Legacy:To Tame Wild Spirits...

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Standing up, Dyne was able to feel his adrenal glands pumping the precious substance through his body. His final wind had kicked in, and this was a moment of desperation, utter desperation. Alberdyne Cormyr switched back to his brawler's mindset and attempted to think as his street urchin's training demanded he thought. He was caught by a dirty attack early in the bout which resulted in his current injury, so Dyne had to think quickly. Holding his sword for balance, Dyne jabbed his weapon into the muddy bottom of the river. Studying what his opponent was doing, the move was telegraphed with ample time.

For a moment that seemed like an eternity, his opponent prepped his attack and then moved forward with it. Dyne had a plan. He always had a plan, and reverting back to his survivalist instincts, Dyne was willing to undergo any measures to defeat his opponent. The Watch never surrenders. The Watch never submits, never shows mercy. Take no quarter and protect the free people of Corone's Empire. He recited the verses of Underwood's The Watch faction. Having memorized it as part of training.

Just when his opponent had covered enough distance, Dyne counter-struck him to the best of his growing ability. Savage, precise, Dyne yelled as he released his grip on his weapon. It became submerged once more, and the youth released his good arm. With an arm hanging uselessly, Dyne was willing to sacrifice that arm in an attempt to intercept the blow that was incoming. The swing that favored his opponent's right side came at Dyne's right side, and the left behaved in the same way. The right side of Dyne's body contained the injury, so Dyne shifted the majority of his weight to connect with the incoming blow.

Flinching, Dyne concentrated with sheer will power at that point in the game. His hand struck out like a coiled wyvern. Knowing he only had one shot at that precise maneuver, Dyne aimed quickly for the man's wrist. He was attacking, the left side of his opponent, for he was not fast enough to disarm both hands at this point. Alberdyne Cormyr used a basic disarming technique in an attempt to rend the man's blade from his hand moments before the actual connection came. When the other blade pierced his useless arm, Dyne flinched, but was able to continue the bout. Blood steadily flowed from the injury, his heart pumping it out readily. Dyne counted seconds as his hand moved closer to his opponents wrist. Should he win that part of the bout, he would toss the man's short-sword to the side and into the river...

More blood flowed from the fresh injury to his right arm.

[Caellach]

Just before Caellach's blades bit into Dyne's flesh the now unarmed opponent lashed out with a speed Caellach did not think possible in the wounded man's current state. The sharp edge of the sword in his right side connected with his foe's right arm as planned, but his left blade stopped short, the other man's hand tightly gripping Caellach's wrist. Both surprised that Dyne barely reacted to the new injury and determined not to be disarmed, Caellach foolishly held on tightly to his left blade.

It would be a lesson well learned from this fight that one sword was better than none. Caellach's left arm was above his right, and when Dyne pulled on Caellach's wrist the swordsman was forced to lean far forwards to maintain his grip. On land Caellach might have been able to keep balance, but the loose mud and flowing water caused him to topple off to the side, not just dropping his left blade, but also losing his grip on his right. He toppled over towards the deeper part of the river, and was lifted off his feet by the stronger current in the middle.

The water rushed over him as his head was submerged, but he quickly turned over and thrust his head back out of the water. Having grown up by a river Caellach had learned to swim at an early age, and did not panic as he sought a footing. With a large stroke towards the side Dyne was on he found mud shallow enough to stand on, and wasted no time in recovering his ground. He took two paces more so that most of his torso was out of the water, and then ran as quickly as the water permitted towards his opponent.

Turning slightly and bringing his right shoulder back, Caellach threw a punch as hard as he could at his opponent, aimed just below the injured man's neck. He had only ever been in one fist fight as a child, but had seen enough bar fights to know that blows to the head were much easier to dodge than to the chest. Relying on the fact that his opponent was not at full strength, he hoped the punch would be enough to at least stun the man long enough to initiate a second attack if it hit.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Of course, the eye that was in general facing Caellach had grown bloodshot by then. Dyne was having a hard time seeing out of that eye, which greatly limited his field of vision. He knew he was hurting, blood was flowing everywhere from the last injury and he was literally just a big punching bag. Turning towards the general direction of his opponent, Dyne noticed what was about to happen way too late. The strike, of course connected.

Alberdyne Cormyr felt a crippling pain flow through his head just then and down his spine. His neck was powerful, and the muscles knotted when Caellach's fist connected. It felt like a brick had hit him. Instantly, Dyne was knocked off his feet due to the unstable surface that they fought on. Dyne fell on his side, and felt gravity overwhelm him. He broke the surface of the river, and his body slammed against the mud hard. For a moment, his head became submerged in the water.

Opening his mouth, Dyne felt water flowing down his inflamed throat. His head felt dizzy, and pain was everywhere. His whole body hurt. But something else had happened that day. Dyne had found an insurmountable desire to face any challenge that came his way. Struggling quickly, Dyne refused to accept that the end had come. There is always something I can do! Finding a gut instinct, Dyne was preparing to move when something else had happened.

A powerful force suddenly pulled Dyne out of the river and lifted him to his feet. Dyne felt a tremendous surge of pain at that movement, and coughed water out of his lungs. Opening his stinging eyes, Dyne turned to see what had happened. It was his lady friend, the female Monk that had accompanied Caellach and he. She held him stoically with one powerful arm. He could already feel the healing arts being worked on him signaling that the match was over.

"It's not over!" Dyne suddenly cried attempting to break free of The Monk's powerful grasp. "Please, I have to do this! I have to win my honour!" Dyne yelled.

"You have won your honour." The woman said casually in response. "Now stand still and let me patch you up. That is enough for today. Again, you have fought a superior opponent and survived. That was the test. Now face your opponent and show him the respect he rightly deserves."

Dyne could not believe what he was hearing. Once again, The Monks had screwed him over. But he knew better than to argue. He begrudgingly turned towards Caellach.

"I humbly submit to you." He remembered some of the teachings of the Monks whilst he had been a Monk. "You are the superior Warrior."

And then Dyne passed out whilst The Lady Monk healed him...

[Caellach]

As Caellach's fist connected with his foe his knuckles burned in pain. His whole wrist throbbed from the impact, but the pain was unlike anything he had experienced before. It wasn't that it was stronger or weaker, but the satisfaction of feeling his fist smash into Dyne made the pain almost pleasurable. The throb in his hand originated from a successful attack, rather than a failed defense. It was like being sore after a strenuous battle; there was a sense of accomplishment in the pain.

Shaking his hand, he watched as Dyne fell backwards into the water. After a half second it became apparent Dyne wasn't getting back up, and Caellach started making his way forward to help him up, but the female monk was a step ahead. Again the elegant woman demonstrated she was no where near as weak as she looked as she hoisted Dyne out of the water with one arm. The monk and Dyne exchanged words before he turned to face Caellach.

"I humbly submit to you. You are the superior Warrior."

"It was a good fi-" Caellach started, but stopped as Dyne fell limp in the monk's arms. He was tired, but he was not hurt. Besides a small bruise he had acquired after being disarmed, the only pain he felt was the throb in his hand -- now reduced to little more than a tingle. Caellach was both surprised and satisfied that he had sustained no injury. While being disarmed was certainly no testament to skill, he thought that dispatching an opponent with only a few attacks had to count for something.

The swordsman spent no time searching the river for his blades; he knew they'd be back where they belonged as soon as he was back in the confines of the Citadel. He exited the river and spent the last few minutes enjoying the surrounding scenery and the pleasant breeze.

Spoils Request:

Below Average CQC - Caellach has picked up a few tips on fighting without magic or a weapon. As well as being able to throw a punch or kick like any random person can, he understands the fundamental strategies of close quarters combat.

[Zerith]

Legacy: To Tame Wild Spirits...

Alright, I first want to apologize how long you two had to wait and I hope neither of you have a problem with me being the one that picked this request up. So I’d like to thank you both for his opportunity, and for your patience. As always, if either you of you have any questions about this rubric, please feel free to send me a PM about them.

Anyways, onto the numbers!

As usual Alberdyne will be in red, Caellach will be in blue.


STORY - 4/3 – I don’t know if I can pinpoint exactly what it was, but I felt like the overall story in this thread was lacking for the most part. Alberdyne did a decent job of explain why the story was taking place in his introduction and definitely made his character’s presence know. Caellach on the other hand seemed to struggle with appearing as just a secondary character at first. The thread had a slow start, and the action didn’t really pick up until halfway through the thread. After that, it felt like there was this big buildup till the fight started, and then before I knew it, it was over. I suggest planning how the overall pacing of battles (yes, very tough to do if you want to be competitive) and when it starts to drag on (which you will recognize the feeling) don’t hesitate to suggest bring the fight to a close. Who knows, maybe the other person feels the same way and will agree


Continuity - 5/3 – Alberdyne delivered here, setting the arena in a village of Corone, and even played the monk according to followers of Ai’Brone. You were the one initiating the battle, so by going with something familiar to a lot of the players here was a smart move. Caellach just seemed to go with the flow here; there was mention of Sentinels and Caellach’s culture, but nothing much in terms of canon usage. Instead I got the impression you just followed with what Alberdyne has provided, which isn’t a bad thing. Next time I suggest reading some of the almanac about the region you’re in. What’s Yarborough major industry? Perhaps a subtle drop of the baron/baroness’ name that oversees the region? It helps the reader get a better understanding of the world of Althanas.


Setting – 5/6 – Alberdyne, you did a good job of explaining what everything looked like a first, but Caellach took it a small step further and explains how things felt. You did get in on it too when the two men walked into the river, but I’m going to have to give the edge to Caellach on this one. You didn’t do anything wrong, as even I would stress the appearance of things just so I can be sure people would get an understanding of what the scenery was supposed to look like. It was just the subtle things that won this round, things like how the breeze felt, or that light glinted of a sword. If you’ve ever been fishing, close your eyes and tell me what it feels like to have your feet against muddy rocks. I’ve never done it, is it soothing, or would I feel like some bug was crawling in between my toes?


Creativity – 3/5 – Caellach stood out in this category. Sinking into the water before the fight really started was neat, the use of using one sword overtop of the other was something I don’t think I’ve seen before. So I was pleased you to see you took what was given and did something creative with it, as I’m fairly sure not many people would have had their characters sink into bottom of the river. Alberdyne, try to be more creative with the use of items or scenery. I think you’re a creative guy, so let’s see those wheels during in the next few threads. When someone (or yourself) describes a setting, I’d love it if you would read it and already be coming up with ideas as to what Alberdyne can come up with.


Character - 5/5 – I read this and felt like you both stayed true to your characters for the most part. While I really would have enjoyed seeing one character actually grow in some way, it wasn’t important. I do have one question for Alberdyne. If your character was a philosopher, don’t you think he would be smart enough to know when he was beaten and forfeit? Either way, I really felt like it was too close to call here.


Interaction - 4/5 – You guys were really polite to each other, and I mean like really, really polite. Proper introductions, waiting for the other person to be ready before starting the fight and even offering the other a change to forfeit is all good and everything. The only problem was is that it felt awkward and not quite believable. Another thing was when Dyne was forced to submit and acknowledge Caellach as the victor. The change was really quick; I would have expected him to grumble while saying the last light or something. Yes, I understand he is trying to be humble, but don’t you think he should struggle with it just a tiny bit?


Strategy – 3/5 – I’m going to be honest, and this may hurt a little Alberdyne, so I apologize in advance. I felt a little bored while trying to read some of your posts. Perhaps it was just a lack of action, and it seemed like your character had a good start, but then he was mostly on the receiving end in the latter half of the thread. Yes, you did try to pull that sudden “Omg, can he come back from a blow like that and win?” moment, but it didn’t really put me on the edge of my seat. Caellach on the other hand took the offensive and kept at it. Once he gained some ground he made me feel like I knew he wasn’t going to give it up. Yes, you had a slow start as well, but I think it paid off later on. I do want to make one thing clear to both of you. I am glad I pushed through the slow start, as I did enjoy the ending.


Mechanics - 7/7 – Another category where you were both solid. I don’t recall finding many errors, and those I did were very minor. I don’t really have anything to say to either of you, by now I’m fairly sure you use a word processor and spellcheck. So keep it up!


Clarity – 7/7 – I didn’t really have any problems reading the writing of either of you, and I appreciate you explain how they took their initial stances. Just to be safe, I suggest that after you post you take a minute or two to read what you just contributed. Read it out loud and see if you lose your place or anything.


Wild Card – 6/6 – Yes, the thread started off really slowly and then felt a tad rushed at the end. Yet now that I’ve read through its entirety, I feel like the initial struggle was worth the short fight. All threads have their shortcomings, and we all have quests that we’ve written and are either not proud off or want to show off to everyone, but I think this story sits in the middle.


FINAL SCORE – 49/52!!


Caellach wins!!


Rewards:

Caellach receives 600 EXP and 120 GP!! His spoils are also approved pending approval by an RoG mod.

Alberdyne_Cormyr receives 150 EXP and 90 GP!!

[Silence Sei]

EXP-GP added.

Alberdyne leveled.