The First Mission of The Interloper

[Izvilvin]

It took some convincing from the Jya to get Palmer, Laix and Mazoo to leave her alone with the suspicious Drow, considering he had weapons strapped to his belt and dark elves were notorious for being rather evil, but leave they did. Even the two women guards that usually stayed within Jya’s chamber were now outside, keeping watch on the door.

The two sat at a small round table, across from each other. Izvilvin was holding the strange yellow Turula fruit in his slender fingers. It wasn’t unlike a pear, but there were strange bumps on opposite sides of the round item. “It looks strange,” he muttered aloud, thankful that he could communicate in this way with someone who spoke his language.

“It’s delicious, and a Fallien delicacy. It is as sweet as sugar, but with more substance. Try it,” she suggested, as she herself took a bite of one.

Izvilvin took a tentative bite, and his mouth exploded in flavor. The fruit was juicy and as sweet as Jya suggested, making Izvilvin’s taste buds dance in appreciation. It not only satisfied his hunger, but quenched his thirst at the same time. In fact, it was the first fruit of any sort Izvilvin had ever tasted, and he liked it very much.

“So you came because you need information on Sasarai, you said?” The Jya asked, once again using the Drow tongue flawlessly. “What exactly did you want to know about him?”

“Anything there is to know,” he responded quickly, before taking another big bite of the fruit.

She looked somewhat troubled then, as if deep in thought and confused at the same time. Finally she spoke. “I will need to speak with him, then. Sasarai is rather secretive about himself, and even I don’t know much about him. I’m sure that if I asked it of him he would offer some personal information. But please, tell me, why do you want to know about him?”

“It’s been asked of me. I want to know the extent of his powers. I want to know where else he’s been before he first came to Fallien, and most of all, I want to know about these beings he can summon,” Izvilvin replied quickly, yet again.

Jya spent some time slowly eating the fruit and thinking, weighing her options and whether or not she felt right exposing these things to the newcomer. Of course, she didn’t have this information to give just yet, but whether or not she wanted to find out about Sasarai’s abilities, she wasn’t quite sure.

“So you’re a mercenary?” She asked, shifting the topic back to Izvilvin.

“Yes,” he replied. “And I’ve failed if I don’t return to my employer with this information he needs.” It was a lie, of course, but a rather slight one considering his role within Step. He was much like a mercenary, except he was not rewarded with money, but a home.

Jya looked at him strangely for a moment, considering the way his words had come out. “Does your employer… Wish ill upon Sasarai?”

Izvilvin considered it for a moment, and replied rather honestly. “I have no way of knowing, but I would guess that no, he does not. He values information over all else, my employer, and usually sends me out to learn about people or groups he does not know much about. It’s for his security, I suppose.”

“Then will you do something for me if I pay you?” She asked.

Izvilvin looked at her carefully, letting his soft lavender eyes explore her expression. “I will, if you give me the information I need.”

She smiled gently and nodded. “Yes. I think this will work. If this is your first time in Fallien, you probably don’t know where Suravani’s Oasis is, but I would like you to go there for me. It’s a journey across the desert, but I can give you a guide if you need one.” Izvilvin shook his head at this, but allowed her to continue without interruption. “There is a poison there, either in the water or the air, and my people are dying. We’ve concocted an antidote to the poison, but I need to make sure it works before we produce enough to cure everyone.

So I’d like you to take a bit of the antidote to Suravani’s Oasis, and make sure it works. Give word to one of the horse breeders there, and he will get back to me quickly on the results. He’ll get back to you with further instruction from me, and we’ll proceed from there.”

Izvilvin liked the idea of doing some good in Fallien. It was a far cry from his usual job of killing, which he neither loved nor hated. At least with healing the sick he would gain some reputation in Jya’s eyes, and getting the information he needed about Sasarai would go smoother.

“Yes,” he said. “I will do this for you.”

The Drow took a final bite from the Turula fruit and placed the core in the center of the table for Jya to dispose of. He then stood and took a deep breath, then pulled his mask back over his mouth.

Jya smiled and rose as well, then moved slowly to him and laid her hands upon his shoulders. He was a few inches taller than her, and could have easily resisted her if he wanted, but did not as she came close and gave him a gentle hug. He put his hand around his shoulders and squeezed back, not sure what to make of the strange gesture.

“Thank you, Izvilvin. I’ll fetch the antidote for you and you can be on your way. And I'll write you a letter of freedom as well, so you may travel Fallien without fear of being jailed.”

[Izvilvin]

“What do you think?” Palmer asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. “He sneaks his way into the Keep, which is usually grounds for jail time, and now he’s got a private little meeting with the Jya.”

Laix nodded, considerably less annoyed than his good friend. He had a finger to his mouth and was staring at he ground, seeming deep in thought as he leaned against the side of the staircase. “It’s interesting, at least.” He chuckled then, hardly loud enough to be heard. “And we were talking about how uneventful life around here is!”

Palmer was going to continue, when he caught his words and looked up the stairs, to where Izvilvin was descending. Palmer eyed him carefully as the measured Drow walked past, hardly casting a sidelong glance their way. “You see that?” Palmer asked. “For all we know, Jya is dead and we were standing out here making small talk while he was in there alone with her!”

“She’s not dead,” Laix responded calmly, pushing himself off the staircase and beginning to ascend with Palmer by his side. “If the Drow came here for that sort of thing, he would not have been so calm when he came into her chamber with all of us there. I also think Jya would have known if he was here to kill her.”

Palmer sighed. In truth, he didn’t really fear for Jya’s safety, though the possibility that the Drow was an assassin was indeed in the back of his mind. His failure at protecting the Jya, though, was what truly got to him. The Drow was able to penetrate the Keep without being detected, and if it hadn’t been for Sasarai, who interrupted the pair as they were on their way to see Jya earlier, the sneaky elf might have been able to get to her without ever being seen.

It was a frightening thought, and one Palmer would contemplate for some time. He did not want to see this kind of infiltration happen again.

Meanwhile, Mazoo was back in his room, far more relaxed than he’d been earlier but still noticeably on edge. He sat upon his bed, staring intently on the rune he’d inscribed on the floor. Try as he might, summoning even a lesser imp from the Great Nether was far too difficult for him. Was a natural talent for that kind of magic needed? Mazoo knew he wasn’t an incompetent wizard; after all, he had battled some of the greatest magic weavers of Fallien, and was obviously still around to talk about it.

So his beady little eyes danced along the rune he’d drawn, searching for any noticeable errors he’d made. “Damn you, Sasarai,” he muttered, before laying back into his pillow and turning into it, screaming in frustration.

And that man, the one called Sasarai, was bathed in the light of a green aura at that moment. The door to his room was sealed with powerful magic, so he had his privacy for the time being. Before him was a rune much like the one in Mazoo’s room, except surrounded by lit candles and a few spell components such as demon teeth and the hair of a harpy. These few things were necessary to keep the demon before him trapped within the rune’s lines, and without those components, it would be able to run wild.

Good thing it was bound by the candles then, for the demon was a large green one, with horns curled about his skull and massive muscles that promised great pain for anyone near him. But even as it pounded against the wall of magic that bound him to the small rune, desperate to escape, Sasarai was before him with a calm look of confidence on his youthful face.

“Demon, you are a servant of the Blackened Fire, Glimmerfang,” Sasarai declared, not asking the demon but telling him. “This I know, for I summoned you from his chamber only moments ago so that you may deliver to him a message.”

“Do not toy with the demons of the Great Nether, human!” The demon roared.

Sasarai hardly even flinched, but he was thankful that the ward on his door would block the great voice of the green demon.

Raising his hand toward the demon, Sasarai created a powerful flame above the rune, scorching the flailing demon in every orifice it had. The entire space where the demon was sealed was filled with fire, which died down after a few moments.

“You will deliver the following message to your dragon lord,” Sasarai once again declared, demanding obedience from the demon, which was helpless to him while within the rune’s space. “Tell him there is but one more step for me to take before his return is possible. Have him pledge complete allegiance to me, and he will once again roam the mortal plane of Althanas.”

With that, Sasarai dismissed the demon back to his own dimension, then blew out the candles and retrieved the components of the barrier. A smile was across his face, as the pieces to his puzzle were slowly coming together. Glimmerfang was a dragon of ancient age and power, who had been banished to the Great Nether many generations ago by a wizard much beyond Sasarai’s power.

But with Glimmerfang under his rule, Sasarai himself would make Althanas his playground. A dragon’s oath was binding. Glimmerfang would not, could not, betray him, however much the beast would want to once he was brought back to Althanas.

“Just one more step to take,” Sasarai announced to himself.

((Spoils: Just some gold, please. That antidote is for another quest so shouldn't considered spoils :P))

[INDK]

Well Matt, here you go. Enjoy.

Total Score= 59 Well it aint 56.5, is it?

Introduction – 6 My problem here was more about how little this introduction told me about the rest of the thread as opposed to how much it caught my interest.

Setting – 6 Generally a bit better than solid here, but you could have used setting more.

Strategy – 4 I thought it was rather convenient that Jya spoke Drow, but hey, I suppose its plausible. By and large, I just didn’t think there was enough problem solving in this thread. Everything just kind of fell together. Make it a bit tougher on the protagonist.

Dialogue – 7 The spoken dialogue here really felt natural and was often purposeful and advanced the plot. Great work.

Character – 6 Izvilvin was pretty much standard for him. I don’t really have any comments about him that are different than the comments I’ve given you recently. As far as your supporting characters go, this would have been a bit better if you’d just let me know a bit more about who the supporting characters were in terms of their functions to Jya. I don’t need biographies, but I do need context.

Outside of this problem your writing was more than solid. Not only did all your supporting characters seem realistic, but I felt like all of them had real histories and motivations, even if you didn’t mention them. If you’d just done a better job telling me why they were relevant earlier on, this would have been a very high score.

Rising Action – 3 Ugghh… you’re better than this. The changing of perspectives felt very choppy. It seemed that there were two related stories going on, and you shifted between them before either could gain much momentum.

Climax & Conclusion – 15/20 This thread had a real two parter kind of feel. The purpose of the conclusion was to increase excitement and interest in the thread so I turn into part two. As such, I didn’t distinguish between the two categories. I didn’t really need a sense of closure, just a place to leave off, which is what you gave me quite well. This thread did well to set up a future adventure, and the part at the end with the demon definitely got my interest.

Writing Style – 6 Before you bandy about a character’s name like it is supposed to mean something to the reader, make sure that it does. Otherwise, I don’t have too many problems here. It was solid writing and you used dialogue well as a device.

Wild Card – 6 Sometimes I wonder where you get these names, Mazoo Lichten? Laix?

Spoils=

Izvilvin receives 500 EXP and 200 GP

[Zieg dil' Tulfried]

EXP and gold added.