(4) Strength and Honor v (21) The Rookies

[Zieg dil' Tulfried]

The wind whipped around Zieg's body, tossing his red cape around randomly, as he continued forward toward Jannin's fallen form. He laughed silently as the human attempted to inform him about honor. The demon knight dropped his blade at the boy's chest, stopping it just above his chest. Flames licked at the man's tunic as the tip of the shortsword hovered just inches above his heart, eager to pounce within a second.

"Fool. Honor is not fighting to your opponent's strengths, nor is helping a fallen foe. True honor is fighting to the best of your abilities and never holding back. If I held back and let you up, I would not be fulfilling my duty to give you the best battle possible. You would never have the chance to improve in battle and increase in skill. Equality has no place in battle and no place in honor. Pure strength of will and strength of heart is all that matters."

Though his foe lay just inches below death, Zieg drew back. He took steps back and dropped the flat of his blade on his shoulder. "Still, even though it may not be considered 'honor' does not mean I cannot give you another chance to learn. Please come at me, do your worst and I shall as well. Perhaps, you even have something to teach me." The Haidian general drew the Rohtan, holding it even with the Gamygym out in front of him. Air rotated around the blade wildly, swirling dust and other grime around the osmium blade.

A hawk screeched high in the air as it dove at it's prey, a smaller bird. However, the smaller bird spun away, avoiding the predator's claws. The hawk still had the advantage, but it appeared as though the smaller bird was not willing to give up. Zieg felt this battle would be the same, though he had no idea how it would end. He only hoped Letho was having a more exciting time.

[Letho]

It looked a little bit like trying to hold back a tidal wave with bare hands; no matter what you did it just smiled at you and kept on coming. During his vagabond life Letho Ravenheart found himself in such situations numerous times, confronting superior foes and defying the obliteration they had in store. Those were the old days, the bad days, the do-or-die days. But now... Now he was the tidal wave.

The staff snapped like a dry stick infested with woodworms, the might of the side slash more then enough to disrupt the balance of the youth. The loss of footing came fortunate for Letho’s foe though, the horizontal position enabling him to successfully evade the follow up kick. And for a fraction of a second the window of opportunity was wide open for the blademaster, a chance to put an end to the game at the very commencement. It was one of those moments when time seemed to pause its incessant flow and present you with potential courses of action. It was one of those moments when you look at your own reflection in the gleam of the oncoming sword and make a decision that meant the difference between life and death. In this instance Letho chose life.

There was no honor in an execution such as this one would prove to be. This wasn’t some ancient battlefield when arrows whizzed around your head like horseflies and every swing of the sword was a decision between the life of the man that stood against you or your own. This was a competition, a bloody charade where the players were just that; players, peers, contenders. Simply put, this was a game and Letho came to play.

Blank scurried away like a dog with his tail between his legs, and the sullen swordsman refused to follow. His posture retrieved the initial tranquility, his eyes monitoring the escape that ended up behind a rather sturdy rock. To his side, Zieg was preaching about honor and valor, showing a bit of both and a whole lot of clemency towards Jannin. Letho wasn’t surprised. That duel reminded him of a morose parody even more then his own.

Seeing that his opponent wasn’t keen to leave the safety of his newfound sanctuary, Savion prince decided to take action again. The gunblade was casually slung over his shoulder by the leather strap, the titanic weapon bobbing above his right shoulder as he ambled towards the hiding place. He felt six again, his childhood friend was hiding behind a stack of hay, the sun was relentless above their heads and Letho was set to win once again. This time the game took a different course though.

“There’s no honor in this, boy.” he spoke strictly as he approached, his voice that of a patient instructor who was trying to teach a lesson. “Is this how you want to be remembered? Do you want your name to be forever tainted by cowardice?”

Once he was close enough to the rock that stood between Blank and him, Letho moved ardently once again. His figure leaned downwards, his gauntleted fingers digging into the rubble and grasping the edge of the protecting stone. With a growling ungh! the tension of his muscles piqued, providing enough force to push the rock away and send it rolling downhill, where Zieg just raised his chin and told Jannin to give him his best shot. But Letho wasn’t concerned with the pair. His frowned eyes looked at Blank over the clenched fist clad in dragonscale.

“Fight me!”

[Lighthawk76]

Blank was amazed that Letho didn’t follow him. All throughout the scramble back, he thought that the prince would charge again and strike him down where he lay on the ground. He stood there though, seemingly refusing to follow Blank. He was allowing Blank to get away. If the young man wasn’t so paranoid at the moment, he probably would have smiled, knowing that Letho was allowing him to do exactly as he wished. If anything was going to be the hero’s downfall, it was going to apparently be the honor he prided himself on.

On the last feet of the scramble, he heard one of Alan’s lessons chime into his head. Don’t let your opponent have the upper hand, even if you have to play a little underhandedly.

He finally made it to the rock. Rounding it frantically, he glanced back to see that Janin was still busy with the demon. The glance gave him no real look into how the battle was going, but seeing Janin alive meant that they were still in it. And Blank still only had Letho to deal with.

Catching his breath, Blank took a moment to glance at the rock he had chosen. It was large, probably a little bigger than Letho himself. It was a bit taller than it was wider, which was something that would definitely help him. What was going to hurt him was the fact that the rock was nestled into the ground. He would have to break it free of the earth that clung to it.

Blank heard the Savion Prince begin his approach, as he stood up and unconsciously placing the pieces of his staff into the sides of his breeches. He put himself up against the large stone, his hand placed in front of him and his knees bent slightly, ready to extend.

Blank heard Letho give his speech, belittling the young man’s honor and bravery. Blank could only smile. Honor and bravery only got you so far. Sometimes the best course of action was to play to your strengths. At the moment, Blank was a little lacking in those, but still he was pretty sure a large stone pushed onto his opponent was strength enough.

He began pushing as soon as Letho finished. He hoped he could time it right. For all he knew, the man could already be making his way around the stone, preparing to start the battle up again.

Blank had to get the stone moving. He pushed and he pushed. The rock wasn’t moving. Janin would have been helpful to him. Blank had heard mages could move objects with his mind. Now would definitely be the time for Janin to surprise him with some new magic.

Pushing those thoughts away, he continued on his task. Letho was probably in position now. He had to push the rock. He had to push. He had to.

Then it started moving. It was working, it was moving.

It was moving downhill, though. Not onto Letho.

Blank watched in amazement as the large stone disappeared from his view, the huge hero, who would be his executioner, taking its place.

And his executioner wanted to fight. How? He didn’t have a weapon. Barehanded? Letho would rip off his head. He had to think of something.

Blank was not some great strategist though. He understood rudimentary combat, enough to actually fight, but nothing about how to get around 250 pounds of pure rolling muscle.

You’ve forgotten too much.

Like a viper uncoiling, Blank went for the pieces of his staff. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Or actually he was thinking on one thought too clearly. He didn’t even fully understand it. It was as if something had just popped into his head, and before actually thinking about it, he acted on the thought.

His body twisted back, his hands each grasping the broken halves of wood. He came striking forward, his body whipping out as he stepped towards his opponent.

If his mind had been thinking right, he would have seen the futility of it all. Wherever this idea had come from, it wasn’t going to work. The strike was something you did with blades, and two pieces of wood would do little against Letho’s armor.

This felt right, though. And that’s what mattered.

* * *

Alan gave his companion a silent applause as he saw his plan. It was a good plan. You beat your opponent in one of two ways, by overpowering him or outsmarting him. Blank planned to do both. It was a good idea.

If Janin had heeded Blank’s plea for magical help, as Alan now guessed Blank had yelled for, it would have, theoretically continued to be a good plan. Janin hadn’t heeded it though and in all honesty the boy would have been very little help to Blank.

Alan knew the young man wouldn’t move the rock, it was impossible for him, not that it couldn’t be moved as Letho ably proved.

Alan had expected Blank to hightail it and run at that point. It was another rule of Alan, though not one meant to be used in this setting. If you fight then run away, you live to fight another day.

That’s not what Blank did though. Instead he changed.

It was a subtle change, nothing drastic. It was like he was becoming something else, but was still utterly him. It was a change, but at the same time, something less.

Alan would be the only one to notice it, because Alan was the only one that could. You had to have experienced it, to truly see it

The remembering. One thought, one action.

He watched the blades… no, it was wood… come out fast. It was a perfect move for twin swords. It was a type of move that only a body honed for such combat could use.

“Gods Blank, who were you?”

[Culix]

Jannin pressed himself a tad deeper into the plateau, eyes fixated on Gamygym. He'd seen its wielder's approach, but by the time his body should have been moving, even a flinch would have meant death. Somewhere inside him, his vanity wanted him to cry, "If you singe the material, you're paying for it!" However, the boy's mind focused on more important matters. This guy could actually kill me, finally occurred to him. His heart pitter-pattered. He remembered the feeling he had eventually decided was fear, and the man who had first made him feel it. Jeeze... I've thought his name so many times, you'd think I was fighting him... The flash he'd glimpsed during Zieg's charge came back to him. Wait a minute... I am fighting him! In a sense, at least. There were simply too many similarities to be a coincidence.

Jannin grew serene, in spite of the Haidian's spiel, to which he was paying fairly little attention. That's not honor! Honor's a bunch of archaic principles and customs for paladins and other idealistic, backwoods morons who can't come up with their own beliefs! How stupid d'ya have to be to get those mixed up? Incidentally, the rhetorical question was a backhanded insult to the boy himself, who had confused 'honor' with 'chivalry'. Besides, according to that definition, slashing a baby into little pieces with all your might is honorable! The guy's a looney! This tirade played on behind the scenes of his true concern: the conclusion his mind had reached. The universe is testing me. It set this up as a challenge, to see if I deserve my rematch. And I don't think this is gonna be the end. Meaning I can't play around with this guy, or anyone else. Jannin gave a sigh of relief when Zieg finally withdrew the weapon. Good thing I didn't realize it too late.

As the young mage rose, making a note to wipe the reddish dust from his back, only a small part of him believed he was alive because of his earlier words -- which, in a sense, may have been true. However, most of him thought there was something more to his opponent than that. He quietly intoned his fireball's incantation, but omitted the 'om' that concluded it. He instead began the chant again, again leaving off the final syllable. Once on his feet, Jannin lad held a calm, confident smile, far less cocky than his earlier smirk. "Can't say I agree with your definition of honor," he told Zieg without a trace of condescension. "But, on the off-chance you're right, I can almost respect believing in it." He quietly added his 'om', summoning a small orb of flickering fire into his left hand. "And I'm gonna give the most honorablest display ever for the rest of this tournament!" The tyke then did an excellent job hiding the cringe the word 'honorablest' nearly produced.

Jannin ignored the combination aerial ballet and metaphor above him, giving the Haidian his full attention. It would have given him an idea, but that was irrelevent; he already had his plan. To Zieg, flashing the fireball may have appeared as a tipping of his meager hand. If the general held that perception, it could only help the boy's scheme. He slipped forward a few steps, holding his staff in position for a strike with his right hand and drawing back the mystical sphere with his left. Now or never... Jannin took a deep breath and went for it. At five feet away, he lobbed the projectile at the unprotected face, under no delusions it would reach its target. The staff between to rotate between his fingers, a maneuver Jannin had used to impress Blank at their meeting. He squinted at its crowning gem, shining particularly brightly in the afternoon sun, and smiled at the effort he'd put into polishing it. With luck, its glare would help catch -- and perhaps blind -- Zieg's eye. Twirling it about before him, he held it, for a second, as though threatening an attack. In this second, the mage stealthily drew his left hand behind his back. Staff still awhirl, he slipped to the general's left and thrust his left palm forward, whsipering "Om," as he did. A normal flame would have likely gone out, with all the air that passed it, but Jannin's completed spell merely formed in mid-air and continued toward the Haidian's face.

[Max Dirks]

I liked the beginning, I really did. It was well written and it flowed very nicely. Then everything stopped. I know activity can be tough, but remember what your incomplete battles do for your readers. They want more and more as the excitement picks up, but then they receive nothing. For a criticism: be consistent. Oh and the references to 'Strength and Honor' were horribly cliche and trite despite Culix's attempt to make them mean something.

Winners:

The Rookies
Lighthawk76
Introduction- 4 (You might be another of Althanas' rising stars. My suggestion to make your introduction better is to introduce the relationship between Blank and Alan a bit more. You might be saving it for later rounds, but it would be helpful for a reader who hasn't read your profile to grasp what has happened)
Setting- 5
Strategy- 4 (Good strategy. It is indeed perfectly acceptable to run. I am very curious as to what you would have done with the combination of magic and the broken staff pieces)
Rising Actions- 4
Writing- 5
Dialogue- 4 (Very forced at times. A good way to write dialogue is to say what you're planning on writing outloud. If it sounds bad to you, it will probably sound bad to your reader as well)
Character- 4 (I can't help but say show don't tell. If you were reading your writing, would you rather read 'Blank knew it probably wouldn't work but Blank tried it anyway' or 'Blank did this action and said a prayer along with it' Tell less about what Blank knows and thinks, and more about what he does)
Climax- 0
Conclusion- 0
Wildcard- 2 (You disappeared for awhile)
Total- 33/100

Culix
Introduction- 8 (That was probably one of the best introductions I've read. Minus the cameo, you incorporated the provided information about Lornius well. You also created a believable setting and gave him a good reason to be there. The ties to Thoracis made perfect sense due to the way the relationship was spelled out in the beginning)
Setting- 5
Strategy- 4
Rising Actions- 4 (You wrote a bit too much. Much of what you wrote could have been deducted from what was written earlier. This is a brevity issue, but it hurt Rising Action the most)
Writing- 7 (Good, good, good)
Dialogue- 5 (What your character SPEAKS flows nicely. His thoughts are fast and jumbled. I think this is an excellent example of a child's thought process. You just hurt because the battle didn't finish)
Character- 6
Climax- 0
Conclusion- 0
Wildcard- 3 (You disappeared for a bit in the middle)
Total- 42/100

Average- 37.5

Strength and Honor
Zeig dil'Tulfried
Introduction- 4 (I'm pleased that Kaza did not join Zeig for this tournament. However, I felt that something more could have been added to the introduction to make it outstanding)
Setting- 5
Strategy- 5 (Rather than tribute this to your character, I added a point for attacking Jannin right off the bat. It set the pace of the battle, and immediately got me as a reader excited about what would happen next)
Rising Actions- 5
Writing- 6 (Your writing goes in leaps and bounds. Sometimes it is extraordinary (particularly when your character is fighting) however sometimes (in the action lag period) it seems that you are not having fun with your posts. Could it be you thrive for action?)
Dialogue- 4
Character- 4 (For the life of me, I cannot understand Zeig. He is a demon general, yet he is generally good natured. Then at the rising action portion of the battle he forgos honor and insults Jannin. Then he lectures Jannin on what honor is. I can't buy it; therefore I can't make a connection with the character)
Climax- 0
Conclusion- 0
Wildcard- 5 (Good job on activity)
Total- 38/100

Letho
Introduction- 7 (This introduction was stellar. I would have loved to hear a bit more about Lornius, but I will be honest: it made me want to go and read the Serenti Finals again. It was a good mix of what happened and it made me thirsty to go over the details again)
Setting- 6 (The image of Letho climbing the stones was vivid)
Strategy- 4
Rising Actions- 5
Writing- 7 (Your writing has some of the best flow I've seen. I could not give it a higher score though because you did not finish and when I score that weighs against you)
Dialogue- 4
Character- 6 (More on Myrhia would be nice, though I'm sure you're tired of it after the Serenti)
Climax- 0
Conclusion- 0
Wildcard- 4 (You could have posted after Blank posted rather than waiting on Culix)
Total- 43/100

Average- 40.5/100

Rewards-
Culix receives 242 EXP TOTAL and 200 GP
Lighthawk76 receives 133 EXP TOTAL and 200 GP

Strength and Honor advance.

[Thoracis]

Zieg and Letho gain 362 EXP each.

Rewards added!