis felt tears form in his eyes.

Suddenly, in that moment, he watched that world disintegrate, replaced with an empty closet. Confused, he turned around to see Daros in his bright blue robe holding a door open.

"Are you alright?" Daros asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "You've been gone for some hours now. I didn't know how long was appropriate to wait. Did it work? What did you see?"

Artemis took a deep breath, wiping the fresh tears from his eyes, and pushed past Daros. He paused for a moment with hands on hips, then began to pace the room.

"Well? Don't keep me waiting! How did it work? . . . Did it work?"

Artemis slapped the man across the face, leaving a stinging pink handprint on the man's left cheek. "Fuck you Daros," Artemis said, pointing at his wizardly friend. "Fuck you so hard."

[jdd2035]

Captain's have love affairs with their ships their first command is something of a kind of puppy love. It's exciting, everything is new and things seem to move faster than it should and it always ends way faster than expected. As a Captain matures and gains in experience he begins to fantasize about his perfect "girl." For Cain it was the Hawkens a forty-eight gun Acheron class double decker frigate.

She was magnificent Cain mused as he was rowed out to her in the calm bay; acres upon acres of canvas set to dry in a beautiful pyramid of sails. Cain's jolly boat touched the larboard side of the Hawkens a full two feet of solid oak. It was painted in something of the Coronian checker but in a deep forest green and a brilliant bright red. He had picked the larboard side to come up the ladder as to avoid ceremony. As he came over the rail onto the weather deck Cain's hessian boots landed on dark, aged, and seasoned teak.

Cain saluted the holy quarterdeck and easily began his inspection of the near deserted ship. The was not an inch of twice laid cordage and it was all wormed with string the same green that the ships hull was painted. Cain's inspection of the quarterdeck showed the care that the carpenter put into the taffrail with gold leaf inlays in the gingerbread work.

Cains inspection took him into the quarter gallery which on larboard and starboard sides of the large window in the cabin was a stained glass portrait of ships at sea. Every compartment, every piece of equipment of the Hawkens was inspection ready from stem to stern.

This beauty of a ship was built for one thing to fight a battle and win. forty-eight guns twenty four eighteen pounders on the upper deck and the lower deck was the true smashers thirty two pound cannonades. Both the upper and lower decks were made of spun bronze, and were armed with hammers along with the standard slow burn match. Bow and stern chasers were the best hardened brass long twelve pounders that money could buy.

Now Cain had gotten onto this ship, by way of a stranger and a strange sells pitch. "Step right up here!" Cried the stranger "Come see your hearts desire! You get one chance to have every thing you could possible want and more!" Cried the man "Just a single brass farthing for the life of your dreams!" Cain had the coin and felt like a lark paid and stepped through the door. Now he had a dilemma he could stay and sail and fight the beautiful mechanism of violence or he could leave and return to his real life, with all the ups and downs that come with it.

Time was running out as to what his decision would be. With as much as his fantasy, his hearts desire was fulfilled it just didn't seem right. With as much as this beautiful, magnificent ship was what he wanted it was nevertheless not his true love. Stepping out of the great cabin Cain stepped over the rail, climbed down the companion ladder and back into the jollyboat and instructed his coxswain to take him back to the shore.

[Good for Nothing Captain]

"You made me so proud, Victor," she told me.

I didn't shift my gaze from the sinking sun on the horizon. I always loved sitting on this cliff. From the first day, Rose brought me here when I was probably around 7, until the day I was forced to kill the very woman who saved me. I loved watching the sun set from this cliff. The house I grew up in was not too far behind me, and I knew if I was needed, I could be there in an instant. That thought gave me a kind of serenity.

"You did just like I asked," she continued, and as she wrapped her arms around me I felt the past tugging at my mind. I felt it pulling me away to the darkest place in human history; to the bodies left in the wake of a bloody war. I was a small child once more, scavenging for food and clothes amongst the dead. But as they did then, her words brought me back.

"You saved everyone," and as she said it, I felt her embrace tighten.

"I didn't," I sighed. And as the words left me, I realized I had been crying. I knew the tears were flowing, but I was somehow disconnected.

"You did just as I asked, and I couldn't be happier," Rose laughed, pulling me to my feet.

I turned to see the house, sitting behind her like a dubious monolith. Inside people were moving, I could see them in the windows. The elf and dwarf and various races of human I knew and loved, all ran about like the children I remembered. The tears didn't stop.

"Thank you, Victor," she said, wrapping her arms around me again. Peter and Alder moved to the porch, Alder smoking the thin Akashiman pipe he'd purchased on his travels. Peter extinguished the magical fire he had conjured to light the pipe and waved to the pair standing at the edge of the cliff.

I sighed, and the weight of my burden seemed to have vanished. The long road I had set out to walk so many years ago ended at that house.

"I guess we're all back now," I chuckled.

"And we are together again," Rose added, "we are here, all of us, and we are going to protect each other."

Rose and I began the walk back to the house. But almost immediately, an ominous wind picked up.

"You're not just going to lay down and believe this lie, are you Raukorad?"

Alder stood behind us, his hair white as snow and a menacing look in his eyes. The memories flowed like an unwanted tide. Eliza, the young assassin I took under my wing during the War of Flesh, sacrificed to summon the Demon Diadeus. But the summoning was incomplete. Diadeus reached out from his prison and took possession of Alder.

"I know it's been a while, but seriously, seeing you like this is just pathetic," he laughed. "This is the man I fought beside? The Red Demon?"

Rose kept walking, as though the new visage of Alder was not even there. I watched her walk to the porch as night fell. The stars were brighter and more vibrant than any I had ever seen. Before I knew it, Rose had made it back to the porch and sat down. I remembered this night, too. It was the last time I had felt at peace, and Rose spoke to me of humanity.

"You disgust me," Alder spat, "but no one would blame you if you stayed. If you could live with yourself, that is. Stay here forever, or lose it forever."

"Is there even an alternative?" I asked.

"I could end it all for you, right here," Alder replied as he unsheathed a blade, "right now."

It seemed fitting that he would be the one to strike me down. After all, he was the angriest after we lost Rose. Every one of her students mourned her loss, but Alder let it taint his soul. I could not blame him. I gave in to rage too.

"I guess that's an option. . ." I sighed, finally turning around, "but are you really okay doing this in your underwear?"

Alder flashed confusion momentarily before he realized all his clothes were gone. He dropped his blade and tried to cover his body with his hands.

"This is my dream," I said, stepping toward my long time rival. "And there is another alternative. I'm going to tear this dream to pieces. I have to get back to those snotty brats and that battle-axe of an old lady back in Archen. I don't have the time to waste here."

I picked up his sword and cut through the mirage. I threw the blade as far into the sky as I could. The blade hit something almost 50 feet above me. The world blinked, with uncertainty, and I looked back a final time to the old house at the edge of the cliff. I managed to see Rose, sitting on the porch and the smile that had always warmed my heart.

The room I found myself in was dim and dusty. I was surrounded by spell circles drawn in chalk. The sword had broken a chalk line on the ceiling, freeing me from the spell. Alder had never been here, that much I could tell. He would not miss the chance to kill me. Could this have been one of his underlings? Was this a message? I turned my mind from these thoughts and moved through the only exit I could see. I stepped out to find myself beneath a remarkable starry sky: almost identical to the one from my dream. Just past the destroyed porch was a single red rose, growing naturally in the empty lawn.

I tried to remember what I dreamt about but found the memory muddled. I know I had been happy, but the feeling seemed empty now. What was I doing? I absentmindedly moved towards the rose and took it from the ground. I had no idea why, but I could feel a tear forming in the corner of my eye. The emptiness I felt became tinged with pain. I let the pain do its work as I started my walk home. I had no idea how to get where I was going, but that had never stopped me before.

[Flames of Hyperion]

“Yann.”

She smiled. Silky black hair spilled across her slender shoulders, over her too-small nose, teasing the curve of her bare nape. Shivering in the pre-dawn chill, she drew her robes tighter across her prone form. A girlish giggle escaped her throat when the touch of her icy feet pierced the thin fabric of his trousers. Her eyes glimmered like unfettered starlight, regarding him with a curious mixture of affection, compassion, and resignation.

Reaching out, she laid her hand on his forearm. Her warmth caressed his frostbitten skin, her feathery fingers his gaunt bones. He shuddered at her touch: so foreign, so alien, so real. How many years had he pined for this contact?

“Yann.”

Again she smiled, lingering upon his withered muscles. Stray snowflakes danced across the blush of her bony cheeks, ending their journey in the dimple that crowned her glistening lips. Her forehead furrowed when he failed to answer, deep clefts forming in the fine skin between her thick brows.

How could he reply? She floated with every frosty breath from his broken grasp, like a wisp of cloud through his fingers. He battled with every precious heartbeat to brand her touch into memory, so very aware of the formless shadows that stole her from him.

How dare he reply? She was a mirage, a vision, a delusion fading from the confines of his mind. A fleeting dream, an ephemeral phantom, destined to blossom and to fall. Was that what made her so beautiful? Was that why the sorrow clutched so tight upon his chest, like clenched fingers over his heart?

“How fare your travels?” his mangled voice croaked at last, forced through the flames that parched his throat. Weary effort wrenched his vision into bleary focus.

“Well,” she whispered breathless laughter, her voice pitched for his ears alone. “Auntie Tsuru teaches me much, and Yoshi and Touma keep me safe. Did you know that the magic of the Sway and the magic of the kami are almost one and the same? The weather wards failed around a small village in Skavia, Yann, but with a little effort and a lot of luck I managed to knit them back together again. Enough, at least I hope, to last the winter.”

Again she giggled, self-conscious but proud. Never would her seniors in the hide-bound hierarchies of Nippon have allowed her to achieve so much if she had stayed. Her face lit up in joyous beauty, penetrating the penumbra of the night like a delightful moonbeam.

“That’s awesome,” he exhaled, and truly he could not feel any happier for her. “I didn’t know that. I’ll...”

Caught short, he inhaled so that his words might overcome the tumour in his throat. One hand reached up to adjust his pair of battered glasses, perched upon the precarious precipice of his nose. It came away wet.

“I’ll have to think a little on that one.”

How he despised the dark jealousy that stained the depths of his thoughts. How he fought the malevolent whispers in his head, the daemons informing him again and again that he did not deserve to even breathe the same air as her.

“What of you?” she asked in turn, her eyes searching his for something deep within. He could not bear their earnest scrutiny.

“Well,” he lied through his teeth, the words rancid upon his tongue. Conscious of the scent of clean pine as her breath darted upon his nose, he retreated. But her face gave pursuit, refusing to let him confront his darkness alone.

“Yann.”

And it was his fault that sorrow now wreathed her expression, like a veil of stormy cloud over a moon that fled the onrushing dawn.

She was a dream. Only a dream. A forlorn permutation of hope, destined to die in vain.

“Yann, wake up.”

One last time she smiled. Her fingers travelled from his arm to his face, their tips tracing his wet cheeks.

One last time his tears succumbed to her touch. Liquid heat blurred her from sight. Her presence faded, and with it the last vestiges of warmth within his chest.

Just a little longer.

So that he might never lose that time they had once spent together. So that he might never lose that time he had already lost forever.

No matter how far apart they might drift, she lived on in his heart. No matter how his legs might tremble, she gave him the wings to fly.

No matter how he might cling to her guiding light, he would never see her when his eyes opened.

Just a little longer...

How bright the stars overhead shone, though he could not see them, though he might call her name and hold out his hand in vain. So close he might cry, but never within reach.

Unless he stepped forth.

If he did not take that crucial step, he would never set eyes upon her again.

If only he could see her now.

An eternity passed. Two. Then with inexorable slowness he rose to his feet, buffeted by the hollow howls. A wall of white stretched before him: impenetrable, infinite. A wall of white loomed behind him: immeasurable, endless.

One step at a time, he staggered again through the storm.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

A bit late but this is now closed for judging. Sorry for the delay, guys.

[Philomel]

Vignette Judgement: May 2017 Vignette

Brief:
Your character becomes trapped in a room where their heart's truest desire manifests. They can relive a fond memory, see a deceased friend, lover or family member, or even find true peace. Once they leave, however, the experience is gone forever. Do they attempt to escape? Do the decide to live the rest of their days in the lie? If they leave it, how do they react? If they stay, what happens to them?

Commentary:

Sir Artemis

A really good insight to what Artemis truly wants, with an interesting aspect to having no magic at all. It shows that what he desires above all is not power or wealth, but rather a world without religion (the absence of St Denebriel’s Cathedral), without the need to build walls for protection and a small family with his love and daughter. The small details in this post lend greatly to the world that you created, such as the lavender skin of the daughter.
If one is nitpicking there were a couple of noticeable mechanical suggestions, that would have helped to let the post flow better. One being where you could put a comma after ‘Daddy’ in ‘"Daddy I want ice cream!"’ Pacing also was a little fast at points, with the ending rather abrupt, but finished on the right tone. That being said you have a good balance with the elements of the relationship between all characters, and also with persona and communication.

Jdd2035

What was great about your post is the uncommonness of your character’s ‘perfection’. Whereas someone might go for love or for power or wealth, you instead chose a lonely and highly desired ship, highlighting the importance your captain puts to it. With the main chunk of the post being a description of the heart’s desire in question you put forwards a very well-formed piece. Though the description could have done with richer linguistic technique, such as the use of similie, your piece was just the right length and ordered well. With the person who gave the gift of seeing your greatest desire a bit of a street seller, you added fun to the piece, though the repetition of “cried” is bulky and unfortunate. There was also a little confusion of Cain ‘stepping through the door’ - was it an illusion? But he is also rowed out to her. Overall a highly unusual piece, and a great reflection at the end with the words, ‘nevertheless not his true love’.

Good For Nothing Captain

Your piece beautifully reflects a major part of the backstory to your character in a way which gives a great reasoning for his heart’s desire. You also are the only person to consider the words of the prompt of being ‘trapped’ in the room and the need to ‘escape’ - which you tied it very well, with the accidental cutting of the magical chalk line by your character drawing his sword. The reflection also was an intriguing mix of good and bad, with many people alive who Victor had not been able to save in one reality, but in this dream he had, but also with Alder who seemed part of the crowd, and a necessary truth in the idea of ‘living with oneself’. This is a really intriguing and unique reflection on the idea that Victor’s heart’s desire is also one he does not want to experience, and he decides to turn his back on it. There was a lot of explanation needing to be done because of the shortness of the piece and the style that it is in (vignette) so a few things felt confusing and rushed, however, you wrote with a fantastic style, uncommon punctuation, and excellent technique; highlight being “sitting behind her like a dubious monolith” which really reflects the whole tone of the piece.

Flames of Hyperion

You have a spectacular way of writing that is truly marvellous and an honour to read. The whole flow of your piece was fabulous, with nothing to complain about in the way of pacing or tone. The steady small, often one-line paragraphs ending the piece provide a rich description, strong imagery and an overall feel to the impact that Yann has on your character. The scene being a dream is a realistic idea, when considering the perfection of the content. This, however, does not quite fit the brief of being trapped, and this is a slight let down when considering this piece. There is a powerful idea of destiny in this piece, with words such as, “A forlorn permutation of hope, destined to die in vain.” constantly reminding the reader of the fact, and Nanashi’s acceptance of this in the end, as he turns away to walk into the storm. Overall highly well written, but could have been closer to answering the prompt, though gave a good reflection on the theme.

Winner:

This is a really hard one to judge, as there are four very powerful pieces here that each have their own merits. Flames has a very strong description and writing technique that reflects on the idea of inevitability. Artemis writes a very believable tale which ends in the anger of the knowledge that it is all an illusion, and really he is just a ‘guinea pig’. Jdd2035 gives a different aspect to what would be a heart’s desire - one that forgoes any mention of other people but rather looks at an object of love and want. However, Good For Nothing Captain wins this vignette by writing a well-written piece full of good technique, showing the reader part of his character and where he comes from and also being the only one to properly answer the vignette prompt’s questions of how he escapes.

Rewards!

Winner: Good for Nothing Captain
Rewards: 600 EXP and 200 GP

Second Place: Flames of Hyperion
Rewards: 1,040 EXP and 150 GP

Sir Artemis:
Rewards: 650 EXP

Jdd2035:
Rewards: 300 EXP

[Rayleigh]

All rewards have been added. Participants also received 1 AP, with the winner receiving 2.