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Thread: The Price of Freedom ~ Part II

  1. #41
    Member
    EXP: 21,990, Level: 6
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    Level completed: 29%,
    EXP required for next level: 5,010
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    Christina Bredith's Avatar

    Name
    Christina Amanda Bredith
    Age
    26
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Blonde
    Eye Color
    Silver with blue flecks
    Build
    5'8" / 130 lbs
    Job
    Corone Ranger (Deputy Marshal)

    The whole event had turned out to be little more than a blur for Christina. As soon as Underwood was in their sights, smoke billowing through the treetops as if from a massive Alerian factory, the blonde felt her body go numb. The flames were still roaring, and as they neared, she could feel their heat pounding against her, merciless and unsympathetic to the lives claimed and memories destroyed.

    For her, though, no memories were destroyed – rather, those of the most unfortunate kind resurfaced. Today Underwood was, though painted with slightly different colours, a chilling replica of Laricia, the city of birth she watched ravaged by orcs years ago. Each woman that wailed as she watched the very foundations of her home wither away and crumble as if it was a thousand years old sounded eerily familiar to Christina: it was frightening how those screams were no different from those of women watching their families die around them.

    The party soon found themselves in the decrepit remains of the rangers’ garrison. Christina had been given one of the two usable chairs, which she sat in numbly with her hands folded in her lap and her legs crossed at the ankle – in this time of strife, she ironically looked much the part of the dainty socialite, because that was how she was born and raised, and her mind was too preoccupied at the moment to care what her body was doing. She would normally have protested the offer of the seat to begin with, insisting that Sienna take it instead – the poor girl, how hard this must have been for her – but the warrior’s fiery spirit was now somewhat dampened by these flames of war.

    What killed her the most was that there was nothing, nothing, she could do to help. The houses would not stop burning unless the sky saw fit to mourn Concordia’s loss and weep – curse its sardonic good cheer! Those who could be saved already had been, but what sort of a life was it that they had saved? They had no place to go in an empire likely to persecute them simply for their relations with the rangers. D…did we do this?

    “So it is over,” Letho announced grimly. Unlike most of the rest of what had been said, those words resounded like a crystal bell, shattering the dullness of Christina’s thoughts. Her blood ran cold instantly, and her heart and a sharp breath met in her throat. They couldn’t have lost! Not so easily! Not like this!

    But… what could they do? Maybe it really was over. The rangers were such a small force now, and most of those that remained were wounded and scattered to the four winds. “Nobody wants justice anymore,” the Stormcrow cawed grimly – and with that, Christina’s heart fell back to her chest and then straight on to her stomach.

    While the Marshals were agreeing with each other’s ominous assessments, however, Christina’s ears, finally regaining their sharpness, picked up a growing commotion outside in the village square. She looked up for a moment, and turned her head toward the window, momentarily breaking her perfect posture. The men and women there, they were speaking of—!

    For the first time in what must have been hours, warmth returned to Christina’s body. She turned to Edward Stormcrow and spoke; her voice was subdued, but careful and tempered like the sharp edge of a knife. “You speak too soon, sir,” she cautioned respectfully. Her grey eyes were beginning to sparkle with a zeal that had been missing for altogether too long now. Christina rose and marched through the empty arch where a pair of thick oak doors once afforded the room much privacy. Without even turning to look back at them, her steely voice rose above the hollow sound of her boots drumming against the floor.

    “There’s blood left in the heart of Corone yet.”

    *

    Outside, a congregation of many of Underwood’s survivors had formed - man and woman, ranger and civilian alike. It was an unlikely gathering, but one that filled Christina’s veins with warmth. Some still wept for their losses, and others merely overflowed with rage that could not yet be directed, but these villagers shared one thing in common: a resolution for revenge.

    Some of them stepped aside when Christina approached, recognizing her as one of Marshal Ravenheart’s deputies. She stood among them, examining their faces and feeding on the determination that they displayed even in the midst of such tragedy. She realized then that this truly was a re-enactment of Laricia’s destruction, for these people reminded her, quite frankly, of herself.

    “We want to join you,” a burly man near the front of the crowd told her. He was one of the civilians drafted into the rangers’ forces, but who had remained in Underwood to defend it. “Those imperial bastards might think they can just walk all over us, but they’re wrong.” There was a murmur of approval from the crowd.

    “We want to help,” a fifty-something woman added. “Any way we are able to.”

    “Is it true?” a younger woman asked next, peeking her head out from the throng. “That the Marshal killed one of those red-cloaked fiends?”

    By now, Christina’s face had regained a lot of the life that had been drained from it when she set her eyes on the burning city, but it was a serious, appreciative energy that flowed through her now, opposed to her usual flighty, flamboyant energy. “That’s what he told me,” she answered seriously and with a reassuring smile.

    “If he can do it, they’re not invincible after all!” one voice cried out. “They’re just big bullies,” admonished another. “Bu~llies! Bu~llies!” sang some children who were too young, too innocent to grasp the gravity of the situation around them.

    Christina could only laugh, brightly and seriously. She looked over her shoulder at her companions who were now approaching. “You see, Marshals?” The woman was speaking not only to them, but also to and on behalf of the villagers gathered around her. “These are the people who have borne the brunt of our miscalculation, and yet they stand before us with resolve and strength in their hearts. The grim odds are not enough to sink their hearts or dull their hunger for justice. This…” Her smile widened and she gestured at the congregation with open arms. “This is the indomitable spirit of the Republic of Corone!”
    Last edited by Christina Bredith; 07-07-07 at 01:58 AM.
    And she was fair as is the rose in May.
    ~ Geoffrey Chaucer

  2. #42
    Member
    EXP: 74,296, Level: 11
    Level completed: 78%, EXP required for next level: 2,704
    Level completed: 78%,
    EXP required for next level: 2,704
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    Izvilvin's Avatar

    Name
    Izvilvin Kazizzrym
    Age
    86
    Race
    Drow
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    White
    Eye Color
    Purple
    Build
    5'9'' 145 lbs
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    Drifter

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    The darkness of the corner felt comforting to the Drow, who stood with arms crossed and his head lowered. Recent events had rendered him unable to fully grasp the situation he was in, but he was learning through thought, one detail at a time.

    To those who knew him, Izvilvin projected a wholesome and kind image, the impression of an elf who used his abilities for good and the benefit of the innocent. For two years, he had defended Fallien and the Jya, a woman whose debt toward he had long since overpaid. His decision to remain in the desert for so long was not solely due to comfort, for although he enjoyed a life of safety and friendship, Izvilvin’s duties were not easy. He had sweat buckets and bled seas for Irrakam, and all for the people within – many of which would never accept him.

    This image of honor did not reflect what he had become. He was a warrior doing what he was told, that was for certain, but even the most loyal of swords must turn against its wielder if the leader becomes unfit. As many times as the Drow came to this conclusion, the end result was always the same: Step would kill him before he could make a single move against them. Suppressing his sigh was nearly impossible.

    Christina’s movement stirred him. Ears twitching, Izvilvin only then became aware of the sounds of conversation from outside the window. She left the room, drawing curious looks from those who stood within, each becoming aware of the commotion.

    By the time he and the others joined her, Christina was proclaiming the continuing life of what Corone used to be. It brought cheers, most of which were shocking in their enthusiasm considering where they stood. To his surprise, Izvilvin found himself within the celebration, as he was patted several times on his shoulders. He didn’t feel excluded then, didn’t feel the slightest bit separated from these rangers, these Coronians, these humans. It felt like Fallien again, like the rally just before the harpies were vanquished. It was bolstering, profoundly so, and Izvilvin liked the feeling of confidence more than the feeling of dread.

    He used the commotion to draw near to Christina, leaning in to her ear – it was remarkable that even after so many battles, he could find her scent so tempting.

    “Letho lives, but I must go for a time. I will find you again.”

    He backed away from her then, but didn’t try to leave immediately. She would understand, he thought, and not try to keep him there. Instead he blended back in with the crowd.

    Step no longer had his allegiance nor his fear. It was, after all, simply an organization of people just like him. As long as they still thought he was one of them, Izvilvin held an advantage – and in turn, so did the resistance. He planned to use that advantage for as long as he could.

    It was time to stop being afraid, to regain his pride.

    ((Acknowledgment: -2 sai for me.))

  3. #43
    Non Timebo Mala
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    Level completed: 46%,
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    Letho's Avatar

    Name
    Letho Ravenheart
    Age
    41
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Dark brown, turning gray
    Eye Color
    Dark brown
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    6'0''/240 lbs
    Job
    Corone Ranger

    They weren’t an army. They weren’t even a motley militia. This mélange of the too green and the too elderly, of feeble women and beardless children, of farmstead armaments and sagging muscles, they couldn’t hold their ground against a single battalion of fairly trained men. Their zeal was commendable, but it was bound to make them nothing more then a heap of zealous corpses. Their numbers, great though they might’ve been for it seemed half of Underwood tried to find their place in the ruins of the Rangers headquarters, would account for nothing but the size of the mass tomb. Letho knew that. He received military training in Savion years ago, but the important lessons weren’t lost to forgetfulness. And one of them said that when training and discipline clashed with chaos and bloodlust, the latter always lost. He couldn’t use them. Not in their current state.

    “Is it revenge you seek?” the Marshal finally spoke, his voice first silencing the crowd, then eliciting a murmuring din filled with ‘yeas’ and ‘ayes’. His stringent eyes chased away any delusions and elation from them, quieting them once again as he took a step forward. “Payback for the loss of your homes, for deaths of your loved ones? Do you want those responsible beheaded for their misdeeds? Soak the soil with their blood? Do you want to crush the Empire for what they did to you?”

    Every question seemed to bring the collective spirit up a notch until they finally raised their arms and pitchforks and scythes and roared in confirmation. Edward Stormcrow was the only one who shook his head; he knew where his fellow Ranger was going with this. Letho raised one of his large hands in a gesture to stop the commotion. Once it did, he spoke the words that quenched the spark that seemed ready to turn into a roaring flame.

    “If that is the only reason, then I cannot use you,” he stated. The consequent silence was total, as if the entire mass of people perished in a second. The Marshal continued in a solemn, dignified voice. His eyes went from one ash-covered face to another, clashed with every questioning gaze and refused to yield. “If you are here only to chase some personal revenge, fight a personal war, then I cannot use you. This war is bigger then us, ladies and gentlemen, more important then each and every one of us.”

    He moved towards the free folk of Corone and they parted as he walked amidst them. He touched a shoulder of a widow here, a messy head of hair of a child there, examining the assortment of faces around him. “You have lost so much these last few weeks, I know. Your blood boils and cries for satisfaction. But there is a voice that cries louder still. The voice of freedom, the voice of the Republic on its death bed. It needs soldiers to fight for her. If you believe that you can be men of war, then I will teach you how to become the tools of the Republic. But if you want only blood, then you are walking an awry path, for this war cannot be won by brute force.”

    He came to his horse at last and swung into the saddle with ease, as if the speech somehow reenergized him and made him immune to his injuries. “Revenge will not bring back that which you have lost. But victory could regain you the most important thing of all: your freedom. If you follow me, then follow me as brothers and sisters in arms, as soldiers of the Republic of Corone. If not, then go seek your revenge elsewhere.”

    It wasn’t a speech that they wanted to hear, Letho knew. It was too harsh, too hard to digest at a time like this. They wanted inspiring words and promises how all the wrongs would be righted and all villains brought to justice. But that wasn’t how wars operated. They were gruesome, loathsome things that attacked you from the inside just as your enemies attacked you from the outside. If your only fuel was lust for revenge, it burned out like oil, leaving a black patch where your heart used to be. But if there was a higher cause, a common goal that brought unity amidst the ranks, then they were more then just louts with swords. Then they were soldiers.

    The silence lingered. The Marshal could read the faces around him; they reflected the battle that occurred in the minds beyond them. His words had struck the vengeful cord within them for which they all clutched when they stepped forward, trying to sever it, trying to open their eyes to something bigger then just the scorched remnants of Underwood. Letho knew this urge quite well. Even now, as he was preaching them about the Republic and freedom, a part of him desired for this gathering to disband right then and there. He could leave them to their own devices, sneak into Gisela, find Myrhia, flee, settle in some place forgotten by the world and just watch as the Empire stomps on everything with its iron boot. But he had a duty to the land that had given him so much and that duty was bigger then his personal cravings.

    “I will follow you, Marshal!” a female voice called out. At the edge of this pool of begrimed faces and soiled clothes, Sienna stood with her rifle at her side. Her right hand saluted the mounted man in a military fashion, her clutched right fist pressed against her heart. Her lips, always unsmiling and pulled tight, were smirking ever so gently. And it was the snowball that started an avalanche, for no sooner then her salute was done, two more pledged their allegiance to Letho Ravanheart. And then three more, five, dozens and dozens, all trying – and mostly failing – to salute the Marshal properly. And soon enough most were standing in attention – or some semblance of it – holding their hands to their chests.

    They didn’t know what they were enlisting for, Letho knew. Nobody knew what war was all about until they landed right in the bloody middle of one. But they would learn. And soon.


    ((SPOILS:

    A spear with a shaft made of nihon and a tip made of prevalida.

    A scarlet cloak made of vlince with the emblem of the Scarlet Brigade.))
    Last edited by Letho; 07-11-07 at 08:41 PM.
    "Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity."

    William Butler Yeats - The Second Coming

  4. #44
    Member
    GP
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    AdventWings's Avatar

    Name
    Raven Adventwings
    Age
    Take a wild guess
    Race
    Felisionne
    Gender
    I'mma Guy!
    Hair Color
    Raven Black
    Eye Color
    Deep Brown
    Build
    6 ft / 143 lbs.
    Job
    Fighter Pilot - MIA

    For what I've done...
    I start again
    And whatever pain may come
    Today this ends
    I'm forgiving what I've done...
    What I've Done ~ Linkin Park

    Heehee. I was listening to this line while reading the last half of Letho's post. Seems fitting for a closing credit roll, I might say.

    *ahem*

    Sorry, got side-tracked.

    Anyways~! Time to hear the Judgment!

    Story

    Continuity - 8

    You all had a reason to be where you were and you used that to your advantage.

    Setting - 8

    There was more of this during the front half of the thread, but big battles tend to be messy and adding bits of visual layout would just be too much. You played this well and only noted the important things. Immediate things that needed noting, anyway, but it was generally very well-placed.

    Pacing - 7

    If you can work on how to flow into each other's posts a bit more, especially finding a way to make it all seem like you're all writing off each other's post instead of having the overlap the posts. It's hard, I know, but can be done with some effort. From what I see here, one or two attempts worked. The transition from Post #25 into Post #26 was what I was looking for. Have fun figuring that out, Nya~!

    Writing Style

    Mechanics - 8

    Nothing terrible or too wordy, but large paragraphs are sometimes tiresome to the eyeballs. If you found a way to break it up into manageable sizes - without compromising writing structure and pacing - then you're as good as gold. Some (un?)intentional misspells from Izzy around Posts #36 (and maybe one before?) but that was all that I caught. With the misspell so close to the start of the post, however, it was glaringly obvious.

    Techniques - 8

    Yes, good techniques and all that jazz. None of them stood out like a big bright diamond, though. Then again, maybe it was because there were so many back-to-back in your posts? Go easy on them if you have to - too much of it can really crowd out the posts and bore the readers.

    Clarity - 8

    Some stuff were still a bit crazy-lookin' and did not quite make sense, like how many Scarlet Brigade units were present. It served well in creating the "wtf" effect on the readers, so I guess it served its purpose.

    Character

    Dialogue - 8

    I was tempted to give you a 9, but some of the stuff Sienna said conflicted with her nature. I could imagine her saying "It'll do" more than "It will suffice" in such a circumstances, but that's just me. Christina's words were... Wow. I'd be surprised with all that commander blood in her, but she is a talkative and lovable character. Like I said, I'm tempted, but you get an 8 for now.

    Action - 7

    Some of the stuff that went down did not quite make sense, but I blame that on the general turmoil that unfolded. Some of it had to do with troop movement and strategic deployment, but that goes to show my understanding of medieval-level warfare. Good job overall.

    Persona - 9

    A wonderful caste of characters with... characters! Every single person portrayed here. With the exception of the Scarlet Brigade, of course, since they are supposed to be mysterious. I cannot say more than give you a 9. Great job.

    Miscellaneous

    Wild Card - 10

    Hmm... What to say... Well, I think there are a few factors that played into giving you the elusive 10.

    One: The story was engaging and not focused on merely the battle, in the literal sense. It also wove three stories together, almost seamless to a casual reader's eyes. One is about a Ranger Marshall who just wanted to get away from it all but sooner or later got dragged back to doing his stuff. One is about a young and impressionable soldier looking to live her dreams in the army. And one about an assassin and an outlander who was forced to decide between doing his job and doing what's right.

    Two: ...Well, I would have to hand it to the interplay of personalities. It made a battle of this scale... An affair so epic... seem all the more personal.

    In short... I might have been different if the parties involved were not these three.

    Total Score - 81!

    If that doesn't make this eligible for a JC, I don't know what will. (By the way, Letho, ya really need to go easy on the JCs. )

    Letho receives 5,910 EXP and the Nihon spear with Prevalida blade. He also got the vlince cloak of the Scarlet Brigade, albiet quite tattered as it is.

    Christina Bredith receives 2,575 EXP and some gifts from the Concordian kids, totaling 436 GP.

    Izvilvin receives 4,450 EXP and 460 GP. He lost two of his sai in the skirmish at South Pass, however. It looks like he would have to buy some to replenish his stock.

    I'll be waiting to see what you have in store for The Price of Freedom ~ Part III as well. Rock on, Soldiers!
    Last edited by AdventWings; 07-31-07 at 08:15 AM.
    The year's at the spring,
    And day's at the morn;
    Morning's at seven;
    The hill-side's dew-pearled;
    The lark's on the wing;
    The snail's on the thorn;

    God's in his Heaven - All's right with the world...


    ~Pippa Passes; by Robert Browning

  5. #45
    Non Timebo Mala
    EXP: 126,303, Level: 15
    Level completed: 46%, EXP required for next level: 8,697
    Level completed: 46%,
    EXP required for next level: 8,697
    GP
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    Letho's Avatar

    Name
    Letho Ravenheart
    Age
    41
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Dark brown, turning gray
    Eye Color
    Dark brown
    Build
    6'0''/240 lbs
    Job
    Corone Ranger

    EXP/GP added! Christina Bredith, welcome to the next level.
    "Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity."

    William Butler Yeats - The Second Coming

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