Mortal Intervention

[Bloodrose]

Words couldn't accurately describe the almost out of body experience Teric underwent as the battle dragged itself forgivingly to its conclusion. One minute they were buried underground in the Sway's richly magical sanctum, and the next they were standing in a marble-paved crater under the grey, overcast winter sky amongst the skeletal ruins of the Cathedral. Whether by magic, exhaustion, or some other interfering force, the mercenary's sense of time seemed to skip by what seemed like hours - but could have been only seconds - until Caden's final declaration almost physically forced the timeline back into place.

"Kill this bitch."

The words echoed inside of Teric's head as he almost instinctively moved with Rayse to flank the struggling demi-god on all sides. As if viewing himself from afar, the veteran watched on as he and his nephew worked in tandem to dissect the magic-inhaling Denebriel with lightning-quick, surgical precision. In some strange sense, the swordsman fully expected it to be a futile gesture.

He'd watched Denebriel with his own eyes conjure forth magics not seen since time immemorial. He'd borne witness as she constantly seemed to rebuild herself and adapt to her injuries. The Saint had been beaten, fried, cut, blasted, and endured any number of other combat-adjectives with little complaint, and always come back for more. Even then - right near the end - Teric had watched the would be God pull herself clawing and screaming from a magical singularity.

Even with Caden's endorsement, Teric didn't truly believe that the demi-god would be felled by a few sword cuts. Luckily for everyone involved, probably, Teric's beliefs had a habit of proving false.

Denebriel - the only true power in Salvar for centuries - fell to the ground like the fine ash off of a cigarette butt. There was no rolling thunder or bright lightning overhead - no grand display as the magical essences keeping the Saint alive were stripped of their mortal shell. The demi-god simply disintegrated into the chill Salvic wind and was gone...

Teric blinked and they were on more familiar ground; namely, the dining room in Rayse's apartment. The jarring shift in location was offset by the numbness clouding the mercenary's mind, and almost absently Teric could see it affecting Caden as well. The truly profound impact of what they'd just done was lost on the veteran until Caden put it into words - and even then Teric couldn't quite wrap his mind around the concept.

"Not my God." Teric heard himself say, not really sure if he said it out loud or not. "Not a real God."

Teric instinctively reached for the glass Rayse poured for him, but the wine was flavorless in the mercenary's mouth. As a man so accustomed to boiling situations down into their lowest common denominators, the veteran was trying so hard to find a good analogy for the events of the last couple hours that he could even process the bittersweet bite of the alcohol - nor did he notice Caden move for the door. Numb, perplexed, and very tired, the mercenary didn't even register the presence of another God - Caden's mysterious helper - as the wizard was whisked to places unknown by a power unfathomable to the mortal mind.

It took a minute for Teric to finally move past the blockage in his head and finally say something.

"Well," he said, almost in disbelief, "that was... interesting."

Rayse gave him a look that might as well have said "Really? That's all you can say?" The Contractor was obviously proud of himself and their accomplishment, and in a strange way Teric envied the younger man his natural confidence. While certainly his brash and boisterous swagger could be grating on the stoic, reserved mercenary's nerves, Rayse's almost unshakable self-image as this hugely powerful figure in the world was admirable. To look at him, one could tell that the Contractor suffered no self-doubt. It was as if the younger man had known from the start that they would surely conquer Denebriel on her home turf, and the fact that they had succeeded only cemented their grandeur in the young man's mind.

There'll be no living with him after this. Teric realized wistfully. He could only imagine what effect their god-slaying would have on the Contractor's already brazen ego. At the same time, though, the mercenary couldn't really fault his nephew for that ego. He'd certainly proven himself capable of backing up his talk with action...

Spoils requested:
-The "Magicide Blade" Teric's been hefting around most of the thread. An enchanted, masterwork Dehlar longsword that can nullify magic. Due to the obvious powergaming/trouble inducing implications of a weapon that can completely cancel out magic, I'm going to propose the following restriction if granted:

Restriction: The Magicide blade can only be used in threads with other PC's with the express permission of all thread participants. Meaning that if I want to use the weapon in a battle or non-solo endeavor, I must ask my opponents/fellows for their consent before using it.

[Rayse Valentino]

In the end, three Salvarans had come back to their home to solve a Salvaran problem. However, the city they had returned to would never be the same as they remembered. The entire country was forever changed, and what it truly meant to be a Salvaran had changed as well. They did not know what to make of their home.

As Caden turned his doorway into a magical portal to places unknown, Rayse stared at his back with suspicion and a tired look in his eyes. This was it. His last chance to prevent another Denebriel. After this, there was no telling what the Wizard Blueraven would become. He did not have the energy, the motive, nor the will to do anything about Caden leaving. He just sat there, drinking down every drop of his glass, and afterward pulling out a smoke, lighting it, and taking a deep drag. If he becomes an enemy, then so be it. Until then, he's cool in my book.

The wizard disappeared, his portal vanishing as well, and Rayse's guard fell slightly. It was like his desire to not appear weak in front of others was manifesting itself as adrenaline, keeping him from truly feeling the effects of what he had done. He was looking ahead; far ahead of himself, but he was running out of things to look at. Suddenly, their victory had become bittersweet. They had stepped into a realm they were unfamiliar with, and it was uncomfortable.

It was only Rayse and Teric now, as it had been from the start. There were still many unanswered questions, but The Contractor felt that Teric had none of the answers. Normal humans could not have matched their deeds. With nothing to talk about, they sat by in silence, emptying the last of the two bottles until finally, Teric made his leave.

As the veteran mercenary walked to the door, Rayse leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table, smoke slowly seeping out of his mouth from the almost-spent cigarette butt, "Don't die on me, old man." He didn't mean for it to sound sentimental, but he felt his emotional guard slipping as he said it.

Teric smiled and opened the door, momentarily suspending the exhausted look on his face, "Not planning on it anytime soon." He walked out the door and took a left, looking up the stairs. It was mostly clear, but near the top some rubble was jammed. He pulled out his new sword and after a moment, from inside Rayse heard a crashing sound.

Teric started up the stairs now that the way was clear, moving past the cold Salvic air that flooded Rayse's room from the open door and sent a chill down The Contractor's spine. He leaned back too far in his chair and crashed onto the floor, but quickly got up and ran to the open door way and looked up into the sliver of sky not blocked by Teric's ascent.

"I..." Rayse stammered out, his voice caught in his throat. "The cold, I can feel..." He looked at his hands, and the familiar chill ran through his body. Ever since he was tainted with magic right before the war, he could not feel any sensation of cold. That sensation kept him grounded, and without it he felt like a stranger everywhere he went. The cigarette butt fell out of his mouth and hit the ground, sending a final spark into the air. For the first time in nearly a year, he felt... home. He fought back the tears, turning back into his apartment.

Teric stopped his climb for a moment, his own long-dormant emotions rekindling for a brief moment, "When I come back, I hope you've got work for me." He continued up the stairs until he was out of sight, leaving Rayse alone.

The Contractor closed the door and slowly made his way back to the table but almost collapsed, saving himself by slamming his hands onto the table. Now that they were all gone, his body, his mind; they were all acting up. What exactly... had he just done? He was home now, and back where he started. Everything outside his door was different. He the Salvar he knew was... He took out Denebriel's glass eye and put it on the table. He didn't need it. What he wanted was clear in his mind. The future was his and his alone. After all, he defeated a God! His ego started flaring up, as it was the only way he could deal with this stress. There's no stopping me now. He would be above them all, he wouldn't stop until everyone was bowing at his feet.

A darkness filled his eyes. His intentions were not noble, his desires were not moral, and his dreams were nightmares to others. I can do anything... He picked up the glass eye and clasped it in his hand. All I need... is for someone to watch.

Notes:
-Golden Compass of Destiny: I'm letting this go at Saxon's discretion.
Spoils:
-Magicide Upgrade to Kapteyn- The blade of Rayse's knife now has magicide properties. Nullifies magic. If this is a problem you can apply the same restrictions as Bloodrose.
-Denebriel's Glass Eye- Ability to look into the immediate future.
-At some point, I want an HQ. I can discuss this with the region writer or Judge. I'm waiting until after the events of At the Edge to see what I can do with it.

[Amaril Torrun]

Mortal Intervention



STORY

Continuity ~ 7

Setting ~ 8

Pacing ~ 7 The story began with a hurried sense of purpose that kept me reading. Once you guys hit the fight against Denebriel however, your writing tried to sustain the same level of urgency for too long, making the battle seem a tad too drawn out.


CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 9

Action ~ 10 The pip squeak NPCs didn’t take too long to die, so that the fighting that did take a while was against the appropriate big players. It effectively showed the levels of strength that not only your own characters possess, but also the strength of their foes. As an action packed quest, I couldn’t have asked for any more than what you did here.

Persona ~ 8


WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 8 In post 14, your usage of the word “obliterated” seemed a bit odd in describing Teric’s landing. Having used the word already just before that, when the Sway was destroyed, it stuck out awkwardly the second time. When using somewhat bigger words more than once, many readers tend to imagine to word describing the same thing or situation. It is just a small thing, but there were some instances like this where a different word or way of portraying something would have worked better

Mechanics ~ 6 There were several tense issues and a few other grammatical mistakes during the course of the thread that were a little distracting at times.

Clarity ~ 9


MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 7 This was by no means a literary masterpiece, but it was fun and at times thrilling to read. The bit about the lightning bolt not being Caden’s brightest move made the person in the other room ask what I was laughing about. All three of you have a knack for throwing in quick humor like this without it overtaking the story.


TOTAL ~ 79

Rayse Valentino earns 4722 experience for a FQ thread

Caden Law earns 4746 experience for a FQ thread.

Bloodrose earns 4119 experience for a FQ thread.


Your spoils are temporarily granted until your next updates, where our fellow RoG staff will read through the finer details you provide.

Both the magicide blades are granted with Bloodrose's stated restriction.

Denebriel's Glass Eye may be used for story advancing purposes, but will need further description at your next RoG update before you can use it freely.

Since Caden's ability spoils will take up update room, he also earns 200 gold that a grateful witness to his deeds must have slipped into his pocket at some point before catching his boat.

I'm afraid I don't have any authority or enough knowledge about HQ business to tell you one thing or another.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and Gp added.

Caden levels to 8!