Workshop: Victor Valentine: Life and times in Archen

[Flamebird]

Story:
The story follows the tale of a spitfire wanderer making it to a nasty town, breaking a few barrels, and saving the day. The descriptions throughout the story were pretty vivid and mixed with similes and metaphors (the first post is an excellent example.) The story starts with saying that wanderers can be anywhere, and at the end of the story it shows Victor moving on again. This story follows a small section of his life and what the events meant to him.

I liked this story overall, although I personally found these posts a bit too long. I caught myself just glossing over some scenes several times, as the posts seemed to have no end. It is only when Victor leaves Alla looking for more work, as he's too much trouble to stay with her, that the story seems to get more plot heavy beyond "yeah, he's recovering from an injury and causing trouble."

Character:
I absolutely loved the long range of characters. Alla is a particular favorite. The siblings in the second half of the thread are also engaging, thanks to their tragic lives and vastly different personalities (it's directly stated that Angela has anger issues. Anthony is timid and cannot defend himself well.) Victor himself is a fun character. He is shown to have heroic tendencies here and there (rescuing Angela) but he still does things on his own terms and is prone to trolling others. The actions of the characters just add depth. Even Alla slapping Victor when she shows him the winery adds depth to their personalities.

Prose:
I absolutely loved the techniques in the first two posts! I practically squealed at the rich writing. Beyond them the story becomes more literal in style, but is still engaging. The bolded, all caps text for when Victor and Alla scream at each other was fun as well.

One thing I did not enjoy, however, was close to the end. In the closing of the thread, the characters are referred to as "NPC's" and the fourth wall is broken. I suppose you were trying to be clever, and maybe this is just me, but it broke the story's immersion for me. Also, why would people make ice cream in a snowy country like Salvar? Ice cream is delicious, I know, but in freezing Salvar it seems just a bit strange…

Once again, I loved the characters. Victor was excellent, although sometimes facepalm worthy. Excellent work with your vibrant cast!


Wildcard:
Overall, I loved this thread! Even if it seemed a bit drawn out at times, I thought it was a good read. I could vividly see the surroundings in your story and interact with them, I felt strong emotions for your characters (love for most of them, I wanted Harper dipped in tar and covered in feathers), and throughout it all Victor stays consistent to himself. Nice work!