Stick The Landing

[Captain on the Wind]

“Come with me Mr. Silvers,” Pall said, leaving his tea, standing up.

Gale, not quite sure what to expect, stood up, finished his tea and followed after Pall.

“You should always leave a little tea,” Pall said, as the two walked towards the door, “For the gods.” Pall took his cloak from the rack.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Gale said absently, opening the door for the old man while he put on his cloak.

The two walked in silence, with only the noise of their stride filling the air, up the cobble stone path to the western hill overlooking the docks. Pall walked slowly, his cane leading his way, lost in thought. His hands behind his head, Gale was surprised when a familiar gruff voice coming from ahead of him.

Looking up and focusing his vision on the form that stood at the top of the hill, Gale recognized Roland. Pall could not see or hear Roland and took no notice when he spoke.

So I’ve been keeping an ear to the ground for any news of you, he began, but paused when he saw Gale bring a finger to his lips in a shushing motion, motioning to Pall.
Oh stuff it! Roland exclaimed the old man can’t hear me anyway! The hell is wrong with you?[/i]

Gale looked up and to the side as though he was trying to remember something. After a moment the expression on his face said "oh, yeah," and his head only nodded.

Listen, no one was out there looking for you, alright? I did hear whispers that there was an incident, but it doesn’t look like they know where you are. I’m not sure about this, but someone did say knights were on alert. There was no mention of you or the cat. It looks to me like someone is trying to keep things from getting out. he clarified, as Gale listened intently.

“Gale?” Pall said breaking the man’s concentration.

“Huh?” the drifter responded distractedly, “Sorry, I was just lost in thought.”

[Captain on the Wind]

“Yes, well I have a proposition to make,” Pall said, turning away from Gale, catching the young man’s attention, “But before that, I’m afraid there is a test.”

“What kind of,” Gale began but never finished the question, getting his answer.

Pall lunged, spinning around, swinging at the unprepared man with his steel cane. His strike was a blur, his movement was masterful, and his swing was powerful. Gale barely had enough time to roll out of the way before Pall was moving again. The old man's speed betrayed his age.

The drifter's thoughts could not keep up with the speed of the old man’s strike. All Gale could do was dodging the blurring strikes. With his cane, Pall kept the drifter on the retreat, moving in circles at the top of the hill. Besides Roland, there was no one else around to watch this mind blowing display of masterful swordsmanship. Roland was not exactly of the same plane as Pall, so he could not intervene. But even if he could, he did not think it would do Gale any good.

Some test, Roland said, recognizing that this was a ‘pass or fail’ kinds of thing, there was no middle ground.

Gale kept low, not able to stand or catch his breath. The swings came with such speed that Gale had to move before he finished his last dodges. Gale was scared to blink, any missed movement could be fatal.

He never felt any of the strikes but he could almost sense the power behind them. He hadn't felt any of the strikes and was damn sure he did not want to.

Gale only saw a shadow, but he knew that he needed to be somewhere else. The drifter shifted his weight, scrambling around the seemingly possessed old man, narrowly avoiding the vertical slash. Gale sensed what was coming next but when he realized where he was it was too late.

He stood at the edge of the cliff, with one foot almost off the rim. He knew that he didn’t have time to dodge the next attack. Coming to his feet he was not thinking, relying on survival instinct, Gale’s hands blurred as fast as the old mans. His daggers seemed to appear in his hands, moving fast, slashing at the old man in unison.

The horizontal slash came, just as Gale thought, colliding against the two blades. The two stood motionless for a moment. Gale had never moved that fast before, he had no idea where that speed came from. Pall broke the stalemate, getting some distance between them with an agile jump back.

“Whew!” The old man exhaled, putting his weight on the cane, again using it for its intended purpose.

“I do not think I have moved like that in years. I must say young man; you did well, against this old man.” Pall admitted, bowing to the drifter.

The drifter barely stood, completely out of breath, while the old man stood calmly, not even a drop of sweat on his brow. Gale kept the daggers in his hands, trying to collect his thoughts. His confusion got the better of him and turned to anger.

“What the hell?” the drifter shouted, outraged, “How can you just attack me like that and then act all calm!” Gale demanded, not waiting for a response, “I almost died, like, four times!” irritated, Gale yelled.

“Part of the test I’m afraid, but it was very necessary.” Pall said, softly and apologetically.

“The hell with that,” Gale insisted, “Enough! No more tests! No more questions from you! How do you know so much about the knights? How in the name of all that’s good can you move like that? And why did you try to kill me?” he shouted.

“You deserve a full explanation,” Pall began, “And to do that, I must go back a long time, to my youth. When I was in my prime, I was a knight of Scara Brae. Actually, I guess there is a little more to it than that.” Pall said, hesitant of finishing the thought.

“I… am Sir Pallotan Narriplion. I was the Red Halo.” Pall revealed, with a sigh.

[Captain on the Wind]

Gale had heard of the name before, from Pall. At first, he did not appreciate the significance that title carried with it. Then slowly the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. Gale understood why the old man knew so much about the knights, why he could move like a demon and why he was so invested in the Knights of Scara Brae. Gale lowered his daggers, putting one back behind his belt and the other in his boot. Silently he rose and looked at Roland. If the soul was shocked, he did not show it. Gale looked back to the old knight, unsure of what to do, even what to think.

“I have been following the knights just like I told you before. But my reasons I can tell you now. I put my life and soul into the making these lands a better place for the people. I did not do what I did for fame or fortune. Once I am gone, I will not have anything, save my legacy. Above everything else, I want to protect my legacy. I would gladly give my life for it, but I’m afraid that would do little good. These matters need to be addressed delicately,” Pallotan continued, turning to face the horizon.

He paused, giving Gale more time to take things in. The drifter's emerald eyes were fixed to the floor, taking in everything the Red Halo was telling him.

“The purpose behind this ‘test’ is simple,” he went on. Hearing that, Gale’s eyes lifted from the ground to Pallotan.

“There is no way that I could intervene in the affairs of the knights now. Even if I did tell them who I am, I have no power over any of the young men in the ranks anymore. So I had two choices set before me,” Pall explained, “either I recruit from within the ranks of the knights or I get an outsider to help. If I recruit from within the knights, I would sully his honor. The only thing the traitor could want is leadership of the knights. Helping any of the knights would take away the merit of the position. I cannot invalidate the significance of the selecting process by helping any involved. Thus I now have to look outside of the knights." Pallotan explained, turning once again to face the astonished drifter.

"Just now, unprepared, you went blow-for-blow with the legendary Red Halo. An accomplishment most knights could not boast, old as I may be,” Pallotan praised.

His voice rising, Pallotan continued, “You are the only one I can come to now. Please lad, I need your help, the knights of Scara Brae need your help. If not for me, or them, think of the innocent lives that will be wasted if things are allowed to play out as they stand. You and I can stop this; we can avert the bloodshed that will no doubt wash across the land if the traitor succeeds. You have already proven to be capable with a blade, let me train you and you will wield a blade better than any other man in the lands: this I can promise. I know you are a just and honorable young man, I have seen it in your eyes. I cannot do this on my own! Let this old man do good at least once more. Rise to the call that pulls at you even now, the call of a hero!” he burst out, letting the excitement get the better of him.

Gale was taken aback by the faith the old knight had in him. There was a silence at the top of the hill. The only thing that made a noise was the wind as it passed: it was a somber, lonely breeze. Gale dropped his gaze once more, lost in thought. Pallotan waited in anticipation.

[Captain on the Wind]

“No,” Gale said abruptly, a look of complete disappointment appeared on the old man’s face. “Sorry, but I’m not a very good person. This is none of my business,” Gale turned, walking away. Roland shook his head, following the drifter down the hill.

Sir Pallotan stood in disbelief for a moment, was I really wrong about what I saw in him? he thought to himself. The plan he had been working on seemed to fall apart before him. Could he do it by himself? would he have to get someone from the knights to help? Possibilities flashed before the weary old knight but none seemed as good as the one walking away.

The drifter began his decent from the top of the hill. But before he vanished from view the man stopped, suddenly. Pallotan looked up, hopefully, but realized why the young man had stopped. There was an orange glow from farther down. Pallotan did not need to see where it was coming from, but Gale had a full view. The tavern the two had just left was engulfed in flames. Therk was outside roaring curses at the men standing in front of the enflamed mass. Gloria was on her knees over an unmoving form. Before he could put two-and-two together Gale was sprinting downhill. As he got closer he recognized the curled form to be Faust. Gloria was half naked, but seemed to be uninjured. There was a pool of dark liquid in front of the cat.

Gale was stopped before he got to his friend by two knights. The drifter's eyes were fixed on his friend. Now that he was closer he saw that Faust was bleeding from a gash on the right side of his chest. Gloria had dressed the wound as best as she could and was keeping pressure on it.

The drifter stared on, not a single thought entered his mind, his eyes glowed with the flames and were fixed on his old, injured, friend. But his nails dug so deep into his skin that from his shaking fists, blood slowly oozed.

[Captain on the Wind]

Pallotan was making his way down the hill, hoping there was still time to salvage the situation. When he saw the burning tavern and his injured friends, a rage welled within him. A burning fury he had not felt in a long time. But he knew he could not act now, he needed to keep himself in check if his plans were to succeed.

Sir Regal Wicke stood at the head of a small group of knights. He was the only one at the scene who had a smug sense of satisfaction. He took a sick delight in setting fire to the tavern.

“Always thought it to be a bit of an eyesore,” He sighed, arrogantly smiling and turning to face Therk.

Therk had been yelling his protest the whole time, but did not act out in defiance of the knights. If the creatures Gale faced the other night had been pretending to be knights, the small group here was the genuine article. Their armor was a bright crimson, which shimmered with the flames. Their drawn weapons were standard issue, consisting of a long sword, shield or a pole arm. If they were happy with their actions their faces did not show it. These were trainees, under the command and control of their Knight Commander.

“Now I will only ask once more, Mr… What is your last name anyway?” Regal queried nonchalantly.

“It’s Porthose,” growled Therk, baring his teeth at the pompous knight, “And how dare ya burn my tavern? You had no right,” roared Therk but was cut off by the blade of a trainee, prompted by a motion of Regal's hand.

“Actually, you will find I was quiet within my rights. You were hiding a fugitive,” Regal began, but stopped when he saw Gale’s horror stricken expression.

Regal failed to hide a wide-eyed grin, as he walked towards the drifter. He knew he had to act quickly before the situation got out of hand. He may be the commander but given the extreme nature of his actions, he needed to look like the good guy.

Gale did not notice the horrifying expression. He did not even take heed of the man approaching him. His eyes were locked on the terrible scene that seemed to be frozen in time. The tavern was almost gone, but still burned fiercely. He looked at the girl he had spent intimate nights with with, crying over his bleeding best friend. He saw her pain, the bruises on her face and shoulder. Her dress was torn and hung loosely off her body, but she paid no heed, focused on keeping the cat alive.

The companion that had been with him through thick and thin, his best friend bled from his chest, curled on the floor. A muffled voice seemed to drift towards him. Gale looked around in a daze, until he focused on the corrupt eyes that approached him. On the crooked teeth in the twisted smile of the cruel creature walking towards him. The blood poured a little faster from his fists.

Regal moved arrogantly past his troupe. He stood in front of Gale, grinning madly. The flames heated Gale’s face and he did not look at the little traitor who stood before him. Gale could feel his teeth grinding.

“Hello again, Liam Hawke, you know, I went through a great deal of trouble to find you,” Regal started, motioning back to the burning wreckage. He began another taunt but was stopped short by a vicious look from Gale. Regal took a few steps back, letting his knights once again stand in front of Gale. The drifter looked past the knight trainees, unblinking, he watched Regal intently. He took one threatening step forward and Regal stepped back. The two knights did not act immediately, intimidated by the intensity of Gale’s appearance.

Regal prepared to have his underlings attack Gale, bringing a hand up to order them forward, but was interrupted by a meek old man in a light hooded cloak.

“Excuse me, master knight, but there seems to be a misunderstanding here,” Pallotan began, getting in between Gale and the knights.

“Remove yourself old man,” shrieked Regal, anxious to get the entire bothersome ordeal over with.

“And surely if there was not a need for my interference I would let you, most noble knight, dispatch your will as you see fit,” Pallotan began complacently, “But it would not be prudent for me to let my lord be struck down before the tournament,” the old knight said.

“Before the,” Regal began, before the words could register. A look of wild surprise fell on the faces of all the knights, with Regal more angry than anything else. “What is the meaning of this?” he roared, pushing his way through his men.

“Well, my lord is a nobleman from a distant land. He has come here to join the most splendid Knights of Scara Brae. If I am not mistaken, there will be a tournament soon, to determine the leader of the knights. My lord’s application to the knights has already been sent in and he intends to join this tournament,” Pall explained. The knight trainees lowered their weapons, realizing they were pointing them at a comrade.

“What madness is this, he is,” Regal shouted in protest, but was interrupted again by the wise old man.

“If the shrewd knight commander has something he would like to bring up, my noble lord,” Pall stressed the rank he attached to Gale, “might have something to bring up as well.”

[Captain on the Wind]

Regal looked quickly from the feeble old man to the fuming Gale, who still clenched his fist in rage. Realizing that he lost control of the situation, Regal had to make peace with another loss. The corrupt knight pushed his way past anyone who stood on the cobble stone path, trampling a beaten path back to the city. The trainees, confused by the sudden turn of events muttered apologetic goodbyes turned tail after their commander. Gale moved to follow Regal, wanting to exact his revenge there and then. Pall stepped in front of the enraged drifter, pushing his cane against Gale’s body.

“Now is neither the time or the place young one,” Pall started, but a look so full of intent to kill put the old knight on more of a defensive than he liked.

“I think now’s as good a time as any,” growled Gale, trying to push past the old man.

“Think!” Yelled Pallotan, putting his cane in a more offensive position in front of Gale, “You attack him now, even if you did kill him, you would either be killed by his brigade, or arrested and put in a jail cell for the rest of your days!” Pall shouted, trying to calm the furious drifter.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Gale said, swiping the cane from his chest. He tried to get past the legendary knight, but Pall was quick to put himself between Gale and the bad decision he was intent on making.

“Get out of my way Pallotan!” Gale yelled, slapping the cane away once more, looking at Pall.

“If you truly want revenge than take it,” Pall began, taking Gale by surprise, “Take away everything he aspires for. He wants to become knight leader; don’t let him! He wants to help the goblin leader ruin the knights; stop him! Show him to be a traitor, a liar, and a coward! Do not let him have his way,” Pall roared.

Gale, taken by surprise at the sudden outburst, took a step back.

“But first,” Pall said softly, “tend to your friends, they need you more than you need your vengeance.”

Gale looked back to Faust and Gloria, ashamed that he was so caught up in selfish retribution. He ran back to the two, getting Gloria’s attention. She lunged at the man, embracing him and weeping softly. She began to mutter something but the drifter simply put his arms around her and shushed.

"It's not your fault, you did what you could," he said softly.

Gale looked to Faust, who was beginning to stir. The drifter picked up his friend, while Gloria put pressure on his wound and led the way to a clinic by the docks.

“Don’t worry buddy, this is nothing,” Gale whispered, comforting his wounded friend. Gloria, still in tears and covered in blood rushed ahead calling for a doctor. The three disappeared quickly, leaving Pall and Therk by the burning remains of their beloved tavern.

“Ye really think this the best course?” Therk asked lamenting the loss of the tavern he had looked after for so many years.

“It is the only course, old friend,” Pall began, losing himself briefly in the flames, “I can do little but prepare the stage. It is up to the young to perform on it. But I will ready that one, he is by no small measure our best chance.”

The fires died out hours later. Therk remained on the site of the tragedy, beginning to salvage what he could from the ruins. Rummaging through the ashes, he found silverware and plates. The kitchen appliances still stood, fairly intact. And the great chandelier survived, to Therk’s great relief.

Gale and Gloria sat beside the patched up Faust who rested quietly in a clinic bed. Pallotan vanished when no one was looking. He had a lot of preparation to get underway. If he was to turn the vengeful drifter into a knight by the time of the tournament, six months away, he had his work cut out. The first step was preparing a training ground.

Far down the coast of the island, there was a cave. Pall had often used this cave in his youth to hone his skills. Undertaking the tutelage of the young vagabond would not be easy, Pallotan knew. But a legacy was on the line. Decades of blood, sweat and tears went into the knights Pall had left behind to guard the lands. And every part of his tired body told the old knight that he must fight; harder than ever before, to protect his legacy.



__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________

This is the first part of three (or two, depending on how much i write for the next parts...) so no conclusion just yet. Also, I'm not sure if this is where i put this, but all i want is exp, no need for gold. Please and thank you : )

[Revenant]

Plot: (21)

Storytelling (7) – To be honest, there were no twists in this story that surprised me. I had guessed the relationship between Gale and Gloria, Regal’s vengeance laden return, and Pallotan’s reveal well before they happened. It is the classic hero’s journey story, but there is a reason that this type of story is ‘classic.’ Your story is well put together and leaves the reader in familiar territory while at the same time making it your own. Continue to do that, break out of the mold a bit, and your next part(s) will really be brought up.

Setting (6) –The biggest gap in your story with regards to the setting was the scene in the ship’s cargo hold with Gale and the goblin knights. For a major scene, especially one involving frenzied combat, there was a distinct lack of anything to flesh the location out. You did a good job bringing life to Therk’s tavern. While the ship wasn’t as much of a focal point to the story as the tavern was, putting the same level of detail into it as you put into the tavern would have really boosted this score.

Pacing (8) –This thread had exceptional pacing and really flowed well. Your posts had a natural feel to them in almost all cases. There were only two areas that I felt really disrupted the flow of your pacing and those were the impromptu eating/drinking contest/binge in post 9 and the way that you decided to put the post-intimacy tidbit between Gale and Faust in post 21. In post 9 the problem was that the scene didn’t add much to the feel of the story while in post 21 it was just the way that you chose to present it. You could very well have split the post into two.

Character: (22)

Communication (7) – The late night reminiscing about Evelyn was a very powerful scene, really exemplifying the characters and tying them together, but all the same Gloria’s speech lasted a little too long, starting to distract from the moment. Sometimes it’s best to leave some of the side things out to make things poignant and leave the reader to fill in the gaps. I really appreciated the weary resignation with which Regal gave his name to Gale, which felt very real, but the discourse between the two in the ship’s hold felt like more than necessary.

Action (6) – Your thread was very action heavy and individual parts were very well written but taken as a while it felt less than it could be. The comedic, almost parody-like nature of the binging episode upon Gale’s arrival at the tavern was very entertaining and well written, but clashed with the overall serious feel of the rest of the thread. A more realistic scene would have fit the rest of the thread’s tone much better. The fight with the goblins in the hold was somewhat rushed and their menace never really came through as Faust simply dealt with them without effort, nor did I get a feel of menace from Regal aside from the fact that he had backup.

Persona (9) – Each character had a distinct personality, which really gave this thread life. While I initially thought of Therk as a stereotypical big man/chef type character, the little quirks that you gave him swept that away and made him one of my favorite things in the thread. For some reason I found the line about the salve hilarious. None of the characters ever felt like they were going against the personality that you have created for them and it was really the mannerisms that drove this story.

Prose: (19)

Mechanics (5) – There were numerous spelling, grammatical, and formatting errors in the thread, and I found myself distracted from the content several times because of them. When you are using the formatting codes for italics, it is generally a good rule of thumb to preview the content prior to posting to ensure that the code has been entered correctly. Post 5 was repeated in the first half of post 6. In general, giving your posts a proof-read should help you out in this area.

Clarity (7) – This thread was a very clear read and the only time that I found myself having to reread for clarification or to get a solid picture of what was going on was during the battle scene in the ship’s cargo hold and Pallotan’s surprise test assault. Writing clear battle scenes can be a tricky line between too much detail and not enough.

Technique (7) – Overall this was a very solid thread that did a good job of grabbing my interest and pulling me in. As mentioned this story follows a very common formula, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing and which was very well executed here.

Wildcard (7) – I’m very interested to see where this goes and look forward to your next thread.

Total: 69

Captain on the Wind receives 2070 exp and 330 gp.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.