Back to Irlandes

[A Nony Mouse]

The snapping branch alerted Travis of his opponent’s position only an instant before the clawed gauntlet slashed toward his neck. In a reflex reaction, Travis brought the dehlar sword up to protect his face. The steel claws of the assassin raked against the metal blade and were turned away from their target just enough to allow Travis to live. Unfortunately, they bit deeply into the flesh of his arm instead.

Wincing against the pain, but pushed on by a surge of adrenaline, Travis aimed a punch at the man’s face with his free hand. I need to get his claws off me, his mind screamed. The sword was a close range weapon, but it still required some room to swing it. Trapped this close to the tanned and scarred assassin, Travis had no hope of attacking effectively.

[Seralcard]

Sparks flew as steel claws raked against the face of the dehlar blade, sliding past and biting into the fighter’s arm, tearing away flesh and painting the nearby leaves in sanguine. The warrior’s fist came over Seralcard’s arm, a desperate attack that crashed across his jaw painfully. The assassin glared balefully at his opponent, a man endlessly determined, evenly matched. Striking out with his right, his talons went to seize the fighter’s injured arm.

[A Nony Mouse]

Steel claws went to grab Travis’ sword arm and he sidestepped deftly to avoid their reach. Swinging the dehlar sword with both hands, Travis caught the assassin’s side with the flat of the blade. Fatigue, inexperience, and blood loss were all quickly conspiring against Travis as the half-naked warrior batted the blade aside. The claws raked across Travis’ brigandine, leaving shimmering scratches where the steel met iron underneath. Taking a step back, the adventurer raised his sword high over his head and took one deep breath.

In that instant, time stopped for Travis. He felt his heart pounding in his ears and the blood pulsing from his numerous wounds. Adrenaline had long since run its course and his muscles were becoming sore. The short sword he wielded felt like deadweight in his hands, his pole had been completely destroyed, and his vision began to blur. The battle was nearly over for the red-haired fighter.

As his opponent lunged forward, Travis summoned all of his strength into the overhead slice. The dehlar blade sang as it plummeted through the air to cleave the assassin’s skull. However, Travis’ already mediocre swordsmanship was severely hampered by the blood loss; his sword’s strike was off-target and his enemy easily dodged out of harm’s way.

The clawed gauntlets flashed in the sun as they lunged for him and then the assassin was upon him. Travis took momentary solace in the fact that it would all be over soon…

[Seralcard]

Slow, weak, the fighter’s sword streaked down past the assassin harmlessly as the warrior reached the very end of his rope. The claws of Seralcard’s left hand wrapped around the man’s throat, slamming him back against a tree, the blade clattering to the ground. Jeweled eyes of ruby and sapphire met green for a moment that stretched for a very long time. This was not a battle to be forgotten, the warrior had fought well. Very well. But now it was over, “…Your name?”

As Seralcard loosened his grip slightly the fighter arched an eyebrow, pained and slightly confused, but even now unafraid, “Travis… Travis Kiltias…”

The assassin nodded, raising his right hand slowly, “It will be remembered.” With a single blow his talons savagely pierced the man’s armor with the tearing of metal and a cruel wet snap. His fingers broke through several ribs, burrowing deeply into the warrior’s chest, and grasped the fighter’s sternum. Viciously pulling away, Seralcard ripped the bone free in a spray of blood and gore that spilled onto the dark soil beneath them. Glistening red, ragged fractured pieces of bone still connected to the sides, the assassin let it fall to the ground and released his opponent. It was done.

[A Nony Mouse]

A white haze surrounded Travis as he answered the assassin. Though he should have been wracked with excruciating pain, he felt nothing. He was vaguely aware of his opponent tearing into his chest, snapping bones and puncturing organs. It mattered not.

He focused on the trees, how their leaves blew gently in the wind and their branches leaned to the side with the force of it. Birds soared through the air, but the fallen warrior couldn’t hear their calls. The world was slipping away from him with every beat of his heart. Farther and farther.

Soon he felt cool stone beneath him and the soft brush of brown robes. Hands gently touched him, knitting his life back together and repairing lethal damage. As he fell into darkness, he heard the soft murmur of voices around him. But no words.

Spoils:
Seralcard:
Face of the Void: A featureless obsidian mask with a special enchantment. When worn it grants no special attributes and in no way hinders opponents in battle. However when the wearer leaves a character's presence, that character cannot recall what the wearer looked or sounded like, so as not to be able to describe the wearer to a third party in any way. To clarify, this does not erase memories of events at all- it merely blurs the image and sounds associated with the wearer.*

* As a special limitation this item can only be used in solos and in quests where all the other writers agree to submit to the mask's effects. I will forfeit all earned gold and, if deemed necessary, experience earned by my character in this battle to attain this item, as it is absolutely vital so that I can use this character to roleplay with the characters of my friends.

Travis:
No need to repair his pole; it is an acceptable loss. However, feel free to compensate him for this loss in whatever way you see fit ;-) Other than that, just the usual GP and EXP. Thanks!

[Skie and Avery]

Quest Judging
Back to Irlandes

A Nony Mouse is in green.
Seralcard is in red.

STORY

Continuity
6
5
Neither of you gave me much here. Okay, so you'd heard about the Citadel. So, Travis was a bit homesick. That's it? That's all there is behind the passion of the battle? The lack of internal dialogue from both of you hurt a lot here, because I really don't get why people are dying today. "Well, Seralcard is a murderer." can't be all there is to find for inspiration.

Setting
6
7
While Seralcard did come out on top here for painting a better picture, I do want you to know that the reason you didn't get an 8 is because physics exists on Althanas. Use the setting, but use it believably. Whipping around the tree like you're a stripper on a greased pole is high unbelievable.

Pacing
5
5
Both of you need to realize that there's a difference between keeping the pace of reading quick for a battle, and keeping your post length down. Pacing can be excellent with several great paragraphs. Four sentence paragraphs don't always mean your pacing will be beautiful. Also, if you could keep from giving a run down of what happened in the post before yours every time you start a post, no matter how long your post is, it'll make it flow better. React, don't commentate. That way, you can give your reactions and next action rich descriptive detail and internal dialogue to go with it and not bog down a post.

CHARACTER

Dialogue
0
1
What dialogue? Not only did you not speak to each other, form thoughts out loud, curse, etc, I didn't see any of your thoughts. Just stating that your opponent is an even match to you and your character feels that they need to be quick in their actions doesn't count. I need the moment when their eyes widen and they go, "His power level is OVER NINE THOUSAND!" You can narrate that they're going to be a tough nut to crack all day long, but until you give me that thought where they think to themselves, "Well, this Duracel Bunny just keeps going..." I have nothing that tells me anything of their character.

Action
6
6
This was okay, nothing spectacular. Also, there were posts that seemed bunnied, though I get the feeling that it was okayed. When you have that situation, where you're going to "combine posts" to put someone else's actions/reactions/dialogue into your post, make a note of it in the post where it first happens, or at the beginning of the thread. I got to post 13, where Seralcard got thrown over Travis' head, and was ready to dock points. Post 16 had a weapon broken, without obvious permission. Let's not even get into the ending of the thread. I didn't dock points this time, but sometimes a judge won't just assume that it was okay.

Persona
0
0
I got absolutely nothing of your characters personalities in this thread. It was really disappointing. They fought like badass kung fu masters, but are either one of them really badass kung fu masters? Or any chunk of that description? I don't know. You gave me nothing.

WRITING STYLE

Technique
5
5
You both did okay here. A Nony Mouse's style flourished a bit more, and Seralcard had more description, but I can't say it was better description. You both write really similarly, and while there was a lot of description, you were both just telling me. I got a run down of actions, maybe some pain. The writing had little flow, few literary techniques, and mostly read like middle school fanfiction. A personal style will come more as you grow as writers, and I can't wait to see you guys come into your own.

Mechanics
9
8
Both of you do really great here, but Seralcard should watch his comma usage. Sometimes there were breaks in the sentence with a comma that didn't really need to go there.

Clarity
6
7

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card
5
5

TOTAL
48
49
Seralcard Wins

Seralcard gains 500 EXP and 755 GP
A Nony Mouse gains 150 EXP and 188 GP

Seralcard does not gain Face of the Void. That item had nothing to do with this thread. If it is so important, you should quest/battle for it directly.

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!