7 Days

[Ascelia]

The way back wasn't hard for him. Since everyone who saw him coming now, stepped back, just in case she was there. The centaurs had both regained consiousness, and stepped back, bowing to show the resepct of defeated.

The days wore on for him, long and boring. He had no one to talk to, but Ivellios couldn't wait to return home for Pop. His only sister, and his whole world. All combined to give him something to risk everything for.

A few days into the journey home, he came across the encampment of people. But all the tents were torn down, and the camp itself was a complete mess. Stopping the wagon, he walked over to the side, looking for someone. The only one left somewhat alive was Aruck, the large blacksmith.

"Don't come near me..." he said, then spit up some blood. "It won't be worth it anymore..." he coughed, and then spit up even more blood.

Ivellios paid no head to man's words, and ran over to him. Grabbing anything he could, he tried to treat the wounds he had come across. "If your here, just kill yourself now..." with a last great heave, the man choked and went into shook. Shaking, blood from his mouth went every where. He died after he stopped moving.

Ivellios whiped himself off, but found himself to go into the same state as Aruck. But when he was done, he only felt throbs of pain every so often. He hurried to his wagon, and got on. Falling over, he got his horses moving, at a quick pace. The rest of the way home, he rose the back of the wagon unconsious.

[Storm Veritas]

Not a bad first effort, you show a lot of promise and could develop into a terrific Althanian! I must suggest very strongly that you work with other people here, get into some larger quests. You'll learn a good deal, and people can use a bright young adventurer like yourself to create some ideas with. Scara Brae may be a good fit for the ropes, getting a handle of this place. It was a sad day for me to leave it.

Introduction - 5 A pretty good opening post. Not a ton of detail, which isn't a problem. You started pretty strong, which I think shows a lot of potential in you.
Setting - 3 I think you can do a better job setting the stage for us. Let us really get a feel for what's going on, where you are, and what you see, hear, and feel as Ascelia. For example, what the hell is a Kobold? You need to take the chance to explain these things to the reader.
Character - 4 Not bad, but you can improve here. Give us more emotion and less "physical" feeling. I know what hurts, but why does it hurt, and how are you affected?
Dialogue - 5 Effective, if a bit bland. I'm not really too moved with or against your dialogue. Definite building block here, something that shows you know what you're doing.
Rising Action - 2 One of your weak points. Don't just jump around so much. Take the opportunity to build suspense in your posts - the story is built on drama and suspense, not raw action. I think writing with other Althanians will really help you here.
Climax - 3 Again, there isn't a lot there, because it wasn't that well definied, and the structure didn't build enough. You're not bad, but you show that you can be better.
Conclusion - 2 See Rising Action. You really can structure this out more effectively, so you can grab the reader and make them care more about what happens.
Strategy - 6 Your thought process is actually pretty good, and there is some decent structure to your quest. There was definitely thought put in. Just work to create more balance, and you'll be in great shape.
Writing Style - 3 Again, there is good and bad here. For a first timer, I'd consider this very good. It just needs a little polish. You really need to reread and edit your posts; there are a number of typos, including the entire last post in boldface.
Wild Card - 5 A very solid entrance, something that shows you'll be a good contributor. Welcome to Althanas!

Total Score - 38
EXP - 387 points