The Sound Of Silence (Solo)

[MetalDrago]

STORY

Continuity (7/10) ~ I got a pretty good feel for the character as a whole, and as usual, the jumping timeline gave me a lot of insight as to what exactly happened to cause everything that ended up happening. You kept me very interested in exactly why this was happening, and at the reveal, I could only read with bated breath. The only way I can offer for you to improve on that at the moment is to tell you that you should try and space out the events a little more, and make the transition of time a little smoother between your posts. Other than that, you did a really good job.

Setting (6/10) ~ You described the setting pretty well, as far as the ‘imaginary place’ Blank went to at the beginning of the thread. You also did well describing the smell in the part of town full of the fruit vendors. For using smell in addition to sight, you made for a very interesting and realistic read. However, in some of the places where Blank hid from his enemies, there was a slight lack in descriptiveness about the surrounding area, which made the areas seem like a blank canvas painted pure white or black. Try and describe the setting a little more in areas like that in the future, and this score will rise.

Pacing (8/10) ~ Your ability to tell a story from finish to start makes for a most interesting read. You also kept the pace of the thread very stable, shifting at a good, sure pace between high-action and low-action sequences, making the thread almost fluid. You kept the thread interesting without trying to draw out battle sequences or rush through anything that was going a little slow, which made the thread a little more natural. The only advice I can offer to you is to just keep working on this, and your pacing will become even better over time.

CHARACTER ~.

Dialogue (6/10) ~ Your dialogue, what little of it there was, was decently thought out and well written. However, a little more internal dialogue or body language from Blank during some of your scenes would have been welcome, to allow us to better understand how he communicates when he cannot talk.

Action (6/10) ~ You did pretty good here. The actions were believable for a swordsman of somewhat decent skill, and you even explained how he learned some of his more roguish moves from Duffy, which explained his combination of a raw sword style and a more subtle, manipulative style. Overall, a good job, though work on fleshing out the moves a little more and try explaining them a little more simply and this score will rise, as well.

Persona (4/10) ~ I got a very basic feel for what Blank was like, how he’d react in some strenuous circumstances, but there was something missing. I saw how he reacted, but not why. He may have lost his memories, but sometimes I don’t know why he reacts the way he does. A little explanation, not necessarily a whole lot, will go a long way.

WRITING STYLE ~

Mechanics (6/10) ~ Pretty solid, and very well-formed. You had a few common mistakes, but nothing that really detracted from your posts. Proofreading and checking for grammar errors and spelling mistakes that Microsoft Word will not catch are really important here.

Technique (6/10) ~ Going back into the past to explain the present is a very difficult technique to pull off, less you sound long-winded and uninteresting, but you pulled it off to almost maximum effect. The only reason you aren’t scoring higher on this is because you haven’t quite gotten to where you can exploit this technique to its full potential yet. Work on this, as well as other literary techniques like foreshadowing, and you’ll do absolutely wonderfully in this area. You have the potential.

Clarity (6/10) ~ You kept your writing pretty consistently clear throughout the whole thread, though on some notes I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on until I reread the paragraph a couple of times. Just try and edit your paragraphs to make them easier to read and it’ll be fine.

Wild Card (7/10) ~ Again, I absolutely love stories like this where the timeline is backwards, starting at the end and working its way back to where the origin of the current situation becomes evident. This technique is so often ignored it’s become a scarcity. This is probably overall the best work I’ve seen you do on this kind of thread, so bravo.

Blank scores a 62

Blank receives 950 EXP and 225 GP (this excludes the 10% taken from the GP as per upkeep for the Prima Vista, as we discussed)

Spoils approved, pending anything that needs to be looked over by the RoG staff.

2 Faction Points for the Scourge

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added.