Round 1 Group 10

[Idara]

“He talks a lot.” Idara thought of her foxed-eared companion as she left to join the rest of the bazaar. The group had decided to split up for the moment. Fox would go make the necessary preparations for the ritual, and the sorceress was supposed to find a way to practice the simpler spells entombed within. Simple enough. She’d copied the notes and diagrams as best she could, and had Kaeryl follow her around the shops to help acquire any needed reagents for the experiments.

As the pair came to a tent guarded on either side by boulders from some collapsed ruin, Idara could make out the rough wording of alchemist on a nearby sign. No doubt the small table had some stuff of interest to her plans. As she approached, she noticed a rather rotund human man working behind the counter. The sun was nigh set, but still he seemed to sweat straight through his stain smock. His face glistened with a natural grease, and the sorceress was afraid to approach for fear of the smell that might trail such a loathsome creature. Still, Kaeryl assured her that the labeled goods in stacked crates matched up for the required ingredients on her list, so Idara decided it was worth a checking out.

“Excuse me,” the sorceress said, with a slight apprehension to starting the conversation. “You wouldn’t happen to have any…thunder-burnt elm, would you?” The words almost made her choke, so much they seemed like parody.

“Do I look like a thunder-burnt elm trader,” he shot back, his tongue thick and guttural. He loomed over the table to stare down at her, his mustache seemingly dripping.

“…Yes. Yes you do.” The sorceress never took intimidation lightly. “When I imagine such a monger, your gilded apparition is the first thing to come to mind.”

***

Several shops later, she’d finally managed to collect all the goods she needed to. With ash from a recent fire, she drew a small circle on a nearby stone. Kaeryl was leered nearby, often looking over her shoulder. She’d yet to voice any true concern over the arcane, but her looks betrayed her true intention. Perhaps if I sing it instead…

The branch placed in the center of the circle, and several cloud berries flanking it, Idara began a simple muttering chant to try and materialize the immaterial. She could feel the winds kick up around her. Her face felt flush with fresh blood, and she had to close her eyes to stop the world from spinning. No doubt whatever magic she was playing with was working, because soon the ashen shape took form into a loose, evanescent dome. As it vanished it left a small red toad in its place. The creature was bloated, and its limbs all seemed twisted into knots. It tried to croak, but the animal’s noise began to form into the common tongue. It was trying to speak.

”Kill me…” Its whisper matched the dying wind. [i]”K…kill…me.”[i] As quickly as it appeared, it vanished. Not in wisps or tethers of the ethereal, but in a small crimson cloud as it popped into a pool of blood. The stone was coated in it, and Idara found herself wiping a bit of her glasses to try and see the scene she wrought. Kaeryl behind her let out a small shriek at the ordeal, causing Idara to turn.

“Fox doesn’t need to know about this. I’m sure we’ll be fine.” She stood up, and looked up into the elf’s eyes. “But just in case, maybe you should go see if you know anyways with a spare wagon.”

[Fox Owen Xavier]

In comparison to Idara’s circle, Fox’s did not follow the traditional setup however, with many experiments, he had turned summoning into a probability equation by identifying each component and how it affected the ritual. The core was definitely in the circle. With a poorly drawn circle, the creature could easily break free and turn on its summoners. Besides protection, it also strengthen the summoning ritual allowing significantly better chances of summoning a more ‘obedient’ creature and convincing it to work for you. After all, the destructive demons preferred fools who made weak circles they could easily shatter.

With this in mind, the kitsune’s circle of circles were carefully measured for correct angles, interceptions, roundness, and empowered the mixture of the runic magic system. While Fox wasn’t confident they would be able to tame the summoned creature, he knew that unless they called an archbeast, it would likely be stuck in the circle for at least a good half hour before being able to break free of the restraining ritual.

As for the other common items such as smoking candles, blood sacrifice, and all that, the merchant decided to skip them due to the cost and/or difficulty to find. They had their uses such as calming and boosting the confidence of novices but didn’t really make the summoning more successful other than maybe slightly confusing and calming down the summoned beast in his trials.

“Now to test this masterpiece. Definitely not going to risk my life with the overeager mage and timid elf. Guess I’ll have to ‘recruit’ two summoners and then have a go. I can sense one of my ‘cousins’ in the area so that covers one spot. As for the other, guess I’ll give that fox-demon a try. It’s definitely nice to find one who isn’t just interested in killing things and actually is interested in this world. Not to mention, it’s fairly easy to get some snacks for her.”

Giving a howl, the kitsune called for the nearby fox to join him. Immediately afterwards, he began scratching out a small circle outside in the dirt. It was simple but he much greater trust in this demon than his two earlier companions. Calling out a name in his native fox tongue, it rang through the dimensions before roaring back with a burst of flame that illumined the surroundings before pulling back to take the form of a small fox covered in fire.

“Thank you for answering, Delilah. As usual, you are free to take your pick of all the food I have prepared. In return, would you mind offering your assistance for a small summon? I created a three way circle but need to verify it will work. I plan on summoning something really small so it won’t kill my cousin or drain your energy.”

“Why do you even bother wasting your time with all these experiments? I just don’t understand you people. If you were to focus on actually becoming powerful instead of just slow and careful research, you could be so much more. Sure you don’t want to take up my offer? With your talents, you could probably become my second in command if you apply yourself.” Delilah dismissed Fox’s question as she made short work of the meat and then began taking a look at the elaborate circle.

“Well, I will admit your wasted time has made you a master of the basics. Don’t ever dare summon me in a prison like that or you will feel the wrath of my true form. Now that aside, I’ll guess I’ll entertain your one request but it will cost you your soul.”

“Is it really that unreasonable? Also, if you want my soul, you will have to convince that old witch…”

“Hmmf, that stupid old rotten hag, when will she finally just quit and die already. Fine! I’ll help but don’t bring up her again until at least next time or I’ll break my promise and slaughter you. And next time, you really owe me! I expect at least a nine course meal and your assistance with a few personal requests. And yes, that stupid woman will be fine with them,” Delilah’s mood took an immediate turn for the worst as echoed by the roaring red flames surrounding her.

With the help of the angry demon and the scared stiff fox that had just arrived, the kitsune was able to quickly perform do few test runs before dismissing his two unhappy companions. With the confirmation everything was setup properly, Fox returned to the camp hoping to find the elf alone so he could get her side of the story before Idara intimidated her into silence.

[Idara]

Idara had managed to intimidate Kaeryl into silence with nary a word uttered between the two. The elf had went and gone to find some other mode transport if their current ventures proved fruitless, so this left the sorceress with a heap of time on her hands to try and scour the market for a few more reagents. Perhaps the ingredients she’d used before were of poorer quality, but the truth was evident that she lacked enough experience in such affairs to make that judgment. Instead, she spent quickly flowing hours nervously approaching other hastily assembled vendor stalls in attempt to find something on her lists that seemed somewhat familiar, but it was all for naught.

“Maybe I can just ask the kitsune for some help in the matter,” she thought, but quickly pushed that idea out of mind. As inexperienced as she was, she’d never really felt the urge to ask someone else for help before. Perhaps being the only mage at the manor home growing up had gotten to her. Though her parents could scarcely understand her gifts and the part they played in their plans for her life, they still had never ceased to heap praise upon her for even the most common of parlor tricks. The attention was infuriating at first. But alone, in a foreign country, she couldn’t help missing just a little bit of it.

The sights and sounds around her put Idara ill at ease. Even when Kaeryl returned with good tidings, her mind was elsewhere. The elf mentioned a small cart a local farmer was willing to lend for an exorbitant price. But tilling the soil around the Red Forest was a meager existence, and the sorceress could see the sense in fleecing any tourist that came to this gods forsaken place for all the money they were worth.

“The only issue,” the meek elf began, biting her lip as if she’d just eaten a lemon, “is that the farmer has no animals to spare for it.”

“So we’ll still need to summon something?” Idara looked around the camp. It seemed emptier now, with many of the adventuring parties having made their way into the depths of the woods. Off in the distant, she could swear the sounds of scream carried on the air back towards basecamp. “Maybe it’s all for the best if we just stay out here. Do we get paid either way?”

Kaeryl looked stern at those words, but her face betrayed her when Idara refused to break eye contact during the resulting five minutes of silences. Finally the two returned back towards the makeshift bar where all had been introduced, though the sun lay so close to the earth that neither could see the nearly desolate place under the awning. They sat across from each other, occasionally sipping at whatever the bartender had on tap. The elf rapped against the side of the table and shook her leg, while Idara quietly read through the notes again in hopes of gleaning some new gospel from the words. So engrossed was she that she didn’t hear the kitsune’s approach or his friendly greeting.

Or maybe she just chose to ignore it.

[Fox Owen Xavier]

Finding the pair proved to be surprising simple. Apparently a certain someone had made quite a name for herself for a sharp tongue. Even the description of the elf brought forth a sign of recognition as people mentioned she had been asking around for a cart, wagon, or just about any means of transportation. As Fox approached the bar they had met and parted at, he could tell by her tired and gloomy look that it hadn’t been successful. As for the young mage, she was intently studying one of the books that he had loaned her previously. The initial burst of energy had departed.

“Well, well, well. Looks like someone has learned that summoning isn’t just child’s play. Wonder if she even managed to get anything to appear. It took me at least a week, but then again, I just a young kit,” Fox smiled to himself as he briefly recalled childhood memories. “Still, I wonder if I should have tried to help. Then again, she might prefer and/or learn best alone like myself. Also, hard lessons tend to stick better as I know all too well.”

“Hello Mrs. Idara and Mrs. Kaeryl. I hope you two are doing well. I heard from people that you both were at hard at work trying to find transportation and practicing magic. I don’t suppose you had any luck with an alternative form of transportation?”

Kaeryl’s unhappy face told the answer before the halfhearted shake of her head. It was what Fox had expected but still, he would have preferred a safer form of traveling if possible. As for Idara, she seemed indifferent to kitsune’s words and instead focused on his book.

“Mrs. Idara? Are you okay?” Fox asked, starting to get a bit concerned that maybe the young woman had summoned something crazy that had taken over her mind or caused other mental damage.

[Idara]

“Oh yes,” she began in her monotone, “I’m just excited to get this summoning under way.” In truth, Idara was far more likely to hide her faults than tell them to a man she met such a short while ago. While she often told herself she didn’t care what others thought of her general character, her skills as a mage were something she disliked being brought into question. Talent at such a young age had led the sorceress to down the pitfall route of hubris, even if she’d never admit to it. For now she was content to make it seem like all her practice had gone swimmingly. She even attempted a smile, but she could also feel the last remnants of merry in the room snuff out from it.

“And no,” she continued, trying her best to hide some of her face behind a glass of water, “we didn’t manage to find any means of transportation. A broken down wagon with no beast of burden is nearly useless to us. At this point, it’s either hellbeast or the trek on foot. If we march, at least we can follow the trail of bodies.”

Light waned on all sides of the tent, slowly slithering outside its boundaries. The three of them were the last people inside, besides the grim looking dwarf behind the counter who stood statuesque on the stool behind. He polished a glass with increasing speed, and it seemed as if the damned thing was libel to break in his hand at any moment. The sorceress felt increasingly uncomfortable with it all, and just wanted to get their tedious journey underway for their inevitable and timely end.

The kistune looked stern, if caring. It was a face Idara had become all too familiar with, like Kaeryl’s constant scrunched-up look that made it look as if she needed to relieve herself at all times, or the bartender who leered at the ground, waiting as he was to close down shop. She wondered if anyone in this country had more than one distant mood, and she scowled at the thought.

“I’ve held up my end with practice.” She looked at the elf, who simply bowed her head and kept quiet, much to Idara’s liking. “Has everything been completed on your end. I fear if we’re the last group to leave, we may be forced onto the clean-up brigades.”

[Fox Owen Xavier]

“She is lying,” was Fox’s instant impression to Idara’s answer. The previous spark of excitement had clearly fled from her face and the voice was drier than ever. She was trying to hide something. Assuming his previous hunch was correct, she had failed to summon anything which was completely understandable. People didn’t like talking about their mistakes especially to strangers. Still, having gone through the learning process himself, getting nothing was completely normal unless you were a genius or master magician.

“Well, guess she is the type to take failure hard. Guess I should have tried to better set her expectations. Hopefully this experience will give her more respect of the difficulty of this type of magic. I just hope this wasn’t too much and this gets in the way of her concentration.”

“Well, there are some benefits to being part of the cleanup crew but I have a feeling my cousins wouldn’t approve which leaves the summoning. I hope you have gotten a better feel for the difficulty involved. This is not one to take lightly, there is a reason why it requires multiple people. I have done my best to set up additionally protections but I personally have never have called a creature on this scale before,” Fox stated.

“If you two are willing to take the risks, then follow me. I have drawn up the circle nearby. If not, I understand and wish you two the best. I can find another way.”

Have to go some place tonight. If I get back before the deadline, I'll repost this to give you more time. Sorry for not giving you more heads up.

[Idara]

The kitsune would hear no more argument from the young sorceress. They needed to get on task and into the forest, and the summoning proved to be the only reliable means by which they could. She allowed her more experienced comrade to lead the way. Idara followed close behind, searching the darkening camp for any last sign of some salvation that could prevent their annihilation, or worse, her humiliation, when the actual summoning began. Kaerly brought up the rear, although her body leaned as if she were eager to make a break for it right now.

”Poor girl,” Idara thought when she caught that deer in the headlights with a backwards glance. “She never asked for this, but now she’s been pressed into our service by her masters. She doesn’t have Fox’s sense of duty, or my stubborn stillborn pride. I wish I could tell her it’d be alright to go, but then I’d be alone with the kitsune and the summoner’s circle. Somehow I doubt those odds are better.”

At last the motely group made its way to the lost and crumbling house Fox had found in the woods’ outskirts. By the sight of it, it had no doubt weathered the worst of the Red Witch’s curse for many years. Whether built while the Red Forest was bereft of its corruption, or planned and sanely ditched after the fact, the girl could not say. She wasn’t as long-lived or wise as the elder races, so she turned to Kaeryl to fill in some gaps. Perhaps a bit of conversation could put both their minds at ease.

“When do you suppose this house was occupied?” Her voice was half a whisper, and half the doldrums she constantly presented to the world. In the waning light, the sorceress could almost see Kaeryl’s face contort.

“I do not know. I grew up far north of the Red Forest.” And with her sheepish tone, conversation had ended as quickly as it began. Idara thought it was for the best to never try and initiate it again.

The kitsune stopped as the group entered the decayed rubble that was once a sturdy stone wall. Moonlight swept its way in, with some difficulty, passed the sickened tree branches and what was left of a thatched roof. Though twilight still kept the room firmly in its grasp, Fox busied himself reading a few spare sources of light to help make the spell easier to cast. Idara could feel a twisting inside her gut. She could almost picture her failure personified as the beast they’d summon. Part-frog, with both faces of her parents, it’d no doubt chide her on her hubris before consuming her whole. And gods only knew the scowls Kaeryl and Fox would make at her as they all dissolved inside its belly for an eternity.

“Uh, let’s get this over with. I’m eager for adventure.” For the first time in her life, Idara gave a thumb’s up.

[Max Dirks]

Since this is a tournament, commentary is limited. If you are concerned about your score, please let me know and I'll be happy to share my notes.

I have to admit, I was very pleased by your alternative take on the prompt. Whereas most of the other groups charged headstrong into the forest to overcome obstacles like giant trees, fealotes, red mist or even Pode herself, your obstacle - transportation - was both realistic and a fresh departure from the rest of round one. Your creativity is reflected in your Storytelling score. That said, there was certainly some room for improvement, particularly in pacing. The thread was already sluggish, and Fox's two day advancing of time was unexpected. When Idara did not immediately mirror it, it was like starting the thread over for the reader.

In terms of character, both of your strengths were in persona. Fox's logical "stream of conscious" manner of thinking was readily apparent from his writing. Similarly, Idara's struggle with realizing she may not be as powerful of a mage as she thought was believable and well written. Though the story was not based on action, I was admittedly disappointed that both Fox and Idara failed to describe their respective summoning spells, though I did not remove points for my disappointment. Still, a lot of excellent opportunities for interaction with NPCs and the environment were lost in summaries when time passed. The biggest weakness in the thread was communication. As Idara said, Fox talked too much. In fact, while reading it was hard to differentiate between his internal monologue and spoken word. At point, I even thought he may have been interacting with an NPC. To differentiate this, place your thoughts in italics or break them with some indication you are thinking (which I did notice both of you did on occasion). Be consistent.

Core mechanics were fine, though I did note quite a few omitted or improperly used words. There were no real advanced writing techniques such as similes, metaphors, or foreshadowing in this thread, but imagery was vivid, particularly Idara's description of the tent and Fox's description of the abandoned home in the woods. Clarity was another point of concern. As noted above, it was unclear at times what dialogue was spoken and which was internal. Also, Fox, your sentence structure could have been better. For example, in post 3 you wrote, "Fox took another look at the ruins he had just arrived at with a heavy sigh." Though I understood what you were saying, the writing could have flowed better and you essentially masked ending a sentence with a prepositional phrase. For example, you could have written, "Fox took another look at the ruins and sighed. Since he arrived...," which would have cleaned up the sentence and implied to the reader that your character had just arrived.

Judgment (Group 10 - Fox Owen Xavier and Idara)

Story - 6
Setting - 5
Pacing - 4
Communications - 4
Action - 5
Persona - 5
Mechanics - 5
Technique - 5
Clarity - 5
Wildcard - 5

Total 49/100

Fox Owen Xavier receives 679 EXP and 78 GP
Idara receives 539 EXP and 69 GP

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!