Overall:
I would have to assume 2-in-1 and Edward Judorne would be the same person, for the reason that so many story elements were introduced by Edward. Now, I will apologize for the length of time it took me to judge this, as various problems arose during this time. However, I still believe I can give you guys the judging you deserve, and atop all this will award you each a bonus 200 gold for your patience.
This all said I will let the judging speak for itself, as a lot of what I want to say can be addressed here.
Onto the judging!
Introduction: 3 I know its tempting to try and link a quest with your history. more so for a starting character. My problem here is your introduction was simply you continuing exactly as if nothing had happened; it was more of a mid post than a true introduction. An introduction needs to grip the writer and help make them interested in the story. This problem some what extended to Cyrus and Master Kilon, who had little to go off of. When you begin the next story, make it seem able to stand alone while bringing us up to speed. I would suggest reading the first page of any serial book, which will give you a good idea of how you can continue a saga and still give an introduction.
Setting: 2 Other than the occasional mention of Sand, and the horse comment Cryus gave, I had no feeling it was truly Fallien. I even felt that the towns name was Fallien and that this was in other regions. Sorry, but I would suggest adding a bit of the culture into your posts as well as the scenery, saying sandy ground could mean anything. Especially when Luc is changing it into mud.
Strategy: 4 There was a few brilliant insights of strategy, and a few hack and slash been there done that things. I do however have to credit Cyrus for giving me a feel for Luc's limits. Thank you for giving me that. Culix also got a bonus for giving me a plausible explanation for our megalomaniacal future world Hegemon defeating a wizard vastly more powerful than him. I would suggest varying things up, and get hurt a bit more. You're ont he cusp just plan it out a bit better.
Writing Style: 3 Going from Culix and Cyrus to 2-in-1 was a difficult transition. Towards the end you fixed that problem as I feel 2-in-1 finally hit her stride. My main problem was the use of Like in dialogue more than 50 times through the thread. It made the sentences choppy and forced even if they held good information. I also noticed a few sentences were choppy in general. I got the he did this, then he did that. He is doing this now, and the flow was not there for those awkward passages. If you'd read it aloud you can catch such awkward phrasings.
2-in-1 I also noticed a few of the more easily caught spelling errors. Not capitalizing the first letter of a sentence and sentence fragments were the pertinent ones. I would suggest using a word processor to help you catch these things, and also to get a good feel for how to make your writing flow.
Rising Action: 3 Very little rising action occurred until the wizard's duels. I just could not get a feeling of tension for the story. A lot of it was forced and thick, along with the way some characters seemed to do more their own thing hurt the tension by cutting it short when it began and stifling its growth.
Dialogue: 1 I know I rarely am to give out one this low, however I feel that the Dialogue here was often forced. Luc came in with some alright dialogue, but ultimately the problem came in the villains. It was very B movie, "I will crush you under my heels because I'm evil and can do such things". This tied in with character, and I will address the other half there. The "Like"s that was thrown into casual conversation like that also hurt this category.
Character: 3 More often than not the characters were flat. Blue robes had no name as far as I could tell something that I felt hurt as he was a main villain of the story. Other things were Luc’s apparent attraction to Venus which I felt was abrupt and began with him checking out her butt. In the end there wasn't much development of character. Luc was still the childish adult; Venus was still a valley girl who casts. Jannin was my megalomaniacal water baby, and Edward was the sword toting brute.
Climax: 3 The climax was supposed to be the locking up of Venerus. What ended up happening was you kept going with no real emphasis on the event giving it finality. No moments peace, nothing. The tower was collapsing but you could have easily teleported down to the bottom then walked off. Instaed you jumped into town and gave me no feeling of finality.
Conclusion: 2 You gave me a bit of a conclusion but it read more like the thread wasn't done, it was only now starting to wind down. This was hurt by rising action and climax, but that was the end of the thread, and I got no feeling of closure. Just because this is a serial thread, doesn't mean you don't have to tie up loose ends.
Wildcard: 7 I could tell this was an honest effort. So I will give you these points to try and offset the bad parts I gave you. Don't feel discouraged guys, you gave an honest effort. My job is to show you how to improve.
And the verdict is…..
31!
Spoils:
Cyrus the Virus gets 1405 EXP
2-in-1 gets 320 EXP
Culix gets 385 EXP
Edward Judorne gets 275 EXP
Master Kilon gets 180 EXP
The Bard gets 75 EXP
Everyone (except The Bard) gets 200 gold found at the ruins as they return. Apparently the earthquake had unveiled a chest previously thought scoured.
Any EXP rewards given are based off of the new equation. Any questions regarding what was said can be addressed to me via PM or AIM SethDahlios.
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