Sasurai vs. Destined Intervention
Hey hey, welcome to the first round. I have judged your thread and have the scores below. But! Before you go shuffling through them, please let me have a small portion of your time. I would like to explain something first and foremost. The battle was an ok battle, nothing amazingly special, just ok. I’m not trying to insult you, but spur you to do better in the coming rounds (should you move on by way of win or by way of fate points). I have posted comments only on the scores that are either above or below a 5. They are brief, but can be expanded upon if you’d like. The scores are average, but I really felt that the performance and level of writing put in by either side was reflected well by the score. One thing that I would like to note above all is that both teams felt as if you were trying to force yourself to write 1-2 full pages on Word in order to post. It’s not necessary; you don’t have to do that. Post relevant aspects of the battle, actions and reactions, and maybe a little side stuff here and there to give it a little more flair. However, as much as was typed in this, it was simply far too long winded, with a ton of broken ideas or idea’s that were in no way necessary to the battle which destroyed the pacing for the most part.
Anyway, good luck in the future!
Sasurai
Wings of Endymion
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2.5/5
~ Setting ~ 6/10
~Good use of the water attack
~ Pacing ~ 7.5/15
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 5/10
~ Action~ 7.5/15
~ Persona ~ 3/10
~Got nothing about who you were or why you acted the way you did.
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 4/10
~ Mechanics ~ 8/10
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 2.5/5
[Total: 53]
Schrodinger’s Nirvana
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2.5/5
~ Setting ~ 5/10
~ Pacing ~ 5.5/15
~11th post killed it, immensely. As well as quite a bit of added info that detracted from the battle throughout the posts.
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 4/10
~Odd, though inconsistent or not couldn’t be determined with lack of persona.
~ Action~ 6.5/15
~Certain things you did felt out of place, like you didn’t give the other team enough time to react. Tail cutting, for example, should have been done and stopped. Allowing the other team to do something other than just going straight to tearing the tunic.
~ Persona ~ 4/10
~None really explained, though I got a few different feels for the character from other sections, though a ‘few different’ means that it was inconsistent.
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 4/10
~Nearly no use of anything literarily advanced, and most of the writing felt like lower diction and somewhat childish at times.
~ Mechanics ~ 8/10
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 2.5/5
[Total: 49]
Destined Intervention
Nieve.Roja
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2/5
Storyline of where SoulBeaver is and where you say he is were inconsistent, as well as who you were and where you came from.
~ Setting ~ 6/10
~Used the boats well
~ Pacing ~ 5/15
~Honestly… half of what was done was done in one post, such as jumping boat to boat, and too much for a person to do without retaliation.
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 6/10
~Stayed relatively consistent, though it wasn’t really explained why you spoke that way through your persona.
~ Action~ 7.5/15
~ Persona ~ 4/10
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 6/10
~Had some actually well written things in there that caught me, but not that many or any that were astoundingly significant to note.
~ Mechanics ~ 6/10
~Slipped into present tense, misspelled a word, another misspelling
~ Clarity ~ 7/10
WILD CARD!!! 2.5/5
[Total: 52]
SoulBeaver
STORY
~ Continuity ~ 2.5/5
~ Setting ~ 5/10
~ Pacing ~ 4.5/15
~The transformation and attacks seemed slow and to take up a lot of time, but didn’t give the opponent enough time to react either.
CHARACTER
~ Dialogue ~ 7/10
~You did the best in dialogue, by far.
~ Action~ 7.5/15
~ Persona ~ 5/10
~ You jumped to anger within seconds, which made no sense…
WRITING STYLE
~ Technique ~ 7/10
~Definitely had the most technique present in the thread, but it was also used well.
~ Mechanics ~ 7/10
~Present tense use.
~ Clarity ~ 4/10
~First post was muddled and hard to follow… subsequent posts were nearly as difficult.
WILD CARD!!! 2.5/5
[Total: 52]
TOTAL
(51/100) (52/100)
Destined Intervention Wins
GAINS/REWARDS!
Nieve.Roja and Soul Beaver gain 500 exp and 100 gold
Schrodinger's Nirvana and Wings of Endymion gain 150 exp and 25 gold