Quest Judging
House of Sora: Artisans Trade Mission ((Solo))

STORY

Continuity ~ 4/10. How did he get from being a noble to a blacksmith? What happened to his father? Why did his mother cut him (if she did..)? You gave me a lot about the continued story of Corone, but not really anything about your character.
Setting ~ 5/10. This got better at the end, else it would have been worse. Just like apparently blacksmithing is like painting (lol wut?), writing is more so. You failed in painting these scenes for me. The description was chunky and almost like a shopping list of features. I liked that you tried to incorporate more sensory details than just sight, but a lot of them were used improperly. Example:
Staring in satisfaction at the weapons he'd received and the quality of the armor, Troy banged his hand against the chest piece. He heard the sound of a fist against metal and smiled at the quality of the armor.
Post eighteen. Wow, I didn't know that the quality of the armor could be tested by seeing if you hear the sound of a fist against metal when you hit your fist against metal. If you had actually told me how the sound of his fist hitting the metal here differed than the sound it would make if he hit a lesser quality piece, it would have made sense.
Pacing ~ 4/10. There were times in here where I felt that there was substance for the sake of substance. In post sixteen, there's a whole paragraph of it.
Atop the Peaceful Promenade, a single roof tile burst off the building suddenly as a hornet trapped a spider within its grasp. The single tile bounced off the building and rolled all the way down the length of the roof. Following a predetermined trail, the tile tumbled off the roof and onto the pedestrian crowd below. It fell all the way down and hit Dyne on the head as he walked directly underneath the path of the single tile. "Ouch!" The apprentice cried out as he rubbed his head suddenly, feeling a bump develop from the impact of the object against his skull. Dyne felt familiar and old pains pop up as he was hit by the tile. He saw the thing land on the floor nearby.

Several people that were walking passed the man shot glanced in the psionic's general direction. The stares were questioning in nature. Dyne grinned mischievously while rubbing the bump on his head. Damn I have the worst luck ever! Seeing the tile on the floor, Dyne kicked it into a nearby gutter and let it flow downstream, just another memory.
Oh, I lied. A paragraph and a half of mindless drivel. If you wanted to show his bad luck, this entire load of stuff that has nothing to do with the story could have been condensed into three sentences. Four, max.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 5/10. Your conversations weren't that bad, but they didn't feel sincere. It was felt that it was the writer talking out loud, and not the characters. Also, watch your spacing with dialogue. Example:
"Don't overstay your welcome kid."

The first soldier said. Dyne nodded. "I don't intend to Sir."
Very awkward there. The paragraph change should come after 'the first soldier said.'
Action ~ 4/10. What action? Sad hammer, acid trip, happy hammer, talk talk talk, something important? Oh, more blacksmithing, talk talk something important? Oh...package delivery. Ooo, stopped by the border guards...oh...they knew you were coming. The acid trip saved you.
Persona ~ 3/10. This character was flat and I couldn't relate to him at all. The only thing that makes him stand out from a blank character sheet is that he doesn't drink.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 3/10. I felt like I was reading something written by someone in junior high. You used a lot of simple sentences, had absolutely no flow, and dropped the ball when it came to translating your vision and ideas into prose. You were VERY repetitive. I noticed it first in the beginning, but it wasn't something that you worked out of. I don't need the same sentence several times over, even if you do rework the wording each time. If you just can't see what was wrong, here's one sentence from your first post that I think highlights the problem rather clearly.
Upon the alter stood the copper bars, ready to be worked on the super-heat that the structure created so that Dyne could shape the bars properly into whatever final product he needed to shape.
Also, I believe the word you were going for in there was "altar". You have to watch out for those homonyms because they're a right bitch and only serve to make you look like a dumbass.
Mechanics ~ 6/10. For the most part, okay, but you make a lot of the same mistakes over and over again. Work on proper comma usage and putting question marks instead of periods when it's applicable. There was a sentence where it was like you were going with two separate ways of expressing it, melded them together and got Frankenstein's Failed Grammar Test.
Dyne was staring at Duke Michel Xiall was a man of average height.
Clarity ~ 6/10. You have a big problem with swapping words in a sentence that fucks it all up. Watch for this, definitely. I'll show you a few examples so you can see what I mean when I say that they really mess up clarity, and when read, stick in the mind for a while.
A recent influx of refugees fleeing from the ravages of the work placed an immediate work force on the table.
No I can't take a great.
Looking at his available made, the youth made some key measurements.
Also, pay attention to what you have your character and NPCs doing. At one point, you wrote this in describing your NPC.
His lips were tiny and upturned in a sly smile.

He had a gentle frown upon his face...
And if it hadn't been the NPC who was seemingly both frowning and smiling slyly at the same time, you were no where near clear about who was doing what with their lips.
MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 3/10. I expected much better from someone who has been around as long as I have, if not longer.

TOTAL ~ 43/100.

Alberdyne_Cormyr gains 1659 EXP and 500 GP

As far as your other requested spoil goes, here is what I grant:

Blacksmithing Dyne may forge tier 1 & 2 weapons to above average quality with consistency, and an excellent quality weapon rarely - One (1) time every fifteen (15) threads.

If there's any problem you have with this judgment or your spoils, my AIM name is RestitutionSpork or you may get in touch with me via a Private Message. However, I will say that AIM is far more reliable.