016573 vs. Abenaki: Possessed

[Breaker]

"This guy is all over the place. I'm surprised he hasn't stabbed himself yet."

The tribal's wild attacks seemed to be constantly throwing him off balance. In a strange way, he reminded me of a street fighter. The kind of punks who learned to fight just by fighting way too much, ignoring finesse and technique in favour of power. The way to deal with this type of fighter was keep your attack technical, solid, and fast. I felt confident that I could exploit the native's weakness.

I was breathing heavily, I realized, but mostly because of the pain in my hip. The more I focussed on my breathing, the less conscious I was of the blood flowing from my open wound. It didn't feel all that deep-- not enough to bleed me out, anyway. But the hip was slowing me down.

"No problem, I'll let Tarzan here do all the moving."

Indeed, the native began to circle, trying to get on my weak side. He opened his mouth, and again the garbled gobledeygook which sounded a little like tradespeak flowed out.

"What?... no! He didn't just say his name is Jada... it couldn't be."

For a brief moment, my normally confident grasp on reality slipped. I wondered if I had, in fact, attacked one of my students upon his arrival. If this wasn't Jada, then where was he? People often showed up late, but that made a lowsy reason for assuming the tribal wasn't Jada.

"No... that can't be right. None of my students have ever walked through that door with weapons drawn. Besides, he would have spoken to me in tradespeak if he wanted to be understood. This bastard is a much better fighter than those other two thieves could ever be, they must have sent him after me. At the very least, Jada would have KNOWN who I am, would have asked rather than attacking me full out."

The tribal had not identified himself as Jada, it had merely been a sound I evoked from his messy speech. I had probably, on some subconscious level, been thinking about Jada, and that had made me hear the name. Like seeing shapes in the stars.

My moment's hesitation fueled my wrath once more. The sun's increasingly powerful rays was turning my black clothing into a furnace, and sweat dripped onto the well-used blue mats. Again I turned my full attention to defeating the invader.

I stepped forward onto my left leg, staying in good balance. Releasing one end of the nunchaku, I snapped my arm forward, aiming the initial strike for the inside of my enemy's left wrist, again trying to disarm him. The whiplike nature of the chuck gave it both incredible power and speed, and I had barely finished the first strike when I began the second, the steel nun-chuck seeming to have life of its own as it snapped at the tribal's left temple. My arm was fully extended as I delivered the blow, and as I pulled back I aimed the flailing chuck for Tarzan's right wrist, figuring if I could disarm him completely I'd have the fight won. It as a fairly standard triangle attack, out-in-out, a striking combination unique to the nunchaku.

Settling my weight back on the uninjured leg, I curled the chuck over my shoulder, reaching my left hand behind my back and catching it there. Holding one end of my weapon just above my right shoulder, the other near the small of my back, I would be able to attack or defend in a heartbeat, with either hand.

[Abenaki]

Like the viper... That earlier jibe came back to haunt him as Jada followed the odd weapon in his opponent's hand. A single step forward, followed almost instantly by a quick strike, like a snake lunging at its prey. The weapon extended forward, attacking his left wrist. Already moving in a counter-clockwise direction around the man, Jada merely quickened his next step, sidestepping the strike. What Jada didn’t plan for, however, was the quick follow-up strike that would have undoubtedly knocked him unconscious were it not for a reflexive duck. Following that, in a move even more unpredictable for the young warrior, the snake weapon lashed out a third time. Caught fully unprepared by this third quick strike, Jada could only hiss in pain as all strength left his right hand and his iron short sword clanged off the floor...

"Moh'dze!" This time the curse wasn't internal, but a painful yelp as Jada instinctively clutched his broken wrist to his chest, accidently nicking himself across the abdomen with his opponent's blade as he brought his left hand up to support his right. This time the tingling on the back of his neck was more of a cooling wave that flowed from the rune out along his extremities to cool the intense, burning pain in his wrist. By the time his opponent's weapon had coiled itself around his arm, Jada's pain was dissipated, allowing him to quickly regain control...'

A wounded bear with tricks up his sleeves. He thought irately. He's obviously skilled enough with that thing that I can't sit back and allow him to dictate the pace.

With his pain under control, reduced now to a dull ache in the joint, rather than the flaring intense pain of broken bone, Jada lowered his injured arm to his side, and brandished the blue-tinted blade offensively. The warrior figured that at this point in the battle the wounds inflicted on either of them would begin to play a larger and larger role in the outcome, and that any advantage would prove immensely valuable. It was at this point, that Jada had one distinct advantage in mind...

With a wild battle-cry, Jada lunged into a quick and furious charge, the tip of the short blade seeking its former owner's heart in a forward thrust. As he hurtled across the short gap between the two men, his wild cry ricocheted off the walls of their small arena, rising on the air into the sun-illuminated dome...

"Awasos!"

[Breaker]

I felt little satisfaction as the tribal's iron sword dropped from his hand. I was letting the bare-chested warrior get the best of me, allowing his quick stabbing attacks to part my flesh, while hardly landing any attacks myself. I needed to pull myself together, to deal some serious damage. At that point, the fight was not looking good for me, bleeding from two flesh wounds. The blod flow was not heavy, but I could feel the damaged areas weakening, my hip in particular. Luckily, I can balance as well on one leg as most people can on two, and it wasn't like my wounded limb was completely useless. Despite that, I needed to end things quickly.

Drawing on my anger, I lowered myself into the abyss of black rage, feeling more and more adrenaline flow into my veins. I drew on the power it lent me, feeling my muscles harden to superhuman standards as my strength tripled. The next time I struck the native, he would be going down for sure.

"Remember, think of him as a streetfighter," I commanded myself, gripping the nunchaku tightly. "You need to dodge his next attack, which won't be easy with a damaged leg. Watch his muscles, watch his legs, watch his eyes. He will telegraph the move, and you can avoid it easily if you watch closely." I shifted my feet on the hard spongey mats, ready to spring. My pulse pounded like a metronome, counting the beats until the enemy lunged.

His eyes wild like a summer storm, the tribal came at me, a horrid war-cry erupting from his throat. I moved practically in tandem, jumping off my good leg, dodging to the left. The bayonet thrust into thin air, its blade shining like blue fire. I landed on both feet, ignoring the painful jolt which ripped through my hip. I opened my left hand, once more taking control of the nunchaku with my right. It snaped down and across my body, knapping on my left hip before changing direction. I aimed the blow at the back of my opponent's neck, the hard steel of my weapon ready to break the bare-chested tribal.

[Abenaki]

Even as the strength of the bear flooded his muscles, the single word that activated the dormant spirit energies of his surroundings still hanging on his lips, Jada's mind went not to a place of elation, but rather to a place of resignation. It seemed that no matter how quickly he moved, his opponent was always quicker. It seemed that even as the weapon in his hand pierced the thin air where his opponent had stood not a second before, the end was fast arriving. That thin air should have been a man, but instead it was an empty space that spelled the young warrior's doom...

Poor choice... Jada thought grimly. You've left yourself too open...

Something hard struck Jada square across the base of his neck, pain flashing like lightning up and down his spine and down the length of his arms. A sound not unlike a hammer striking a side of meat hung in the air of the small arena as stars burst through the young warrior's vision and his body buckled under its own weight. Were it not for the extra strength flowing through him on account of Summoning the Bear, and the extra height added by rising back to a standing position after lunging, the blow might have struck him higher on the neck, ending his life instantly. Jada almost sluggishly attempted put his hands up to try and catch himself on his hands and knees as he fell, but there was no strength in his limbs and he sprawled face first onto the blue mats on the arena floor...

My turn... His mind intoned, clinging to the seemingly back and forth nature of the fight. Attack and counter, attack and counter had been the pace of the day, and even in the dim recesses of his mind Jada was still trying to muster something of a response to his opponent’s last action. Unfortunately for the warrior, his mind was the only thing still fighting. The vigor in his body was gone, his strength ebbing out of him as darkness encroached on the outer reaches of his vision. The Snake's Defiance was a rune-shaped firebrand on the back his neck, blazing furiously as it dulled the pain. It was an intensely odd sensation, lying there on the ground with relatively no pain, unable to get up and unable to fight back...

Here we are again. Doubt said again from the deepest recesses of the warrior's mind. As the darkness closed over his vision Jada could almost envision the voice pulling up a chair inside his head and settling down to give him a stern talking to. You can't do this, the voice continued, you are no warrior...

[Breaker]

I guess this is my "warning". Good battle, worthy adversary. PS, bunny approved by Abenaki.

A sound like a stone being thrown into a marsh slithered to my ears, the result of my nunchaku finding its mark. The tribal's muscles melted, his body dropping to the mat. The insane vitality that possessed him before had vanished like a wraith, leaving an empty shell which flopped downwards, a discarded rag doll.

The anger possessed me fully, forcing me forwards. With long, smooth strokes I smashed the nunchaku down on the tribal's head, again and again until it was difficult to tell his brain matter from the blood-soaked mats below. The steel chuck dripped crimson, a bone fragment embedded in the leather cover.

[Skie and Avery]

Numbers is red
Abenaki is blue

STORY

Continuity:
8 The way you set this up was genius. The breath of fresh air that was brought to the fight was absolutely amazing, turning this into a fight that drew me in right from the start.
5 There were quite a few things that I would have liked to see from you. While being a Warrior, Joshua had all the reasons he was there explained, what brings Jada here? Why has it been so long since he last fought? What gives him such a bad view of the Citadel?

Setting:
5 I think you’re getting really comfortable with the scene and don’t feel the need to set it up as well anymore. At first you were really strong, but entering into the arena, the description began to get more vague.
6 You used the door as a shield, which was very good, but I felt that you, as well, could have benefited with a more descriptive narrative.

Pacing:
7
9
Well done, though maybe just a tad rushed in the end, on Numbers’ part. I really couldn’t believe this thread pulled me in so easily. It was done before I could believe it, and the pacing, considering it was a battle, would have been absolutely perfect if perhaps the ending had not left off so abruptly.

CHARACTER

Dialogue:
9 Using the difficulty of understanding accents as a plot device was masterful, and while a good one, not one that’s often seen. The use of paranoia and racism ((assuming that Jada’s a native, and thusly can only be a thief if he’s a local)) were also well done.
8 I always like to see a character’s “Other language” put to use in a thread, rather than just simply having the translation typed out with the idea that no one would be able to understand it.

Action:
8
8

Persona:
7 Wow, seeing Josh lose it like that was kinda crazy. Sexy!
7 I really liked seeing your character react to all these things that he’s unfamiliar with, the weapons and prevalida, etc. Sometimes, with all these cultures colliding on Althanas, the wonder of new things get lost in the shuffle. I would like to see a little more internal dialogue, however, that doesn’t have to do with bewilderment and awe. There are other emotions, you know.

WRITING STYLE

Mechanics:
8 a couple of spelling errors. There’s a couple of times when you used your intended word’s homonym, but that’s just one of those things that slip by spell checker and often our minds when we skim over.
9

Technique:
8
7
Both of you have solid techniques, but small improvements couldn’t hurt. More description, a few more turns of phrases, help things move along a little more smoothly.

Clarity:
10
10

Wild Card:
6
5

Total:
76
74
016573 is the winner

016573 receives 1250 EXP and 682 GP
Abenaki receives 300 EXP and 155 GP

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.