(7) Dark Phoenix v (18) Circus

[Max Dirks]

This was certainly the most entertaining battle of the first round. What bothered me was the lack of interaction between team members. I understand the situation between Seth and Sivienna and I know Chumley and Ranger was a random paring, but don't forget that this is a team tournament for a reason. No overall story evolved from this battle, and your scores hurt because of it. There is nothing you can use in the future aside from maybe a new chapter in the Ranger/Seth saga and a very cliche "Luke goto Hoth" from Chumley.

Winners:

Circus

Ranger
Introduction- 5
Setting- 4
Strategy- 5
Rising Action- 4
Dialogue- 5
Writing- 6 (You need to work on flow. A situation in a story can be interpretted by how the story is written. For example, a series of short sentences can create a feeling of suspense or urgency. Passive sentences can indicate passage of time)
Character- 7 (I believe you excelled here. Out of all the characters involved, the reader can relate to your story the best. You began with a goal, you completed your goal and kept true to the theme. Nice work.
Climax- 6 (Again, another top score)
Conclusion- 4 (Too passive)
Wildcard- 5
Total- 51/100

Chumley
Introduction- 6 (The best of the introductions)
Setting- 4 (You invented much of the setting)
Strategy- 3 (Alas, having the chains fall after Seth Dahlios mentioned "It was steel, hard and cold, the impersonal bringing of death to those that would oppose it," especially after only a 124 lb girl climbed it, is powergaming )
Rising Action- 4
Dialogue- 6 (Of all participants, your dialogue was the most natural and entertaining)
Writing- 8
Character- 5 (Who is Chumley? Why does he have his gifts? Chumley is such an entertaining character, tell the reader more)
Climax- 4
Conclusion- 4 (The Abe Lincoln cameo was ridiculous, and it reminded me of something I watched once)
Wildcard- 5 (This is Althanas, not earth. The references were funny at first, but then it turned into bad episode of the Family Guy. Please incorporate Althanas more. No points lost, however)
Total- 49/100

Average 50/100

Dissinger
Introduction- 5
Setting- 5 (You set the intial setting, and playing to the powergaming helped)
Strategy- 6 (You excelled here. The loss of "sanity" was played out well by your choice of weapons for each specific point in the battle. The movement from weapon to weapon and back was also very nicely done)
Rising Action- 4
Dialogue- 5
Writing- 6 (Spell checkers don't pick up all grammar mistakes. Proof read your writing before you post it)
Character- 6 (You stayed consistent much like Chumley, but where you excelled was in your relationship with Ranger. What could have helped your score immensely was acting on Seth's relationship with Sivienna. That was completely ignored. Why are you guys partners again?)
Climax- 5
Conclusion- 5
Wildcard- 5
Total- 52/100

Nightsangel
Introduction- 5
Setting- 5 (Good movement within the setting)
Strategy- 5 (You did a good job of reacting how your character would react to Chumley's unique attacks. This gives you points)
Rising Action- 4
Dialogue- 4 (You really need to work on dialogue)
Writing- 5 (I'd work on your brevity a bit. You have a tendency to repeat ideas several times in a paragraph. Once is enough, and you're a talented enough writing that fixing that error will ensure you much higher scores here)
Character- 5 (My qualm was not acting upon the relationship between Seth and Sivienna. Though much of that is probably his fault)
Climax- 5
Conclusion- 3 (The portal, though a legitimate skill I suppose, was supposed to take two minutes to chant)
Wildcard- 5
Total- 46/100

Average- 49/100

Rewards:
Dark Pheonix receives 400 EXP split evenly

Circus advances to Round two.

[Thoracis]

Circus gained 1,600 EXP. (Damn level 7's making gains so high)

EXP added!