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Thread: A start to prove himself (Open to anyone)

  1. #11
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    Margaret's Avatar

    Name
    Margaret.
    Age
    Eighteen.
    Race
    Human/Outsider.
    Gender
    Female.
    Hair Color
    Black.
    Eye Color
    Left: Silver. Right: Whites of the eye are black, iris is vibrant golden. Covered by eyepatch.
    Build
    5'5", 125 lbs.
    Job
    Assassin.

    Wood met flesh as Margaret's swift strike connected directly with the side of her foe's arm, but it mattered little. The blow had been weak, controlled; a test of reactions on her part. As her one-eyed opponent adjusted to the strike, stepping back out of her reach and massaging his now sore limb, he spoke again; a fact that was in itself not surprising. The factor that did, however, was that her assassin counterpart had spoken in clear, perfect Tradespeak, presumably sounding insulted that she would use a nonlethal weapon against him in what was assumed to be a duel to the death. It amused the young woman somewhat that this "Arden" character could be caught off-guard so, and if further ingrained her growing thought that he was indeed not part of the Organization after all; if he were, there wouldn't be such quips from the man's lips, for they taught that everything, from the tiniest grain of sand to the very air around them, was a deadly weapon in the hands of one whom knew how to harness them. The smallest quirk of her amusement pulled at the left side of her thin mouth, where the small scar that ran across them stretched like a white maggot along the cherry pink of those lips, before falling into silent dispassion again as Arden took her silence appropriately and continued his aggressive advance forward; this time pausing for the briefest period of time before launching into a forward leap that was a mere blur in the limited darkness around them.

    Using the moonlight above and the burning of the campfire that had been set up nearby, Margaret once again entered combat with her foe. His approach this time had been far from the cautious advance she'd noted earlier; taking his short blade in both hands, the assassin's muscles rippled like a beast's before his mouth opened and let out a vocalized roar of gluttonous hunger; his single exposed eye gleaming like a vicious dog's in the low light. She was astounded by the sheer ferocity of the attack, but didn't dare let her surprise show; instead, she adjusted, as she always had. Light on her feet and swift of hand, she instinctively dodged the first two strikes he aimed; both of which were feints, she noted with some disgust. He was swift as well, and from what she could note so far he was as experienced a swordsman as she was; if only in a different style. Both of their single exposed eyes met, liquid quick-silver connected with vibrant crimson, before her foe paused briefly in his offensive; just long enough for Margaret to hear the whisper of leather in the distance.

    In the shadows.

    She made no attempt to warn her one-eyed foe; instincts born from survival took over once again, and she flowed like an ebony bird from her dodges of the assassin's feints away from the duel temporarily, stepping off and to the man's right side as he lunged forth like a tiger leaping upon its prey. His blade met little but air, the deadly edge of his sword briefly slicing along cloth as it tore into the fabric at her right breast, but the man's weapon cut straight through instead of catching upon the cloth and she could feel the rush of cold, night air at the pit of her arm. She paid no attention to it; instead, she continued to spin upon the balls of her feet, bringing her sheathed sword cane around in a lightning-quick horizontal swing at her prey's exposed midsection, and just as she pushed the button that would release the cyper sheath off of her razor-sharp katana she could hear the whistle of a swift projectile heading their way; presumably a rock, from the sound of it.

    A combined strike, from the distance and from close up. Margaret's single eye held little compassion for the unfortunate assassin, whom was now trapped in the coincidental strike from both ends. For her, this Arden fellow was simply another victim to her cause, and he would have to perform yet another one of those strange bardic tricks from earlier in order to escape this combination of steel and stone. In which case, she was prepared; in yet her other hand she held her stiletto by the blade, ready to throw at a single moment's notice. Then, she would take care of the treacherous shadowmancer in the distance, hiding appropriately from their dance of blades within the defense of his arcane magics. They would not help him for long, however; as the throb in her left eye grew deeper, she recalled she had not yet unveiled her greatest secret.

    At this rate, she would remain the victor yet; a fact that she yielded to with cold certainty.
    ~ "When it's all done, you reap what you sow." ~

    The Quiet Death [Level 0]

  2. #12
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    Arden's Avatar

    Name
    Arden Janelle
    Age
    536 (appears 28)
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Red
    Build
    5'10"/179lbs
    Job
    Guild Van

    There were many things Arden Janelle could simple step out of the way of.

    There were many things more that he could blink out of existence to avoid.

    Bullets, however, were not one of them.

    Even as he lowered his blade with the sudden need to live, fate conspired against his usually compact and effective survival instincts. As she rolled around to the right, he turned with her, exposing the back of his right shoulder to the unseen assailant, flittering into existence long enough to shoot a stab in the dark.

    It tore into his flesh, and he roared in pain, no longer bound by the curse of silence and not enraged enough by his own design to simply ignore the onset of agony.

    He flinched, and rocked forward, his blade slipping from the guard of the woman’s counter strike and nearly far enough to allow her weapon the movement it needed to end his life there and then.

    Arden vanished.

    Blue ribbons flickered like dragon spirits up around her blade, suddenly relinquished of its counter weight. The incandescent strands cast their glow onto the grass and tombstones, but no song played from the crack in reality, no marching fanfare timed itself with perfection to mark the swordsman’s departure from Althanas.

    He burst onto the long jetty that stood at the centre of the mercury sea in the heart of the other realm called The Aria, his feet setting down on the salty wood as his magic ceased momentarily. There was no noise here, but he still heard his scream rebound around the inside of his mind.

    “Damned my eye,” he muttered to himself, reaching with a shaking hand to his shoulder. He had left the battlefield with the rock still inside his flesh, and from the force of the blow, he fully expected it to shatter bones and burst through the front of his body when he re-emerged.

    “I must be more careful,” he chided himself, feeling the Oni inside him beginning to rise from the pit of his stomach even at the thought of smelling blood. His particular brand of magic was indiscriminate, it worked its charm offensive on his senses regardless of the source of the blood it needed to survive, the blood it needed to exist at all.

    He waited for what seemed like an eternity, as time passed much more slowly in the realm of the Thayne Tantalus. Arden atoned for his mistakes with his head held strongly and poignantly looking out across the gentle silver waves. It was a small mercy he was very thankful for, before the inevitable carnage and chaos that was to follow his return.

    He rose slightly from the jetty; it’s splintered and aged body departing like an old friend. With a rush of air, he flew up through the mists and closed his eyes.

    With blue spirals of light, he re-appeared, and the pain continued.

    The rock burst through the front of his shoulder and span him like a whirling storm. Blood gobbets clung to the rock as it shot on its axis towards his female assailant. Blank did not see the trajectory of the projectile, but he would have admired the third member of their battle’s deviousness if he had seen its path. He would have made a snappy comment about killing two kami with one prayer.

    He fell to his knees, the Rheilhand thudding against the grass along with his bare knees as they hit the hard dirt of the well-trodden mourner’s path.

    By the wailing jurugumo’s temptation,” he snarled viciously, looking up at the woman through the auburn folds of his fringe. “There is no wrath tempered in me now…” An edge grew in his voice, like an echo that did not sound except in the mind of those who heard it.

    From the entry wound, the blood poured freely, but not down the flow of his shoulder blade and spine as one might have expected.

    Oh father, summon flights of fancy, give me the strength to ascend!” He said triumphantly and manically as he pushed himself upright, the adrenaline that kept weaker man strong pumping life into his shaking limbs, folding layers of ignorance over his mind to blot out the pain.

    The blood flowed up, and spiralled into strands until it gave life to a large red wing, feathered and moving and bound in the ancient will of Akashima herself.

    “We are done,” he said flatly to the woman, turning on a heel and tossing his blade from his injured arm into a firm grip in his undamaged limb.

    For now...

    He broke into a run towards the mage, his wing flapping behind him and flexing with every adjustment of the muscles in Arden’s body as he climbed and leapt over flatbed grave and sarcophagus cracked. The inscriptions mirrored the glint of intent in his eye, but he had no intention of laying flowers next to the corpse of the coward that the Rheilhand sang for.

    Driven to anger by the smell of blood, to delusion by the sting of iron in his nostrils and the carnal reminder of sacrifice on the tip of his tongue, the hunger of the Oni drove Blank towards an opponent he could only half see, could only half remember being present. It drove him, against all his experience and suffering, away from the revealed and archaic blade of the silent assassin, without a care for anything but revenge.

    He opened his mouth wide to reveal his fangs, and roared a challenge into the twilight, blade raised over head, heart pounding, fear flaring in his wake.
    Last edited by Arden; 06-12-11 at 03:07 PM.

  3. #13
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    Abraxos's Avatar

    Name
    Abraxos
    Age
    25
    Race
    Darkness Elemental
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Black/Silver/Grey
    Eye Color
    Black/Silver
    Build
    6'5" 270 lbs
    Job
    Hunter

    Abraxos smiled as neither of them flinched at the incoming missile. They were to preoccupied by one another.

    Fools, always pay attention to all of your enemies and not just the ones you can see, Abraxos thought to himself.

    Abraxos watched as the stone sank into his flesh and at the moment it entered his body he flashed out of existence again taking the stone with him.

    Oh dear that’s gonna leave a mark, Mocked Abraxos as he watched the man reappear and the stone fly out of his flesh and continued on its path out of his body.

    Then something happened that Abraxos was not prepared for. The stone didn’t kill him. He was wounded certainly but the man stood back up. Abraxos packed away his sling knowing it would serve him no more against this man Worse still he spouted a single wing of blood.

    The man must be demonic in nature. This isn’t going to be as fun as I thought it was going to be, Abraxos managed to think right before it happened.

    As the man came at Abraxos full of rage wing flapping behind him. The vial of oil he had left in the fire chose the proper time to explode. The explosion rocked the gravestones but more importantly threw the sticks of the fire in a thousand directions.

    When the sticks landed they landed throughout the graveyard and started to flicker in the death of flames. The shadows danced in the graveyard giving Abraxos the perfect playground.

    Abraxos leapt out of the tree for the man charging at him. As he moved through the air his body was flashing in and out of the shadows as each time he entered the shadows he speed up and disappeared and each time he entered the light he reappeared and slowed down, Almost seeming to teleport himself from point to point across the bridges of light.

    Abraxos used his advantage of height, range and speed and stabbed out his staff for the mans gut intending to pin him to the ground with it.
    Not all who wander are lost

  4. #14
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    Margaret's Avatar

    Name
    Margaret.
    Age
    Eighteen.
    Race
    Human/Outsider.
    Gender
    Female.
    Hair Color
    Black.
    Eye Color
    Left: Silver. Right: Whites of the eye are black, iris is vibrant golden. Covered by eyepatch.
    Build
    5'5", 125 lbs.
    Job
    Assassin.

    There was the snap as the umbramancer's slung projectile connected with the back of the assassin's right shoulder, and for the briefest moment before Margaret's ever-observing quicksilver gaze it seemed as if her own blade would taste the flesh of her foe as well. The nicked, polished sheath of her hidden weapon flung itself off of her revealed katana with her spinning momentum, and her steel gleamed beautifully in the night air; no traces of dusk around to illuminate their corpse-created battleground. Yes, her steel sung with deadly intent, but to her disappointment her fellow assassin had chosen that very instant to perform the same trick as beforehand and both her body and blade spun into naught but the glowing, flowing ghost ribbons of blue origin, illuminating her surroundings briefly before, as Arden's last departure, dissipating into the nothingness of oxygen. Her ebony sheath glimmered as it landed not ten feet away, off to the relative side of herself, but Margaret made no movement to retrieve it; instead digging her heel into the ground to cut off her kinetic movement as she brought up the stiletto in her other hand, prepared to throw it at the first sign of movement before her vision. Her other hand still held the gleaming edge of her katana, arm wrapped around her stomach with shining blade pressed against her back so as to gather the potential energy necessary for yet another quick, lethal horizontal strike if need be.

    Seconds passed, but there was no sign of re-emergence on Arden's end. After a couple moments Margaret realized she'd been holding her breath in expectation, and she released it in a quiet sigh of the first sign of outward emotion she'd shown yet; the corners of her mouth pulling down and creasing her flesh as her single, right eye narrowed in cold, cruel anger at the soft ground below her. Had the assassin chosen to flee as well? Was she now left only to hunt down the sniper in the darker? In the pits of her stomach, the ebony-dressed warrioress felt the absence of something important, now that she was not actively engaged in her duel, and as she touched that absence with her mind she realized that, at some primal level, she'd been enjoying the dance of death between herself and that Arden character. I am no battlemonger, but I suppose it has been quite some time since I have faced a foe that can match me on equal ground. She mused to herself with bitter amusement, the scarred corner of her lips pulling up once again into the briefest show of personal humor, before with a quick, deft spin with her left hand she sheathed her deadly knife back into the folds of her outfit, the cold metal pressing comfortably back into her skin. If only that fool mage had not interrupted...I wonder whom would have ended up the victor.

    Striding both silently and swiftly to her fallen scabbard, sheathing her thin blade with an expert's grace, the professional assassin turned upon where she'd heard the swift snap of said mage's sling and glared without abandon at the shadows, holding her weapon at her side yet again as she stood stiffly idle. "All that is left is you..." She whispered cynically, her alto tone harsh and cruel. The slaying of the mage would bring her no pleasure; once she found him, it would be of little effort with which her blade would find its mark. Depressed ever so slightly by that thought, Margaret had only took one slow step in that direction, muscles poised to dodge any further incoming missiles he may be inclined to send her way, when suddenly another spiraling of light to her left caused her to pause and her eye widen. Her upper body jerked reflexively backwards, just in time for the almost silent whoosh of the mage's blood-covered stone to rush by the place where her head had been, and it went bouncing off somewhere into the darkness, rolling away into the grasp of nature. She barely noted the indirect attack on her; instead, her gaze remained focused on the kneeling form of Arden as he fell to the ground, his own steel collapsing as well.

    He returns... Despite her instincts telling her to get away from him, Margaret went against her better judgment and stepped slowly forward, the adrenaline returning to her veins even though her opponent was obviously wounded. She felt glad, of all things; it was as if her dueling companion had returned at her silent behest to finish things between them. A notion inspired by the insanity caused by years of killing, no doubt, but she embraced that sick happiness as much the same way she embraced everything else; with cold determination. Her sheathed cane-sword at her side, she unconsciously ran the fingers of her left hand along its polished hilt, ready to pull forth her blade once again in a single swipe straight from the scabbard, when suddenly the man's lips parted, and words flowed through.

    Normally, this would have done little to halt her advance. Pleas of mercy, promises of wealth and power, threats of death and vengeance; the female assassin had heard them all from men who were now in Arden's position. She had given in to none of them, and become exactly what the Organization had trained her to be; a silent killer. A blade herself. However, as her kneeling foe spoke, for the first time in her life she did halt in her deathlike waltz forward, as his words flowed viciously to her ears with an ominous portent that caused a shudder to ripple down her spine that had nothing to do with the graveyard's cold. A sinister wind seemed to pick up around his body as his words thrummed with a power that could not be explained by mortal means; it resonated not only within her physical perceptions but seemed to fill her mind as well, pounding with a drum-like beat along with the pulsing in her left eye. This is no magic.... Margaret thought desperately as she tried to discern the source of the rising power she could quite literally feel along the muscles in her body, and her hackles arose as she took a defensive step back with her left foot, shifting her right around until her left shoulder was facing the still-kneeling form of Arden; her fingers grasping the hilt of her blade with unadulterated fear.

    What IS this? That single thought flickered like a bat trapped in cage within the confines of her mind as her single eye widened and flickered all about the now-standing form of Arden as blood seemed to coagulate and arise into the physical manifestation of a wing; a single, crimson wing protruding from his wounded shoulder and into the air like a majestic display of inhumanity. He turned upon her, and Margaret flinched, tightening her grip on her blade as she dug her heels into the ground. Thaynes, here he comes! She expected anything from him now at this point. Would he teleport yet again and strike at her unprotected back? Would he charge her directly and force her to fend him off with steel yet again? Would he use some of that primordial energy and discharge it into a projectile? She had no idea, and she half-opened her mouth to exude her mindless frustration and fear when, once again, her foe surprised her.

    "We are done." His voice came flat and low to her, his single crimson eye gazing down upon her with a cruel dispassion all its own, before he turned his back on her and broke into a swift run directly where the stone had originated from, roaring his challenge up to the hidden form of the mage within the shadows. Margaret was at a loss for words. ...Done? The word whispered like an ant crawling down home, and she grit her teeth within her closed mouth. I don't think so, Arden of Janelle. The fear of his unknown strength no longer rendering her immobile, Margaret took swift, silent chase after her crimson-bearing fellow assassin, parting off to the side and into the shadows herself as she made an equally silent decision.

    She still wished to do battle with this Arden one-on-one. Thaynes knew that she would even ask the Ai'Bron themselves to heal his injuries would it let them continue on. But the third cog in the wheel, the unnamed magician, was an unfortunate factor that had to be eliminated first should she have the duel she so wished for, and by proxy it seemed she and Arden would work together towards that deadly goal. As soon as she was deep enough in the shadows to where she thought she would be able to see her foe, two things happened; the passively burning campfire seemed to explode, sending dozens of burning sticks everywhere across the moonlit graveyard, and at the same time Margaret ripped off her eyepatch.

    The world before her erupted into color as the parasite in her left eye socket awoke with glee.

    She could see everything; the auras of the forest melted together in a beautiful blend of green and purple, life flowing through the air around the trees and pouring through the ground like miniature balloons. The explosion of flames, although she stood a good distance out of their reach, washed over her in a wave of heat, and not only could she feel that heat but see it as well, touching her flesh and outfit like a gentle lover - something she had not once experienced in her eighteen years of living. Her eyes moved over each and every vibrant aura before her, her quicksilver one shifting in natural tandem to the black-and-gold parasitical eye pulsing happily in her left, and she focused on what was important now - finding the hidden form of the umbramancer.

    Just unveiling it was a strain, and she could only hold this beautiful vibrancy in her vision for a few seconds longer - but she'd gotten what she needed out of it, and even as she breathed slightly heavily from manifesting the eldritch energies necessary to power the eye a somewhat cocky smirk appeared on her thin lips. "Gotcha." She hissed to no one in particular, before running along the sides of the graveyard towards her assassin companion once again. Just as she did so, the mage seemed to reappear out of thin air, stepping out from the shadows to lunge desperately with his staff at Arden's gut.

    No! She cried out viciously, the strength of her wanton emotions shocking even herself. He is my prey! Unsheathing her blade in one swift movement, she let go of the sheath yet again, dropping it to her side even as she came up on the mage's unprotected back with a silence and swiftness born from years of experience. The umbramancer may have had some experience in close combat, as was evident in his choice of engagement with the one-winged assassin, but he lacked the skills necessary to ever match up with either assassins' sheer speed and dexterity; a weakness that Margaret took full advantage of. She came up and underneath his arms, using both hands to perform a gleaming uppercut slash that cleaved diagonally towards the haft of wood like it was butter before her deadly blade, effectively attempting at severing a good four feet off of the seven-foot stave. Even as she did so, both her eyes shifted over to meet Arden's single crimson one, and she hoped she could communicate effectively what the burning adrenaline in her dual gaze was trying to say:

    Take him down!
    Last edited by Margaret; 06-11-11 at 01:51 PM.
    ~ "When it's all done, you reap what you sow." ~

    The Quiet Death [Level 0]

  5. #15
    Member
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    Arden's Avatar

    Name
    Arden Janelle
    Age
    536 (appears 28)
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Red
    Build
    5'10"/179lbs
    Job
    Guild Van

    There was a brief moment where Arden looked at Margaret, but it was only for a minute second. The Oni inside the once silent swordsman was in control, a virulent murdering creature hell bent on the sole acquisition a blood mage required to exist, to thrive, to continue.

    They needed to acquire raw, warm and achromous blood.

    Though he saw her blade rise up through the monster’s stave and shatter its length, he paid her no favour or showed no sign of thanks. His heart threatened to burst his ribcage and warp his body out of all proportion, so much so that his ears throbbed and his injury, which let blood flow freely down his breast and onto the hem of his ragged trousers, continued to pulsate with pain with every flex of his muscles, with every breath from his dry, cracked lips.

    In Akashima, the sight of such a creature would warrant one end. The sight of blood wielded as a weapon returned only one verdict. He would be killed, hunted like a fell creature, torn to shreds by the mob of pitchfork armament and angered flame. In the Citadel, however, Blank was a vicious combatant, the crowds adored those who held nothing back, held no quarter without all their intent focussed into the Citadel’s true purpose.

    Sport.

    With a half skilled swing, he pulled his one good arm back and span in a roundhouse movement. His one good eye left the darkness elemental, span past the assassin, who seemed insistent on having the last word, like any stubborn woman, and roundabout with a lift of his blade to face the tip of the creatures stave again.

    His naked torso collided with the shattered end, sharpened by the assassin’s feigned salvation. As it pierced his skin, and split the abdominal wall with a soft hiss of lungs perforating and veins shredding, the Rheilhand continued under the brutal force of his simple yet efficient attack.

    “Goodbye, farewell,” he snarled at the woman, then turned his head, teeth fully bared and saliva and blood welling through his once human teeth to run freely down his chin. His eyes stared into the elementals, vengeance personified in two orbs of rage, and he shook himself free at the same time as the solid edge of his weapon entered a certain vector with the creature’s neck.

    He flexed the blood wing, which pulled back then flapped forwards.

    He knew it was no use all the same.

    “Arigato,” Arden said softly, letting the magic that kept the blood together fall away, so that it broke apart and swarmed over the assassin in a spray of gobbets, tendons and sinew.

    Irony would have it that the silent swordsman was not defeated by a sword cane or a lance to the stomach.

    Blank was responsible for his own death, and he would have to live with that, even if his regret was sedated by taking the creature that had wounded him down in the same relinquishing moment of life.
    Last edited by Arden; 06-12-11 at 03:06 PM.

  6. #16
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    Margaret's Avatar

    Name
    Margaret.
    Age
    Eighteen.
    Race
    Human/Outsider.
    Gender
    Female.
    Hair Color
    Black.
    Eye Color
    Left: Silver. Right: Whites of the eye are black, iris is vibrant golden. Covered by eyepatch.
    Build
    5'5", 125 lbs.
    Job
    Assassin.

    Out of Character:
    After speaking with Abraxos personally, he made it quite clear he no longer had any wish in continuing to post in this thread. As such, it is assumed that both my own and Blank's strikes connected and I bunny his character as such for this post.
    This is also the end of Part One, to be continued on in another thread.

    Moonlight gleamed over the polished ebony of the mage's severed stave, as one end went flying harmlessly past Margaret's head to spin off into the darkness. Almost simultaneously, there was the sickening thunk of the now-sharpened end of the stave impaling her fellow assassin with his combined kinetic force with the mage's, and the briefest second later told the story of his own single-edged blade making first contact with the mage's exposed neck. There was the slightest resistance as the muscles underneath flexed to try and prevent it from cutting in further, but to no avail - his blow rang true, and there was the glimmer of silver steel as it continued its deadly path and severed the taller man's head from the rest of his trunk-like body. There was no victory howl from the two professionals, no crow of beautiful annihilation; it was death, and as Margaret had predicted, it was quiet. Even as the body wobbled upon its feet, a head no longer there to guide it, both of Margaret's mismatched eyes stared disdainfully at the pathetic sight, and without further adieu she, in one swift movement, she sheathed her bloodless blade within the confines of its gleaming scabbard once again and used the blunt end of the cane to imbalance their dead foe's stance, sending the large form crashing to the ground in a heavy whumpf of dust and flesh.

    Just as she did so, the unnatural wing of blood that had been protruding from Arden's shoulder dissipated in a mist of blood and tendons, spraying over both their fallen opponent and herself as well, causing droplets of hot, crimson liquid to play a macabre dance over her face as she turned dispassionately to the wounded assassin. "Hold," She found herself saying, for it seemed as if her foe wished to escape into the arms of Death rather than turn and face her blade yet again. She could see the deathly haze that clambered over his single eye forming quickly, and thus broke her pact of silence with swiftness, her strange eyes coldly gazing down at the protruding staff within his stomach. "We are not finished, Arden of Janelle." Her Tradespeak was soft but, like her demeanor, cutting and sharp, and as she turned the merciless madness in her gaze told that she would not hold back, not even for wounded prey. With a huntress's stance she advanced forward upon her slowly dying foe, her parasitical eye glowing a supernatural golden in the gathered dark.

    For both Arden and Margaret, the night was young, and she had no intention of letting her prey go just yet.
    Last edited by Margaret; 06-12-11 at 03:11 PM.
    ~ "When it's all done, you reap what you sow." ~

    The Quiet Death [Level 0]

  7. #17
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    Yari Rafanas's Avatar

    Name
    Taydrius "Yari" Rafanas
    Age
    ~26
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Dark brown
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Build
    ~5'10 / 140 lbs
    Job
    King of Thieves

    A start to prove himself...

    Blank – Solid work as always. I want to commend you for taking the bullet-sling attack like a trooper, turning it into motivation and development for your character, vs. outright ignoring it. You played true to your character's abilities and your knowledge and comfortable approach to Blank shows. Still, this comfort is your downfall. I have read and played with Blank, yet I still don't have an entire picture of him in my head. You should remember that every once in a while, new readers need to know your character a little more. Then again, this is just a battle, so I understand not revealing all that much.

    Margaret – Your writing skills have certainly improved over the years, and I am impressed that you have managed to nail a new character so quickly, but remember that in battles you are writing competitively and cooperatively at the same time. You can bore the reader by repeating everybody's action with a lengthy paragraph re-describing what two other character's just wrote. A good example of this was your gargantuan post #14. Well-written, but take a look at what Blank did just after you. He followed your post with what was happening next, not what you just wrote. Wildcard was affected mainly with the poor handling of the powergaming/bunnying that happened in this thread.

    Abraxos – As a newer player, I encourage you to read over your posts and run them through a spellchecker to get the most out of them. Mechanics and tiny errors can be fixed with the proper editing, and a clear read often boosts your other scores. Focus more on how your posts sound and read and you will improve in more categories. As a warning, you were powergaming your abilities here. You are not approved to fire a sling like your character did. The force and speed is too much, and you do not have any sort of aiming or markmenship skill listed in your registration. Please include that skill in your next update and you will need to request the Ability to throw stones from you sling so quickly in your next level up. This abuse was reflected in your Wildcard.

    Story ~ 5 / 7/ 5 -

    Strategy ~ 7 / 6/ 6.5 -

    Setting ~ 7.5 / 6.5/ 6 -

    Continuity ~ 6 / 6/ 6 -

    Interaction ~ 6 / 6/ 3 -

    Character ~ 6 / 5/ 5 -

    Creativity ~ 6.5 / 6/ 3 -

    Mechanics ~ 8 / 9/ 4 -

    Clarity ~ 8 / 7/ 6 -

    Wildcard~ 5 / 1/ 1 -

    Total ~ 65 / 59.5/ 45.5

    Blank wins!

    Loot!:

    None, but Abraxos loses his vial.

    EXP:
    Blank earns 550 EXP
    Margaret earns 165 EXP
    Abraxos earns 165 EXP
    Sketches

    I choose to live and to lie. Kill and give and to die.

    War in Corone:
    *A Name With No Weight*
    *A Scarlet Mystery*


  8. #18
    Maul-Slayer
    EXP: 172,649, Level: 18
    Level completed: 14%, EXP required for next level: 16,351
    Level completed: 14%,
    EXP required for next level: 16,351
    GP
    16,175
    Breaker's Avatar

    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    Ageless (looks 28)
    Race
    Demigod (human)
    Gender
    Male
    Hair Color
    Light Brown
    Eye Color
    Hazel
    Build
    6 feet / 202 lbs.

    View Profile
    EXP added. Archived.
    ... They fell to him as prey to bluefin
    for the Jya's warriors knew not how to swim...
    13-3-2

    I wrote a book! ~ Most Suave Character 2010

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