MQ: To the River

[sweet_oblivion]

"Right, me fight." Dino said to himself as he watched the man fly off, probably to his troops. He didn't get to see what he had came here for in the first place, and even worse he had gotten nothing out of it. This had been a complete waste of time, and that truly annoyed Dino to no end. He watched as the opposing forces made their leave. If the rest of the war was like this battle, nothing would end well. "A total defeat on this sides part, only delaying the inevitable."

The opposing army would find another way around, they always did, no matter how much you slowed them down it always came down to who was the best. He had confidence that the people of Althanas would win, but a powerful necromancer would defiantly have a couple of secrets hidden under his sleeve. Dino had problems dealing with the undead, but if it would bring him further to his goals he would be able to bare with it until all the fighting was over. Unfortunately that ship had already sailed, and Dino had more important things to do then constantly watching his back to make sure his double crossing scheme did not get himself double crossed. He would just have to settle with the scraps of battle, and hope he found something useful.

With this little trip an utter failure and nothing else in mind, Dino decided it was time to leave and check back in with Genbu. Hopefully the overgrown tortoise had found something interesting, especially since he would have to listen to his chastising about going off on a wild goose chase and coming back empty handed. A complete waste of time, and he was still hungry.

[Call me J]

I’m going to have limited comments in this thread in the categories, because I feel that in many cases, I would just be repeating myself. This thread did not really suffer as a result of the quality of the writers, as much as it seemed that other things kept them from really letting this thread live up to its potential.

Total Score- 41

• STORY ~ 9/30

Continuity (3) ~ I didn’t really feel as though I knew why Dino was in this thread. He just kind of popped up out of nowhere for no real reason.

Setting (5) ~ The setting was potentially a great source of strategy for you guys, but the whole rushed thing damaged that.

Pacing (1) ~ The ending of this thread was really abrupt, because I felt the thread ended really before it could have started.

• CHARACTER ~ 14/30

Dialogue (5) ~ There was nothing about the dialogue that was objectionable, but that said, I don’t know if there was anything that made this battle dialogue distinguish itself from any other battle thread I have seen.

Action (5) ~ There was nothing I really objected to, but there wasn’t much there either.

Persona (4) ~ I feel that Romis had a lot of motivation that wasn’t really made apparent. While in general, moderators say that you should show and not tell, sometimes you need to tell a few things to help readers understand the basics, especially in a small story like this.

• WRITING STYLE ~ 15/30

Mechanics (6) ~ There were quite a few issues here that deal with sentence construction.

Technique (4) ~ Twisted Infinitum was really the only one who really tried to make technique work. This is the kind of thing that suffers with rushed threads.

Clarity (5) ~ Writing issues hurt this.

• Wild Card (3) ~ It was unfortunate that this thread really didn’t go anywhere. You took a lot of effort to get started.


EXP and GP

Sweet oblivion receives 222 EXP and 130 GP
Heartsblood receives 222 EXP and 130 GP
Twisted Infinitum receives 1114 EXP and 100 GP

[Call me J]

EXP and GP added by Witchblade!