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Thread: Round 2: Shadar Vs Amber Eyes

  1. #11
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    Shadar's Avatar

    Name
    Shadar
    Age
    late 20's
    Race
    half-elven
    Gender
    male
    Hair Color
    silver
    Eye Color
    deep blue
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    6' / 150lbs

    Brigitte's experience with lip reading was -as per her relatively short life- nil, so it was with a pounding sense of betrayal that she watched the other woman step away from the wall. “Wait!” she called, pressing her nose to the glass as if to soak in the last traces of the warm, human light. Any moment, the fog would slam back down. The wall would be only a wall and the woman would be gone as if she had been nothing but Brigitte's terrified reflection. There had been something at the end, though, a hardening in those cerulean eyes. She had seen it just as the woman turned away. If only she could see it again. If only the woman hadn't left her and faded...

    She hadn't faded. Brigitte blinked, replacing the scene her fear insisted upon with what she actually saw. That warm light shone bright enough to burn away the fog, and the woman herself shone courageously below it. She was fighting her tormentor! Brigitte beamed and cheered silently.

    “Fine,” Jackal barked behind her, his voice tinged with that familiar annoyance at being ignored, “If you're just going to cry there like some pea soup puking baby...”

    Her hand flicked to her face. “Crying?” she asked aloud. In the light that still blazed through the glass, she saw the thick bulb of a tear roll down her finger and disappear beyond the curve of her wrist. That was new. When she was Jackal's harpy, she hadn't been able to cry. Shadar, she thought with a smile that threatened more of those oh-so-human tears.

    With one last look at her sister in the nightmare, fighting like she was the construct of war, Brigitte looked over her shoulder. Defiantly, she refused to turn her body. “Bite me, mutt,” she said as she tossed her cloak askew and slapped the pretty bottom that Shadar had given her.

    Jackal screamed like the monster he was. It blasted to every corner of the arena, and the illusionary light, as if disgusted with his lack of control, flew apart with it. For a moment so small it would fit through the eye of a needle, Brigitte saw the arena. The foliage hung unsupported overhead like cloud cover and at least another three pillars stood solemnly, their bulbs intact and shimmering under the false light. To Brigitte's right, a body lay in a broken heap on the ground. Though it had the shape of a man, it was nothing but meat, a squished and battered dummy with the mark of her talons on one leg. Then, darkness fell once more. The fact that her only successful attack had been another ruse should have disheartened her. It didn't.

    “Bite this!” came the expected retort, then the sudden fiery glow of the bomb flying at her.

    As if you would do anything else.

    Brigitte had kicked of the wall and spun into position even before seeing the bomb. Her single wing, wrapping her from one shoulder to another, swept out and upward, volleying the bomb directly above her head. It hung there for less than a second before she orchestrated the most difficult move her new arms had ever attempted. She slapped the insidious thing right back at its maker.

    Darkness was ripped asunder again, this time with blinding fire. Brigitte's body was forced against the glass as if the whole room had rolled. It only lasted a second, though. A second in which she thought she heard Jackal scream in pain. She smiled gloriously through the drying tears and the misting blood.

    When the glare faded, she realized that the light reaching her side of the glass was brighter than before. She turned with her shoulders still against it and realized that she was perfectly in line with the woman on the other side. Her head was also turned, their eyes connecting. This time, she understood the message, though it confused her. "Sorry for what?"

    Suddenly, she was seized. Corrupted and decaying limbs sprouted from the darkness as if a dozen caskets had been thrown open, their occupants furious. Two of the hands gripped her head, pinning it to the glass as surely as the rest of her body and forcing her to stare directly into Jackal's inferno eyes. The Shadar puppet underneath smoked and smoldered, no longer recognizable.

    “Scream, bitch!” Jackal demanded.

    “You aren't invited to the effigy,” Brigitte answered.

    The darkness crowded close, erasing all but the very center of the arena where, back to back, stood two warriors victoriously. Two blades, moving as perfectly as reflections, pulled back and thrust through their chests. Both points met at the same spot. The mirror cracked-fractured-shattered as the women died, victorious still.
    Last edited by Shadar; 09-26-11 at 09:44 AM.
    ashtonwise: Shadar and Jackal are like PB and J, if PB wanted to murder J in its sleep.

  2. #12
    Member
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    Name
    Kyla Marie Orlouge
    Age
    23
    Race
    Mystic
    Gender
    Female
    Hair Color
    Brown
    Eye Color
    Blue
    Build
    5'6, 155lbs
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    Ixian Knights Reformation team

    Her eyes opened slowly then were snapped back shut. The bright light above was blinding, and she put her arm over her face before opening them again slowly, letting them adjust as she took in the somewhat blurry room. There was another bed across the room, currently empty save for a pile of blankets awaiting use. She turned her head and saw no one attending to her at the moment so she pushed herself to sit, still feeling somewhat sore here and there. Once again, the dying had hurt.

    A soft knock came at the door to the room and was quickly followed by the long haired monk from earlier in the day. He kept his head held low as he carried in a tray of what looked like mashed potatoes but from the smell were probably instead a type of anesthetic. "I remember you." Her voice came out gruff and manly, causing her to clear her sore throat before continuing. "What the heck was that?" Confusion filled her head; unsure of weather she had just had a terrible dream.

    "Ma'am, you should sit back and rest, you've only just been revived. You did very well today." The monk dipped a piece of cloth in the mashed potatoes and touched it to her face, stinging when it touched what was let of her cut.

    Kyla's mind struggled to fill in the terrible details. It took several moments for the memory to become anything but darkness in her fuzzy brain. When she could finally picture the end of the battle, she jerked her hand and pushed the monk away. "No I didn't! Why did Sei....who was...the girl?" Her thoughts rushed together as she tried to find something coherent to say to the man, her vision again blurred as she tried to sit up straighter, forcing her to lie back down for a moment.

    "I told you that you needed rest, you really shouldn't even be awake yet." The monk looked the girl over and gestured at the still-healing wounds as though to prove his point.

    "You're just full of helpful information now aren't you?" Kyla's voice was filled with fire, and she pulled her hands to her temples to dull the pain that was building in her head. "You couldn't have been this helpful this morning when you sent me into that chamber with no idea what the heck was going on?" She sat again, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. "And why did Sei? That couldn't...."

    The monk interjected, again holding her still and trying to reach her head wound. "That wasn't Sei, it was supposed to be someone you trust more than anyone else, but also fear deep inside. It's something we're working on. I'm sorry we didn't ask beforehand, but people haven't exactly been banging down the door to test it for us."

    "I wonder why?" Kyla forced herself to her feet, steadying her shaky frame on the bed as she stared into the monk's eyes. "How can you even do that? This is sick."

    The monk stood then, grabbing Kyla's hand softly. "It is just an experiment, none of it was real. Think about the possibilities, people can take on their biggest fear, even if they don't know what that is. They can fight the greatest champion to ever exist, so long as their mind can generate the opponents moves. Now please, you must lay back down."

    Kyla thought over his words, something about someone digging around in her head bothered her. She had always enjoyed how true to the detail the monks could make a battlefield, but to re-create a person from a memory? "So you said that I controlled both the doppelganger and myself?"

    The monk nodded slowly.

    Kyla grabbed her belongings from the bedside table and then looked hard at the monk. "Then you make damn sure it gets put down that I won." With that she left the room, listing to the monk pleading in the background for her to return and finish the healing process. She passed one doorway before the dizziness got the better of her, and then used another to support herself as she waited for it to pass. The light in the room was bright and she could only make out a bed in the space.
    My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
    ~~ Ashleigh Brilliant


    Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
    ~~Dr. Laurence J. Peter


    You might as well stand and fight because if you run, you will only die tired.
    -- Sei Shin Kan

    Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it.
    -- Anon

  3. #13
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    Shadar's Avatar

    Name
    Shadar
    Age
    late 20's
    Race
    half-elven
    Gender
    male
    Hair Color
    silver
    Eye Color
    deep blue
    Build
    6' / 150lbs

    Shadar sat on the floor, leaning against the recovery room's wall directly opposite the door. His coat was as immaculate as if he had just purchased it, and his shirt had not a hint of hole, burn, or blood. Brigitte, who lay across his lap with her head on his shoulder, only had small hints of wear and tear left to patch.

    With practised smoothness, Shadar traced a finger up her torso, resealing the torn clothing over perfect, untouched skin. “Welcome back,” he said when she twitched and grunted something that sounded like “don't tickle.” She didn't return the greeting, though she did raise a hand and press it to his opposite shoulder. Her fingers softly drummed to a tune that he could just barely hear her humming.

    Smiling peacefully, he ran his fingers to where the cloth had been split over her right breast, when he suddenly looked up with ice-cold fire in his eyes. “I remember beating up a pair of your gods on that day,” he said to two monks who were too stunned to look away immediately, “Was one of them a god of voyeurism?”

    Both monks, young and baby-faced, blushed as they turned away with obviously fake coughing. One straightened the sheets on the bed that they had tried to place Brigitte on initially. The other fiddled with a tray of medical tools that looked rather menacing. It had been the same scene right after Brigitte's battle that morning. He'd explained to them then, just as he had tried after this battle, that Brigitte didn't need their aid. Apparently, Ai'Brone ears were too plugged with duty to be much good at hearing.

    “Out!” ordered a familiar voice from the doorway.

    “Father Shol!” gasped one of the boys who had been not-so-stealthily looking Brigitte's way again. They both bowed to their superior and scampered through the door, their earthy robes brushing his as he entered.

    “If you have a moment,” the monk said with a charade of politeness that dwarfed the young ones' attempt at nonchalance.

    “Shol, huh?” Shadar sneered as he finished with Brigitte's clothing. Through slitted eyelids, she gave the monk a drowsy look of annoyance. “That's a pretty funny name for an Ai'Brone.”

    “Tell me of this Jackal.”

    Shadar snapped his eyes up and stared into the piebald monk's face. “Your turn. Out!” he commanded. The monk just shook his head condescendingly. Glowering, Shadar asked, “Why in hell are you bringing that up?”

    Shol gestured to Brigitte appraisingly, “Her mind generated him as an opponent.”

    “You bastard,” Shadar spat, twitching as if only her weight stopped him from lunging. “You have no idea how-”

    Brigitte's sleepy giggle stopped him. “I blew his fuzzy ass up,” she said as her eyes opened to halfway, “Just like that stupid noodle house.”

    Shadar's anger was squashed under the weight of relief and pride. “That's damn good to hear,” he said with a slightly higher tone as the worry faded.

    “He was a dream demon, correct?” the monk continued, smiling as if he thought he could be part of the pleasant moment.

    Shadar flicked his eyes to Brigitte's, which were just as wide. “Did Jackal say...” he whispered.

    “No,” she mouthed, then wobbled to her feet before Shadar's sudden stand could dump her on the ground.

    Father Shol met Shadar's level glare companionably. “What do you know of dream demons?”

    “What do you know of dream demons?” Shadar hissed. “Every person I've said that to thinks I'm just stringing words together. A chair that rocks is a rocking chair. A demon of dreams is a dream demon. Obvious. But, you say it like it means something to you.”

    “It means nothing, sir.”

    “Bullshit!” Shadar spouted as Brigitte let out a short, angry squawk. “If you've got nothing more than what you've seen all those times I came in here with Jackal, you're wasting my time.”

    The monk's brow furrowed, redrawing the strained lines around his eyes. “He's been here before?”

    Shadar raised his hands, then his voice. “Ha! Here I thought you guys watched every fight.”

    Shol's shiny head shook thoughtfully. “We do, and we keep records. This fight was the first appearance of your Jackal.”

    Palm to forehead, Shadar spoke slowly. “Two years ago, when I assaulted your gods or their avatars or whatever the hell I did, he was screaming right in their faces and pointing right where he wanted me to hit them. Don't tell me he's a figment of my imagination, because I could bring in at least twenty people he's personally pissed off.”

    Only faint concern crossed Shol's face as he began to slowly pace. “This was the first time we viewed one of your party's fights in person. As a template for possible Serenti battles, we had to see how the deception of the arena would hold up under audience scrutiny. To simply scry it would have been all-seeing and pointless...”

    “So your... scrier's broken,” Shadar interjected as he began to step around Shol, “Glad we could help solve that. Brigitte, let's go.”

    His last words were buried under her loud gasp, and she was out the door faster than the pervy young monks had been. A woman who seemed about the same age as Brigitte (at least, as old as she appeared) was leaning against the opposite door frame. Then, she was leaning against Brigitte due to the sheer force of the construct's hug. Through the silence that both Shadar and the monk shared, Brigitte's words were just audible.

    “It's late, but... you don't have to be sorry for anything.”

    Shadar could hear the tears in Brigitte's voice as well as see the tears falling down the other woman's face. “Thank you,” she said just as quietly.

    Shol came back to his senses first. “Speaking of the Serenti, I would like to offer you a place in it. It may have started already, but accommodations can be made.”

    Shadar returned to the conversation with venom in his voice. “I'm not going to dance in some sand pit for your paying crowd.”

    “Think of it as penance, long due,” Shol offered with a smile that Shadar wanted to slap clean across the room, “Or as payment for information that I may be able to obtain on matters of interest.”

    Miraculously, Shadar kept his hands where they were. “Information you already have. Give me this much, first.” He lowered his voice. “Can a dream demon die?”

    The monk's eyes glimmered as he said solemnly, “Dream demons are absolute and eternal, not to mention irrationally vengeful.”

    Shadar sighed, and his shoulders dropped as if the stone roof had fallen upon them. “I really don't like you, Shol.”

    “Very good,” Shol said with a nod that almost hid the smugness lighting his eyes, “I will ready transport for your party.”

    Shadar locked a hand on the monk's shoulder, squeezing not nearly as hard as he would have liked to. “In our own time,” he said as he looked back toward Brigitte and her friend. Their embrace was only now breaking, which led bizarrely into the exchange of names.

    Shadar smiled, though he couldn't help but feel a little sad. Brigitte needed good moments, for there might be very few in the future. She was cursed to be surrounded by liars, her creator a being of deception incarnate, and her protector his apt student.

    From deep in the void beyond his gloves, Shadar felt the mask dance about. It mocked him with his own voice, his own words.

    “Jackal's gone.”
    ashtonwise: Shadar and Jackal are like PB and J, if PB wanted to murder J in its sleep.

  4. #14
    Non Timebo Mala
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    Letho's Avatar

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    Letho Ravenheart
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    Let me just say that I liked the idea behind this battle of yours, but there were a few hiccups along the way that could’ve been done better. I’ll try to address them in the rubric. Amber Eyes’s score will be in RED, Shadar’s in BLUE.

    STORY7/5

    Shadar, I had two issues with your posts here. First, the identity of Jackal is revealed at the very end of the very last post even though you mention him (Her? It?) throughout the thread. And even then we find out very little about him. I understand that you don’t need clarification about him, but the reader does. The reader won’t have knowledge of your past threads and it is your job to make the story accessible to both a constant and the occasional reader. My other issue here is your pacing. You flip the point of view four times within the first post, then it sort of bogs down during tapping in the dark, and then when it finally picks up again, you cut it with Shadar’s tidbit with the monks. This just killed the pace for me. Amber did better here, her intro with Sei and her reluctance to be in Serenti foreshadowing her conflict.

    STRATEGY5/6

    Don’t have much to say here. Though you never fought each other, you both utilized your abilities in tune with your characters when fighting your opponents, but it was nothing spectacular. I took a point off Amber because I found no reasoning why she didn’t use her light magic to produce a significant source of light in a place so utterly dark.

    SETTING7/8

    Here’s an odd situation. There wasn’t much of a setting involved, what with the arena mostly being devoid of light. This would usually make for a poor score, but in this case, the darkness served its purpose (of keeping the mystery of the actual opponent concealed) and you did well to convey it to the reader. I’m giving advantage to Shadar here simply because he seemed to use other senses more often to present the situation Brigitte was in, mainly the sense of hearing and the sense of touch on few occasions. Some might argue that the score is too high, but I think you both did a good job at showing the reader what’s it like to be in complete darkness and I stand by it.

    CONTINUITY6/5

    The problem I mention under story is reflected in continuity as well when it comes to Shadar. You obviously leant a bit on the previous round (noodle house) and your history with this Jackal entity, of which I know nothing about. With Shadar on the sidelines, it made it rather difficult for me to pick up the pieces. Amber was more straightforward, but there is also the problem of including the Serenti Invitational in character. You both seemed to have added notes to it as more of an afterthought, so this thread still pertains to it.

    INTERACTION7/8

    I’m giving high scores here because the parallel action happening with the two of you was done very well. You did a very good job at misleading me to think that you were actually slugging it out in the darkness, revealing tidbits of the charade with occasional details, such as the blue mystic blood, the different words spoken, the mystic barrier breaking. It made me suspect a number of things which is always good. Slight advantage to Shadar because Brigitte seemed more involved with what little setting she could perceive.

    CHARACTER7/6

    Given the setting – or rather, lack thereof I should say – you had ample opportunity to turn inwardly to your characters and you did so decently enough. I’m giving advantage to Amber here because Brigitte seemed a bit flippant at times, from chasing people in the streets, to sinking to the floor in apprehension, then to belligerence at the end. Amber seemed to have more consistency when it comes to Kyla, with her inner struggle being overcome in the end.

    CREATIVITY9/9

    Screw it. I failed to guess what was actually going on until you revealed it and that earns you both mucho points. Maybe I’m a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to these things (I usually don’t guess the ending of the movie), but it takes some work to pull it off and for that my hat’s off to you. Hell, for half the thread I was wondering why nobody mentioned approved bunnying (another clue, though not an IC clue).

    MECHANICS5/7

    Amber, there weren’t as many problems with commas as there had been the last time (though they were still present), but I wonder if this is due to the lack of actual dialogue. There were some others though, like missing capitalizations and semicolons where they weren’t supposed to be. Also, you sometimes tend to be a bit repetitive. In the very first post, you start two sentences (and two paragraphs for that matter) with “Kyla”. It sounds redundant and should be remedied by either writing “she” the second time around or something other than her name again. Shadar had a few misspellings, some words repeated, but nothing overly concerning.

    CLARITY7/7

    Given the darkness of the arena, you did a decent job at keeping things clear enough for me. I had to reread some lines a couple of times just to get a better bearing on the situation, especially at the point where Brigitte rocked the column to make the orb crash, but it was nothing too unclear.

    WILD CARD7/6

    I noticed no missed deadlines, so no points off for that. I’m giving an extra point to Amber because Shadar himself was barely present and didn’t feel like an integral part of the whole story.


    TOTAL SCORE 67/67


    Congratulations! You both advance to the next round!

    It’s the first tied battle I ever judged. Not sure about the amount of EXP/GP you’re to get for this. Sei will know.
    Last edited by Letho; 09-30-11 at 05:05 PM.
    "Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity."

    William Butler Yeats - The Second Coming

  5. #15
    Screw You, Andy.
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    Silence Sei's Avatar

    Name
    Sei Orlouge
    Age
    26
    Race
    Mystic
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    Male
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    Orange
    Eye Color
    Blue
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    5'11'', 172 lbs
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    Shadar and Amber Eyes both get 2500 Exp, 100 GP

    GP-Exp added.
    2011 Althy winner for Best Comeback, Most Helpful Moderator, and Best IC Odd Couple (With Enigmatic Immortal). 2012 Althie Winner for Mr. Althanas, and best Bromance (also, with Enigmatic Immortal). 2014 Althy Winner Best Battler for Forrals Fortress.

    Gisela Open Winner (First Year), Lornius Cooperate Championship 3rd Place Winner (1/2 of 'Don't Blinke!', 2nd year).

    (21:41:22) Sulla: If you kill god, Nihilism fills the void, you need the ubermensch to take the place of god. Sei is the ubermensch.

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