Thread Title: Lift the Curse, Wake the Dead
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Where in the World?, Duffy
Out of Character:
Plot: 17/30
- Story- 5/10
This was an interesting story with a pretty good twist at the end. As a basic plot, it worked well, but could have benefited from being placed in a slightly longer time-frame: As it stands on its own, it feels much more like a snippet than a fully-formed tale.
- Setting- 5/10
Although multiple senses were used in describing the setting, the thread mostly felt like it was taking place in a void. Description of setting wasn't completely void, but it failed to give more than a vague impression. Often, little details are what's missing when people think about setting, but were included here. Had some of the more common, larger, elements had been included, a higher score could have been achieved.
- Pacing- 7/10
The thread kept a pace that didn't stagnate or rush too quickly, but the occasional time jump hurt pacing. Issues related to Clarity also hurt pacing, especially later on in the thread, but these will be discussed below.
Character: 19/30
- Communication- 8/10
The communication was very well done. It served a purpose, felt realistic and moved the plot forward. There was also good use of non-verbal communication, but characters' voices didn't truly ring in the reader's mind.
- Action-6/10
Though actions were used efficiently and stayed with the realm of realism, there was very little in terms of nuance when it came to actions. Little details can make all the difference and help to bring characters to life.
- Persona- 5/10
Though nothing seemed out of place for any of the characters, the reader wasn't really able to really get into the mindset of any of them. More introspection could help with this.
Prose: 20/30
- Mechanics- 8/10
The writing here was almost void of errors and the prose had a good tone.
- Clarity- 5/10
For the most part, the writing was clear. There were a moments when clarity really suffered. For Where in the World? these mostly centre around her ability to remove the taint that was left after the war. It really wasn't clear exactly what Alydia was doing to remove it - something with shadows, that's all the reader knows. It's important to remember that a reader shouldn't need to look at a character profile for things to make sense.
The final post resulted in a couple of lost points. References were made that weren't explained to give them context, for example, Oblivion. The reader is given no indication who/what Oblivion is. In similar vein, a thread should stand on its own without the need to read previous threads. The talk about the Tantalus Troupe and reincarnation also seemed to make no sense - reincarnation was a gift that was taken away, but Duffy has just been reincarnated!! The reader is led to assume that the corpse Alydia cleansed is the reincarnated Duffy, but the corpse had been left naked and shackled. Somehow, Duffy was able to just roll off the slab and was fully clothed. This made no sense, so it was really unclear what was going on.
- Technique- 7/10
While there wasn't an abundance of techniques used, what was used was effective. Imagery helped when describing setting or a character's mood and condition. Where in the World? was able to build anticpation that gave the right amount of tension to have the big reveal at the end a surprise.
Wildcard: 4/10
It was good, but could have been better. A point is lost for Duffy's post which kinda spoiled the thread due to it not making much sense.
Final Score: 60/100
Out of Character:
Where in the World? receives:
- 1080 EXP!
- 108 GP!
Duffy receives:
- 194 EXP!
- 12 GP!
Congratulations!
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