Agrigon

[Amaril Torrun]

With a point in the right direction by a sleepy guard, Amaril found his way to the merchant area of the city, dragging the dead body behind him. The corpse smelled terrible, the stench of decomposition impossible to get rid of. If he hadn’t already been a loner, he was certain that people would leave him alone for the next few days. He still needed one more person to come in contact with before leaving the port behind however, and he began wandering around the market area. He had no real idea where to look for the ruined merchant. The man might be at another bar, staying at an inn, or he possibly had his own house. The only thing he did know about finding the thin, sickly man was that he would surely come to the market in the morning. Merchants couldn’t stay away from businesses and the exchanging of gold.

Amaril leaned against a building not far from the street, where he would wait for the few remaining hours of night to bid farewell to his side of the world. Once the man did come, he’d look upon the creature that devastated his small business and pay the mercenary the fee he was promised.

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The rest of the night passed without interference and the half-breed watched as men and women set up their shops for the day. As he watched the morning rituals of Talmhaidh’s citizens, he noticed that nearly half of the outside market area was devoted to food, mostly fruits and vegetables native to Dheathain. Remarkably hungry, the half-dragon hid the body of his fallen enemy behind the building, making sure that no one was around to see it. He then returned to the market, but he recognized none of the foreign fruits and as he thought about it, was entirely too hungry to be filled by such light provisions anyhow. Turning in a circle he looked at the various signs of the inside shops until he found one with a picture of a giant hunk of meat.

Salivating, he went inside and looked at the various meats. A butcher behind the counter eyed the draconian look-a-like suspiciously, but Amaril was too hungry to care. “I’ll have some venison, about three pounds worth. And if you could cook it a little, that’d be great.”

The butcher leaned forward, a roll of fat climbing over the top of the counter. “That’ll be twenty-five gold pieces.”

Amaril glared angrily. “That’s ridiculous! I’ve never heard of deer meat costing that much, even with it being cooked!”

The prejudiced man glared right back. “And ten more gold to cook it.”

Amaril almost punched the butcher, but held himself back. He didn’t need to get into trouble on the verge of leaving the port. The scent of meats was heavy and his nostrils flared. He was too hungry to haggle any longer. Taking the coins out of his pocket, he spoke in the most controlled voice he could muster. “Ok, here’s the gold.”

The butcher took it without another work and set to work on cutting the portion of meat requested by his ripped off customer. Amaril looked out the window to keep his mind off of things, and a sight caused him to immediately forget the quarrel.

“I’ll be right back for the meat,” he called out as he ran out of the butchery. Ahead of him was the man in possession of the prevalida daggers.

[Amaril Torrun]

The half-dragon nearly tackled into the merchant in his excitement. For some reason he had expected a much more difficult search. “Sir, I’ve killed your monster.”

The merchant jumped at the sight of Amaril before recognition sank in. “Oh, it’s you. You killed the monster, you say? Well then, show it to me.” There was a heavy hesitation in the voice, but it went unnoticed.

The mercenary sobered from his ecstatic state at the mention of the animal’s dead body, but he nodded in agreement. Once again feeling guilty for the death of the innocent creature, he said nothing as he led the way back to the building. Anxiety hit him as he saw a few people huddled near the building he had left the corpse. There was no other reason for people to crowd around there that he could think of, so he quickened the pace. Behind, he could here the merchant start to breathe heavily, unused to anything faster than a trot.

He divided the small crowd with his arms, finding a man crouched next the animal’s body. “What are you doing to it? Leave it alone!” Amaril exclaimed, suddenly very possessive of the creature. He pushed the unsuspecting man away, causing him to fall from the ground.

“This… thing, sir, is causing a terrible smell in our district. You have no right to stop us from cleaning it up.” The fallen man glared at the half-dragon with an emotion mingled with anger and fear.

“And you have no right to touch what doesn’t belong to you.” Amaril turned to the merchant. “Here is your proof. Your man-eater is dead and I’ll take my reward now.”

The merchant hesitated yet again. “Um… actually… that’s not it.” Without warning, the man dashed away, crashing into a few people on his way.

A rage surged through Amaril. He would not kill innocent creatures only to be cheated afterwards. He hoisted the beast in his arms, muscles bulging and burning, and threw it as hard as he could. The heavy body lost height quickly, but managed to tackle into the merchant’s legs, sending the man to the ground. Pushing the body away from him, the mercenary had enough time to catch up and whipped his sword out. The point of the blade sat mere inches from the man’s throat. A woman behind him screamed in fear.

“This is the creature from the pit that your wagon fell into. I brought the proof you asked and you will pay me what you offered or I will take it by force.” A yell for the city guards erupted from behind.

The merchant saw an opportunity to avoid the promised payment. “I never offered you any reward. I’ve never even talked to you up until now. You can’t trick these people into thinking that I’m the thief, when you are clearly robbing me.” He looked at the much larger crowd forming a circle around the pair. “Please, citizens, stop this lunatic!”

Amaril suddenly realized his quandary. The merchant was making him out to be a criminal, and part of the crowd was taking in every word the man said. He could already see the accusing stares in many of the humans. The draconians and the fae however, sent their accusing stares toward the merchant. The crowd was split, he knew. Now he just needed to know if the side against the merchant would help him out. He looked away from the merchant and raised his sword from its position.

“I am not here to steal from this man. Why would I cause such a ruckus if that was my intention?” He looked into the eyes of several draconians and fae. “This man had already asked several of you for help, if I’m not mistaken, before coming to me. He asked for me to kill the creature that destroyed his small caravan. Now I am simply asking for the payment for that deed.”

He slowly sheathed his sword, turning his attention to several city guards standing in front of the crowd. Some had their weapons drawn, while others were listening intently. There was no way to predict how the situation would unfold, but his desire for the prevalida kept him rooted to the spot.

[Amaril Torrun]

A surge of commotion came from a small section of the massive crowd circled around the two quarrelers. Erupting from it came four well armored men, most likely soldiers, followed closely by a richly adorned woman.

“My lady,” several nearby citizens breathed softly as they bowed in respect to the new arrival. Amaril examined her quickly and noted that she was a fae.

“What is this? Troublemakers disturbing the peace? Bartholomew, take them with us to the Council Hall. We’ll determine their futures there.” The front soldier nodded and with a wave of his hand, the rest moved in on the Amaril and the merchant.

“But…” exclaimed both the half-dragon and his hirer, but they were ignored completely. Heavy shackles clamped Amaril’s arms tightly behind his back, keeping his wings folded as well. “I’m not the criminal here!” he yelled directly at the fae woman, but she shook her head.

“We’ll discuss things further, but not here.” She turned to the crowd. “If you are just a spectator, go back to your business. This situation is concluded and there is no need for you to fall behind in you daily tasks.” As if they suddenly remembered that they had their own lives to attend to, nearly the entire crowd dissimilated into a much more minute group of six citizens.

“Am I to assume that the rest of you have some information about this unfavorable event?” She glared at the small group of five draconians and one fae as if to dare them to respond. Seemingly unperturbed by the threatening stare, four of the draconians and the fae nodded. The other simply turned and walked away. “Very well then. Follow us to the Council Hall and we will figure out exactly what was going on here.”

The lady fae turned her horse and started at a slow trot, allowing her guards to direct the prisoners at a safe, comfortable pace. Amaril looked to his left to see the grim face of the merchant. He opened his mouth to say something derogative, but held his tongue. Now is not the time for bad mouthing anyone. I’ve got to show this fae that I’m more respectable than this cheating man. The mercenary shook his head sadly. It won’t help that I am willing to kill things for payment or that I look like a draconian. I can only pray that she won’t discriminate against me for that.

As the party moved through the port city, citizens halted to stare at those passing by before tending to their own activities. The sun was hoisted directly above them, beating its heat down on Amaril and sending lines of sweat down his face, torso and legs. He had begun sweating much sooner in the day, but it was only during the monotonous march that he actually noticed.

It took about ten minutes before the horsed fae halted and got off of the four-legged beast. Tying the animal to a post on the side of the road, she turned toward a large building, one of the few made of stone. It was obvious that it was the Council Hall she had talked about previously.

“This way gentlemen.” She quickly made her way up the few steps to reach the entrance, opened the door and stepped inside. One by one, the rest followed.

[Amaril Torrun]

Once inside, the woman walked at a brisk pace down the entryway, giving Amaril no time to look around at the new surroundings as was his custom. He and the merchant were led side by side, with a few guards in front and behind them. The five witnesses followed at the back of the group. They were led into a smaller room to the left, where the fae woman stopped and turned to the party.

“I’ll speak to you first,” she said as she looked directly at one of the draconians.

She opened a door to a separate room and entered. The citizen followed quickly. Amaril leaned his left shoulder against the cool stone wall, silently awaiting the judgment. One by one, the citizens with something to say about the situation were led into a smaller chamber where they told the fae leader what they knew. After speaking with her, they let themselves out of the Council Hall, acting as though they already knew the verdict. The half-dragon could only hope they told the lady of the merchant’s quest demands. Eventually, all five witnesses departed and the fae lady returned to the room with Amaril and the sulking merchant.

“I’ve never seen such unanimous statements against an individual,” she said sternly, and to Amaril’s relief, glanced toward the merchant. “I find it impossible to doubt that all five would tell the same lie and it seems this mercenary… or whoever you are,” she looked at Amaril momentarily, “has been telling the truth.”

Amaril sighed in relief. He advanced toward the merchant and the man, quivering in fear, groped for a small pouch of coins in his pocket. Handing it to Amaril, he almost took a step toward the door, but the half-dragon quickly stepped in front of him. The man pouted, but obliged to relinquish his prevalida blades as well. Sensing all was well, the lady looked at the two troublemakers, allowing them the opportunity to realize on their own that they were wasting her time. The merchant, heartbroken and financially devastated, darted out of the room, tears streaking from his eyes.

Amaril began to follow, but was stopped by the lady’s voice. “Sir, why are you here? If you’re just another mercenary, so be it. What I would really like to know is whether I need to keep my eye on you during your stay in this city.”

Amaril allowed himself to grin ever so slightly. “I won’t cause you more trouble. I’m just passing through and will be gone from your city almost immediately.”

Making his way out of the Council Hall, the half-dragon allowed his searching hands the comfort of stroking the new metal he now had hanging at his belt. He felt the odd feeling that he was becoming more dragon-like; more coveting of his treasures, but the beautiful blue blades beat those negative thoughts back.

((This quest was on the Dheathain Bounty Board when I started it and the rewards were for some gold and the two prevalida daggers. The daggers are the most important spoils if I had to choose between the two. He also unknowingly practiced some new ability with the earthy elements, due to his unique scale. Thanks in advance for the read. ))

[Taskmienster]

Agrigon :: I’ll be helping you out with this. Since it’s an older thread, I’m going to be going with limited commentary except where necessary. If you have questions feel free to PM me.

Continuity 6

Didn’t get much of a feel for who Amaril was other than a half-dragon, heroic figure with a penchant for wanting to horde. The goal was clear, it was the background and why he was in Dheathain to begin with that wasn’t so clear.

Setting 6

Just a little here and there, but not enough to really be something of note. Remember to write all 5 senses, not just sight. It’ll help the reader know what’s around you, and make it feel like a much more real place.

Pacing 7

Dialogue 6

Action 6

Some of the action, was exciting and realistic. Other parts were somewhat unrealistic and were more like just making someone look like a child, such as when the merchant ran out crying at the end.

Persona 7

Technique 6

There wasn’t much advanced technique, which could have helped a lot in establishing a story with a flair. Remember to keep the reader interested, and draw them in, advanced technique helps with that as well as pushes the pacing well.

Mechanics 8

Clarity 8

Wild Card 6

Score:

66!

Rewards:

Amaril: 2000 exp | 50 gold
((Prevalida daggers approved. Reduced the gold slightly to allow for them.))

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added!