A Wolf in Drow clothing (Closed)

[Leoric]

Leoric hung his head and chuckled under his breath as a breeze wrapped around him before howling through the forest.

“You are correct that I was drunk not too long ago, but seeing a ghost, slamming your face into a tree, twisting your ankle, and having to fight for ones life next to a scary wolf-lady kinda sobers a person pretty quickly. And as far as seeming formal? You should feel lucky that I just saw a ghost and don't feel like being my usual self today.”

Leoric sighed as he looked at the ground blankly, his eyes were a pale hue of what they once were. His grin faded from his face as he remembered all the broken promises to his master. The one stipulation for agreeing to train Leoric was that he could never give in to the temptation of women or booze. That was all Leoric ever did. He spent countless nights in bars picking up the beautiful ladies and getting drunk. Those ladies were usually gone before sunrise so he never worried about if they were beautiful because of the booze or not. He shook his head as he came back to his senses. He smirked as he stood up and stared limping towards the Inn. He turned around to his companion and his grin grew.

“Come on girl, don't you wanna go get some food? Food? You want some food?” He patted his legs as he started chuckling. “Oh! And don't forget, if I wanted you dead, it wouldn't have been a challenge.”

Leoric knew what was going to come next. They may have both been injured by two very different means, but that didn't mean he couldn't attempt to cheer himself up with a little hand to hand combat.

[Sinovera Of Bloodmoon]

Sinovera stood there in silence as the man-giant spoke. With his thuggish appearance she was surprised that he could speak so well. She did take note about the wolf-ghost he had mentioned, but decided that she wouldn't bring that up. He was most likely a little delirious from his wounds. She looked over his wounds, nearly wanting to let her motherly instinct run free and help him fix them up. She went to get up as he limped away from her towards the village, but then all sound and sensation left her as he turned around with a nasty little smirk.

“Come on girl, don't you wanna go get some food? Food? You want some food?” She saw him pat his legs as if he were talking to a puppy as he started chuckling. “Oh! And don't forget, if I wanted you dead, it wouldn't have been a challenge.”

Sinovera found herself completely frozen in place as she stared at him. Her eyes glowed almost ethereally as tears filled her eyes. She clenched her fists together, attempting to hold her rage. Old, blocked out memories bashed at their cage, almost as if his words were the key their awakening. Her fists loosened only to fly to her head and grip it in near death grip. Her pale Drow complexion seemed to almost go white as all the blood faded from her face.

“No, no, no, NO!” She screamed out into the woods. “I don't want to remember, I don't want to see him. No, don't, leave me alone!” She fell to her knees and shook violently. Leoric wouldn't have been able to see her face anymore at that point as her hair made a curtain over her face. “Make it stop!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(Mature content ahead.)


“Come here you little bitch,” Sinovera felt her hair being grabbed and pulled backwards. She hissed out in pain as tears leaped to her eyes. “Surely you are hungry,” the man with a greasy complexion said as he stared at her body. A young girl, only the age of seventeen, plunged into a dark adolescence. Another tug to her hair made her gasp out in pain. She had wished desperately that she had been bigger back then. She could have defended herself. As it had been, all she could do was simply stare at the greasy man as he undid his breeches. “If you want to eat, you have to earn it first,” he sneered at her.

With much fumbling around with the laces of his breeches they finally fell from his fat-covered legs. He moved around so that he was in front of her and all she could do was watch as his legs jiggled and his small member was thrust towards her. She could feel the bile rising up in her throat, but she swallowed it down. She had remembered the last time she vomited. She had been beaten within an inch of her life.

“Open your mouth like a good girl,” he cackled as he shoved himself into her mouth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sinovera let out a scream of agony as she broke away from the memory. Her whole body had seemed to reverberate with the force of escaping it. She quickly fell silent, leaving only the rustling of leaves to make sound. For a few moments she did nothing, then she let her hands fall from her head and she stared blankly at them. Claws had sprouted where fingernails should have been. She could feel something stirring within her. All she wanted to do was escape the pain. That's all she ever wanted.

Tears fell from her eyes to fall onto her blood-stained hands, washing away some of the blood that had been caked there.

Let me out. Let me go. I will save you from your pain. Just let me out from this cage and allow me to.

Sinovera didn't even second-guess the voice. She merely handed it the keys to its cage and receded back into herself, leaving something dark and ancient in its place. The Drow then moved with an odd grace as she rose to her feet. Her head hung low so that her hair acted like a veil. She remained silent for what seemed like an eternity; then a twig snapped under Leoric's boot as he took a step towards her. Her head snapped up and her eyes met his gaze.

Blood red met with ice blue, feral insanity with regret. A truly sadistic smile broke out on the Drow's face, showing a mouth of sharp teeth. The silence remained...then it was broken. “I will bathe you in a bath of your own blood!” She screamed out before using her long legs to jump over the fire between them. She landed on her good foot and kept on running. When she reached him she pounced for his face, claws extended and ready to find purchase in whatever skin she could find.

[Leoric]

((Bunny Approved))

Within seconds of him spouting the comment in jest he saw that he had royally screwed up. She had clearly been repressing some deep, dark memories. In his arrogance he had somehow used the right trigger words to cause the memories to come flooding back.

“I am sorry for this,,” Leoric commented as he lowered himself and charged back at her. He held his arm back with a quaking strike, ready to attack. Her claws dug into his face as she brushed against his cheek, and at that moment, he brought his quaking palm around and struck her in hopes that it was just enough to daze her, but not enough to completely knock her out. However, that wasn't his full plan. The second half was executed quickly as he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a firm hug.

“I know what it is like to hide memories, I do it every day I can. Some days are harder than others, but in the end you keep walking forward. You become stronger because of that. I am sorry I triggered memories to come flooding back. The ghost I saw earlier did the same thing to me.” He sighed as he let his words become weak with sentiment. “I will pay for your room tonight.”

The sentimental brawler released his embrace and took a few steps back, just outside of striking range just in case she still felt the need to tear him a new one as he looked up at the beautiful black that was the sky.

~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

“How dare you call me that?!” Leoric screamed as he swung wildly at his master. “I have done nothing but train, train and train! And you have the audacity to call me a good for nothing?!”

Leoric's swing was deftly parried as a backhand connected with his skull. The enraged man was sent sprawling across the floor as his master was in the process of teaching him a lesson.

“I saw you last night, getting drunk at that Pub, flirting with the ladies. Who knows what else you got up to! The Quaking Arts will not be defiles by some no-name punk that ran away from home 'cause he had a fight with daddy!” The old man shouted as he entered his fighting stance. He wasn't going to hold back against Leoric any longer.

“So a man cannot have a little fun every one in a while? No wonder you are out here in the sticks! No one could stand someone as boring as you!” Leoric cried out as he too entered h is own variation of the combat stance. The old man scoffed at Leoric as he saw multiple openings in his stance.


The two arguing men took off towards each other at a blistering pace. The wind crept to a stand-still as two quaking strikes connected, causing an explosion of wind and debris around the two men. When Leoric opened his eyes his eyes his knees grew weak and he began kneeling. He wasn't the only one, however, his master was also on his knees as well, panting and out of breath. He quickly wrapped his arms around Leoric and gave him a hug.

“I am sorry, I didn't mean the things I said. I have always thought of you as my son; but you are correct, my wife and kids left me 'cause I was such a boring old sod. Always training or away doing important things. I never had time for them or to even tell them the interesting stories about what I had done. And so for my failure, I tried to make it up with you... but even the I failed. I couldn't even teach you the quaking palm properly, or even moderation or morals.”

“What...?” Leoric questioned as his master fell limp in his arms and his breathing slowed until it came to a stop. Leoric's eyes grew wide as he realized what he had just done. He had brutally killed his master in a blind rage.

~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

Leoric's gaze came back to the Earth as he stared at the young Drow in front of him, unsure of what to do next. He simply stood there and allowed her to make the next move.

[Sinovera Of Bloodmoon]

Kill, kill, kill, KILL! He must die for what he said. He must die! I will rip the flesh from his bones, I will tear his throat out, I will rip his fucking throat out and make his lungs overflow with his own life's blood!

The Drow struggled inside of Leoric's arms, attempting to get away. She didn't like the feeling of helplessness that came from having her limbs trapped in his grip. All she wanted to do was break free and destroy him. She had ripped apart the last man to speak to her as he had, and she was more than willing to do it once again.

The monster was in full control as Sinovera's consciousness curled up into a little ball in the corner of her damaged mind. The memories continued to attack her, keeping her at bay whilst the wolf wreaked havoc on the outside. Past the memories that flashed in her eyes she could see through the wolf's eyes as if it was from a long distance away. She saw herself lunge, but it was not of her own accord. Then she saw Leoric lunge for her as well. She tried to regain control, but all was for naught.

She then felt a fist collide with her skill and everything burst into a bright while light, then went dark. When she opened her eyes she found that she was being held by the much taller male. She had nearly reached her hand back to yank at a very sensitive place of his; but his deep voice halted her as he spoke about things that she could only halfway hear because of the ringing in her ears. Slowly her muscles relaxed as she calmed down. The wolf had been weakened after the discombobulating hit, allowing Sinovera to slowly regain control of herself.

When the male finally let go of her she fell to her knees on the soggy ground beneath her. She sat there in silence, just staring down at the ground for what seemed like hours. No words were spoken between them, no attack was made on each others person, and no eye contact was made. They simply stayed there in silence as the sun lit up the forest. Finally she let out a long sigh and got up. She walked past Leoric, heading towards town. She paused to look behind herself to look at Leoric for a moment, motioning her head towards the town, then walked on in silence.

As they entered the tavern she saw many people just laying at the tables or on the floor, recovering from the nights activities. She found herself envying them. Being able to be merry and cheerful, and then having the simple kindness of being able to just lay there in silence. She shook her head and stood away from Leoric as he paid for her room. She silently took the key and walked away up the stairs, only giving a nod to the inn-keeper as he told her her room number.

The tavern, when it wasn't covered in vomit and blood, was actually quite nice. A large fireplace, ornately carved wooden pillars, dark oak tables, and sturdy floors that very rarely squeaked. That last perk was her favourite. Her ears were sensitive and something as little as a small squeak from the floor below had the chance of waking her.

When she entered her room she found that the covered hadn't been washed, and she could still small the stink of the last owners. The smell of sex and booze filled her nose, causing her to sneer. She could even see the stains still on the covers. She told herself that there was no way that she was going to sleep in that room and aptly left. Just a little ways down the hall she found an unoccupied room. She took in a deep breath to test if it smelled as strongly of sex as the previous one, and found that it still smelled of sex, but the covers had been washed.

“Beggars can't be choosers,” she mumbled to herself as she laid her equipment down on the floor beside the bed. She didn't bother taking off her armour as she slipped into the feather-stuffed queen sized bed. She looked at the wall numbly for a while before she began to fall asleep, hoping that no nightmares visited her as she slept.

[Leoric]

Leoric let out a big sigh of relief when she regained her senses again. Thankfully his punch just hard enough to knock some sense back into her. He stood there just watching her, avoiding any eye contact. After what seemed like a great long while he saw her finally stand up. Then she walked passed him, and as she did so he turned around to keep an eye on her. She motioned for him to follow her to town without uttering a word.

He smirked and started limping behind her, letting out an audible yelp of pain every now and then. It wasn't long before he was at the town and quickly walked to the Innkeeper.

“Room for her, I am covering the cost,” He said as he leaned against the counter, taking the weight off his foot.

“What? She isn't sleeping with you?” He chuckled as he reached under the bar to grab his log book and keys.

“now now, Sal. Neither of us are in the mood.” Leoric shot him a dirty look as the Innkeeper reached into his pocket for the room key.

“What? Rough night? And here I thought you enjoyed those,” Sal chuckled as he remembered the door was already unlocked. He took out the key anyway and handed it to the Drow woman. “Room 4, second door on the left. It is already unlocked.”

Leoric looked to his side when Sinovera came to stand beside him to take the key and nodded to her as she turned away once again to head upstairs to the rooms.

“Thanks Sal, how much do I owe you for her room tonight?” He asked as he sat on a stool and reached to gingerly touch his ankle.

“Regular nights fair, 2 gold pieces. Also, as you requested earlier, my wife has cleaned your blankets,” Sal nodded as he put his ledger away and grabbed two mugs and poured each of them a small end of the night drink.

“Anything happen tonight?” Leoric asked as he drank down a mouthful of water and put it back on the counter.

“Nah, the usual's I have you kick out left with that big-shot coward earlier,” Sal said as he finished his own drink, not water, but the typical ale you would get from Moose Piss.

“Ahh, him. Yeah you won't be having any trouble with them for quite a while,” Leoric's words were soft as he finished his drink and slammed the mug down onto the counter top. Several moans of displeasure came from several men and woman throughout the tavern in objection to the sudden loud noise.

Sal motioned to Leoric's sore ankle before speaking next, “you going to be needing any bandages or cleaning supplies for that foot of yours?” He paused a moment to grab a few mugs to clean, “She looked to be in pretty rough shape as well.”

“Yeah actually, got any of that cream left? I worked wonders last time.” Leoric said as he nodded to a special tin hanging on the wall behind him. Sal sighed and grabbed it down for him.

“There is enough in there to bring a man back to life and then some. Not to mention some bandages are in there as well. The whole thing is yours if you got ten gold to spare for the cost of it,” Leoric sighed as he grabbed his coin purse and emptied out the gold coins required before limping over the unconscious bodies all over the Inn and up the stairs. He went to Sin's room first to see if she was there, but found the room empty instead. He began to wonder where she had gone, but inhaling in the scent of the room removed any of that wonder. The room had the pungent smell of something he was all too familiar with.

He then turned around and entered his room almost on auto-pilot as he placed the kit on the desk next to the door and began to unclasp his leather chest piece. He stopped as he saw movement come from his bed. He looked and saw the flash of silver hair and knew that it was Sinovera. He wondered as to what he was going to do. She had wandered into his room.

[Sinovera Of Bloodmoon]

((Mature Content Ahead))

Sin, come here my little Sin,” a male voice called from another room. Sinovera recognized the voice as the leader of the organization that she was a part of. She disliked it greatly when he called her Sin, but she simply let out a sigh and went to leave her room. When she reached the door and opened it she found a large mass blocking her way. She looked up to find her boss's eyes staring back down at hers. She normally didn't make eye-contact with him, or if she did she would quickly look away, but that night she felt like it was safer to keep in contact with his eyes. She nearly took a step back when she saw that his eyes were darkened with lust, however. She had to admit to herself that he wasn't an unattractive man, but she had seen the things he did to the female prisoners, and she had no intent on becoming just another number.

“What did you want, sir?” She didn't let her gaze fall from his. It was almost as if she thought that would keep him from pushing farther into the room. She wasn't unfamiliar with this type of thing; often having to bar the way into her room from them. It was fairly easy to keep them from entering however. One flash of red eyes and they were running the other direction.

“I just wanted to come and check up on you,” his full lips turned upwards in a smirk as his eyes broke contact to look over her curving form. She felt naked under his gaze, just as she had felt naked under many other gazes. Nervousness hit her like a dagger when he took a step towards her. She had been able to brush off the others because they had just been lowly pawns. This man was the 'King' of the entire operation. With one word from him the entirety of the guild would be upon her.

“That was kind of you, sir. I am quite well, but I really wish to go to sleep,” she gestured him to leave, but of course he didn't. He walked in the last few steps and shut the door behind him. He then just stood there, staring at her with his beautiful eyes that hid the mind of a sadistic bastard.

“I hear that you have been having trouble sleeping,” his friendly grin was slowly turning into something sadistic and evil.

Sinovera could do little but glare up at him, “I have been having issues, but those are issues that I would prefer to solve on my own,” she put on the word “own”, but the emphasis fell on deaf ears.

She nearly jerked back when he reached his hand out and gripped her bicep in a vice-like grip, “I have a way that will make it easier for you to sleep,” he simply just stared into her eyes, just daring her to resist him. His other hand went to hers and brought it to just under his shirt. His skin began to get covered in goosebumps as she touched the flat, muscular expanse of his stomach. “Why don't you let me help you sleep?” He then slowly began to push her backwards until her back hit a wall, making her feel like a cornered animal. Her breath hitched when his groin pressed into her stomach. She felt no hardness there, for which she was grateful for.

His hand then drifted up her arm softly, almost like a lover, and let it drift across her chest, just below her throat. He dipped his hand down just a little, drawing a whimper out of Sinovera. That whimper seemed to set the man off, for Sinovera could feel the groin pressed up against her stomach begin to bulge. He chuckled and leaned down to her eat, giving the pointed tip just a bit of a nip. “Saying no will not do you any good, you know,” he moved his groin away from her only to bring her hand to it instead. Another whimper from Sin made his breath come in sharply. “Are you going to be a good girl?” He asked her, his voice hoarse from lust. “Or am I going to have to break you and make you my bitch?”

Sinovera was numb at that point. She didn't see much of a way to get out of the situation without basically committing suicide. Clothing began to come off, hands began to wander, moans were heard. Every movement caused red to shine in Sinovera's vision. Hands began to probe, a mouth began to suckle, hands began to slap. The red reached a fever pitch within her.

She couldn't help herself. She bit him. At first she could sense that he liked it, but then her fangs began to grow in. The coppery taste of blood filled her mouth, making her moan for the first time that night. She was ripped from him and tossed to the floor. The next thing she felt was the agonizingly painful lash of a whip. She let out a howl of pain as another quickly followed. She writhed on the ground as the pain attacked her with every lash of the whip. She could hear a man screaming at her, but she couldn't discern the words. All she could do was bear the pain as she tasted the blood that was still fresh in her mouth.

It felt like a long time before the lashing stopped. She thought that her back was no longer her back, it was just an entire expanse of agony. She was on her hands and knees like an animal. A snarl was on her face and her nails had dug into the wood of the floor. Hands were then on her hips, making her howl at the sudden sensation of a soft touch. She shivered when she felt the soft, wet touch of a tongue on her back. It was almost soothing. He almost seemed like he was apologizing that he hurt her.

The sensation of the tongue on her back had almost made her oblivious to the strengthening grip on her hips. Then a howl broke through the haze of pain and odd sensation as she was impaled from behind. The mixture of please and pain drove her over the edge immediately. That was when the first tear fell down her cheek as she realized what was happening.

She was actually enjoying herself.

At that sudden realization Sinovera receded from her body, leaving in place her darkest urges. The animal, the beast, the savage. When she awoke the next morning she found that she had been laying on a pile of bloodied, ravaged bodies...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sinovera jerked awake and sat straight up. Her eyes were feverish as she looked around the room. When her eyes fell on Leoric she threw herself backwards into the corner of the bed. She looked down at her hands to see that they were covered in blood. The trail of tears that had washed off the small sections of blood were still there, and more joined its place. She brought her knees to her face and hid it upon them. Her shoulders shook with the force she was exerting not to sob, but it was difficult. It took her a long time to finally regain her senses and realize that her back wasn't raw from lashing, and that there was no one trying to force themselves on her. She was safe in a room with a man that she didn't really know all that well.

“I'm sorry, I thought this room was vacant.” her voice was shaky, but otherwise strong.

[Leoric]

Leoric stood still as his leather chest piece struck the ground. He wasn't sure what to make of the events that had occurred that night; but he did know of one thing. Treating Sin like a dog, or like a usual bar wench, would probably end up with him being castrated. When her voice broke the silence in the room he knew that something was up. Every other time they had spoken her voice was confident or steady. Her voice, this time, was quite, hardly a whisper, and shaky.

“It's fine, I just checked your room down the hall for you. I wouldn't want to stay in that pigsty anyway. You are welcome to use my bed. I don't be needing it tonight,” He quietly limped over to the desk and put his sword and leather gloves next to the metal tin. “But, what we both are going to need is this,” he patted the metal tin, “Now don't ask me what it is. I have no idea. Sal makes it. It heals all light wounds almost instantly.”

Leoric sighed and swallowed the lump in his throat as he sat on the floor not that far from Sinovera. He casually opened the tin as a rather strong whiff of peppermint filled the room. Inside of the tin was several rolls of linen bandages, a needle, some thread, and of course the ointment. He dug two of his fingers inside as he rolled up his ripped pants leg a bit. Just enough to reveal his swollen ankle.


The ointment numbs the skin and helps keep it feeling cool. Combine that with the pressure of the bandages, and voila. My ankle will be better by morning. However,” Leoric said as he looked over at Sin's leg wound. “That is going to be involve a bit more than just ointment or bandages.”

Leoric looked up at Sin's face as he took off the binding that was currently on his ankle and rubbed the ointment on it, gingerly. He noticed that Sin's face was covered in a thin film of moisture. Either she was crying, or she was too warm. He didn't want to risk sending the wrong message across and instead began talking about his old master, and what had transpired that night of the old mans death. While doing so, Sin listened. Leoric, while talking about his past, started to take care of their numerous wound.

For once, Leoric's soul was truly at rest with itself. A comforting feeling the young bar brawler had never felt before.


To Be Continued...

[Philomel]

Thread Title: A Wolf in Drow Closing (Closed)
Judgment Type: Condescended Rubric
Participants: Leoric and Sinovera of Bloodmoon

Story: 17

General: As far as story goes, this is a pretty good idea and a good basis for what you want to write. It has charm, and it has clear plot, with a good line of development from beginning to end of the violence and the emotions that the characters go through. However, for both of you, pacing is a key issue that is messy at times, especially with the repetitive jumping forwards and backwards in time, from the first post to near the end. Indeed, this helps to fill in some back story, which is very useful and really helps to show the past and what happened to your characters, and why they are reacting the way that they are, and thus making the story as it is - yet it is distracting in the long run with many ~*~ lines and much “jumping around. This can be very hard for the reader to follow. One suggestion is, is that you focus on the main stream of the story, and maybe have an opening post with the backstory or have one single post later on highlighting the important past piece.

Leoric: In general you are strong when it comes to story. You open well and set a clear stage with a positive setting. Overall you could definitely have mentioned setting more, using small details to really bring your scenes to life, but the plot was great and was written well. Aside from the pacing issue, your storytelling technique and ideas are wonderful, with the reflection from ‘now’ to the past with Leoric’s master, making the reader truly sympathetic towards him.

Sinovera Of Bloodmoon: You spin a fascinating tale with Leoric, and match with his story well, keeping up with the length of posts and so on. In a similar fashion there is the definite feel of creativity within you and your storytelling, though this could be exploited to drag more out. Setting was somewhat used, and mentioned, yet you could do with using it to your advantage, such as how it affects your characters state of being in transformation and fighting sequences. You do have a good hold on how to start a good tale, which is a great strength of yours. Keep on coming up with similar wonderful imaginative storylines!

Character: 19

Leoric: Your character comes across strong and prevailing. There is a boldness to the brawler that cannot be denied, in his stance and his determination. The way he fights is very powerful and strong, similar to his personality and his overall look. In comparison to Sinovera you use very brash language, with bodial words, (“but why urinate yourself?” in post 5), which seemingly shows what one imagines you want to show. Actions, in general, are a strong point in your writing, but what you mostly lack is a convincing idea of persona. Yes, there are reflections on Leoric’s past, but they seem somewhat oddly placed at times, and not quite connected to the story. They show his teaching but not what he has learned, apart from his skills and abilities, and have no real strength in portraying your character’s personality or emotions in his interactions with Sinovera. Though there are some, they are not obvious. What could be done here is a definite reflection back and forth, repeating language and words in the flashbacks to really combine one emotion to the other, and what lessons have been learn. Try to steadily construct your character and have them reveal in part, then develop on their own as the story progresses; this will really improve your writing.

Sinovera Of Bloodmoon: From your dialogue to your character’s mere stance, you have an elegant female who can be noble and polite, yet be a monster. You display, definitely the image of elf-like nobility with the opening lines of your character in post 2, “I would kindly ask you to leave this booth and to desist in calling me a bitch,” using careful word choice to emphasise as such. Also, you have significant power in displaying what it is to be a drow-lycanthrope, from the pain as described in post 4 in her transformation. As one of your starting threads for your character you introduce a feisty, though polite girl at times with a hint of a mysterious background and an intriguing future. All in all it would have been good to see more use of words and selective actions, such as habits, to really bring your character to life, and more consistency in terms of her language - yet this can easily be looked at with a careful edit. Mostly, you write very well in this section.

Writing: 18

General: Both of you have a good sense of spelling. There are not any obvious spelling mistakes as far as the reader can see. It has clear sentence structure and correct grammar, which is always important for base mechanics, though both of you could have experimented a little more. Don't fear to be daring!!!
Unfortunately both of you commit the sin of carrying on structure in the same paragraph after a piece of dialogue (along with its line of action). Once a section of dialogue is complete, there should always be a new paragraph, no matter how awkward it seems. This rule is sometimes hard to commit to, but it is an important one.

Leoric: Overall, your writing skill is good. You do have a growing style that is becoming clearer and clearer with each thread, with is always what a judge wants to see. However, there are a few small things that could help, mechanically and in technique, to help improve your writing: you use the term “quaking palm” a little too often, in trying to explain it as Leoric’s most commonly used power, but you could easily use other interesting ways of describing this and place them into your fighting scenes for more of a variety of language. Sometimes, also, your phrasing and tone is a little odd, and could use more amount of adjectives to help it go on. It seems you want to rush your words (this point is not helped by the jumping in time in this thread), which affects clarity and an overall point of style. Try experimenting with techniques, such as repetition, or alliteration, to really bring your words to life, and describing each action with precision.

Sinovera Of Bloodmoon: For you, you have a definite strong style already, and it seems you know where you want to head off to with your character. You have a really good hold of words, with ones such as “purr-like” and phrases such as “air of arrogance” in post 6 which show a definite strength, and indeed promise in your development as a writer. Clarity is overall done well, though you do sometimes get lost in the action. Describing these with simple words may be the way forward here. Try using a wider variety of techniques, such as metaphor, to help in your description and you could definitely be on your way to something wonderous here.

Wildcard: 6
Wildcard goes to the flashbacks. Though, as stated in Story, it would have been good to see them in their own posts and somewhat more grouped together, they really helped with your storytelling here, and the overall magic of the tale. Sinovera, your character’s sexual aspects really give a sense of suffering that reflects in your character well, and Leoric you use the master flashbacks as a place to set off from in dealing with your character’s abilities. Overall, these parts really made the thread what it is, so well done and I look forwards to reading more of your characters’ pasts.

Final Score: 60

Rewards:

Leoric receives:
795 EXP
110 GP

Sinovera Of Bloodmoon receives:
640 EXP
100 GP

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!