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Thread: Sunset in a Dead Land

  1. #11
    Iwishlifehadcheatcodes
    EXP: 23,421, Level: 6
    Level completed: 49%, EXP required for next level: 3,579
    Level completed: 49%,
    EXP required for next level: 3,579
    GP
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    Taskmienster's Avatar

    Name
    Einar Fenrisson
    Age
    30
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown, buzz cut mohawk
    Eye Color
    hazel
    Build
    6'2" / 315
    Job
    Outcast Noble

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    “You are sick,” Ansribael growled through gritted teeth. “These people have done nothing to you, and yet you serve the master of the darkness that rises against your own people and rot the city from the inside out. You do not deserve to live, and I will see to it that you do not.”

    “Oh,” the elf sighed as he took up a defensive stance. “So melodramatic are we not? Come now, it is all in good fun. And I do not serve Xem’zûnd. I serve myself.”

    The warrior dove across the water, a jump easily made. As his heavy boots touched the opposite side his blade fell. The runes running across it were vivid and sparked to life. The same ones that Lars had seen moments before against the zombies were flaring wildly. However, as the blade fell, the runic script dulled. Before it could come in contact with the elven necromancer his empty hands shot up as if to catch it… the blade shattered before it came close enough.

    Lars was put off. He could feel the nervous Dedric at his side move forward uncomfortably and look down the other side to see the combat. The pieces of the blade soared through the air like fragmentation, piercing the exposed portions of Ansri’s body. He lumbered forward on unsteady feet, only the hilt remaining in his firm grasp. Before anyone could react the necromancer wrapped his hands around the warrior’s throat and smiled.

    “Like I said, you will feel it soon enough.” At the ends of his fingers small pins shot out from the gloves. Each one was dripping like a poorly sealed syringe. Green goo ran down the side of the warrior’s neck and across the front of his polished armor. There was no time for Lars to throw a dagger to stop the monster. Even if there had been the option was nearly impossible with the proximity of the two elves. “Have fun in there with all my other pets.”

    FLASH

    “Time is always a pressing matter…”

    A purple streak struck the forehead of the necromancer and sent him reeling away from Ansribael. His gloved hands cupped either cheek and barely remained away from puncturing himself with his own serum. Lars looked over his shoulder and saw the purple glow of Dedric’s eyes and knew instantly where the attack had come from. It was fast though, and had done more damage in the split second than the warrior had done in combat.

    The hacker wasted no time in question and threw both daggers he had in hand. They streaked through the air and were aimed at the chest of the well clothed necromancer. His arms tried to fall. His body tried to move. But it was like watching the entire thing in slow motion. Whatever the spell that Dedric had hit him was had nearly stopped him completely. In a heartbeat the blades connected with the necromancer’s chest and an explosion of blood burst from the wounds.

    “Kill him! NOW!” Lars screamed to his warrior companion, and the man moved without so much as a thought. He dug out a dagger along the side of his waist and swung quickly. Before it could come in contact though, the entire world went bat shit insane. The necromancer’s eyes turned a sickly, glowing gold. The daggers that the hacker had thrown dropped from his body as if he had suddenly become a ghost. And in the confusion Ansribael had stopped his forward thrust. A flurry of feathers and instead of a man waiting to be killed was a flock of agitated crows. The man had changed into the birds to save himself, and upwards they flew, towards the mesh grate and the outside world.

    “This is not a trespass I shall so easily forgive.” The words of the elven creep wormed their way through Lars’ head. The way the others reacted, holding their heads and looking skyward, they too were receiving the same thing. “Your images will be burnt into my vision, and I shall not forgive any face I have seen. A small victory perhaps, but one that will be overlooked by Lord Xem’zûnd in the long run.”

    “What the fuck was that? What the fuck do we do with these bodies? And how the fuck do we explain this shit?” Lars was angry, his voice a growl. But all around him the noise of unsteady stones began to creak. They were being pulled, just as he had predicted, leaving the three men trapped in the tunnel. “Fuuuck no…”

  2. #12
    Iwishlifehadcheatcodes
    EXP: 23,421, Level: 6
    Level completed: 49%, EXP required for next level: 3,579
    Level completed: 49%,
    EXP required for next level: 3,579
    GP
    4,371
    Taskmienster's Avatar

    Name
    Einar Fenrisson
    Age
    30
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown, buzz cut mohawk
    Eye Color
    hazel
    Build
    6'2" / 315
    Job
    Outcast Noble

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    In a flurry of movement the party quickly gathered their wits. Dedric turned towards the caving tunnels and with outstretched arms produced an amethyst glow that clung to the walls. It held open the entrance to the chamber, but the rest of the walls were quickly closing in. “Ansri, just toss the flames on the sacks, if they don’t light on fire than the collapse will destroy them. If they do than we’ll just burn the bitches and get the hell out.”

    “On it.” The brute followed directions well when he knew that he wasn’t the one making the calls. The candles flames were slowly returning to their normal size, but the flame would do well enough. The warrior tossed the candles on the sacks of pained, still beings. They instantly caught in flames that roared up the sides of the walls. The intricate runic scripts, the writing, and all the webbing that connected to it including what was strung through the tunnel they still needed to escape was highly flammable.

    “What the hell are you doing?!”

    “These swords are good, really good… I’m not going to just leave them here.”

    “Hurry the fuck up,” Lars yelled as he ducked under the outstretched arms of the silent Dedric. His booted steps were loud as he ran away from the chamber, letting the other two make their way to him and away from the webbing. It would be quite a story to tell to the elven officials. He didn’t doubt that if it had been just himself and Dedric they would not believe a word said, but the elven warrior would be a voice they could trust at the very least.

    In the meantime they had a good distance to walk, and a lot of questions for Dedric to answer.

    ~X~

    Back on the surface nothing seemed to have changed. People were hurrying from here to there, fearful of the assault of the Forgotten One and his minions. Little did they know that under their feet the first shots of a battle had been fired, and so far it was O and 1 for the undead. Lars was relieved to breath the fresh air, see the setting sun on the horizon, and hear something other than the chaotic tongue of the man Dedric. It turned out that he was some sort of mage, something called a Hex Magi. Whatever it meant the hacker kept the name in mind and thanked the man for his help.

    The three quickly made it back to the harbor area and reported what they had found. It was a long story, one that Ansribael was more than proud to tell. Meanwhile, while the bloated oaf was telling of the magnificence of it all, Lars was waiting and watching. His back was against a fountain, the cool mist from the water feeling good across his dirtied face. It would be a while yet till the full story was noted and the appropriate rewards were given in gratitude. He wanted to be alone though, watching the sun fall over the hills, and wondering what would come next.

    Raiaera was a lost cause, little more to be had. Maybe he’d go to Corone? Civil wars were always good business for a wandering mercenary. His pockets could be lined with gold if he played off the right people. Or maybe back to Scara Brae? There was plenty to do there, and he still needed to recover his ship and crew. Wherever he went he knew one thing… he was watching the last sunset of a dead land.

    Out of Character:

    Spoils
    One sword, two sword, no sword? Whatever you’d like to give. I’ll take one or both, but it’s not necessary. Gold I suppose too? Whatever works. Oh, and I purposely left the material of the swords up to the mods discretion… just easier that way, no arguments and whatnot. Thanks!

  3. #13
    Starslayer and the Mad King
    EXP: 48,726, Level: 9
    Level completed: 48%, EXP required for next level: 5,274
    Level completed: 48%,
    EXP required for next level: 5,274
    GP
    2,634
    Skie and Avery's Avatar

    Name
    Skie dan Sabriel/ Avery Nito
    Race
    Moontae
    Gender
    Female/Male
    Hair Color
    Black/Brown
    Eye Color
    Blue/Green
    Build
    tall and slender

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    Quest Judging
    Sunset in a Dead Land

    STORY

    Continuity ~ 7/10. I still don't get the whole hacking thing. I understand that he's hacking into Althanas like it's a mmorpg, but I don't get WHY. why why why why whyyyy? Also, why is he in Raiaera? I mean, kicks and giggles? I guess your intro made it sound like simple curiosity, but I'm not sure.
    Setting ~ 5/10. I expected more than just the odd stuff. Sure, you'll notice spiderwebs in the cobbling and all, but what about splashing through the sewage, or the smell of it?
    [b]Pacing ~ 8/10.[/b

    CHARACTER

    Dialogue ~ 6/10. Tense in most places, and there was one particular moment that bugged me to no end. Lars said to Ansri, "grow some balls and be something more than a fuckin’ grizzled wanna be warrior." Now, if I were a grizzled elven warrior, that would have confused the hell out of me, not made me angry. Just saying. There was no "lolwut?" moment from Ansri after that.
    Action ~ 7/10.
    Persona ~ 8/10. Well done with character personalities here.

    WRITING STYLE

    Technique ~ 6/10. Your technique has some shining spots. One moment that I really liked was when you described watching the figures fighting in front of the lit tunnel and compared it to an innocent moment of shadow puppetry from childhood. That was beautifully done, and your writing could really benefit from more moments like that.
    Mechanics ~ 9/10.
    Clarity ~ 7/10. There were times when the way you worded something didn't flow well and I had to read the sentence a few times to understand what you were getting at.

    MISCELLANEOUS

    Wild Card ~ 6/10.

    TOTAL ~ 69/100.

    Rewards
    Taskmienster gains 776 EXP and 266 GP

    Other Rewards
    Plynt Sword and 100 bonus GP, included with total above.
    Sometimes love looks like torture

    List of my alts

  4. #14
    Memento Mori
    EXP: 53,567, Level: 9
    Level completed: 96%, EXP required for next level: 433
    Level completed: 96%,
    EXP required for next level: 433
    GP
    7,248
    Witchblade's Avatar

    Name
    Witchblade
    Age
    Unknown
    Race
    Unknown
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Black, like her soul
    Eye Color
    Crimson
    Build
    5'9 / 130lbs
    Job
    Murderer

    EXP and GP added!
    Do you ever Feel like a Monster?

    Do you dare to read The Diary of the Dead

    Have you seen my Hollow Daydreams
    Or listened to this Serenade of Haunting Voices
    Pray for The Heart I Once Had
    Then grant A Rose For The Dead'

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