Quest Judging
The Care and Feeding of a House Corpse
Most of the commentary will be pertaining to your request, as to how you've improved over Drop Zone.
STORY
Continuity ~ 9/10. MUCH better here! While there are some unanswered questions about Vix’zythyanna, they aren't detrimental questions. I get a vague idea about that situation, that Vix was a familiar sacrificed along with blood vines and a Bladesinger to make Lodekai. Am I right?
Setting ~ 7/10. Setting was better in the cave areas than by the stream, but still good.
Pacing ~ 9/10. This flowed impeccably, never dragged. I was kept rooted to the thread from start to finish, though I'm not completely sure how I felt about the "journal" entry at the end. Maybe the entry could have been spaced out through the thread, woven in with the story so that it didn't feel so much like a drug-out spoils request.
CHARACTER
Dialogue ~ 10/10. Perfect. And I love how Zaz speaks. I keep wanting to call him Zazu. Blame my adoration for the Lion King. You did a great job this time of really reflecting personality through dialogue, which can be one of the toughest hurdles in writing. While not so strange, Calvin's formal speech goes well with his background as Salvar nobility, and Lodekai does come across as a preteen/young teen.
Action ~ 8/10.
Persona ~ 9/10. A lot of improvement here. I saw more of your characters here. There was never a time, like in Drop Zone, where I tried to get into the mind of the character and just encountered static. Also, I never thought I'd run into a situation where I would honestly LIKE Zem'Xund's minions. I ended this going "Awww" for Calvin, losing his baby girl, even though I KNEW he was losing her to help her help the bad guys. Ha ha, that's great.
WRITING STYLE
Technique ~ 8/10. While there were some moments where you were just telling, they were fewer than in Drop Zone. You went farther here to show me the story, and I appreciate it.
Mechanics ~ 9/10. I only found 4 mistakes here. In post 2, you put displease instead of displeased. In post 4 there was a tense slip where you put explains instead of explained. Post 6, you put shinning when describing her eyes, and it's shining. Post 9 had havr instead of have.
Clarity ~ 10/10. Absolutely no problems here.
MISCELLANEOUS
Wild Card ~ 8/10. Wow, someone on Althanas who takes judge's commentary and uses it to improve! I'm seriously impressed. This was a great story that shed a different sort of light, a softer light, on necromancy. I never thought I'd see the day when someone pulled that off. In the words of Zombina and the Skeletones, "Nobody likes you when you're dead, and that just ain't right." It's nice to find an undead minion that comes off as a convincing and heart-warming protagonist.
TOTAL ~ 87/100. Of course, this is going to be recommended in the mod forum as a Judge's Choice.
Rewards
Lodekai gains 1042 EXP and 200 GP
Other Rewards
Also, I see no problem in granting as spoils the "character revelations" that you've listed. The way they're worded is fine by me, though, of course, all changes must be approved by the Realm of Greeting. Make sure to link back to this thread and state these revelations in your next character update.
Submit Thread for Judgment
