The Treslizn Chamber

[Atzar]

Later

The smell of blood intruded on his peace. Atzar was alive.

Then everything else came back at once. His sight revealed the plain white quarters that housed him. His ears picked up quiet groans from neighboring rooms; clearly he was but one of many revived fighters. But more than anything, his body felt the experiences of the battle. He felt as if he’d just been pulled out of an oven. Every inch of his flesh was burned and blistered, but at least he was alive.

The revived wizard tried to sit up, but with a grunt he sank back to the cool stone beneath him. His life had returned, but his strength and his energy had not. He felt as if there was a space, an absence inside him. Not long ago, he had controlled an intense barrage of fire, even if only for a short time; now, he wondered if he could summon the power to snuff out a candle. He lay still for a moment, breathing deeply, the battle replaying in his mind.

One particular memory held his attention. He had exhausted himself utterly directing Chef-mage’s inferno. Yet, while he was dying on the old warrior’s sword, he summoned the power for one last hurrah that had nearly been enough to destroy his killer. It felt as if he’d put his life, his very soul into the blast.

Almost on command, Atzar saw the powerful mage walk by in the hall outside. When he noticed the lesser wizard lying on the stone tablet, he stopped and waved. Weakly Kellon waved him in. He wanted to ask him about the end of the fight.

“When I died, I used energy I didn’t think I had left,” he began with no preamble, his own voice sounding weak and foreign to his ears. “It felt almost like I put my life into the effort – like I killed myself for one last shot. How did that happen?”

And this is my conclusion. I went about two hours over my deadline because I needed to see Christoph's post first - that's allowed under the amendment to the time limit as I understood it.

Thanks for the effort, everybody. This was a blast.

Several, actually.

[Christoph]

It felt strange for one so accustomed to the role of learner to play the teacher. It was a curious change. New, but not unpleasant. Elijah had never before thought of himself as wise or experienced, yet somewhere along the way he had become so. He allowed himself a moment to bask in the glow of possessing knowledge that another lacks.

"Fire is a… passionate element," he said, cringing at the raspy croak of his own voice. He gave a dry cough before continuing. "It most resembles vitality and the human spirit. All four principle elements possess a sort of inherent sympathetic link to an aspect of our being. Earth is most linked to our physical bodies, our flesh and bone. Water, being the second fully material element is linked to our blood." He paused, and the other mage nodded for him to continue.

"In elemental air, we find a force, an energy, more than a material. While we 'breathe air', its true elemental aspect is wind. As such, it is tied to a less substantial part of our being: our intellect. Our thoughts, like air and wind, are shapeless and unbound, seeping through all cracks. At least, that is our thoughts should be. And of course, fire is passion and emotion, that spark that drives men. In all these instances, the might of one is tied to the might of its counterpart."

Elijah paused and studied this new 'student', who merely listened. The other mage seemed weak, more than weak, as though he had lost the initiative that moved him during the battle. He expected as much. Hopefully his answers would prove helpful.

"As with many things, sacrifice empowers," he continued. "You feel spiritually weak and lethargic, do you not? In your final moments, you unknowingly sacrificed bits of your spirit, your passion, to empower your final spell. It's a risky business unless you have the knack for it. And don't worry; your passion and vitality will return to you in time."

With that, Elijah left, shuffling painfully through the hallway. He knew that the next battle would start in minutes, and if he moved ahead, he would be in no shape to fight. He'd never mastered healing magic, as focuses as he was on spells of gratuitous destruction. He possessed one tool that could help him, and he was loath to use it: the Abyssal Blade. He drew the mighty weapon from its sheath and ran his blistered fingers across its rune-covered surface. He could feel the malignant presence stir within it. The weapon could renew his magical reserves, though he was loath to rely on it, to give its malign sentience a greater hold over him. What else could it do? Did he dare find out? Could he trust his own force of will enough to resist its influence?

Yes, he heard himself silently whisper as icy tendrils of power slithered up his arm. Yes he could.

Closing post.

[Bloodrose]

This is my conclusion post.

Through the ringing in his ears, Teric could hear Letho calling to him.

"Here." The veteran groaned into the dirt, his voice raspy and uneven. The same heat that had burnt his nose raw had dried Teric's tongue and parched his throat, making it hard to utter even the shortest words. "I'm... over... here."

The mercenary's fighting spirit refused to let him lay dying in the dirt, so after a long moment of waiting for the ringing and the fogginess in his head to pass, Teric shifted himself. His limbs - contorted at strange angles and aching from torso to digits - righted themselves as the old timer lifted himself off the ground and tried to stand. He'd lost his sword somewhere in the blast, and his buckler hung broken from the strap still secured around his forearm, but still Teric tried to find the source of Ravenheart's voice.

"I'm over... here, you... bastard." The veteran mumbled again, his voice trailing off as he pitched forward back into the ground, darkness closing in around him.

-----------------

The next time Teric opened his eyes, he was sitting on a bench in a white room, his back propped up against a wall. There were others here as well - all the fallen warriors from his cell and many others that the mercenary didn't recognize. An awful large number of competitors showed signs of being burned, and the result was that the medical bay smelled terribly of scorched flesh.

Or maybe that's just me. Was Teric's first conscious thought, recalling that his sense of smell was probably ruined by the burns inside of his nostrils. Inhaling flame, the veteran noted to himself, is not a good idea.

"Ah, you're awake!" A voice caught Teric's attention, and he turned to find a monk standing next to him. The robed, tonsured man carried a water skin in one hand and a bandage in the other. He was smiling, as the cheerful Ai'brone typically were, and he seemed rather surprised as well.

"You make it... sound," Teric coughed, "like I shouldn't be."

"I'm sorry." The monk apologized. "It's just impressive is all. I think you're the only competitor from Treslizn who didn't succumb to his injuries."

"Letho Ravenheart?" Teric asked inquisitively. "Elijah Belov?"

"The sorcerer is up and walking about somewhere." The monk answered politely. "The elders are working to revive Marshal Ravenheart as we speak."

So the pyromancer got him after all. Teric nodded, unsurprised. He hadn't seen what happened to the big man after they'd agreed to deal individually with the two magi - Belov and his mysterious ally - but he could have sworn the hero had been calling to him towards the end. I suppose it doesn't matter if he was, the veteran concluded, since I don't remember much after that blast.

"Alright then," Teric acknowledged the monk's presence again after a moment of reflection, "patch me up."

The was a second's worth of expectant pause as the monk just sort of stared at the mercenary, his eyes blinking rapidly as if trying to think of something to say. Teric's brow arched upwards, as if to say "Hurry up you!", but all the monk seemed capable of was standing there, quietly.

"What?"

"I'm so sorry." The Ai'brone apologized, dipping his head respectfully. "We've been instructed not to tend to the injuries of the competitors. We are of course reviving those who passed away, but only so much as to get them ambulatory again. Their injuries are also going untreated."

Almost as if by way of apology, the monk finally offered forward the water and the bandage he held in his hand. Teric accepted the two items silently, his eyes still questioning. Without waiting for another inquiry, the monk apologized again, quite quickly, and then departed.

You've gotta be kidding me. Teric thought, shaking his head. He splashed water onto his face, and tried to ignore the stinging pain and the large flakes of dead, burnt skin that sloughed off under the cool deluge. He gargled a mouthful and spit, and then drank heavily until his tongue felt refreshed, and his throat wet again.

Pulling the dirk out of his boot, the mercenary gritted his teeth and began making an incision over the flesh where the arrow-head still rested in the meat of his thigh. A man didn't survive thirty-five years of warfare without picking up some battlefield medicine, so if the monks wouldn't help him, Teric resolved that he would have to help himself.

[Max Dirks]

This chamber was excellent. The pacing was a bit slower than in the other chamber, but fortunately there was little to no power gaming in this section. Furthermore, I had to make a particularly hard determination on who would advance to the finals here. Well done to everyone. Individual scores and rewards are below.

Ailnea—You lacked writing depth compared to some of the other participants, but your character shows promise. It seemed like you were always chasing someone else’s story in this battle instead of forging your own. First it was with Lorenor then Christoph. Atzar gave a great hint: you are an Ai’bron nun, maybe you should have run about trying to heal folks. I also noticed that you mentioned that Esmerelda pulled off her arm before she said it, so I assume you’re the same writer.

Story: 12/30
Character: 10/30
Writing Style: 13/30
Wildcard: 4/10
Total: 39/100

Arsene –Please excuse the lack of an apostrophe as I spell your name. Quite frankly your second to last post was amazing. I think you made the most vivid descriptions in the battle, which is generally one of your strengths. I would have liked to see more of a connected story, though. I think the lack of interaction with other players and your cold hurt you here.

Story: 16/30
Character: 16/30
Writing Style: 16/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 53/100

Atzar Kellon –In many respects I think you fell to the same “chasing” issue as Ailnea. However, what differentiated you in this battle was that you seemed to be the glue that brought the action portion of the battle together. You interacted with almost everyone (at the right time) and had one of the best conclusions of the match.

Story: 17/30
Character: 17/30
Writing Style: 17/30
Wildcard: 5/30
Total: 56/100

Bloodrose – In general I thought you did particularly well. The only thing I didn’t like was the odd interaction you had with Letho following your characters’ remarkable clash. The pacing was off and the battle lost what could have been an excellent climax. It may have been preordained with Letho, but unfortunately you posted it so I was forced to have it affect your score more than his.

Story: 18/30
Character: 18/30
Writing Style: 18/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 59/100

Christoph—your dialogue is excellent. It was easily the best individual effort of the first round. Your round was very solid; however, I would have liked to see you expand on your introduction a bit. Stronger references to Sarah and to an ongoing (or ended) feud with Teric would have helped your score. One thing I think you do better than most (at least in the beginning of the battle) is use your writing to affect pacing. You lost some of that luster in your conclusion posts, though.

Story: 16/30
Character: 17/30
Writing Style: 17/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 55/100

Esmerelda—you have a very interesting character concept, but I want you to expand on it more. Why is she (it) here? What are her objectives? Does she feel? I wasn’t able to give you a very high story score either because of your lack of interaction. You basically ate Dirks sword then exploded. Unfortunately, I am unable to approve the acquisition of prevalida to your character’s nano-machines. It is up to the Realm of Greeting moderator to do so at your next level up.

Story: 8/30
Character: 8/30
Writing Style: 13/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 34/100

Kade Underbough—You were certainly a surprise for me. After a slow start, you managed to raise your score significantly with your conclusion posts. It seemed like the interaction with Letho was enough to fuel your creative fire. You’ve got a small problem with run on sentences and pronoun usage. You can work on that with other moderators or in the workshop. I’ll give you some tips in private if you’re interested. Good twist at the end, but as a reader I needed a bit more justification for Kade’s assault.

Story: 15/30
Character: 16/30
Writing Style: 16/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 52/100

Letho—Well, you get the gold star for the first round. This time it wasn’t for your writing, but rather your interaction. You included other players, helped develop their characters, and managed some pretty epic scenes. The clash between Letho and Teric was amazingly written. My only qualm, and what hurt you later, was the suspect middle portion of your conclusion. It wasn’t well written, at least in comparison to the second half of the post. It make it look too convenient.

Story: 19/30
Character: 19/30
Writing Style: 21/30
Wildcard: 4/10
Total: 63/100

Lorenor—You jumped out a bit too early. Interaction is key in the Cell, but for what it was worth your part was interesting. Like usual, Lorenor had a good back story. You’ve gotten much better with your descriptions in your writing, but you still need to work on your brevity. You can easily cut down on your post length by not repeating things (albeit in different ways). Trust your reader to fill in the gaps.

Story: 15/30
Character: 14/30
Writing Style: 15/30
Wildcard 5/10
Total 49/100

Ulysses—your start was rough, but by god your end was excellent. It was so climatic and anti-climatic at the same time. I truly cringed at Ulysses’ misfortune. It really fueled Letho’s encounter with Teric, as well. On a writing note, you use far too many commas. In turn, you have a lot of run on sentences. For a good example of using other punctuation tools to direct the pace of your writing, check out Christoph’s work early in the thread.

Story: 18/30
Character: 17/30
Writing Style: 17/30
Wildcard: 5/10
Total: 57/100

Letho, Bloodrose, Ulysses and Atzar Kellon advance to round two!

Rewards: Letho receives 2750 EXP, Bloodrose receives 2400 EXP, Ulysses receives 2250 EXP, Atzar Kellon receives 2000 EXP, Christoph receives 1900 EXP, Arsene receives 1600 EXP, Kade Underbough receives 1250 EXP, Mutant_Lorenor receives 1000 EXP, Ailnea receives 500 EXP and Esmerelda receives 300 EXP.

Each participant receives 500 GP.

[Max Dirks]

Updated EXP Rewards:

Ailnea- 1630 EXP
Arsene- 2085 EXP
Atzar Kellon- 2325 EXP
Bloodrose- 2630 EXP
Christoph- 2280 EXP
Esmerelda- 1480 EXP
Kade Underbough- 1975 EXP
Letho- 2800 EXP
Lorenor- 1915 EXP
Ulysses- 2410 EXP