Agent Down ((Closed))

[Breaker]

"So, this is your first time in Radasanth?" Josh stared at the lawman before him. The officer was a tall, barrel chested man with dark brown hair and eyes, creating an appearance which managed to look both dangerous and safe. For an instant, Joshua considered telling the lawman that he was from another planet, but then decided against it. Instead, he merely nodded his head in an assured taciturn manner. The officer grinned. He bore little resemblance to Shard, but according to the bladeslinger, they were cousins. The Agent's eyes flickered to his companions as the lawman continued;
"Well, if you can fight the way Shard says you can, we could definitely use you on the force here. Even if you can't fight that well, anyone who can bring in the likes of Allan Whitesbridge alive is worth his weight in gold, I say." Again, Josh remained silent, and the man continued through the silence. "But, if you're path takes you to Scara Brae, then by all means, go there. I wrote a letter to Sir Pallotan about you-- here. That's the Official Seal of Radasanth on the envelope. Give it to him unbroken, and after he reads the letter, he'll help you get whatever you need." A heavy envelope was passed to Josh's hands with a fancy-looking wax seal on the front. Tucking the letter carefully into his backpack, Joshua broke his silence.
"Thank you very much, sir. I'm sure that I'll return sometime soon. In the meantime, keep that murderer locked up for me." With a chuckle and a small nod, the Officer turned and walked away. Drawing in a breath, Josh turned to his two friends.
"Well, looks like we're off to Scara Brae."

As they walked to the docks, Josh reflected on the day's earlier events. Brogalaw had dropped them in Radasanth, then turned the boat right around again. They had discovered a treasure trove of valuable items stolen from riverside dwellings in the boat's luggage compartment. The giant otter had vowed to sail upriver visiting each of the colonies and returning what had been stolen. This noble action had caused Josh to secretly dub the otter "Santa", but he told no one because they wouldn't get it. Brogalaw had, however, promised to meet them in Scara Brae in order to help Josh start his Martial Arts school. As plans and preparations for the School drifted through Josh's mind, the three humans reached the docks.

"Closed for the night... Next barge leaves noon tomorrow." Ash read the sign which was strung across the docks. Josh sighed, disappointed. He glanced at the sky, and saw that the crimson waves of light signaling sunset had long since begun to paint the sky. He was about to ask what they would do, when Ash answered the question.
"We may as well get a room or two at that inn over there." The inn was on the second story of a large building, the first story of which was a dockside bar. The bar was dingy and fairly dark, and smelled of fish and alcohol, which made a very strange combination. It had a pleasant atmosphere of positive energy though, and bustled with the noise of conversation. Josh sat down at a table while Ash went to make arrangements with the innkeeper, while Shard plunked himself in a bar stool and ordered a drink, striking up a conversation with the pretty waitress. "Everyone seems to know just what to do except me." Josh thought. The Agent tried to maintain an optimistic standing at all times, and made a conscious effort not to have any regrets. The Martial Arts School had kept him looking forward, but now, stuck overnight in a primitive pub, he had nowhere to look but back. Quite suddenly, everything came crashing down on him. On an alien world, with nowhere to turn. Josh slumped in his chair, feeling helpless.

"Hey there... why the long face?" Ash appeared at his side from the crowd and punched him lightly in the stomach. Josh looked up at the woman who had been his helper and ally practically since his arrival on this strange planet. A small smile played on her lips and she grabbed his hands, pulling him upright.
"Now that you've escaped from a Camp after I told you it was impossible, led us through foreign woods, defended us against pirates and found us a free trip downriver, what are you going to do?" Josh couldn't help but laughing at the manner in which she awarded him credit for everything. However, Ash wasn't finished.
"Now you're going to start a free school to teach people how to defend themselves. Then what... start a home for the elderly? Slay dragons? Flush out Haidia? Wait... you don't know what Haidia is. Never mind. Um... find a cure for the plague? Do you ever do anything that's not charitable?" Still laughing, Josh placed a big hand on the woman's head and rustled her long hair.
"I don't think I'm quite the Saint you make me out to be, Ash. You seem to have forgotten that I'm not starting my school until tomorrow."
"Oh... then what are you going to do tonight, hero?" Josh glanced at Shard, starting back his second drink at the bar.
"Tonight," he said, "I'm going to get very, very drunk. Care to join me?"

[Storm Veritas]

-Closed for Judgment-

[Storm Veritas]

OK, Judgement Time!!!!

Jake (I refuse to call you by a string of numbers), very well written work, extremely creative stuff, and entertaining through all. You could have edited this more meticulously; there were a solid handful of mistakes I came across that wouldn't get caught by a spellcheck. From a strictly technical perspective, I thought you were fine.

Brogolaw, your entrance in this quest made no sense to me. Just the reason you were here in the first place... it completely transformed the quest, made things seem unbelievable, and disrupted the flow entirely. Not necessarily your fault, but the otter character is just bizarre. I love the creativity, but he seems suited for solos more than these types of interactions. Do you have a second character?

While I didn't like the rationale for your entering, your writing can't be shrugged off. You're creative, with some terrific dialogue and effective scene setting. Neither of you failed to consider the Althanian environment as a whole.

Overall, this quest seemed to be well planned, then totally disrupted, and changed in mid-course. The character types were incompatible, but I loved how both of you dealt with the interaction... Josh's reluctance to accept Brogolaw, and the otter's refusal to believe he is abnormal.

Again, I was impressed with your writing, but the planning behind this quest leaves a bit to be desired.

Now, on to the scoring.

Introduction - 7 Very creative, the Josh character's entry was unlike anything I've seen. Took me a bit to understand what the hell was going on, but I loved the styling, and the beeps made me think of "24", so you get a couple bonus points there.

Setting - 6 I liked the way you kept Althanas in mind for most of the quest. Setting was occasionally brilliant, but had some spotty moments, and I wasn't always aware of your environment.

Characters - 8 Tons of points for creativity, I have to hand it to you two. Can't overstate the importance of originality, despite a lack of depth to the characters. Really impressive work here.

Writing Style - 7 For the most part, you two were crisp, sharp, and kept me entertained. I may not have been blown away, but you kept the reader in mind, and for that you are rewarded.

Strategy - 3 I'm sorry, but the entire concept of breaking up a solo to introduce a totally different storyline with a man-sized otter is a WTF to end all WTFs.

Rising Action - 4 Again, I wasn't really enraptured once the animal came into play, I was sort of confused. Since it broke the quest in half, it really hurt your overall development.

Dialogue - 7 I thought Brogolaw was a little stronger here, and that both of you did a very sound job with dialogue. The problem with the Josh-style character (uber noble) is that his dialogue tends to come off flat. You did a great job breaking away from that as the story progressed.

Climax - 5 The main opponent didn't really come into play until late, and the struggles I had assumed were going to be prevalent really weren't that important in the end. Still clever throughout.

Conclusion - 6 I was happy with it, but it seemed like Brog's story was too short, and it left Josh's tale disjointed.

Wild Card - 8 Very creative interplay. Good work from both of you. I was very happy with the level of work put in by the two of you, and your originality scores big points.

OVERALL - 61

A good score, and well deserved, since I think you two did a good job.

Next time you're going to throw a walking beaver into a quest, please do it at the beginning. That was really the only thing that completely shook me.

Good job you two.

8675309 (016573) gets 528 EXP, 150 gold.
Brogolaw gets 384 EXP, 100 gold.

[Thoracis]

EXP and GP added.