Shattering The Rivalry (Closed)

[Allennia]

Abhorrash nodded in agreement and turned on a heel to follow the young mage as they dissipated into the teething masses. The curious state of affairs regarding magic and it's use in Scara Brae, across the whole island in fact was still unsettling to him. Suddenly, he had gone from a world where the ether was an every day part of living, to one where it was chastised from society and exiled into illegality.

"Hushed voices and silent witnesses do not change my offer, my question, or indeed, my state of mind." He waited for a few steps before continuing, side-winding with heavy and clumsy footfalls between a bacon seller and his profitable mistress. "You need only ask something of me, and I shall provide. Apple treats aside, fortunes cessated, we shall end this tyranny of the mind."

He doubted strongly that 'his word' would carry any more weight than his pledge of allegiance. The sun was beating down across the cobble stones and the exposed heads of the city's unwary citizens, and the heat was beginning to get to him. He pulled up his head and found the shade and the ability to see allot more comforting. With a crunch and a slurp, he finished off his food and deposited the wrapped into what appeared to be a rubbish cart; or perhaps it was somebody's possessions, he could not tell.

"The most important question now however, is where to go to next - what shall we do, whom shall we talk to, when shall we meet again?"

[Cade_Smith]

Fortune favors the bold; it was an expression that Cade’s father had told him over and over when he was still little more than a child. When he was young, fiddling with the unknown and exploring the latent talents that manifested more each year, he had not understood the expression. His father had been a great man, lived a life that not only showed the sorcerer how to be a man in his own right, but also how to be something more. His mother, on the other hand, had drilled diligence and the necessity for perfection in everything he did. Cade’s entire life had been something of a naïve fantasy. Both aspects of growing into a teenager had influenced daily life, and his training as a mage. On the streets of Scara Brae, standing next to another mage, he finally began to understand the expression.

At his command and request, Abhorrash was waiting to assist him in his goal. Magic would not be shuffled to the side, would no longer be something spoken of in hushed whispers as they were forced to do amidst the crowd of citizens. Cade was bold, and fortune was favoring him. Scara Brae was quickly becoming a place for power of an underground movement, and two mages were the only people leading the charge.

“What we should do is meet again in a couple weeks. Allow me to financially settle into the Cordeaux, as well as become welcomed. Friends in the fold, that is what we need. Without a group of people, we have no power.” Cade shrugged and stared at the pie without taking a bite. “When next we meet we will make a plan then, until then we need to keep quiet and figure things out personally.”

[Allennia]

"Then meet in a couple of weeks we shall, good sir." Abhorrash stopped in his stride and gave the young mage a re-affirming smile. There was much to do and much to see before they reconvened their machinations of liberty and justice. In the midday sun and under the clear blue sky, a bond was formed.

"I shall meet you this day, at midday, by the fountain in Market Square in two weeks?" He held out his hand to bid his farwell, and with his free hand he flipped up his hood to hide his face from the inquisitive nature of strangers. It was a long walk to the South Traveller's Quarter, and a longer walk in the grand scheme of life's journey before he was free to spend time sight seeing and doing things at his own leisure.

He had to save the council, but he did not think it a bad decision to save the souls of others as he did so.

"Perhaps we can share more of our knowledge of the arts then too?"

But he was long gone into the crowd and the potential of the morrow.

[Lord Anglekos]

Hey, I'll be the Judge for this thread. As requested, I'll be doing this with the condensed rubric; forgive me for the lack of heavy commentary, but from the impression I got in your request you weren't exactly looking for that in the first place.

~ Story: 14/30
I won't lie. At first, I was utterly befuddled as to what the heck was going on; with no background information to go on, I pushed through. I managed to get a grasp of what was going on, however, and despite the weak introduction and even weaker conclusion the strong sense of rising action kept me reading.

~ Character: 21/30
Your best areas. Your characters intrigued me with their words and actions, and the plot they had going on between them interested me. It's too bad you don't plan on going anywhere with it; I may have been interested in reading more, especially of Cade and his burgeoning youth.

~ Writing Style: 20/30
Allenia, you have your own unique style of creative writing, which I can appreciate. However, sometimes you use words in ways that I don't expect, and not in the "oh, that's a neat way of saying that" kind of sense. Your poem in the beginning was a nice creative touch, I felt, and added a point for that creativity.

~ Wildcard: 6/10
A short, but mildly entertaining thread. The use of symbolism and your characters defined personalities definitely trademark your work. I threw in an extra point again for the surprising read.

Final Score: 61/100
Allenia gains 710 EXP and 100 GP!
Cade_Smith Gains 710 EXP and 100 GP!

[Silence Sei]

GP-Exp added.