Time Enough

[Call me J]

While Karuka was sent back wherever she needed to be, Jame and Damon reappeared in Eluriand. Jame smiled uneasily. Now that the danger was gone, everything suddenly seemed awkward. He had met his father, his father had destroyed the universe, and now everything was back to normal. The boy, now grown man, had never thought much about fate or purpose, but now he knew exactly how he was tied into the divine. The tie seemed almost stifling.

Jame wondered what his father would want now. He wondered if it mattered. The Damon Kaosi who had been there at the beginning of the adventure was no longer. The strapping young warrior had been replaced with an old man, his sleek green skin now old and wrinkled.

“I- I…” Jame began. Whatever his future was, he was going to need his father. He couldn’t leave without speaking with Damon. There was just too much on the table to be left unsaid.

However, before Jame could finish a sentence, Damon hugged him. “Take care of yourself,” Damon said. Jame could sense the love and pride within the older general’s voice. He didn’t know why, but everything suddenly seemed so completely peaceful, there in the middle of Eluriand. Somewhere nearby, the same bard that was singing when he had arrived was singing once again. The song was different, but eerily enough, it still carried the same tune.

“Sometimes it’s hard, drowning in pain.
We don’t know what to do,
But the winter cold fades into spring rain,
and we unveil a little of the truth.
Come July, will we still shiver in cold?
We’re all hollow, safe in the hands of God,
Come July, will we all feel old,
We’re all hollow, safe in the hands of God.”

“Do with yourself as you please,” Damon said to Jame. “Soon, you’ll have to come back to Raiaera. There are going to be things here that you’ll need to do. Someone is going to have to defend these people…”

“I can stay,” Jame offered helpfully.

“No don’t,” Damon replied, practically interrupting his son. “Right now, the politics here is poisonous. No one could survive it and end up the same. You need to be fresh, with your own ideals untainted by this place. When the time is ready, you’ll be here. You heard them, the universe unfolds according to its plan.”

Jame smiled, despite the gravity of the situation. The idea of returning to Raiaera to defend people he barely knew seemed a bit intimidating, but Jame supposed that he shouldn’t complain.

"Want to know how I know?" Damon asked with a smile. He gestured to the flamberge Jame had taken from a corrupted elf in their battles with the undead in Eluriand. "That weapon used to be mine..."

Jame looked at the weapon. He no longer wanted it. He may have to follow in his father's footsteps, but he was not yet willing to embrace it. However, there was little he could do. He was going to obey his father and enjoy what of his life was left before he was needed. As it stood, there was certainly cause to celebrate.

After all, for the first time in what seemed like forever, Jame could say with confidence that the world was not about to explode.

[INDK]

Damon said his farewell to his son and then walked off. He moved towards the schools of magic, wondering what his life would be like now. He was old, feeble, still possessing many magical abilities, but for a warrior who had relied on his strength and agility for such an incredibly long time, it was almost impossible to imagine that he’d ever be able to fight again. There would be wars coming, but they would not be his wars, they would belong to the young… people like Jame.

It would soon be getting dark in Eluriand, and Damon wondered if he shouldn’t just leave. He was going to pay his respects at the schools of magic and to the Cora’Lindstra, but as far as he was concerned, his days as a warrior of Althanas were behind him. He would close that book. He would retire, read books, learn new things, and perhaps even enjoy the childhood that he never had in these later years.

Being old was both a gift and a curse. It was something Damon never imagined would happen to him. He was going to be a slayer his entire life; he had never imagined that he would have a chance to become elderly. The rage of youth had subsided within him, and with his abilities all but gone, there was little he could do in the oncoming war.

Soon, he decided where he would go. Damon had never been embraced by any group of people so much as the Raiaerans, but it would have practically killed him to have to have to have endured the wars that were about to come. The powers that governed the universe had let him know of their plans, and the destruction that Eluriand was about to face was going to be heartbreaking. Damon didn’t know if he could witness the mayhem, especially in this enfeebled state which he’d be able to do nothing in Eluriand's defense.

For a few moments, Damon wondered if he should reconsider. Almost immediately, he realized he was being foolish. Eluriand would not be an appropriate place for old men. Instead, he’d head out to Dheathain, at least for the time being. He’d build himself a home there, use his magical ability to give himself a place where he could read and study in peace. When order returned, he would come back to Eluriand and work in the schools of magic. In the interim, he would stay hidden, enjoying retirement and moving quietly behind the scenes. His son would take his place in the war. Damon could tell that Jame had been nervous, but it wouldn’t matter. Damon had every confidence that Jame would come through in the end. The powers that governed the universe had made that much clear.

However, Damon’s fate was much less exciting. He would live a long time, old and able to finally take up the studies he had always wanted to undertake. There would be other heroes, other villains and other wars. Those would be the responsibility of the young. Damon’s biggest battles were over.

The universe would be fine without him. Everything was as it should be.

Once again, Damon Kaosi had faith. Retirement would be kind.

The End

[Sighter Tnailog]

Quest Judging
Time Enough

I apologize for the length it's taken on this judging -- it's been a long time to wait for not exactly the most detailed judgment I've given -- but my circumstances have just kept me away from internet access for a bit.

Anyway, forward. This thread was a lot of fun. From start to finish it sort of swept the reader along, which is one of the great talents of a writer. There were some flaws, however, namely in a sort of drop-off to the pacing towards the very end and a bit of reliance on some devices that tended towards being deus ex machinas. But even then, those flaws did not prevent this from being simply a fun thread.

It was also made more fun by the fact that I judged, so long ago, that quest where Taliel Escabre, Hazar, and Damon desperately charged through Eluriand surrounded by Corrupted Elves. So it was sort of a trip down memory lane for me -- something I judged in the Wild Card arena.

STORY

Continuity ~ 8/10. I could easily see Damon's and Jame's places in all of this, but I had a bit more trouble just at the very beginning figuring out where Karuka came into the picture. The understanding came into place later in the thread, but the story suffered a bit from this placement, as initially the reader is more confused than I think was intended over why Karuka is delivering the object and how she got involved in everything.
Setting ~ 7/10. Not a bad description of your environs at all, but more descriptions and better effort at making the scene come alive would not have been out of place.
Pacing ~ 9/10. This was superb. From the get-go, I was enthralled by both your work, simply pulled along by the story. At first I was interested in how going back in time would end the Alerar-Raiaera conflict, then desperately wanted to know if Karuka would make it in time to save the ice elemental, then became quite interested in how they were going to fix the universe. But, like I said above, there was perhaps a bit too much in this final bit, after the "last twist" the excitement of the quest faded a bit.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 8/10. I don't really know how to say it, but I thought the dialogue here was pretty close to perfect. Karuka, yours especially has a real touch of character in it. Damon/Jame, you're good, there's no doubt, but sometimes it's a bit harder to see the difference in the two characters from dialogue alone. It's a real minor thing, and hard to put your finger on, but continue trying to find ways to distinguish your characters from one another in your dialogue.
Action ~ 9/10. Rock-solid. Could always be better, but for the most part I thought what your characters did was wholly in keeping with who they were. Karuka's reasons for performing the errand, as with Continuity, were not explained precisely at the outset, and so a little bit was shaved off here.
Persona ~ 6/10. Your characters seemed not to have too many emotional responses -- and when they did, I wasn't always sure what the responses told me about the characters. Jame and Damon, for instance...I just wasn't sure how to read their relationship when they realized it, and I didn't get a whole lot of help in the writing in assessing their newfound position. Karuka was a bit better here, I think, but as "Ragnarok" unfolded I wasn't always sure where the rational center of her response was coming from. Probably the weakest area of this quest: work on how characters perceive emotion and cope with it.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 7/10. Damon, be on the lookout for how you use epithets. There were a number of times when you would say "veteran soldier" upwards of three times in a single paragraph, and over the course of the whole thread the phrase got a bit tiresome. There were a few others -- I think maybe "grizzled veteran?" -- that were used less often, but still enough to become noticeable and redundant. Here I would also bring up the problem of the deus ex machina. One thing that made the ending less pleasant for me was the fact that it was not the characters fixing things, but rather some sort of semi-angelic guardians who preside over reality. Not a bad idea, really, to have such forces and find ways to interact with them, but it comes across a little bit as "I don't know how to end this, so I'll have the gods make everything alright." I don't think that's what you intended, though, so in the future try to find ways to make this, if it even happens, less of a divine intervention and more a divine collaboration.
Mechanics ~ 10/10. I didn't see any mistakes. I probably missed a few -- most Althanas threads have them -- but my general tendency is to spot and take note of mistakes. If my mechanics-nazi self saw none, then that's a 10 in my book.
Clarity ~ 9/10. Michelle's character's reasons for being in the quest hurt you a bit here, but other than that it was readable and forthright.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 10/10. For a trip down memory lane!

TOTAL ~ 83/100. Excellent! I'll be nominating this for a Judge's Choice.

EXP Rewards

INDK gains 5300 EXP!
Call Me J gains 1875 EXP!
Karuka Tida gains 2950 EXP!

GP Rewards

INDK gains 365 GP!
Call Me J gains 365 GP!
Karuka Tida gains 332 GP!

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP Added!

Call me J welcome to level 2!

Movement pending Judge's Choice decision.