Thread Title: Of Living Rock And Liviol
Judgment Type: Quick Judgment, Little Commentary (As agreed upon by user)
Participants: Dalasi


Plot: 21/30

  • Story- 6/10


  • Setting- 8/10


  • Pacing- 7/10




Character: 20/30

  • Communication- 7/10

You had a strong sense of the dialogue in each action the characters of your story portrayed. It never felt flat and while at times confusing, that’s not due to a lack of understanding but more a desire to know what happens next right away.

  • Action-6/10

You made sure to give life to the characters by informing me what was going on around them and what they personally were doing. The key here is to not make it feel like you did it for the sake of doing it which admittedly it felt like at times.

  • Persona- 7/10

You know these characters well, but not as well as the Tantalum. Getting there though.


Prose: 21/30

  • Mechanics- 8/10

Few errors in spelling or tense. Nothing to be scared of.

  • Clarity- 6/10

One thing I find in stories like these, where the Dialogue has to drive the point at times is what I like to call “Who’s Line is it?”: It starts well enough and it’s clear who is talking, but then as the conversation goes on you stop describing who is doing what evolving into two characters just talking, or possibly more, at once. This is where the use of action is key.
Do not think you were a terrible offender of this. You had moments where it slipped, but you kept it concise enough to not get horribly lost. But this is something I want you as a writer to be aware of.

  • Technique- 7/10



Wildcard: 5/10

An enjoyable read sir. Thanks for working on me with the light commentary.

Final Score: 67/100

Dalasi Recieves:

  • XXX 1045 EXP!
  • XXX 135 GP!

Congratulations!