Feedback on Wiki Entry

[Fox Owen Xavier]

I'm making a wiki page on the golem system Sanste's family uses. It's still incomplete but it's at 2834 words and from the looks of it, not even half way done. Anyways, I posted what I have worked on so far. Feedback would be great if anyone has time to give it a quick look over.

It should be mostly done until section 6. Section 6, 7, and 13 have just a bit of content. Chapters 8-12 hasn't been written yet.

Note: I'm treating it like a clan member wrote a book on the golem system so it's not quite like the regular wiki pages... I hope that's fine.

http://www.althanas.com/world/showwi...uide+to+Golems

Edit: Section 6 is completely (well, probably needs a bit of polish but the content should be there).

[Lye]

Looks good so far Fox. I read bits and pieces but not a full eval. I'll dabble with seeking out something more constructive once everything simmers down.

[The Scarecrow]

I'm seeing a couple spelling and/or grammar errors littering certain chapters.

Chapter 1 - Lines 4 and 5:
4 - "Threaten" should be "threatened".
5 - "In additional" should be "in addition".

Chapter 2 - Line 1:
"A long ways back" should be "a long way back". "These" should be "those".

Chapter 3 - Line 1:
Comma after "is", stop at the end.

Chapter 4 - Lines 3, 10, 12, 15:
3 - "Reached out" should be "reach out".
10 - "There is" should be "there are".
12 - "Advance" should be "advanced".
15 - "Incredibility" should be "incredibly", and "I'm amazed how many people there like this" should be "I'm amazed how many people are like this". (The last one is just a suggestion. It could be worded in a variety of ways).

Chapter 5 - Lines 10, 15, 22, 24:
10 - "Interplanery" should be "interplanar" (or "interplanetary" if different planets is what you wanted to refer to), and "in most cases then it saves" should be "in most cases than it saves" (as it is a comparison, you should always use "than"). "to improve energy transfer to using" should be "to improve energy transfer is to use".
15 - "Earthrend members quickly run into difficulty" could be read better just by changing "difficulty" to "difficulties".
22 - "There are a few people" could be read better as "There are few people".
24 - "Also, number of processes" could be read better as "Also, the number of processes".

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I'll read the rest later and see if I can find out more grammar or spelling mistakes. There are various phrases that could be worded differently to read them better but, personally, I don't think they're that big of an issue. I hope this post helps so far.

[Fox Owen Xavier]

Thank you very much for your help Scarecrow. I updated the pages with the changes you suggested.

Just an update on the status of the content since the original post. Section 6, 8 and 9 have been finished. Section 7 and 10 are currently on my computer being worked on. The draft on my computer comes in at roughly 4,200 words.