A bad day; a warm brew.

[Slayn]

((Cool))

[Taskmienster]

A bad day; a warm brew

STORY (0/30)

~ Continuity ~ 4
Gale and Slayn: You gave me no background or why you were there.

~ Setting ~ 2
Basically forgotten… which was sad because it could have helped out with the pacing, since those really short posts could have had some more added to them to fill them out a bit.

~ Pacing ~ 3
Slayn and Gale, it’s best to wait till the other people post before you carry on without them, especially since you directed a question at her. Doing so kills the pacing and makes extremely short, choppy posts instead of a flowing story. Gale: your 24th post was ridiculously long. You could have broken that up easily to make it flow a lot better.


CHARACTER (0/30)

~ Dialogue ~ 5
You all write really long dialogue at times, some of which feels out of place.

~ Action~ 3

~ Persona ~ 3
I didn’t really get a whole lot other than two guys’ ego’s were going to clash about fighting each other, though why I don’t know. And the girl didn’t want them too.


WRITING STYLE (0/30)

~ Technique ~ 2

~ Mechanics ~ 5
Multiple errors, only a few spelling. Remember not to skip from present and past tense when writing as well. All of you have a lot of really long sentences with too many comma’s, try and split those up to make it easier to follow. All of the MANY mistakes could easily be fixed by just reading over your posts.

~ Clarity ~ 5


WILD CARD!!! 4
Good try, if you want further commentary just catch me via PM or IM and I can help you!

TOTAL

(36/100)


GAINS/REWARDS!

And: 275 exp and 50 gp
Slayn: 300 exp and 50 gp
Gale: 275 exp and 50 gp

[Taskmienster]

Exp/GP added