Time to Repent

[Bandit]

Head pounding, muscles pounding, and vision blurred. This was how Ziggy was greeted as he regained consciousness. Memory fighting to remember what had happened before he had blacked out, however it could only bring up black spots. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the corpse of the young child he had ventured into the forest to save. As if a dam were blown to smithereens, all his memories came flooding back. He remembered the undead sacrifice, and how he had watched the young child die. He could still see the look on her face as she realized she was going to die. The feeling of hatred also came back to the bandit, and as it did, his eyes shifted back to the empty black that they had been when he killed the undead.

Getting to his feet, Ziggy felt his muscles giving out. Ignoring them, he quickly gathered up his weapons, not wanting to stay in the old warehouse any longer then he had to. Zarith’s corpse remained on the wooden floor; his hopes for an undead army had been destroyed. Focusing on the body of Lizzy, Ziggy knelt down. Using a small cloth, he covered the gash on her neck, before picking her up. He had promised to bring her home alive, but this way, at least Sam could give her a burial. Making his way out of the warehouse, Ziggy could feel his outlook on life changing. Entering the forest, he ignored the howls of the animals as they waited for their next meal, completely entranced in his thoughts.

”Why do I even try? No matter how hard I try to help the world, some asshole decides to go and f*ck it all up. I can’t even save a child from one single undead. Now, she is dead, and her mother is going to be left without a child, that I promised that I would bring back to her. I GIVE UP, there is no point in even trying anymore, no matter how many people I try and help, they end up dieing anyways!”

Breaking through the last line of trees, Ziggy looked around the borders of Rasadanth. People eyed him up as he made his way through the town. The child was clearly dead in his arms. Some people even looked like they were ready to stop the bandit as he made his way through the streets. Whenever anyone came to close, all Ziggy would have to do was look at the person, and they would soon get out of his way. The sun was barely up when Ziggy arrived at house where he had started this entire mess. Heart pounding and lump growing in his throat, Ziggy knocked on the door lightly.

He heard the sound of hopeful footsteps as someone made their way to the door. As it slowly swung open, Ziggy was welcomed by the smiling face of Sam, which soon became distorted in anguish. Seeing the pain in her eyes, Ziggy felt a tear roll down his face. Sam opened the door, and moved out of the way, allowing Ziggy to enter the house with her dead child. As he entered, Ziggy set Lizzy on the couch, covering her with a white sheet. “I tried to save her, but I just c-c-couldn’t.” As he spoke, Ziggy’s voice became scratchy as he finally gave in to the emotions that were growing inside him. “I-I-I’m s-s-s-sorry…”

[Bandit]

Turning to leave, Ziggy felt his stomach twisting and turning, threatening to cause him to spill what little food remained onto the floor. Taking a step away, he felt something holding him back by his shoulder. Feeling the light force, he stopped, still refusing to turn around. A delicate hand slowly spun his numb body around. As he looked into her eyes, he could see the tears run down her face. Feeling the pit in his stomach expand, Ziggy bit his lower lip, fighting off the need to let his emotions out. Sitting down in the chair, Sam continued to hold Ziggy’s hand, looking up at him, searching for something to say.

“I don’t want you to leave yet. I… I want you to stay here with me.” Sam paused as she looked up at the rogue in front of her. The man that she had first met was a secure pillar of strength. He was afraid of nothing and showing only confidence in his eyes. Now, he looked defeated, the spark of life faded from his eyes. “Lizzy was the only thing I had. Please, just stay for the funeral?” Her voice was clouded by her sorrow, and her needs poured out upon Ziggy.

Taking her hand, Ziggy looked down at her. His voice was soft and sympathetic, hiding his need to let his emotions out. “I will.” Sam got up from her chair, and wrapped her arms around the rogue. Returning the hug, Ziggy felt her body pushing against him. Letting go, Sam slowly moved closer, bringing her lips closer to Ziggy’s. Longing to kiss her, Ziggy brought hid finger up to her lips. “You don’t want this; your sorrow is acting out for something to hold onto.” Looking at her, Ziggy could still see the tears that were left over from moments earlier.

“You’re wrong, it’s not my sorrow. You went to save my daughter, without even thinking about what could happen.” Pausing, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer. “I think I’m falling for you.” As her lips touched his, they remained locked for less then a second. Pulling away, Ziggy held her shoulders, keeping her away.

“Sleep on it, and if you feel the same way tomorrow, you can say it’s not sorrow.” Sam turned away, and slowly made her way towards the stairs. Stopping, she looked over her shoulder at Ziggy, who continued to stand in the kitchen.

“It’s almost dawn, so you should get some sleep, the guest room is up here, follow me.” Making their way upstairs, Ziggy found himself craving Sam more and more. Her body was perfect in every way. He felt her curves and breasts when she held him, and it was driving him mad. As he thought about the woman ahead of him, a picture of Lizzy formed in his mind. The craving for Sam vanished, leaving Ziggy with the lifeless eyes of the child attacking him mentally.

Shutting the door behind him, Ziggy crawled into the bed that Sam had shown him. His body ached from exhaustion. Every muscle screamed for rest, and soon, sleeps grabbed hold of the bandit. Subconsciously, a battle was fought. He craved Sam, and at the same time, he could not get the image of Lizzy out of his head. In the end, he came to no conclusions, and could only hope Sam would make the right choice for both of them.

[Bandit]

Bright light was the first thing to stir Ziggy from his sleep. As his eyes fluttered open, they stung with the sight of morning light. Stretching, he swung his legs out of the bed, and that was when he remembered where he was. Quietly, Ziggy made his way down the stairs, making sure that he didn’t cause the wooden stairs make a single creak. Rounding the corner at the bottom of the stairs, the young bandit almost ran straight into Sam as she came around the corner at the same time. Before he hit her, Ziggy sidestepped, smiling as she moved with him.

“Good morning, your lunch is on the table, and don’t worry, the funeral was this morning.” Sam tried to keep a brave face on as she thought about her daughter. Shaking her head, she led the way into the kitchen, and pulled out a chair for Ziggy to sit in.

As he sat down, he looked up at Sam, as she took the chair across from him. “I really wanted to be there for you. I know how it feels to loose someone you love.” His words brought a thankful smile to Sam as she looked down into her cup of coffee. Eating the food in front of him, Ziggy could not stand being with the woman that he had failed. Lizzy was dead, and all Sam had left were the pictures that were hung on the wall, and any toys that the young child had.

“My parents were there, and the rest of my family, there was no need for you to put yourself through being there.” Reaching across the table, she took Ziggy’s hand in hers. As she looked at him, Ziggy could feel his heart racing. Everything that he was worried about vanished, and he only thought about the beautiful woman in front of him. “It has been a while since there was a man in this house. Lizzy’s father took off after she was born, and well, you’re the first guy since then.” Sam smiled innocently, and then slowly leaned over the table.

Watching her come closer, Ziggy could smell her perfume. Something inside him kept telling him not to, but something much stronger told him to keep going. Lightly brushing the hair away from her face, Ziggy kissed her. As their lips touched, something collapsed within the rogue, and he gave into the temptation that was pulling him towards Sam. Forgetting about the food, Ziggy and Sam both stood up at the same time, and quickly made their way up the stairs and into Sam’s room.

Ziggy let his hands roam free over her body, feeling out every curve and silky smooth skin that was available to him. Laying her down on the bed, he slowly pulled off her top, and then the rest of her clothes. Looking down at the goddess, he could hardly think straight. As she kissed him again, Sam began to undo his pants, and until they began to fall to the floor. It was then that Ziggy felt something screaming out within him. “Are you sure you want this, or is there another reason?” Ziggy’s voice was soft as he continued to kiss his way to her neck.

“Yes, I want this, I need this.” Looking up at him, she smiled, and pulled him towards her.

[Bandit]

Lying next to Sam, Ziggy ran his hand up and down her silky smooth skin. Sweat covered their bodies as he held her tight. Feeling her breathing against his chest, he let her rest her head on his chest. Soon, he could hear the soft sounds of sleep fall over her as she lay still, breathing deep. She was everything and more that he had ever expected. He wanted to stay like this forever, holding her close. As his lust subsided, his mind began to gain control over his body. Soon he began to question whether being with Sam was right or not.

She had lost a daughter, and took consolidation in the man that tried to save her daughter. Did she truly love him, or was this simply brought on by the situation, where she felt weak and exposed? Then there was the question about the other woman in Ziggy’s life. He had not seen Kit in what seemed like forever, and he still wanted to be with her and Inari. These thoughts hit him like a brick wall bringing him back to the reality which hurt him so much. When in a world of bliss, nothing could hurt him, but now he was once again left open to the cruelty of the world.

Leaning over, he kissed Sam gently on the forehead. Slipping out of the bed, he quickly pulled on his clothes, and covered the second woman in his life with a blanket. Making his way into the kitchen, he sat down at the table. Grabbing a piece of paper off the counter, he thought about how to say what he felt. Unable to put his thoughts into words, he began to write anything that came to his mind, and hoped that it made sense.

[/I]
I cannot stay here with you. We come from two different worlds, mine is full of danger, and yours is sheltered. I’m not leaving you forever, and will be back soon to make sure that you are ok. I do not regret what happened between us, but I do regret you loosing your daughter. I will always think of you, but there is also someone else in my life. I have to sort some things out, and then I will come back and hopefully to stay.
[/I]

Folding the small piece of paper, Ziggy wrote Sam’s name on the front. It was short, but that was all that Ziggy could put down on paper. His emotions were raging within him, and then when he looked up at a picture of Lizzy, it all became clear to him. No matter how hard he tried, he could not save everyone. But, if he gave up now, then he was no better then the person that committed the murder in the first place. Grabbing one of Lizzy’s old shirts, he wrapped the hilt of his daggers in the cloth. The red stood out against the metal, and was meant to remind the bandit of the innocent blood that had been spilt without reason.

Gripping the hilt, he sheathed the daggers at his side. Opening the door, he made his way out into the street with a new outlook in life. He was not meant to save everyone, but every life he saved would be a life that was not lost. Anyone who tried to take a life would feel the taste of his blade. If he saves enough lives, maybe that guilt over Lizzy’s death would fade and he would be able to forgive himself.

”I can’t save them all, but one life saved is better then an innocent life lost.

[Bandit]

((Spoils))
Item: Red slik cloth, wrapped around the hilts of his twin daggers.

Anger: A spell that he has no control over, but after intense emotional or physical pain, his eyes shift from hazel to black. After they switch, his strength, speed, and reflexes are doulbed. He also feels little pain. However, he also has no control over his actions, and may end up killing one that he loves. This angered frenzy lasts for two posts. It can only be triggered through intense pain, as in deep cuts, or emotional scarring, loved ones death. Upraged are unavailable for this spell at least until level 7, or a second solo quest is completed entailing invancement in this skill/spell. Also may only be used once per thread.

[Storm Veritas]

JUDGMENT TIME!

Ok, a fairly straightforward quest, easy enough to read and follow, but not exactly delving deep into the creativity of the writer or the ability of the reader to follow a complex course.

Introduction - 3 - Started with a cliche beginning, and it felt extremely rushed. The tavern set is a bit tired, although I use it myself. At the same time, you have to establish a bit stronger motive for your character to risk life and limb.
Setting - 4 - You make some great attempts to bring setting into play, but don't really take the time to develop it as well as you could. Just give us a bit more detail!
Character - 4 - Ziggy is sort of the perfect hero in a lot of ways; he seems a bit too flawless, a bit too white. It mentions early that he is a scoundrel, but everything here paints him to be the paladin. Perhaps a bit more dichotomy would be helpful.
Dialogue - 4 - Some really clever lines, some interesting and funny inputs, but the dialogue also is inconsistent. Try to think about your character's emotions every time you start a new dialogue, because someone too serious at a time for joking (or vice versa) is very awkward.
Writing Style - 4 - You really need to edit these more carefully. Take the time to read the post back to yourself out loud after writing it and before submission. They are small, fixable errors that I notice the most, but they are also glaring. You can easily clean this up quite a bit into a more legible product.
Strategy - 4 - There were several times you tried to use strategy cleverly, and I admire the effort. At the same time, there were details overlooked that hurt. The footprint tracking was a perfect example. Not only did you not address the possibility that someone else had used the forest at some point aside from your trackees, but tracking basics like a runner pushing from the toe instead of the heel could have helped as well. You're close to GREAT here, but need to clear these final hurdles.
Rising Action -3- CLEARLY your weakest point here. You definitely rush into new items too quickly, and it shows that they were kind of haphazardly strewn together. Taking the time to map everything out and deliver them to the reader deliberately will definitely help you out.
Climax -5- A decent little fight with a good half twist, and I was satisfied. I just wasn't that enthralled in the first place (because of the rising action item I mentioned) but you were good here.
Conclusion -6- Although you rushed several points in the quest, I thought the resolution was satisfying. If you had paced out everything this evenly, your score would be much higher.
Wild Card -4- You're a great contributor and prolific writer, but I'd like to see a more focused effort on quality over quantity. The talent is clearly there, so really force yourself to work as hard as possible!

TOTAL SCORE - 41

SPOILS - 1738 EXP (holy high level bonus, batman!)
0 Gold, but the silk cloth is approved.
"Anger" looks fine, just include it in your next level-up.

[Thoracis]

EXP added. Woot.

Bandit, you were listed at 19k something EXP in the CP and your profile said you were about 2k above level 5... wasn't sure of the exactness of everything so I put you around 3.5k or so above level 5. Hope that works for ya.