The Wind in the Limbos

[Silcatra]

Falling.

All of a sudden, the rippling, cracking, breaking of reality seemed yanked away. Her eyes tracked it until they couldn’t ,as the very void they were shifting through blurred and changed ever more.

Falling…down. Gravity.

It pulled her inexorably, faster and faster, toward a world of lush green and rich blues that were almost violets. It pulled her hand from Mordelain’s, ripping her apart from the traveler, the guide, and she was still falling, air being forced from her lungs as green and blue rushed toward her ever faster. The blue vanished, and the green became trees in her sight.

Too fast!

If there was a barrier forty feet off the ground that would keep her from plummeting to her death, she didn’t feel it.

Not the Island! She almost couldn’t hear her thoughts over the screaming of the wind in her ears. Instinctively, she turned in the air so that her feet were down and her duster was catching what it could of the air. Even a little slower was another second - although terminal velocity had a nasty habit of being terminal.

STOP! Her eyes glowed a fierce green as she willed, with whatever power she had left in her, to nullify her own gravity.

It worked and it didn’t. She still crashed rapidly through the trees, breaking branches and being beaten for it, but when she hit the ground, she was still alive.

Where…? was her last thought before blackness embraced her.

[Amen]

This judgment will use the full rubric with light commentary, and as requested I’ll briefly explain what I’m looking for in each category.

"The Wind in the Limbos"

by Silcatra and Mordelain

Plot Construction 16/30

Story 5/10 – Essentially what I’m looking for here are the elements of a good story (protagonist/antagonist, an introduction, rising action, climax, and a conclusion). “The Wind in the Limbos” is an odd piece in that it seems like an interlude in both characters’ lives (that one time I ran into a weird woman in the space between worlds), and as such it didn’t really feel self-contained. I know you guys limited your word count, but I think you also limited your ability to draw the reader in. If this story is impactful to the characters, I wasn’t drawn in enough to experience that.

Strategy 5/10 – The strategy category deals with the use of your character’s attributes (her skills, but also her personality and so on) to drive the thread. In this case, I docked you points because Silcatra wasn’t able to do much of anything and Mordelain couldn’t do too much more, so there just wasn't a whole lot room for strategy to come into play.

Setting 6/10 – Setting is pretty straightforward, this is where I judge how well you created your characters’ surroundings. Limbo is obviously a strange beast to try and describe, and I think you both did a good job of explaining the trippy, perhaps-indescribable nature of a place between places. On the other hand, I would have liked more description of Breen and Hudde, if only to have something to ground me against the ethereal acid-trip of Limbo.

Characterization 13/30

Continuity 5/10 – When discussing continuity, judges are primarily concerned with consistency both within the story’s framework, and against the wider backdrop of Althanas. For the most part everything is straightforward and consistent here, and there’s not a lot of room for things to be inconsistent. Still, the airy, metaphysical nature of the writing here might have been easier to follow if more were said about where Mordelain and Silcatra are coming from – where they were before limbo, and perhaps some small explanation as to why they’re there now.

Interaction 5/10 – Interaction is where we judge how the character relates to the world, not just socially but physically, and with attention to the extended ramifications of the character’s actions – the effects felt in response to what the character causes. Here the interaction between Mordelain and Silcatra is logical and believable, but limited, and the nature of the setting sort of precludes interaction with it.

Character 3/10 – This is where a judge decides if you gave the reader a strong, accurate representation of a believable character. The exercise limitations you placed on yourself made it difficult to satisfy this category – what do these two women look like? How do they appear to one another? How are they different? After reading this piece, I have only a very vague outline of Mordelain (I know she’s at least kind or dutiful enough to help someone in need), but my mental image of Silcatra is hazier.

Writing Style 24/30

Creativity 8/10 – This is where we try and evaluate a writer’s creativity, not just in terms of story, but one’s use of advanced literary techniques. I don’t think I need to tell you that you’re both strong writers; you’ve clearly got experience in the use of concise poetic language.

Mechanics 10/10 – The nuts and bolts are judged here, did you misspell anything, misuse punctuation, are there typos, are there formatting errors. In this case, I sure as hell couldn’t find any!

Clarity 6/10 – One’s clarity score is based on the writer’s ability to tell a comprehensible story in a way which is easily and accurately followed. In short, did I immediately understand everything the writer said, and does the larger picture make sense. In this case, I felt like Silcatra in some of the posts, certainly toward the beginning. The writing itself was clear, but it was difficult for me to grasp where these characters were and what was happening and why.

Wildcard 10/10 – Wildcard is where I get to put in or subtract as many points as I please, based on my thoughts or experience as a judge. In this case, I’m giving you a bunch because I feel like this thread deserves it. Your writing is beautiful, and while I didn’t always grasp what was happening, I never rolled my eyes or felt like I didn’t want to read anymore. I did not have to take a break, my mind didn’t wander, and I didn’t question your choices or mentally say “get on with it!” These things usually happen when I’m reading something dreamlike or metaphysical, but you both pulled it off and that impresses me.

Closing Notes: I approve of your experiment, and I think it served to make the thread more readable while contributing to that dreamlike, ethereal quality I mentioned. On the flipside, it limited your ability to paint a strong picture of your characters or explain the situation. Is there a way to fully and satisfactorily describe an interaction with and within limbo without shattering the mystique? I don’t know, but I have to calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

Total: 63

Silcatra gains 400 EXP and 300 GP
Mordelain gains 350 EXP and 250 GP

[Yari Rafanas]

EXP and GP added!