Glory Days

[Kyo]

Kyo couldn’t believe her ears. Just like that, the Ceann Cath had given them what they’d asked for as if it had been the simplest thing, as if it wasn’t a piece of his land that was going to be infested with the humans he appeared to not like very much at all. Her ears had to be deceiving her, but they weren’t. She knew the moment that Molotov started speaking to her, the moment his exuberant voice filled the empty room and left her starring at him wide-eyed for just a second longer that it was true. That this was actually happening.

Then that look of shock and surprise disappeared as a smile slowly teased the corners of her lips before fully blooming across her entire face. In the heat of the excitement over it, she turned to the man who had been a completely stranger to her no less than two hours ago and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him closely. The ninja wasn’t usually huge into hugging, especially strangers, but she just felt so happy over somehow completely her task that she just threw inhibition to the wind and hugged him. He didn’t seem to mind either; his arms came around her sides and held her closely for a moment or two.

“I can’t believe we did it…” She whispered so softly he could probably only hear her.

“Oh, how I hate to break up your happy moment here, but I’m not done yet.”

Hearing the dominating voice of the draconian leader practically bounce around the room, Kyo quickly released Molotov and gave him a bit of a sheepish smile before turning back around to face the Ceann Cath. She noted with a bit of worry that Erionn seemed none too pleased about the course of the events. It made her wonder whether or not the General had ever wanted them to succeed or if he was merely worried over something else. She remembered him mentioning the Ceann Cath wanting things from them; perhaps that was why his expression had turned sour.

“Besides your promise to not take from the citizens of this region, I will be demanding another thing from you.”

She could feel the muscles in her stomach clench as she bit down on her bottom lip. What if he asked something that they could not give or follow through on? What would happen to them then?

“This clan exists here only because I am allowing it to exist here and for no other reason. Therefore, as I way to give your thanks to me, you will complete any and all tasks that I need of you. No matter what it may be.”

“Understood.” Kyo said to him.

It seemed steep and was rather vague, leaving the ninja knowing that he literally could and would ask of them anything. They were almost like pawns upon the board game of chess and in his mind he could freely move them about as he pleased. But one day their clan may grow to rival that of the Draconian strength, and then things would change drastically. That particular day would not be anytime soon and would never happen unless Molotov and herself worked hard at it.

“Now, as for the actual placement of your brotherhood, I have just the set of ruins in mind. But they are most likely infested with monsters and will need to be purged before you can start rebuilding...”




((Spoils:

Fothrach dar Aiseirigh: A large expanse of ruins that sits on one of the few landmasses within the swamps of Fiorair. Parts of what could have been a wondrous city at one point in time lay as nothing more than crumbling walls and worn stone, but some areas of the Aiseirigh are relatively well preserved and quite steady, making repairing the ancient buildings rather easy. Most of the repairing can be done onsite with the abundance of rocks and stones littering the ground, but eventually stone will have to be brought in by boat to the new clan headquarters to help with repairs. Currently, Aiseirigh is infested with some of the swamps nastier inhabitants that must be killed before construction can behind.

Erionn dar Cailan: One of the five Generals that surround the Ceann Cath, giving advice and support amongst also leading factions of the Draconian army should war ever break out. Erionn is rather impartial towards humans and believes that as long as they abide by Draconian law, then they are of no problem or concern to him. He has been charged by the Ceann Cath with keeping an eye on the Bandit Brotherhood to ensure that they do not overstep their boundaries, but his leader never said he couldn’t help the clan should he choose to. ))

[Karuka]

I'm not going to make this judgment long, since the thread wasn't really long. I will say that I know you both are phenomenal writers, and this thread felt like the plot fell out the bottom of it as soon as you guys hit Suthainn. Anyway, here we go.

Continuity: 5

I know exactly what you guys were doing before this thread, having either judged or participated. But I got a very weak sense of it from the story. Molotov dropped hints throughout the thread, but I had absolutely no idea who this Karuka Tida person was and what she had to do with him (not from the thread), and Kyo vaguely mentioned Jared, but if I hadn't been familiar with your characters' stories before this thread, I would have been irritatingly in the dark. Why were you there?

I have a dim sense of the future, what you two are going to do next, but that still is pretty dim. I have to say, though, you did a better job of future than past.

Pacing: 4

I'm not sure if I should say the ending rushed in contrast to the beginning, or the beginning dragged in contrast to the ending. You guys don't get out of the tavern until post 14, and then it only takes 7 posts from there (a post and a half from each of you describing the journey from Talmhaidh to Suthainn) to get what you want and end it.

Setting: 6

I had a solid enough sense of the area around you in the sense that it was there. A little good detail was given to the tree-city Suthainn, but everything else was kind of dim.

Persona: 6

I knew you both a little more at the beginning of the thread than at the end. Molotov actually did better here, showing some character development and making his character more round than I felt Kyo did, although I could see that potential in the character.

Action: 5

Most of the action in this thread was internal, in the responses of the characters to different things that happened, might have happened, and probably wouldn't happen. It had the potential to be much, much more than it was. I think that maybe you didn't recognize the action as action, since what happened was them meeting and talking and having a happenstance meeting with someone of influence (for real, how often does that happen?), then going to meet the Draconian leader on the same day as they'd conceived their plan. But really, despite how much effort you put into all of that, it felt glossed over, and the heart of the quest was in the emotional responses. Take that and run with it next time.

Dialogue: 6

This wasn't bad, and it fit fairly well, but there wasn't really anything that shone.

Mechanics: 7

There were little typos and errors from both of you, but both of you are judges so I expect you'll know what I ought to insert here.

Kyo, one particular error you made consistently was "Molotov and her," when you meant "Molotov and she." When you have two subjects, drop off the other person and see if the sentence would make sense with the pronoun you were using.

Technique: 5

There were a few things tossed in by Kyo, but not much. It was a straightforward quest.

Clarity: 8

When Molotov knelt in the tavern, I had to go back and check to see if the Ceann Cath were in the tavern (which would have made me very confused) or if there'd been a transport. I'm not sure if that was planned or not, but it did confuse me.

Wild Card: 6

This was all right for a short, quick quest.

Total: 58. Congratulations!

Rewards:

Kyo receives 670 EXP
Molotov receives 1,975 EXP

Spoils are granted with the stipulation that the site base for a PG will need to be approved by RoG mod when the PG is registered and that the site is quite monster infested and will take a lot of effort to clear out.

EXP/GP added! Molotov levels up!